🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

They who think it is easier to be forgiven than to get permission are Those who don't care to begin with. Or never will.
It seems like her power is to be as inconsiderate as possible because it is more convenient and easy for her own selfishness and control that way.
She only cares about herself for some reason. Her brain must be a very bad and broken one.

No wonder you are so kind. It's because you know how horrible it feels when someone hurts you so badly.
And you can understand somehow or actually choose to understand this somehow.
Or she wants you to feel worse than she ever had to so someone else will have to suffer more.

Someday she will maybe understand how it feels. But I don't think that she can feel at all unless it is for her own good.
It seems like she lives for just protecting herself and has become an expert at what she does. And all that she can or will know somehow.

She is being evil and finding weakness in your kindness.
Somehow I wish that she could stop all of this. But those are the ones we have to be aware of the most.

They hurt others and find ways to keep themselves almighty and powerful. And then accuse you of the very thing that they do to begin with.
It's sad when we have to be victims of those who prey on everyone and everything.

Especially the kindest soul that they can find.

I hope that you heal from this and that she won't do anything else again to get more spiteful and hateful power over you.
Maybe the hurt can mend itself or at least there can be some relief from it for a while.

I am sorry that you are hurting. It seems that it was nothing but for her own well being. Doing worse things than anyone else
and putting the blame back on someone will never make anything better ever. Or even make you want to care about someone like that.

That is a really bad one. I hope that you can just get through this all somehow. You deserve to feel so much better than all of this.

Sorry for the Rant. Please feel better. ( Somehow ) I wish the Very Very Best for You Always @AngelsandFairiesarereal

My thoughts and Best Wishes are Voting for you. Don't let this Destroy Us. That one Hurt Badly though.

Thank you for always being so very kind to me Kiely … you make me cry, but like good cry if that makes sense. Sorry it took so long to respond to your beautiful, caring responses … I kind of lost the battle to depression/sadness this past week but back on the horse. I did read your responses though that day as I was kind of just laying sideways crying and even though I didn’t have the strength to write back it meant more than you know.

I hope you’re doing well and feeling well
Sending you a big hug

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

people are no good in general...more and more are sick,some severely ill,depressed,alienated,haunted by evil,frightened,sad,desperate.......fear to think that this could be just the beginning

Hi Naz it’s good to see you amigo … you’re one of the good ones

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Hmm .. I don't know much about your personal situation or stability atm (and I guess it's not too geat a position), nor do I know how much energy you have for this...

I'm also aware that this might be a massive overstep from my side,...But I would never be that kind fr.
Even if it's not wise or is going to hurt me as well, I would try to fight back. That's probably easier said than done but you have a solid an provable point against her. Idk how your relatives think about your mom and whom they'd believe more easily, but I'd tell the truth to everyone who'd come at me with the bs she said...
I'd basically hate her, no idea how you can not hate her . And I have and will become a beast of my own if my anger is really sparked. My Mom never did anything even close to what yours did and yet I've been quarrelling and fighting with her countless times. Seriously I don't know what I'd be capable of if she treated me like that...
.. although I might lack the pride I have now had I really been treated that way...
In any case it's a call to get away from her as far as you can, if you can - just my 2 cents...

Thank you for your support. Honestly I almost damn near lost my mind over all of it with a very uncomfortable rage that descended into a depression/sadness. Thank you for your support amiga, means a lot

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

I’m sorry you are going through this. There is something about a family member who is supposed to be there for us, especially a parent, that makes it so much harder.

We have to draw lines regardless of who it is. You did what you had to do. It sounds to me like she has a lot of problems that you won’t be able to solve. Maybe just let her know you still love her but can’t talk to her until she calms down and stops blaming you for what she did.

Do you have any other family support?

Sending prayers for you.

Thank you so much for your support amiga, I really appreciate it. A bit more actually has happened since I wrote this. I meant to write back sooner but depression/sadness hit me hard
Big hug to you

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Angels and faeries I'm so sorry your mother is like this, she will continue to hurt unless you defend yourself, but of course then it just escalates.

