MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

[Red Dragonfly]

Warning for candyflipping! (my story)

My original plan was to just take MDMA but then I hadn't so much MDMA left but happened to get some LSD. I tried a 25 ug minidose of LSD two times and experienced increased focus, creativity, sense of humor, laughter and some euphoria. I also felt more apprieciation for music. So then I thought: "What if boosting MDMA with LSD would be the best of both worlds? And what if I could get even more out of 50 ug LSD then?"
Though I hadn't tried this dose of LSD before I decided to start with the LSD and wait until the peak of it to see how I felt and then decide if I wanted to continue with adding MDMA.
So I started with the LSD. It was nervous to try this dose for the first time which could have influenced the experience. Waiting for the come up, the come up and the peak was almost anxiety all through. On the peak I felt like I was in a strange dream like bubble, an underwater like feeling. I felt absent and the music I was listening to seemed a bit far away. It all felt a bit claustrofobic and I was longing back to reality. It all reminds me a little bit of a nightmare I've had a several times since childhood where I'm stuck in a state between dead and alive which is very very lonely. I didn't feel that I could handle another drug above this so I decided to at least wait until the peak of LSD was over before adding MDMA.

When I've been out of the bubble for an hour and felt almost sober from the LSD, I finally felt ready to take the MDMA. This was 4 hours after taking the LSD.
I took 72 mg MDMA and didn't feel more from this low dose than if I'd taken it without LSD. I felt euphoric, relaxed and got the urge to sing and dance but it all was on a sober like level.

I was fine for the first one hour on both substances but then I started feeling uncomfortable again. It was the physical anxiety I've experienced on MDMA the other times I've taken it. It use to pass quickly, 95% of the time I've felt awesome on MDMA but this time it wouldn't go away.
The next day I continued feeling vulnerable and prone to anxiety. It felt like an MDMA comedown so I thought that it should pass soon. But the following days it all got worse. Anxiety and sleeplessness so bad that I barely couldn't function. On Friday I had to stay home from work for the second time that week. My first thought had been to wait two weeks before searching medical help to see if things should got better by themselves. But the situation was untenable and unbearable and I realized that I had to break this vicious circle of anxiety and sleeplessness as soon as possible before it would lead to a serious crash. So I went to the psychiatric hospital and got some sleeping pills for the weekend, and the prompt to contact my health center the following Monday. And here I am now (Monday) wondering what went wrong. I didn't even do big doses of LSD and MDMA. I hadn't taken MDMA for three months before this and have only taken MDMA three times in my life in total before this happened, spacing the doses. So I'm a little afraid that I'm sensitive to MDMA and have crossed the limit so I won't tolerate MDMA at all anymore. A friend that I told about this theory didn't think so, she 100% thought that it was the combo with LSD that caused it.

I'm now on day 9 since the candyflip and still recovering. I have a nervous feeling in my body like I've drunk a little too much coffee even though I haven't drunk coffee at all. I'm still vulnerable and prone to anxiety. Like my brain got stuck in the state it went in on LSD. Even though the trip is over the brain doesn't stop scanning for inner threats like I'm losing my mind or something and the anxiety isn't far away.
So I wanted to share this for those considering candyflipping to know the mental health risks before doing it.
Suggestions on what went wrong are also welcome. Was I mentally shocked by the LSD experience, boosted by the MDMA? Chemically imbalanced? And/or something else?

 

[Deleted member 576750]

Warning for candyflipping! (my story)

My original plan was to just take MDMA but then I hadn't so much MDMA left but happened to get some LSD. I tried a 25 ug minidose of LSD two times and experienced increased focus, creativity, sense of humor, laughter and some euphoria. I also felt more apprieciation for music. So then I thought: "What if boosting MDMA with LSD would be the best of both worlds? And what if I could get even more out of 50 ug LSD then?"
Though I hadn't tried this dose of LSD before I decided to start with the LSD and wait until the peak of it to see how I felt and then decide if I wanted to continue with adding MDMA.
So I started with the LSD. It was nervous to try this dose for the first time which could have influenced the experience. Waiting for the come up, the come up and the peak was almost anxiety all through. On the peak I felt like I was in a strange dream like bubble, an underwater like feeling. I felt absent and the music I was listening to seemed a bit far away. It all felt a bit claustrofobic and I was longing back to reality. It all reminds me a little bit of a nightmare I've had a several times since childhood where I'm stuck in a state between dead and alive which is very very lonely. I didn't feel that I could handle another drug above this so I decided to at least wait until the peak of LSD was over before adding MDMA.

