MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

[Pissed_and_messed]

mirtazapine increases norepinephrine release and decreases both gaba and glutamate release while acting as antihistamine and many other things so it is kinda having conflicting effects. So your experience makes sense.

 

[Red Dragonfly]

Warning for candyflipping! (my story)

My original plan was to just take MDMA but then I hadn't so much MDMA left but happened to get some LSD. I tried a 25 ug minidose of LSD two times and experienced increased focus, creativity, sense of humor, laughter and some euphoria. I also felt more apprieciation for music. So then I thought: "What if boosting MDMA with LSD would be the best of both worlds? And what if I could get even more out of 50 ug LSD then?"
Though I hadn't tried this dose of LSD before I decided to start with the LSD and wait until the peak of it to see how I felt and then decide if I wanted to continue with adding MDMA.
So I started with the LSD. It was nervous to try this dose for the first time which could have influenced the experience. Waiting for the come up, the come up and the peak was almost anxiety all through. On the peak I felt like I was in a strange dream like bubble, an underwater like feeling. I felt absent and the music I was listening to seemed a bit far away. It all felt a bit claustrofobic and I was longing back to reality. It all reminds me a little bit of a nightmare I've had a several times since childhood where I'm stuck in a state between dead and alive which is very very lonely. I didn't feel that I could handle another drug above this so I decided to at least wait until the peak of LSD was over before adding MDMA.

When I've been out of the bubble for an hour and felt almost sober from the LSD, I finally felt ready to take the MDMA. This was 4 hours after taking the LSD.
I took 72 mg MDMA and didn't feel more from this low dose than if I'd taken it without LSD. I felt euphoric, relaxed and got the urge to sing and dance but it all was on a sober like level.

I was fine for the first one hour on both substances but then I started feeling uncomfortable again. It was the physical anxiety I've experienced on MDMA the other times I've taken it. It use to pass quickly, 95% of the time I've felt awesome on MDMA but this time it wouldn't go away.
The next day I continued feeling vulnerable and prone to anxiety. It felt like an MDMA comedown so I thought that it should pass soon. But the following days it all got worse. Anxiety and sleeplessness so bad that I barely couldn't function. On Friday I had to stay home from work for the second time that week. My first thought had been to wait two weeks before searching medical help to see if things should got better by themselves. But the situation was untenable and unbearable and I realized that I had to break this vicious circle of anxiety and sleeplessness as soon as possible before it would lead to a serious crash. So I went to the psychiatric hospital and got some sleeping pills for the weekend, and the prompt to contact my health center the following Monday. And here I am now (Monday) wondering what went wrong. I didn't even do big doses of LSD and MDMA. I hadn't taken MDMA for three months before this and have only taken MDMA three times in my life in total before this happened, spacing the doses. So I'm a little afraid that I'm sensitive to MDMA and have crossed the limit so I won't tolerate MDMA at all anymore. A friend that I told about this theory didn't think so, she 100% thought that it was the combo with LSD that caused it.

I'm now on day 9 since the candyflip and still recovering. I have a nervous feeling in my body like I've drunk a little too much coffee even though I haven't drunk coffee at all. I'm still vulnerable and prone to anxiety. Like my brain got stuck in the state it went in on LSD. Even though the trip is over the brain doesn't stop scanning for inner threats like I'm losing my mind or something and the anxiety isn't far away.
So I wanted to share this for those considering candyflipping to know the mental health risks before doing it.
Suggestions on what went wrong are also welcome. Was I mentally shocked by the LSD experience, boosted by the MDMA? Chemically imbalanced? And/or something else?

 

[someguyontheinternet]

Warning for candyflipping! (my story)

My original plan was to just take MDMA but then I hadn't so much MDMA left but happened to get some LSD. I tried a 25 ug minidose of LSD two times and experienced increased focus, creativity, sense of humor, laughter and some euphoria. I also felt more apprieciation for music. So then I thought: "What if boosting MDMA with LSD would be the best of both worlds? And what if I could get even more out of 50 ug LSD then?"
Though I hadn't tried this dose of LSD before I decided to start with the LSD and wait until the peak of it to see how I felt and then decide if I wanted to continue with adding MDMA.
So I started with the LSD. It was nervous to try this dose for the first time which could have influenced the experience. Waiting for the come up, the come up and the peak was almost anxiety all through. On the peak I felt like I was in a strange dream like bubble, an underwater like feeling. I felt absent and the music I was listening to seemed a bit far away. It all felt a bit claustrofobic and I was longing back to reality. It all reminds me a little bit of a nightmare I've had a several times since childhood where I'm stuck in a state between dead and alive which is very very lonely. I didn't feel that I could handle another drug above this so I decided to at least wait until the peak of LSD was over before adding MDMA.