Do you think you would want to forgive and forget after all she did and failed to do? She won't become the mother you want, she really won't, so either you keep getting hurt or you keep away. Is she paying the money back on the cards? Or has that been left to you? My father would be similar, used to take out loans in other family member's names, always the females in the family got hit with the bills, because he didn't care about losing us, he had too many daughters before his beloved son was born, we have all been used and dumped on repeat and now I've not seen him in months even though he is actually dying of cancer, so time is running out.

At the end of the day we had parents, then we discovered our parents aren't such good people, it's so shit I can't put into words, my heart goes out to you, my parrents had both abandoned me by the time I was 14, then permanently at age 16 I applied for my freedom and got it along with a government paid room to live in.

You'll never know why your mother behaves so selfishly, it'll drive you nuts wondering why.

Thank you so much papercuts for your thoughtful reply … I read it a bunch of times. I’m so sorry you can understand the pain. I was just writing an update but basically I need an emotional & bit of a physical break from my mom and also accepting … well that I’m never going to be able to get through to her and she’s not going to change. I have to protect myself as far as she’s concerned, she’s pretty much capable of anything. Sorry I’m rambling a bit, well more than a bit lol I’m super sleep deprived (and kind of all over the place) … that was kind of hard to write that little bit about my mom and knowing what she’s capable of. Also sorry it took me so long to write back and thank you for your kindness and support … I kind of been going through this depression/sadness.

You sound like a strong person. I hope you’re doing well as well

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Just found out my mom has been opening credit cards in my name and using them for all kinds of stuff … mainly her shopping addiction. I went and cancelled and shut everything down. I let her know and told her that she’s lucky that’s all I did because she could get in a lot of trouble if I had reported her instead of taking care of it myself and shutting it down. She lost it on me and told me I’m not her daughter anymore. She has been sending me all of these threatening txts since then and apparently reached out to other family member telling them I’m ‘not safe’ and telling everyone ‘you know she’s an addict’. She’s apparently telling everyone I’m ‘abusive’. I can’t believe this is my own mother … I also feel so stupid for being shocked she’d take it this far considering how she’s always been. I just can’t believe she did that with the cards and I’m so tired of her making up lies about me. I raised her son (my little brother) for her when she checked out and left when I was a little girl. She left us with my abusive alcoholic father … I cooked for my brother, made sure he went to school and hid him from my dad and took the brunt of the abuse so he wouldn’t. At that point all she cared about was being off with her sugar daddies. You think she would be grateful that I took over and raised her son when she bailed and everything else I’ve done for her (it’s actually a lot … there’s so much to this story). But, no all she’s done is continually tried to put me down, lie about me and sabotage me. The only thing she saying about me that’s true is that I’ve struggled with addiction, which I never ever have denied. But, everything else is literally lies and what she’s actually done.

I’m so heartbroken, I’ve had it and it’s different this time. I can’t believe a mother would treat her own daughter this way (well correction, apparently I’m not her daughter anymore since I decided to stand up for myself). The crazy thing is that I could have gotten her in so much trouble for that shit she pulled putting credit cards in my name … yet I didn’t. The fact that she’s actively trying to sabatoge and threaten me is … well like I said, just heart breaking. She can keep trying to hurt me all she wants and I will continue to pick up the pieces and I will never try to sabotage or hurt her … but I don’t think I can talk to her for a very very long while anymore. She’s clearly a very sick woman but still the missing heart is what’s tripping me up the most.

I’m crying my eyes out … I want to give up, but won’t. How can this be my mom.

So UPDATE to this mess …

I received ‘some’ not all the money for the cards that have been opened in my name so I can pay. I’m making sure I pay off the rest and making sure they are all deactivated.

Since this has happened I received a txt from my mom that ‘She can’t believe I did this to her’ …. Like, what???? Is she kidding me? I’m kind of speechless about it all. No acknowledgement of anything that happened, some of the money payed back and I took care of the rest and like I said made sure they were all deactivated. I ‘said’ I could report her and she’s lucky that I didn’t … did I report her??? Nope, just took care of it.

