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Cocaine doing coke alone

The scary thing is I can actually function at work all be I'm in a foul mood ,I can hit a sweet spot where I can actually fall asleep ,but mostly I can't sleep atol
 
jessepinkman779 said:
Haha. Exactly that. I'll be up all night now. Time goes too fast when you're enjoying yourself doesn't it.
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Yeh your right ,it's worse at a party but at home at least you have some idea of time.
I just emptied the £%# onto table and divided it so will all be gone by 5 I'd say and it's to late to listen to decent music.ill charge my pods
 
lost weekend said:
Yeh your right ,it's worse at a party but at home at least you have some idea of time.
I just emptied the £%# onto table and divided it so will all be gone by 5 I'd say and it's to late to listen to decent music.ill charge my pods
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I've got some music on low. I think coke is better alone at times, I get to really enjoy and appreciate the high. But it's also good to chat to people who aren't actually with you. Sounds strange I know.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
No. I'll sleep Saturday night now. I usually feel good when I stay up all night. I had a rough night on Tuesday night I crashed hard.
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Not good.ill try and get a few hours kip any sleep is better than none.i won't be able to stay in bed tomorrow unfortunately but I'll be lazing on sofa watching 80s films or something comfoting
 
Auranova said:
There’s several things that have so far kept stims from ruining my life and they are all equally important. First, I always acknowledge to myself that stims will take my life one day if they control my use and not the other way around. I really don’t want to die! Second, and this may seem counterintuitive, but I don’t try to convince myself I need to quit and never use coke again. I love coke so much that the thought of quitting forever is a hard pill to swallow and can have the reverse effect of making me think “fuck it”. It’s a bit like trying to convince yourself you’re never going to have sex again - good luck with that. Instead, I use it more as a reward system. If I take a day off, I call that a small victory and reward myself with some coke the next day. If I fuck up and break my pattern (which is inevitable), I feel bad but I don’t beat myself up. I’m just human. I focus on the overall small, repeated victories. By giving your body breaks, you are also reducing the stress on your body and the likelihood of drug induced illness down the road. A big win. More on this later. Also keep in mind that if you manage to go from daily use to every other day use, you have just reduced your habit by a whopping 50%! If you succeed with that first step, it is you who is now starting to control the drug, not the other way around. If you make it to this stage, the next step is to add an additional day off, and so forth.
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This was actually some really solid advice, and something I wish I would of considered back when I was using and wanting to quit. Once you mentioned that skipping one day, every other day, equals to cutting down by 50% ..that's f*cking awesome, and a huge achievement. That's a really nice way of tricking yourself into reducing your drug use significantly. I don't believe I've ever thought about it like that. If anything, I used to just try and quit cold turkey, or tried reducing the amount I was using each day.. and neither one of them worked for me.

I've been clean for around 15 years now.. I don't know my exact clean date, and I did happen to use randomly one time about a year ago "just to try it" again. Thankfully, it didn't turn into a full blown relapse where I continued to purchase more and more once what I bought was finished. But I can honestly say, although I did enjoy the high when I relapsed that day.. once everything was done, I regretted using. Not so much because I messed up my 14 year clean streak, but more so because it made my body feel like shit the next couple days. Took me a couple days to feel 100% back to normal, and I didn't like that. So it was kind of an eye opener like, yes you enjoyed the high.. but felt like shit for 2-3 days after the high, and that didn't feel worth it in my opinion. Not sure if it's because im older now then back when I was using, or if I'm just not with it like I used to be. But overall, was glad that I had the experience/relapse.. because I know if I ever have the cravings again, just remind myself of how much I felt like shit for those couple days after and it should be enough to convince myself not to.
 
lost weekend said:
It's the psychological problem ,recently I've found I just want to be alone and that can't be good .the ease of getting it is a huge problem that
I'm going to have to address on the plus side if there is any I'm drinking alcohol far less if atol.ill sit with the same beer all night
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This was the same problem I had, which was that drug use turned me into a loner. I began my heavy drug use with my girlfriend at the time, but after several years we broke up.. and from there on out, I started using by myself.. and enjoying it that way. I would never use with other people and had no desire to. Now that I'm sober, I'm still the exact same way.. prefer being by myself. Seems like something I just can't shake.
 