When I've been out of the bubble for an hour and felt almost sober from the LSD, I finally felt ready to take the MDMA. This was 4 hours after taking the LSD.
I took 72 mg MDMA and didn't feel more from this low dose than if I'd taken it without LSD. I felt euphoric, relaxed and got the urge to sing and dance but it all was on a sober like level.

I was fine for the first one hour on both substances but then I started feeling uncomfortable again. It was the physical anxiety I've experienced on MDMA the other times I've taken it. It use to pass quickly, 95% of the time I've felt awesome on MDMA but this time it wouldn't go away.
The next day I continued feeling vulnerable and prone to anxiety. It felt like an MDMA comedown so I thought that it should pass soon. But the following days it all got worse. Anxiety and sleeplessness so bad that I barely couldn't function. On Friday I had to stay home from work for the second time that week. My first thought had been to wait two weeks before searching medical help to see if things should got better by themselves. But the situation was untenable and unbearable and I realized that I had to break this vicious circle of anxiety and sleeplessness as soon as possible before it would lead to a serious crash. So I went to the psychiatric hospital and got some sleeping pills for the weekend, and the prompt to contact my health center the following Monday. And here I am now (Monday) wondering what went wrong. I didn't even do big doses of LSD and MDMA. I hadn't taken MDMA for three months before this and have only taken MDMA three times in my life in total before this happened, spacing the doses. So I'm a little afraid that I'm sensitive to MDMA and have crossed the limit so I won't tolerate MDMA at all anymore. A friend that I told about this theory didn't think so, she 100% thought that it was the combo with LSD that caused it.

I'm now on day 9 since the candyflip and still recovering. I have a nervous feeling in my body like I've drunk a little too much coffee even though I haven't drunk coffee at all. I'm still vulnerable and prone to anxiety. Like my brain got stuck in the state it went in on LSD. Even though the trip is over the brain doesn't stop scanning for inner threats like I'm losing my mind or something and the anxiety isn't far away.
So I wanted to share this for those considering candyflipping to know the mental health risks before doing it.
Suggestions on what went wrong are also welcome. Was I mentally shocked by the LSD experience, boosted by the MDMA? Chemically imbalanced? And/or something else?

Did you make sure to eat enough and stay hydrated before, during, and after the experience? Nutrition, including vitamins, minerals, electrolytes, and hydration, is extremely important and not having the correct amounts can mess you up worse than any drug

Secondary to nutrition you should always consider current drugs and drugs taken recently for interaction. A good rule to follow is multiply the drug half life by 6-7, after that point the concentration should be negligible but there may be lasting cellular/metabolic changes if a drug was taken for an extended period as well

I'm glad you're seeing your doctor about it, hopefully they can be of help

 

[Red Dragonfly]

Did you make sure to eat enough and stay hydrated before, during, and after the experience? Nutrition, including vitamins, minerals, electrolytes, and hydration, is extremely important and not having the correct amounts can mess you up worse than any drug

Secondary to nutrition you should always consider current drugs and drugs taken recently for interaction. A good rule to follow is multiply the drug half life by 6-7, after that point the concentration should be negligible but there may be lasting cellular/metabolic changes if a drug was taken for an extended period as well

I'm glad you're seeing your doctor about it, hopefully they can be of help

Thank you for your answer. I had eaten two sandwiches, two eggs and tea for breakfast that day. Didn't eat and drink much during the experience on LSD though I didn't feel good and hadn't any appetite. Only drank some water with pressed lime. ~3 hours after taking MDMA I ate some mango, carrot and lentil soup. It made me feel a bit better but still not good. The day and some days after that after I took kratom several times to help myself through the anxiety. Maybe that made it worse.

 

[Bluelube]

Guys I recovered.

I was about as bad as the worst you, I had every symptom and thought my brain was permanently fucked.