Like I said last I heard was a long txt message about …. ‘how I think I’m better than everyone’ … ‘she’s hurt’ .. ‘can’t believe I did this’… ‘I’m toxic’ … ‘I’m not her daughter anymore & I’m not safe to be around’

I’m blocked now and actually kind of fine with it as I don’t even know what I would say to any of that insanity and I need a break.

This has been extremely embarrassing writing out the truth of all this but you’re only as sick as your secrets as they say … so I’m just saying screw it and getting it out.

You all have been extremely amazing and supportive and have helped me this week probably more than you know. Thank you again, bless you all that have sent me messages, replies and even emoji hearts and what not … it’s all love and all means a lot.
Gracias

 

[kris66]

So UPDATE to this mess …

I received ‘some’ not all the money for the cards that have been opened in my name so I can pay. I’m making sure I pay off the rest and making sure they are all deactivated.

Since this has happened I received a txt from my mom that ‘She can’t believe I did this to her’ …. Like, what???? Is she kidding me? I’m kind of speechless about it all. No acknowledgement of anything that happened, some of the money payed back and I took care of the rest and like I said made sure they were all deactivated. I ‘said’ I could report her and she’s lucky that I didn’t … did I report her??? Nope, just took care of it.

Like I said last I heard was a long txt message about …. ‘how I think I’m better than everyone’ … ‘she’s hurt’ .. ‘can’t believe I did this’… ‘I’m toxic’ … ‘I’m not her daughter anymore & I’m not safe to be around’

I’m blocked now and actually kind of fine with it as I don’t even know what I would say to any of that insanity and I need a break.

This has been extremely embarrassing writing out the truth of all this but you’re only as sick as your secrets as they say … so I’m just saying screw it and getting it out.

You all have been extremely amazing and supportive and have helped me this week probably more than you know. Thank you again, bless you all that have sent me messages, replies and even emoji hearts and what not … it’s all love and all means a lot.
Gracias

Please don’t feel embarrassed, you did nothing wrong! You went through a difficult childhood and raised your little brother while protecting him from your father. You are very strong to go through all that and still remain a kind and loving person.

Stay the person you are, people can see your beauty!

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Please don’t feel embarrassed, you did nothing wrong! You went through a difficult childhood and raised your little brother while protecting him from your father. You are very strong to go through all that and still remain a kind and loving person.

Stay the person you are, people can see your beauty!

Thank you so much @kris66
I really appreciate your kindness

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

i read this twisted internet pornography about a young pharmacuetical heiress, who write fake obitchuaries of themselves and then publish it to the internet and ask others on this very same website to sign petitions and submit a selfie with a poster and a slogan. on this site promoting a photo and a slogan. cant believe they tried to order a hit out on me in our local community. literally tried to stab me with a butcher knife on christmas. she has been also working woth center for legal advocacy in the community here where we have had ICE come in and put on a fresh coat of paint onnthe houses, thats not what ICE does.. yes the advocacy group is called center for legal advocacy say her prayers, there is no god.

claro que ci?

They tried to clip you on f*ckin Christmas with a butcher knife? Or was that part of the twisted internet story?

Seriously classless insulting shit. If I had any idea which direction it was coming from -- I should not extrapolate further.

 

[Sp4rky]

I feel really whiny for typing this, but I really need to get this off my chest. Getting to a point in drug use where I lie a lot about my habits, even to my friends I’ve done drugs with.

But I decided to at least try and be honest with my best friend, so I opened up to her about my recent drug habits and then she just hasn’t replied since.

I also feel like… I’m probably over exaggerating and she’s probably just busy or whatever, but I’ve always had this ‘everyone secretly hates me’ feeling when it comes to this type of stuff. Also feel an intense paranoia, like what if she told my mom, staged an intervention or something like that?

