🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

[streaM Freak]

. I'm not sure how to describe what these kinds of rapid transitions does to ones mind but I'm starting to just hate life and feel like giving up constantly, as I don't see any hope around the corner for myself or this planet. The more technology increases, the more our systems cease to function properly, and the more stonedead fucktarded the populace becomes. The more brutality and corruption we are willing to bare on the daily.

it's still some bullshit and I'm still bouncing off the walls and frothing with hate.

Love to you dude.

That's undoubtedly a more difficult situation with the meds, but you are not alone with the rest of it.

I am having very similar symptoms. For me it's the lack of sunlight, tweaking my AP, situations dicking me around from one level of motivation back down to another.

F the world. I'm so close to running away again

 

[mal3volent]

In the span of a few months, I've now started, and then basically had to stop 2 separate antidepressants. Simply because the insurance will fill it the first time it's sent in, and then refuse to cover the medicine the second time.

It's so goddamn infuriating, the shit should be illegal and all of these insurance companies need to be banished from the earth. It should not be a valid business, it's blatantly corrupt and profits off of human misery, it's bullshit.

SSRI/SNRIs all take like 4 weeks to even begin to be effective. I'm not sure how to describe what these kinds of rapid transitions does to ones mind but I'm starting to just hate life and feel like giving up constantly, as I don't see any hope around the corner for myself or this planet. The more technology increases, the more our systems cease to function properly, and the more stonedead fucktarded the populace becomes. The more brutality and corruption we are willing to bare on the daily.

Thankfully I have some leftover prozac from a long time ago, which has prevented me from totally stopping functioning, but it's still some bullshit and I'm still bouncing off the walls and frothing with hate.

Dude that is fucking wild. That's close to malpractice or something. Like you said, those meds aren't designed to be taken for one month. They should either approve it for good or not at all. Have you called them and asked for an explanation? Usually your doctor will have more info as well based on the request they send initially to the insurance provider.

 

[bvc]

For me it's the lack of sunlight, tweaking my AP, situations dicking me around from one level of motivation back down to another.

F the world. I'm so close to running away again

Do you mind if I ask what antipsychotic you take? I take uzedy (depot injection of risperidone) and it helps a lot.

Hope things get better for you.

 

[streaM Freak]

Do you mind if I ask what antipsychotic you take? I take uzedy (depot injection of risperidone) and it helps a lot.

Hope things get better for you.

I (was) on Seroquel, basically the Tylenol of APs. Went off vraylar 3 years ago, wanting to feel. It probably was more helpful to be on it though.

Started Seroquel for a summer in 2015 before I was officially diagnosed bipolar for just moderate irritability.

I have a strange relationship with APs because they improve impulsivity irritability but I have a pretty flat affect at baseline as is so they can make me depressed in a different way. But obviously I'm more likely to impulsively ruin my life if I'm off them.

It's all very confusing. My emotions are hard enough for me to identify without a mood disorder.

Part of me knows that I will likely end my life eventually. Whether it is direct and overt or slowly.

Unfortunate that it had to turn out this way. I really hope I just get a sign that there is a higher purpose mission for me to put my time and energy into. And I do what I can to find that professionally (actually not looking too bad at the moment).

But I always revert back to basic, raw, dysthymic anger that consume all other emotions.

 

[streaM Freak]

Just got back from a friend's get-together.

Despite feeling lowly, others IRL see me as someone they want to talk to when I'm in the mood to talk.

What I can't help, is my feelings of perversion. Sometimes all I can think about is having the most dirty and perverted sex with random people or even people I know.

I feel like meth was made for me - someone emotionally empty and fixated of the basic instincts.

At the end of my day, I know I can't even support myself. Without someone watching over me. So sometimes I'd rather just be a fucking animal.

Some days like today, I don't even feel I fit in on BL. I do not have the heart. I have the brain and understand the heart, but I don't have the heart.

 

[deficiT]

Dude that is fucking wild. That's close to malpractice or something. Like you said, those meds aren't designed to be taken for one month. They should either approve it for good or not at all. Have you called them and asked for an explanation? Usually your doctor will have more info as well based on the request they send initially to the insurance provider.

My doctor was able to figure something out for me, so I was able to get my cymbalta filled, and I'm starting to feel a little bit better again.

With the insurance, it's something like they'll demand some kind of prior authorization or something and it just throws a wrench into the whole situation. It's like they don't want to fill certain dosages for some reason, idk what is up with it.

I'm supposed to be taking 40mg a day, but they wouldn't fill that dosage. So he just prescribed me twice the amount of 20mgs and they filled that.

I just don't understand, it's just so arbitrary and inconvenient the way insurance companies function and it makes no sense to me.

 

[streaM Freak]

My couples therapist said that my girlfriends emotions should feel like a privilege and not a responsibility. She said I "should", which is both aggravating and sad, because I don't feel that way.

Im starting to care less and less about everything.

Its sort of a liberating feeling, but I don't have a plan.

 

[kris66]

My couples therapist said that my girlfriends emotions should feel like a privilege and not a responsibility. She said I "should", which is both aggravating and sad, because I don't feel that way.

Im starting to care less and less about everything.

Its sort of a liberating feeling, but I don't have a plan.

Don’t ever feel guilty about feelings, our feelings are not something we control. The way we respond to them is what we control.

You are feeling that way for a reason.