I rolled 5 days in a row twice within the span of 3 months and regularly took it every other week for about a year. Yes, I was a complete idiot I felt like I was invincible. In the summer (August) of 2023 I entered what we call LTC and it lasted for about 10 months with no changes. I didn't see any improvement and was stuck in literal hell for that period of time. Around the 1 year mark I started feeling significantly better and then by 1.5 years (around now) I feel damn close to 100% recovered and it doesn't control me. I am back to living a normal care free life.

Remember, if I can recover like this, so can you. I am proof this isn't brain damage or anything more the just your chemicals being unbalanced and your body needing some serous time to recover.

I cut caffeine, alcohol, and bad foods, tried probably 30 different supplements, exercised 5 times a week (running and weight lifting), meditation, pushed my self to do things I was uncomfortable doing, slept good, etc.
I don't know what helped and what didn't.

I don't think there is one cure to this, but what helped me the most was learning to forget and ignore my symptoms/feelings. Do everything you can to resume your normal life style.

I can't believe I went through this and I am sorry you are as well.

I love you all! Goodluck I'll check back here occasionally to answer any questions.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

good job! I am proud of you.

 

[shouldvestayedhome]

Guys I recovered.

I was about as bad as the worst you, I had every symptom and thought my brain was permanently fucked.

I rolled 5 days in a row twice within the span of 3 months and regularly took it every other week for about a year. Yes, I was a complete idiot I felt like I was invincible. In the summer (August) of 2023 I entered what we call LTC and it lasted for about 10 months with no changes. I didn't see any improvement and was stuck in literal hell for that period of time. Around the 1 year mark I started feeling significantly better and then by 1.5 years (around now) I feel damn close to 100% recovered and it doesn't control me. I am back to living a normal care free life.

Remember, if I can recover like this, so can you. I am proof this isn't brain damage or anything more the just your chemicals being unbalanced and your body needing some serous time to recover.

I cut caffeine, alcohol, and bad foods, tried probably 30 different supplements, exercised 5 times a week (running and weight lifting), meditation, pushed my self to do things I was uncomfortable doing, slept good, etc.
I don't know what helped and what didn't.

I don't think there is one cure to this, but what helped me the most was learning to forget and ignore my symptoms/feelings. Do everything you can to resume your normal life style.

I can't believe I went through this and I am sorry you are as well.

I love you all! Goodluck I'll check back here occasionally to answer any questions.

Well lucky for you, I permenantly fried my brain and I am going on 8 years now after the fact, but I still alive and relatively living a normal life.

 

[Deep_Fried]

8 years is tough man. I'm close to 5 years in and still optimistic, as it does improve year by year, but stressful moments still push me over the edge.
Stay strong all the best!

 

[danielfgt]

Hi everyone,

I just found this forum and wanted to share my experience with MDA. On December 22, 2024, I took a high dose at a party. I don’t know exactly how much, as we dissolved the powder into bottles of Gatorade. The experience was amazing at the time, but the next day, I started feeling intense anxiety, headaches, tremors, panic attacks, and a very high heart rate.

By the end of December, things were improving, and I felt like I had gotten through it. But on January 13, 2025, I woke up feeling dizzy and with blurry vision. It kept getting worse until it turned into a terrible migraine. A week later, I ended up in the emergency room, where they gave me painkillers. After that, my nightmare began.

That night, I couldn’t sleep at all, and to this day, I still haven’t regained my ability to sleep properly. My vision remains blurry, I have migraines that come and go, I constantly feel cold, and my skin is very sensitive. I also experience a burning sensation on the soles of my feet. When I do manage to fall asleep at night, I wake up two hours later sweating and feeling unwell. If I try to take naps, I feel awful or experience sleep paralysis.

I went to a psychiatrist two months ago and was prescribed escitalopram and clonazepam. I couldn’t tolerate the antidepressant, and while clonazepam helped stabilize my anxiety a bit, I can’t take it anymore. My heart rate is almost always above 80, sometimes over 100, even when sitting or lying down. I tried taking trazodone, but it didn’t work for me. Right now, I’m supplementing with alpha lipoic acid, magnesium glycinate for sleep, melatonin, and omega-3.