Currently have the most amount of friends I’ve ever had, all lovely people, but I feel so insanely lonely. I feel like I always sabotage everything good in my life and I don’t get why, it feels like I’m a black hole that can’t be filled, no matter the anti depressants and therapy, I just fail to understand how people live without wanting to tear everything apart the second of feeling any negative emotion.

Don’t get how people cope, I feel like this world is too intense for me.

I’m so scared of ending up like how I felt in the worst of my eating disorder, the only time I’ve been and felt wholly alone. Had a recent mishap where I got really high at a music gig, an ‘everyone knows everyone’ type of venue that has been my comfort place for years. I forgot my wallet with my drug stuff in the toilet stall. It got found and returned to the bar and I was so glad I was able to pick it up, but I had to do the walk of shame, with everyone there now knowing exactly what was going on.

For context this is a DIY punk venue for mostly younger people/teens, not even heavy drinking, mostly just a bit of weed here and there, so hard drugs are very much an odd thing to be doing or even talking about there and I’m a volunteer. It’s not really a ‘serious job’ but I still feel I have some responsibility to not be doing hard drugs around minors just discovering weed. I do feel honestly ashamed for having done that and I can’t help but feel like everyone has treated me differently since.

Anyways, I fear I am just rambling nonsense now, way too stoned, will try to sleep

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

I feel really whiny for typing this, but I really need to get this off my chest. Getting to a point in drug use where I lie a lot about my habits, even to my friends I’ve done drugs with.

But I decided to at least try and be honest with my best friend, so I opened up to her about my recent drug habits and then she just hasn’t replied since.

I also feel like… I’m probably over exaggerating and she’s probably just busy or whatever, but I’ve always had this ‘everyone secretly hates me’ feeling when it comes to this type of stuff. Also feel an intense paranoia, like what if she told my mom, staged an intervention or something like that?

Currently have the most amount of friends I’ve ever had, all lovely people, but I feel so insanely lonely. I feel like I always sabotage everything good in my life and I don’t get why, it feels like I’m a black hole that can’t be filled, no matter the anti depressants and therapy, I just fail to understand how people live without wanting to tear everything apart the second of feeling any negative emotion.

Don’t get how people cope, I feel like this world is too intense for me.

I’m so scared of ending up like how I felt in the worst of my eating disorder, the only time I’ve been and felt wholly alone. Had a recent mishap where I got really high at a music gig, an ‘everyone knows everyone’ type of venue that has been my comfort place for years. I forgot my wallet with my drug stuff in the toilet stall. It got found and returned to the bar and I was so glad I was able to pick it up, but I had to do the walk of shame, with everyone there now knowing exactly what was going on.

For context this is a DIY punk venue for mostly younger people/teens, not even heavy drinking, mostly just a bit of weed here and there, so hard drugs are very much an odd thing to be doing or even talking about there and I’m a volunteer. It’s not really a ‘serious job’ but I still feel I have some responsibility to not be doing hard drugs around minors just discovering weed. I do feel honestly ashamed for having done that and I can’t help but feel like everyone has treated me differently since.

Anyways, I fear I am just rambling nonsense now, way too stoned, will try to sleep

Which hard drugs do you mean there ( the ones you left in the toilet)

 

[Sp4rky]

Which hard drugs do you mean there ( the ones you left in the toilet)

I had snorted speed and 3-mmc but also had a baggy with some xtc pills in my wallet. My snorting tube would be the first thing people saw opening my wallet and a card I used to cut lines with, with powder residue on it :’)

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

I had snorted speed and 3-mmc but also had a baggy with some xtc pills in my wallet. My snorting tube would be the first thing people saw opening my wallet and a card I used to cut lines with, with powder residue on it :’)

Ok, I get that this is something that's hard to digest - unless you've made it your foremost aim to schock everyone around you intentionally - which means most people would suffer after such an experience.
Next question would be your current drug habits, why would they shock your friends? Are you shocked yourself? Is it a habit gone out of control or a more or less conscious attempt to self- protect from life?