Ballu said:
This was the same problem I had, which was that drug use turned me into a loner. I began my heavy drug use with my girlfriend at the time, but after several years we broke up.. and from there on out, I started using by myself.. and enjoying it that way. I would never use with other people and had no desire to. Now that I'm sober, I'm still the exact same way.. prefer being by myself. Seems like something I just can't shake.
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I've always prefered my own company especially with alcohol ,I always dreaded work night outs or party's with friends as I knew I'd drink to excess and make a fool of my self.any relationship where both parties use hard drugs I believe is doomed from start.i think you need a solid partner who would be horrified at using hard drugs there by keeping you from going to far down a dark path
 
lost weekend said:
I've always prefered my own company especially with alcohol ,I always dreaded work night outs or party's with friends as I knew I'd drink to excess and make a fool of my self.any relationship where both parties use hard drugs I believe is doomed from start.i think you need a solid partner who would be horrified at using hard drugs there by keeping you from going to far down a dark path
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You can say that again! My partner who I got into all the hard drug use with was my high school sweetheart.. got with her when I was 17, and remained together for like 15 years. Those 15 years were fueled by hard drug use, and a crazy lifestyle along with it. When we first got together, we both only smoked weed and drank. Little did I know, she already had experimented with hard drugs.. so it didn't take long before we were both using hard drugs. My mom used to always warn me, "you and that girls relationship is just sex and drugs" but being young, and dumb I didn't listen. Had multiple rehab, detox and prison stints during that time I was with her. She was super loyal(in a sense), as she always waited for me to get out.. but which was also a downfall, because as soon as I got out, I would jump right back where I left off at. It was one roller-coaster of a relationship and a lifestyle. While I regret some parts of it, I wouldn't change it if I could. I got to experience life in ways I never expected I would, and it has made me who I am today.

Once she was out the picture, lonerville it became. I was drug fueled, and had no desire to be around other people, nor to share my drugs. I would at times buy with other people out on the street(if we were all looking to score), but as soon as I got mine.. I was out! Lol. People would expect me to go with them wherever they were going to get high, since we all looked and found the drugs together.. but nope, I wasnt trying to hear it. Straight to a public bathroom to go get high. Or if I had enough money, I would get a motel room for a few days, and get high by myself in there.. while never feeling lonely, or having any desire to have company with me.

I like to geek by myself. I didn't want anyone else around me if I was all geeked up. That part you said about making a fool out of yourself, I know about that all too well. I don't know if you've ever IV'd coke.. but it's one hell of an experience, that I got super hooked on. When you shoot coke, you get a huge rush that feels amazing, but after the rush.. you get super paranoid, and usually start geeking. The more, or longer you continue to shoot bags.. the worse the paranoia and geeking would kick in. Me being a public bathroom king at the time, I would always go to any public bathroom I could find to shoot up.. while I preferred the one toilet bathrooms, they weren't always available, and would just hit up the last stall in whatever fast food place that was close(local hospital was also a favorite place of mine for a nice clean bathroom). I would tell myself everytime before I shot up.. just shoot the bags, and get out the bathroom before you get too geeked up and have to walk out the bathroom looking like a fool in front of a bunch of people. Unfortunately, it never worked out that way.. I would shoot 3 bags, and rather then leave the bathroom.. I would sit on the toilet geeked out my mind, preparing 3 more bags.. and would repeat this cycle until I been in the bathroom for well over an hour! By the time I walked out the bathroom, I would be geeked out my mind, sweating buckets(shooting coke makes you sweat profusely) and the paranoia would be on 100. So you can only imagine how many times I walked out a public bathroom looking completely wrecked, trying not to look at anyone, feeling like everyone was looking at me. Many times the workers of the fast food restaurants would have to repeatedly bang on the bathroom door, telling me to leave before they call the cops due to me being in the bathroom so long.. which would just make me more paranoid about leaving! When I say embarrassing.. it's an understatement. I did this same thing hundreds of times, in all types of public bathrooms. I went to the local college one time, because they have a nice private bathroom that no one really uses. I stayed in there for like 3 hours just shooting bags repeatedly.. when I was walking out the building, someone that I graduated from high school with was walking in the building.. omfg, embarrassing? I tried to not even look at them, and could hear them say repeatedly "you OK man?"... "why you look like that".. while I'm trying to power walk out the building super fast. I say all that to say this, I embarrassed myself in public countless times.. like seriously made a fool out myself. Many times sweat was dripping from my face like a mad man, my shirt would be soaking wet with sweat.. and none of this was enough to make me quit. I continued shooting coke for like 3 or 4 years. And I can't lie, I would love to shoot a bag right now just thinking about it, but I know better at this point in my life. I've done too much damage, but always nice to reminisce once in a while.

Sorry for the long rant!
 