Some physical symptoms, like tingling, have improved. However, now I have mid-back pain for no apparent reason. I’ve had a full blood panel, a brain MRI, an echocardiogram, an EKG, and tests for vitamin B, folic acid, and iron deficiencies—everything came back normal.

Right now, my biggest struggle is my inability to sleep properly. It’s taking a huge toll on my mental health. I feel drained, constantly worried, and it’s affecting my work.

Has anyone experienced similar symptoms? What helped you?

 

[tt9999]

Guys I recovered.

I was about as bad as the worst you, I had every symptom and thought my brain was permanently fucked.

I rolled 5 days in a row twice within the span of 3 months and regularly took it every other week for about a year. Yes, I was a complete idiot I felt like I was invincible. In the summer (August) of 2023 I entered what we call LTC and it lasted for about 10 months with no changes. I didn't see any improvement and was stuck in literal hell for that period of time. Around the 1 year mark I started feeling significantly better and then by 1.5 years (around now) I feel damn close to 100% recovered and it doesn't control me. I am back to living a normal care free life.

Remember, if I can recover like this, so can you. I am proof this isn't brain damage or anything more the just your chemicals being unbalanced and your body needing some serous time to recover.

I cut caffeine, alcohol, and bad foods, tried probably 30 different supplements, exercised 5 times a week (running and weight lifting), meditation, pushed my self to do things I was uncomfortable doing, slept good, etc.
I don't know what helped and what didn't.

I don't think there is one cure to this, but what helped me the most was learning to forget and ignore my symptoms/feelings. Do everything you can to resume your normal life style.

I can't believe I went through this and I am sorry you are as well.

I love you all! Goodluck I'll check back here occasionally to answer any questions.

Hey, I’m trying to figure out how lifestyle/living conditions affect recovery timelines in cases such as yours. As I’m currently going through smth similar. Would you say that during the 1st year of your healing you had optimal conditions for the brain to heal? Low stress, enough sleep, caloric surplus? My theory is that given optimal conditions the brain really should be able to bounce back from any sort of dmg in around 3-4 months no matter what. But of course if dmg is severe enough then any sort of stress pushes recovery back.

Ed: and age? Still below 30?

Thanks

 

[Bluelube]

Hey, I’m trying to figure out how lifestyle/living conditions affect recovery timelines in cases such as yours. As I’m currently going through smth similar. Would you say that during the 1st year of your healing you had optimal conditions for the brain to heal? Low stress, enough sleep, caloric surplus? My theory is that given optimal conditions the brain really should be able to bounce back from any sort of dmg in around 3-4 months no matter what. But of course if dmg is severe enough then any sort of stress pushes recovery back.

Ed: and age? Still below 30?

Thanks

Hey I was 19 when this started. I was going to college for the duration of the worst of it and it was such a nightmare. I did only start improving after I spent a summer relaxing and living a very stress free lifestyle. I also made an effort to challenge myself and do the things that made me feel anxious.

I strongly agree that having a period of 2-4 months of stressless relaxing living and doing active things can pull you out of this.

 

[blata123]

After promising myself in 2018 that I'd post again once I'd recovered in order to give hope to others, I thought I'd come back to Bluelight and share that I've almost completely recovered after 7 long years. I've had exponential improvement over the past 2 despite not improving for the first 4 years of my LTC. It's an indescribably good feeling to want to live and live life to the fullest, after everything I've gone through. It's 100% possible to fully recover, and I'm sure there are many many others out there who have fully recovered, regardless of timeframe, and gone on to live fulfilling lives.

Best of luck to all of you

 

[blata123]

After promising myself in 2018 that I'd post again once I'd recovered in order to give hope to others, I thought I'd come back to Bluelight and share that I've almost completely recovered after 7 long years. I've had exponential improvement over the past 2 despite not improving for the first 4 years of my LTC. It's an indescribably good feeling to want to live and live life to the fullest, after everything I've gone through. It's 100% possible to fully recover, and I'm sure there are many many others out there who have fully recovered, regardless of timeframe, and gone on to live fulfilling lives.

Best of luck to all of you

Re this post I might just stay active on this forum over the next week or so in case any of you have any questions then I'm off BL forever.