Also therapy is good but not always fitting the target. Since you said you don't know why you're doing some things, and sorry if I'm off track maybe, but did you try painting or writing about your feelings? Even just phantasy stories could give you a hint about that. Or a hypnosis leading back to before birth. Things that can't be reached consciously are sometimes having their root in very early experiences or such that were forgotten to continue living. - just my 2 cents here.

 

[Sp4rky]

Ok, I get that this is something that's hard to digest - unless you've made it your foremost aim to schock everyone around you intentionally - which means most people would suffer after such an experience.
Next question would be your current drug habits, why would they shock your friends? Are you shocked yourself? Is it a habit gone out of control or a more or less conscious attempt to self- protect from life?

Also therapy is good but not always fitting the target. Since you said you don't know why you're doing some things, and sorry if I'm off track maybe, but did you try painting or writing about your feelings? Even just phantasy stories could give you a hint about that. Or a hypnosis leading back to before birth. Things that can't be reached consciously are sometimes having their root in very early experiences or such that were forgotten to continue living. - just my 2 cents here.

Hmm good questions, I do journal a lot and have a story I put a lot of my own struggles into, tho sometimes that causes me to get even more stuck in my own thoughts.

The friends in my hometown at that music venue are some of my younger friends who just stick to weed & booze and most of them do know and have no issues with the fact that I ‘do a bit of xtc very occasionally at raves.’

Except that’s a lie, because the second I got my first dealer I’ve been using whatever whenever really. To me it’s not really suprising, I’ve grown up thinking I’d either die young or live long enough to become addicted to anything I touch.

For me it’s definitely self medicating in a lot of ways, ADHD with uppers, depression with downers, but mostly it’s just that I can’t stand being sober, or more accurately not having some self destructive habit to rely on. I’ve had periods where I’ve tried but it always ends up in the ‘I either end it or go relapse because I can’t fucking stand this anymore’

Not much of a ‘chasing that first high’ type of person, the more I use a specific substance, the more I love the familiarity and the comfort to rely on.

I definitely think it’s interesting to look back in time to see where certain things come from. I’ve had EMDR therapy before, it was interesting and I hope it at least helped subconsciously somewhat, but it’s the fact that it already happend the way it did and that I am the way I am and that maybe there is a certain inevitability in these things.

Very pessimistic, at least right now that’s how I feel. Emotions are weird man, when like this I cannot comprehend the idea of happiness, but when feeling good I don’t understand how I ever was in mental health treatment at all.

I suppose to end it on a good note, I am still functional I suppose. Bless hyper intelligence for helping me get through uni and I also have my very first appointment tomorrow to go on testosterone and finally start my gender transition, so that’s good.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Hmm good questions, I do journal a lot and have a story I put a lot of my own struggles into, tho sometimes that causes me to get even more stuck in my own thoughts.

The friends in my hometown at that music venue are some of my younger friends who just stick to weed & booze and most of them do know and have no issues with the fact that I ‘do a bit of xtc very occasionally at raves.’

Except that’s a lie, because the second I got my first dealer I’ve been using whatever whenever really. To me it’s not really suprising, I’ve grown up thinking I’d either die young or live long enough to become addicted to anything I touch.

For me it’s definitely self medicating in a lot of ways, ADHD with uppers, depression with downers, but mostly it’s just that I can’t stand being sober, or more accurately not having some self destructive habit to rely on. I’ve had periods where I’ve tried but it always ends up in the ‘I either end it or go relapse because I can’t fucking stand this anymore’

Not much of a ‘chasing that first high’ type of person, the more I use a specific substance, the more I love the familiarity and the comfort to rely on.

I definitely think it’s interesting to look back in time to see where certain things come from. I’ve had EMDR therapy before, it was interesting and I hope it at least helped subconsciously somewhat, but it’s the fact that it already happend the way it did and that I am the way I am and that maybe there is a certain inevitability in these things.

Very pessimistic, at least right now that’s how I feel. Emotions are weird man, when like this I cannot comprehend the idea of happiness, but when feeling good I don’t understand how I ever was in mental health treatment at all.