 

[streaM Freak]

Don’t ever feel guilty about feelings, our feelings are not something we control. The way we respond to them is what we control.

You are feeling that way for a reason.

Thanks.

Yeah I suppose I need to start listening to my feelings more. And not try to rationalize things or see how others may be feeling.

My feelings should be valid, but sometimes I think they drive people away. In fact I know they do.

So I think I should just be the one to move away.

 

[kris66]

Thanks.

Yeah I suppose I need to start listening to my feelings more. And not try to rationalize things or see how others may be feeling.

My feelings should be valid, but sometimes I think they drive people away. In fact I know they do.

So I think I should just be the one to move away.

I don’t know your situation or why you feel that way but I know if I remind myself that most people are just thinking about themselves it somehow helps me.

I guess I take things personally and then get my feelings hurt, then realize later that person wasn’t even really directing that at me, they were just wrapped up in their own problems.

 

[streaM Freak]

I don’t know your situation or why you feel that way but I know if I remind myself that most people are just thinking about themselves it somehow helps me.

I guess I take things personally and then get my feelings hurt, then realize later that person wasn’t even really directing that at me, they were just wrapped up in their own problems.

Yes it has taken me years and years to understand that. And I still have to remind myself sometimes.

The part that's the most sad for me is that when I feel I can be myself and express myself, I tend to behave "abnormally" compared to others. This isn't an unfair judgemental, it's a true insight. Part of why I enjoy Bluelight.

But anyway the reason why I have a hard time with that is because my whole life I've had to mask feelings to fit it.

And it's really taking a toll on me.

I feel I am actually a very peaceful person, but usually only when I have no contact with other people

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Yes it has taken me years and years to understand that. And I still have to remind myself sometimes.

The part that's the most sad for me is that when I feel I can be myself and express myself, I tend to behave "abnormally" compared to others. This isn't an unfair judgemental, it's a true insight. Part of why I enjoy Bluelight.

But anyway the reason why I have a hard time with that is because my whole life I've had to mask feelings to fit it.

And it's really taking a toll on me.

I feel I am actually a very peaceful person, but usually only when I have no contact with other people

Believe it or not, ime there are not so few people feeling the same...

 

[streaM Freak]

Believe it or not, ime there are not so few people feeling the same...

That makes me think, I wonder what it will take for those everyday type people to feel this way as well.

At what point will people look inward.

The best we can do right now is just not sink, and hopefully a new perspective will be found.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

That makes me think, I wonder what it will take for those everyday type people to feel this way as well.

At what point will people look inward.

The best we can do right now is just not sink, and hopefully a new perspective will be found.

Once the pain is too much to trouble everyone else... Some waters turn silently deep... And it's not easy to see

 

[streaM Freak]

It doesn't feel like sense to plan for the future or find the motivation to improve my situation when I currently feel useless and a burden on my significant other.

I know I am. I'm verbally abusive. So why don't I leave right? It makes all the sense in the world to leave, but I know both our lives will temporarily be a lot worse.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

It doesn't feel like sense to plan for the future or find the motivation to improve my situation when I currently feel useless and a burden on my significant other.

I know I am. I'm verbally abusive. So why don't I leave right? It makes all the sense in the world to leave, but I know both our lives will temporarily be a lot worse.

Is there a way to feel less useless? It might mean the world...

 

[Ds]

I've been feeling some type of way too. I've had a lot of shit go down over the last 2 weeks or so, and just trying to remain positive about everything. It's the holidays and I've got some really messed up family issues, so once again I have not been invited to the family Christmas thing this year. Like, I didn't like do anything crazy. Just was kicked out of a sober living(well they voted me out). Now the family doesn't really know what to think about me.
I've been off my anti-deprrssents because I've been wanting to take psychedelics, though now I kind of need them again, so I took my Lexapro and half of a Busebar this morning. Maybe eventually I'll balance out again. Though for now, it's just one issue after another.

 

[streaM Freak]

I've been feeling some type of way too. I've had a lot of shit go down over the last 2 weeks or so, and just trying to remain positive about everything. It's the holidays and I've got some really messed up family issues, so once again I have not been invited to the family Christmas thing this year. Like, I didn't like do anything crazy. Just was kicked out of a sober living(well they voted me out). Now the family doesn't really know what to think about me.
I've been off my anti-deprrssents because I've been wanting to take psychedelics, though now I kind of need them again, so I took my Lexapro and half of a Busebar this morning. Maybe eventually I'll balance out again. Though for now, it's just one issue after another.

Hey Ds, it's ya boy madness just to get you up to speed and to let you know I hear ya.

I believe you made a good move this morning. My instinct is saying if you can make it through the month that is a huge accomplishment

 

[streaM Freak]

The peace in my mind will always be interrupted.

I wish I could live all alone. But there is nothing worth living for that way.

 

[maryanne77]

It doesn't feel like sense to plan for the future or find the motivation to improve my situation when I currently feel useless and a burden on my significant other.

I know I am. I'm verbally abusive. So why don't I leave right? It makes all the sense in the world to leave, but I know both our lives will temporarily be a lot worse.

You're significant other ,needs you to hold space for her or him and listen without making it about you. Listen with care and empathy, and the love and understanding you ,yourself want . Then you will be useful.then they will feel safe and never want to let you go . Then they will want to do the same for you. I hope things get better for both of you.