 

[andretta]

Re this post I might just stay active on this forum over the next week or so in case any of you have any questions then I'm off BL forever.

did you suffer from sexual anhedonia and no emotions? cuz m gave me these side effects and idk if i can wait years until i get better

 

[blata123]

did you suffer from sexual anhedonia and no emotions? cuz m gave me these side effects and idk if i can wait years until i get better

Yes - I had to relearn how to identify and express emotions and with that my ability to feel emotions returned.

 

[andretta]

Yes - I had to relearn how to identify and express emotions and with that my ability to feel emotions returned.

do you thibk antidepressants could help? Its been 7 months and i havent gotten better at all, im now trying a 9 me bc cycle but if it doesnt work idk what else to do.

 

[blata123]

do you thibk antidepressants could help? Its been 7 months and i havent gotten better at all, im now trying a 9 me bc cycle but if it doesnt work idk what else to do.

Possibly - but I'm not a medical professional nor do I have experience using SSRIs so I'm not qualified to answer your question - best to ask a doctor or psychiatrist. However, in hindsight I think I would've liked to try SSRIs, I believe current medical literature suggests they work through enhancing neuroplasticity and normalising default mode network activity, which helps with anxiety, which is what I believe is the cause of LTC.
I have no idea what the fuck 9 me bc is but I would advise you to stay away from self-medicating.

 

[blata123]

I think an important question you might want to ask yourself is did you have emotional issues prior to using MDMA - say for example issues connecting with others, expressing emotions, alexithymia, lethargy, anxiety etc. I have this theory that most people with LTC (especially if they only did MDMA a few times) have had pre-existing mental health issues and MDMA isn't really the actual cause of their LTC, but rather the event which pushed them over the edge.

 

[singersi]

Hi everyone,

I just found this forum and wanted to share my experience with MDA. On December 22, 2024, I took a high dose at a party. I don’t know exactly how much, as we dissolved the powder into bottles of Gatorade. The experience was amazing at the time, but the next day, I started feeling intense anxiety, headaches, tremors, panic attacks, and a very high heart rate.

By the end of December, things were improving, and I felt like I had gotten through it. But on January 13, 2025, I woke up feeling dizzy and with blurry vision. It kept getting worse until it turned into a terrible migraine. A week later, I ended up in the emergency room, where they gave me painkillers. After that, my nightmare began.

That night, I couldn’t sleep at all, and to this day, I still haven’t regained my ability to sleep properly. My vision remains blurry, I have migraines that come and go, I constantly feel cold, and my skin is very sensitive. I also experience a burning sensation on the soles of my feet. When I do manage to fall asleep at night, I wake up two hours later sweating and feeling unwell. If I try to take naps, I feel awful or experience sleep paralysis.

I went to a psychiatrist two months ago and was prescribed escitalopram and clonazepam. I couldn’t tolerate the antidepressant, and while clonazepam helped stabilize my anxiety a bit, I can’t take it anymore. My heart rate is almost always above 80, sometimes over 100, even when sitting or lying down. I tried taking trazodone, but it didn’t work for me. Right now, I’m supplementing with alpha lipoic acid, magnesium glycinate for sleep, melatonin, and omega-3.

Some physical symptoms, like tingling, have improved. However, now I have mid-back pain for no apparent reason. I’ve had a full blood panel, a brain MRI, an echocardiogram, an EKG, and tests for vitamin B, folic acid, and iron deficiencies—everything came back normal.

Right now, my biggest struggle is my inability to sleep properly. It’s taking a huge toll on my mental health. I feel drained, constantly worried, and it’s affecting my work.

Has anyone experienced similar symptoms? What helped you?

Hey so sorry to hear you’re going through this - wanted to see how you’re doing now? I’m going through something similar from taking 100mg of MDMA in February 2025.

It’s been just over 3 months now of dealing with really scary symptoms and just want to feel like I have my brain back to baseline so I can function.

I’m experiencing cognitive symptoms like attention difficulties, brain fog, DPDR, and perception shifts (noises all seeming louder, lights brighter), along with a constant chatter in my mind of random/non-logical thoughts/images.

For reference, I took MDMA about 20 times throughout my 20s, but always spaced out, and only a few times in high doses. In the last few years I’ve slowed down my drug use to really only drinking. In 2022, I took one pill and had adverse effects for about a week after. In Nov 2024, I took about 60mg and it took me a couple days to recalibrate.