I suppose to end it on a good note, I am still functional I suppose. Bless hyper intelligence for helping me get through uni and I also have my very first appointment tomorrow to go on testosterone and finally start my gender transition, so that’s good.

Hmm.. the "I can't stand being sober" sure rings a bell, LoL - I even made a thread with a similar title ...
My stories were a part of my life, coming in waves so to say. I'd be completely in my own world for weeks at times. Then nothing for years until something sparked my inspiration again...
Testosterone hm... That sounds like you probably won't get bored for a while.. just hope you won't regret it.

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

I do not think being sober is better inherently ---- how you act is what people (Should) be deciding your character based on.

I think I am in the minority but I have zero shame regarding substance use.

Sometimes the waste of money is a shock -- than I go, Yea okay if someone offered me (Idk lets round way up and say 100k) to stay sober for 20 years I would laugh in they face.

Obviously there have been mistakes but 'not being sober' has never been one of them --- 'being too fuckd up to fight'has lol

@Northwesternparacelsus -- I wonder what those people are doing for Thanksgiving? Keep your head up! lol

 

[streaM Freak]

I do not think being sober is better inherently ---- how you act is what people (Should) be deciding your character based on.

I think I am in the minority but I have zero shame regarding substance use.

Sometimes the waste of money is a shock -- than I go, Yea okay if someone offered me (Idk lets round way up and say 100k) to stay sober for 20 years I would laugh in they face.

Obviously there have been mistakes but 'not being sober' has never been one of them --- 'being too fuckd up to fight'has lol

@Northwesternparacelsus -- I wonder what those people are doing for Thanksgiving? Keep your head up! lol

I agree with you completely.

Which is why sometimes I'm so torn or wishy washy when trying reply to harm reduction threads. Because it's just situation and personality dependant a lot of the time.

 

[kiely]

 

[deficiT]

In the span of a few months, I've now started, and then basically had to stop 2 separate antidepressants. Simply because the insurance will fill it the first time it's sent in, and then refuse to cover the medicine the second time.

It's so goddamn infuriating, the shit should be illegal and all of these insurance companies need to be banished from the earth. It should not be a valid business, it's blatantly corrupt and profits off of human misery, it's bullshit.

SSRI/SNRIs all take like 4 weeks to even begin to be effective. I'm not sure how to describe what these kinds of rapid transitions does to ones mind but I'm starting to just hate life and feel like giving up constantly, as I don't see any hope around the corner for myself or this planet. The more technology increases, the more our systems cease to function properly, and the more stonedead fucktarded the populace becomes. The more brutality and corruption we are willing to bare on the daily.

Thankfully I have some leftover prozac from a long time ago, which has prevented me from totally stopping functioning, but it's still some bullshit and I'm still bouncing off the walls and frothing with hate.

 

[kris66]

In the span of a few months, I've now started, and then basically had to stop 2 separate antidepressants. Simply because the insurance will fill it the first time it's sent in, and then refuse to cover the medicine the second time.

It's so goddamn infuriating, the shit should be illegal and all of these insurance companies need to be banished from the earth. It should not be a valid business, it's blatantly corrupt and profits off of human misery, it's bullshit.

SSRI/SNRIs all take like 4 weeks to even begin to be effective. I'm not sure how to describe what these kinds of rapid transitions does to ones mind but I'm starting to just hate life and feel like giving up constantly, as I don't see any hope around the corner for myself or this planet. The more technology increases, the more our systems cease to function properly, and the more stonedead fucktarded the populace becomes. The more brutality and corruption we are willing to bare on the daily.

Thankfully I have some leftover prozac from a long time ago, which has prevented me from totally stopping functioning, but it's still some bullshit and I'm still bouncing off the walls and frothing with hate.

That’s total bullshit they are doing that. You are right, that can’t be good for your body to start and then stop a medication numerous times. I think next time your Dr tries to start a new medication I would mention you have been having this trouble with your insurance company. The Dr should know which medications the insurance companies are more likely to cover.

I hope things improve. This time of year is stressful anyway, even without all the added bullshit. I’m sending you good vibes.