Ballu said:
You can say that again! My partner who I got into all the hard drug use with was my high school sweetheart.. got with her when I was 17, and remained together for like 15 years. Those 15 years were fueled by hard drug use, and a crazy lifestyle along with it. When we first got together, we both only smoked weed and drank. Little did I know, she already had experimented with hard drugs.. so it didn't take long before we were both using hard drugs. My mom used to always warn me, "you and that girls relationship is just sex and drugs" but being young, and dumb I didn't listen. Had multiple rehab, detox and prison stints during that time I was with her. She was super loyal(in a sense), as she always waited for me to get out.. but which was also a downfall, because as soon as I got out, I would jump right back where I left off at. It was one roller-coaster of a relationship and a lifestyle. While I regret some parts of it, I wouldn't change it if I could. I got to experience life in ways I never expected I would, and it has made me who I am today.

Once she was out the picture, lonerville it became. I was drug fueled, and had no desire to be around other people, nor to share my drugs. I would at times buy with other people out on the street(if we were all looking to score), but as soon as I got mine.. I was out! Lol. People would expect me to go with them wherever they were going to get high, since we all looked and found the drugs together.. but nope, I wasnt trying to hear it. Straight to a public bathroom to go get high. Or if I had enough money, I would get a motel room for a few days, and get high by myself in there.. while never feeling lonely, or having any desire to have company with me.

I like to geek by myself. I didn't want anyone else around me if I was all geeked up. That part you said about making a fool out of yourself, I know about that all too well. I don't know if you've ever IV'd coke.. but it's one hell of an experience, that I got super hooked on. When you shoot coke, you get a huge rush that feels amazing, but after the rush.. you get super paranoid, and usually start geeking. The more, or longer you continue to shoot bags.. the worse the paranoia and geeking would kick in. Me being a public bathroom king at the time, I would always go to any public bathroom I could find to shoot up.. while I preferred the one toilet bathrooms, they weren't always available, and would just hit up the last stall in whatever fast food place that was close(local hospital was also a favorite place of mine for a nice clean bathroom). I would tell myself everytime before I shot up.. just shoot the bags, and get out the bathroom before you get too geeked up and have to walk out the bathroom looking like a fool in front of a bunch of people. Unfortunately, it never worked out that way.. I would shoot 3 bags, and rather then leave the bathroom.. I would sit on the toilet geeked out my mind, preparing 3 more bags.. and would repeat this cycle until I been in the bathroom for well over an hour! By the time I walked out the bathroom, I would be geeked out my mind, sweating buckets(shooting coke makes you sweat profusely) and the paranoia would be on 100. So you can only imagine how many times I walked out a public bathroom looking completely wrecked, trying not to look at anyone, feeling like everyone was looking at me. Many times the workers of the fast food restaurants would have to repeatedly bang on the bathroom door, telling me to leave before they call the cops due to me being in the bathroom so long.. which would just make me more paranoid about leaving! When I say embarrassing.. it's an understatement. I did this same thing hundreds of times, in all types of public bathrooms. I went to the local college one time, because they have a nice private bathroom that no one really uses. I stayed in there for like 3 hours just shooting bags repeatedly.. when I was walking out the building, someone that I graduated from high school with was walking in the building.. omfg, embarrassing? I tried to not even look at them, and could hear them say repeatedly "you OK man?"... "why you look like that".. while I'm trying to power walk out the building super fast. I say all that to say this, I embarrassed myself in public countless times.. like seriously made a fool out myself. Many times sweat was dripping from my face like a mad man, my shirt would be soaking wet with sweat.. and none of this was enough to make me quit. I continued shooting coke for like 3 or 4 years. And I can't lie, I would love to shoot a bag right now just thinking about it, but I know better at this point in my life. I've done too much damage, but always nice to reminisce once in a while.

Sorry for the long rant!
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That's alright it was very interesting, I've never iv,ed anything ,plugged coke plenty times and it's pretty good but not something you'd do on a night out lol
Just out of curiosity how much is a bag that you would use at one time
 
I'm going to catch up on the post shortly.

Just an update: I've been having a single gram every 2 days. My dealer won't let me have more than that. And, it's pointless getting it off someone else because they all buy off my dealer then bash it/step on it. I'm feeling ok with the gram every couple of days. I'm starting the gym with my dealer soon. He wants me off it we've been friends for a long time. The only reason he sells to me is because he knows I'll get it off someone else once it's been stepped on and he doesn't want me having stuff with God knows what in it.

A mate just a casual mate suggested washing it and using it Via IV because it's only a gram it would last longer than way he said. However, I see that as a significant escalation. I am curious as to how it would feel, but it's 10 steps backwards isn't it.

I've had a gram tonight so no more until Sunday now. I've still got half left though I'm trying to do small lines less often. I'm lucky my dealer is also a friend because I think what he's doing is the only way to cut my usage down. He wouldn't usually mess around with a gram he moans about an 8th, but he said it's a case of needs must at the moment.

I've just got to go to the shop and then I'll read the above posts I'm not being rude.
 
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