On Feb 22, 2025, I took 100mg (initial 50mg and then a redose of 50mg 1.5 hours later). I felt the intensity of the redose almost immediately, feeling dissociated from my body, and floaty in my mind. I am a highly sensitive individual and drugs have always affected me more intensely and quickly than my friends. This is the first time I’ve ever experienced symptoms lingering past a couple weeks.

A few days after:
• ⁠I felt anxiety/weirdness for the first few days which is consistent with my previous comedowns
• ⁠the constant mind chattering/frightening images started on day 9 (kept me awake for over 48 hours) and it has not stopped since

symptoms:
• ⁠eyelid twitch (upper lid) when eyes closed
• ⁠frightening glitchy images
• ⁠chaotic/uncontrollable/non-sensical thoughts (they are not rooted in logic, but just like a glitchy TV channel)
• ⁠brain fog
• ⁠difficulty concentrating
• ⁠DPDR (limbs feeling weightless/numb)
• ⁠Perceptions/sensations are heightened (all noises sound loud/close, and lights are brighter)

I took various sleeping pills and an anti-psychotic for a couple of weeks, but then I switched just to melatonin.

I can operate, but I’m not as quick with my processing, and there is chaos in my mind. It literally feels like part of my brain is spitting out random information, while the other part of me is functioning through the day. My mood has improved, but I do feel like I’m in a haze/like there is a wall between myself and reality and my brain.

My biggest concern too is that I cannot sleep without a sleep aid. I can’t control my thoughts as I go to sleep- different thoughts pop up and glitch/change at a rapid rate, and I will lie there for hours. I drift into sleep but when I wake up, the chaos in my brain is there.

I am an artist/performer, and I’ve continued mindfulness practices like yoga, eating well, and exercising. Even when meditating, the eyelid twitching is constant and the thoughts are firing.

 

[danielfgt]

Hey so sorry to hear you’re going through this - wanted to see how you’re doing now? I’m going through something similar from taking 100mg of MDMA in February 2025.

It’s been just over 3 months now of dealing with really scary symptoms and just want to feel like I have my brain back to baseline so I can function.

I’m experiencing cognitive symptoms like attention difficulties, brain fog, DPDR, and perception shifts (noises all seeming louder, lights brighter), along with a constant chatter in my mind of random/non-logical thoughts/images.

For reference, I took MDMA about 20 times throughout my 20s, but always spaced out, and only a few times in high doses. In the last few years I’ve slowed down my drug use to really only drinking. In 2022, I took one pill and had adverse effects for about a week after. In Nov 2024, I took about 60mg and it took me a couple days to recalibrate.

On Feb 22, 2025, I took 100mg (initial 50mg and then a redose of 50mg 1.5 hours later). I felt the intensity of the redose almost immediately, feeling dissociated from my body, and floaty in my mind. I am a highly sensitive individual and drugs have always affected me more intensely and quickly than my friends. This is the first time I’ve ever experienced symptoms lingering past a couple weeks.

A few days after:
• ⁠I felt anxiety/weirdness for the first few days which is consistent with my previous comedowns
• ⁠the constant mind chattering/frightening images started on day 9 (kept me awake for over 48 hours) and it has not stopped since

symptoms:
• ⁠eyelid twitch (upper lid) when eyes closed
• ⁠frightening glitchy images
• ⁠chaotic/uncontrollable/non-sensical thoughts (they are not rooted in logic, but just like a glitchy TV channel)
• ⁠brain fog
• ⁠difficulty concentrating
• ⁠DPDR (limbs feeling weightless/numb)
• ⁠Perceptions/sensations are heightened (all noises sound loud/close, and lights are brighter)

I took various sleeping pills and an anti-psychotic for a couple of weeks, but then I switched just to melatonin.

I can operate, but I’m not as quick with my processing, and there is chaos in my mind. It literally feels like part of my brain is spitting out random information, while the other part of me is functioning through the day. My mood has improved, but I do feel like I’m in a haze/like there is a wall between myself and reality and my brain.

My biggest concern too is that I cannot sleep without a sleep aid. I can’t control my thoughts as I go to sleep- different thoughts pop up and glitch/change at a rapid rate, and I will lie there for hours. I drift into sleep but when I wake up, the chaos in my brain is there.

I am an artist/performer, and I’ve continued mindfulness practices like yoga, eating well, and exercising. Even when meditating, the eyelid twitching is constant and the thoughts are firing.

Hi, things haven’t improved drastically, but there has definitely been some progress. It’s been 5 months since my dose, and the first 2–3 months were by far the worst. Things are still rough, but I’ve become a bit more functional.

I’m currently dealing with mild HPPD, a lot of eye floaters, and light sensitivity. I also see flashes and halos around car headlights and streetlights. My sleep is still very disrupted, but at least now I have nights where I manage to rest a little, and I no longer wake up feeling terrible and sweating. I’ve started to accept this condition somewhat and just hope that one day my system will regulate itself again.

I’m on heart medication now because I developed some form of dysautonomia or postural tachycardia. My headaches have decreased, though there are still days with a lot of pressure in my head and DPDR. Another uncomfortable symptom is burning and pain on the soles of my feet.

What’s helped me sleep is taking magnesium glycinate at night along with melatonin. I’m also supplementing with omega-3. I still have hope that all of this will pass. I used to have intense brain fog, but that has improved, now I can work and even go to the gym again. I still get anxious days where my mind spirals into catastrophic thinking, but these are becoming less frequent.

I’m considering trying acupuncture to help calm my overactive nervous system, and I’ve also been advised to get my cervical spine checked, since issues there might be contributing to the brain fog and pressure in my head.

My recommendation is to try to keep living your life and not overanalyze every symptom. It’s unlikely that there’s permanent brain damage, this just takes time. Try connecting with nature, walking barefoot, practicing mindfulness, anything that helps soothe your nervous system.

If I’ve noticed improvements, you probably will too with time. Time really is the key. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out.

Things will get better for us, I’m sure of it.

 

[PoKer_F@ce]

Hello, after reading the 126 pages I think it's finally time to tell my story... First of all, I'm Brazilian and my English is terrible, I'm using Google Translate, I want to make it clear that I've been a drug addict since I was 15, I've always been introverted and socially awkward, and I'm currently going through a gender transition (28 years old) (what does this have to do with LTC?) All with the breakdown of that night. I tried MDMA for the first time during the pandemic, until then I had only smoked marijuana (daily) and derivatives (hashish, skunk) cigarettes, I used it a few times in the past and rarely drank. But... when I tried MDMA for the first time, things reached a new level, just to make it clear before anything else that here in Brazil, drug test kits are only for people with high purchasing power, here the majority of the population is poor or middle class and struggles to pay for daily expenses and decent food and studies, we get drugs either from some drug dealer who gives us contact or we go up to some dangerous favela with evil drug dealers who surround or cut people into pieces and are heavily armed to get drugs, we never really know what we are ingesting... That said, the first time I used MDMA, it was with my partner, it was an unbelievable experience, it was a Heineken 250mg, this drug is better than sex, it was the greatest euphoria I have ever felt in my life and absolutely nothing I do in life can come close to that feeling, so from then on I used it when I had the drug, I was really available, because sometimes we bought it and it was fake, old or had no effect. In 2021, I only used it once at the end of the year, a red Mitsubishi and it was also very strong, it made me roll my eyes, chew my face and spread honey on my panties lol, the music got into my skin and made all the hairs on my body stand on end, in 2022 I started using it again in August and it was good again, although not like the first time, and in September my first abuse happened: I had an addicted friend who stayed at our house and put the amount of drugs we wanted and I spent 4 days using MDMA, the pill was a green, squared breaking bad, I use every 6 hours, smoked a lot of marijuana and drank a lot of beer (a big mistake, I know) then the binge was for 3 or 4 days. With risperidone in moderate doses, abstinence from all medications, physical exercise and a good diet, it was a hellish week and I had pain in the right side of my torax when I went to cycle, it was cold when I went to do physical effort and I had a lot of social anxiety and blurred vision, but I went back to sleep a while later and recovered "normality" although my vision was never the same again and the following month October I was on a drug wave which was a green micro star that was sold as mescaline, but you know what it was really bad and I didn't like it, a day later my mother tried to commit suicide and almost managed to end up in 2 different hospitals,fighting for her life and took more than 60 pills, but she did not die, She recovered and returned home 2 months later. The following year I used MDMA again on February 27th, it was a 280mg Dutch banana and I went to the beach, it was very euphoric the fall was administered, 1 month later 1/2 Pablo Escobar 290mg, the trip was unpleasant I felt empathy and agitated but without euphoria, so I decided it was time to go into total abstinence, and I stayed clean and away from all drugs for almost 2 years, but at the end of March 2024 my mother discovered that she had cancer in her kidney, liver and lungs just like that, out of the blue, one beautiful day, an aggressive cancer, we tried everything we could with chemotherapy, radiotherapy and medication, the doctor gave her 6 months but she was very strong and hot and lasted 11 and a half months, and she died on March 2, 2025 END OF HER ILLNESS When she was going from my aunt's house to the Paleactive Care Hospital I fell and was having anxiety attacks every time I used any substance, LSD and marijuana gave me panic attacks, 2 days after she passed away I used half of pill Audi Neon(MDA) 3h later half a pineapple pill(MDA) , on the reddose I felt a strange sensation for 15 minutes and the trip was inside the house with my partner and it was great, the fall messed with my mood a lot but I recovered, I was increasing my hormone blocker and I had less libido and then 2 months later, on May 3rd the collapse would happen.... my partner is a nursing technician and went to serve in copacabana (area rich and noble from RJ) where I would watch a mega show on Lady Gaga's beach. My mood was terrible, I was dissatisfied with life, emotionally ill, and sad about my mother's death, I should have listened to my body's signals but I ignored them and decided to use MDMA again, half a pill, it was green and yellow, I forgot the name, very strong, we separated and walked close to the stage, the drug was very strong when it had an effect, we used up a lot of the effect. Money with lollipops, I couldn't stop squeezing and chewing the lollipops with such euphoria, the trip was good but when we got close to the stage there was no space to move or walk, it was packed with sweaty, drugged people, a lot of noise and it was a very hot and cramped atmosphere, we met and talked to a group of 4 LGBT people and we were Oh, everything started to fall apart, I went from heaven to hell and I started having one panic attack after another, I started to have a huge mental confusion, I felt horny for them but they only wanted the drug I could offer, and since this creates empathy and false connections, I felt part of their group but I started to feel ashamed, confused and inadequate and they distanced themselves from us, so I re-dosed the pill twice and it made everything worse.
So the show was over, it only lasted 2 hours and the subway and buses were out of service, so there was a crowd of disoriented, crowded and drugged people walking from one side to the other without knowing what to do. So 1 hour later we managed to get back by Uber for a very abusive price but I just wanted to get home and escape that hell, that infernal crowd, I got home and took 1mg of risperidone and 1mg of clonazepam to sleep, I sleep for 3h and when I wake up all the hell that we see on this forum begins...
The worst part is chronic insomnia. I didn't sleep for a month. It took me hours to fall asleep. When I did, I woke up scared and anxious and the bed turned into a pool of cold sweat. I've only been able to sleep with the help of benzodiazepines and antipsychotics in high doses since then.
Depersonalization, I no longer feel like myself, I no longer recognize myself, when I think of myself, a blurry and hazy image comes to mind, my tastes and preferences get confused and sometimes I feel like other people, the world outside, on the street, seems like a computer simulation. Random panic attacks, intense depression and anhedonia.
I believe that user lionheart, toast's opinion about trauma and another member's opinion about HPA dysregulation is correct.
It's been a little over a month now and it's definitely better than the first week of following the advice, but the hell seems far from over and I don't recognize myself anymore, it has completely destroyed my personality, I don't recommend anyone to use any type of drug after this experience, everything seems to reactivate the symptoms: marijuana, LSD, stimulants and even caffeine. I just hope this nightmare ends, I just wanted to have some fun, I have social anxiety, I don't leave the house much and I have very low self-esteem and of course for new users, my suggestion is to stop using all drugs, sleep well, have a healthy lifestyle, etc., this road to addiction is slippery, it can take months, a few years or decades, but eventually the ground will give way and you will be in hell, not the Christian hell of fire and brimstone, but a subjective internal chemical hell.

Once again, sorry for my bad english