When I've been out of the bubble for an hour and felt almost sober from the LSD, I finally felt ready to take the MDMA. This was 4 hours after taking the LSD.
I took 72 mg MDMA and didn't feel more from this low dose than if I'd taken it without LSD. I felt euphoric, relaxed and got the urge to sing and dance but it all was on a sober like level.

I was fine for the first one hour on both substances but then I started feeling uncomfortable again. It was the physical anxiety I've experienced on MDMA the other times I've taken it. It use to pass quickly, 95% of the time I've felt awesome on MDMA but this time it wouldn't go away.
The next day I continued feeling vulnerable and prone to anxiety. It felt like an MDMA comedown so I thought that it should pass soon. But the following days it all got worse. Anxiety and sleeplessness so bad that I barely couldn't function. On Friday I had to stay home from work for the second time that week. My first thought had been to wait two weeks before searching medical help to see if things should got better by themselves. But the situation was untenable and unbearable and I realized that I had to break this vicious circle of anxiety and sleeplessness as soon as possible before it would lead to a serious crash. So I went to the psychiatric hospital and got some sleeping pills for the weekend, and the prompt to contact my health center the following Monday. And here I am now (Monday) wondering what went wrong. I didn't even do big doses of LSD and MDMA. I hadn't taken MDMA for three months before this and have only taken MDMA three times in my life in total before this happened, spacing the doses. So I'm a little afraid that I'm sensitive to MDMA and have crossed the limit so I won't tolerate MDMA at all anymore. A friend that I told about this theory didn't think so, she 100% thought that it was the combo with LSD that caused it.

I'm now on day 9 since the candyflip and still recovering. I have a nervous feeling in my body like I've drunk a little too much coffee even though I haven't drunk coffee at all. I'm still vulnerable and prone to anxiety. Like my brain got stuck in the state it went in on LSD. Even though the trip is over the brain doesn't stop scanning for inner threats like I'm losing my mind or something and the anxiety isn't far away.
So I wanted to share this for those considering candyflipping to know the mental health risks before doing it.
Suggestions on what went wrong are also welcome. Was I mentally shocked by the LSD experience, boosted by the MDMA? Chemically imbalanced? And/or something else?

Did you make sure to eat enough and stay hydrated before, during, and after the experience? Nutrition, including vitamins, minerals, electrolytes, and hydration, is extremely important and not having the correct amounts can mess you up worse than any drug

Secondary to nutrition you should always consider current drugs and drugs taken recently for interaction. A good rule to follow is multiply the drug half life by 6-7, after that point the concentration should be negligible but there may be lasting cellular/metabolic changes if a drug was taken for an extended period as well

I'm glad you're seeing your doctor about it, hopefully they can be of help

 

[Red Dragonfly]

Did you make sure to eat enough and stay hydrated before, during, and after the experience? Nutrition, including vitamins, minerals, electrolytes, and hydration, is extremely important and not having the correct amounts can mess you up worse than any drug

Secondary to nutrition you should always consider current drugs and drugs taken recently for interaction. A good rule to follow is multiply the drug half life by 6-7, after that point the concentration should be negligible but there may be lasting cellular/metabolic changes if a drug was taken for an extended period as well

I'm glad you're seeing your doctor about it, hopefully they can be of help

Thank you for your answer. I had eaten two sandwiches, two eggs and tea for breakfast that day. Didn't eat and drink much during the experience on LSD though I didn't feel good and hadn't any appetite. Only drank some water with pressed lime. ~3 hours after taking MDMA I ate some mango, carrot and lentil soup. It made me feel a bit better but still not good. The day and some days after that after I took kratom several times to help myself through the anxiety. Maybe that made it worse.

 

[Bluelube]

Guys I recovered.

I was about as bad as the worst you, I had every symptom and thought my brain was permanently fucked.

I rolled 5 days in a row twice within the span of 3 months and regularly took it every other week for about a year. Yes, I was a complete idiot I felt like I was invincible. In the summer (August) of 2023 I entered what we call LTC and it lasted for about 10 months with no changes. I didn't see any improvement and was stuck in literal hell for that period of time. Around the 1 year mark I started feeling significantly better and then by 1.5 years (around now) I feel damn close to 100% recovered and it doesn't control me. I am back to living a normal care free life.

Remember, if I can recover like this, so can you. I am proof this isn't brain damage or anything more the just your chemicals being unbalanced and your body needing some serous time to recover.

I cut caffeine, alcohol, and bad foods, tried probably 30 different supplements, exercised 5 times a week (running and weight lifting), meditation, pushed my self to do things I was uncomfortable doing, slept good, etc.
I don't know what helped and what didn't.

I don't think there is one cure to this, but what helped me the most was learning to forget and ignore my symptoms/feelings. Do everything you can to resume your normal life style.

I can't believe I went through this and I am sorry you are as well.

I love you all! Goodluck I'll check back here occasionally to answer any questions.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

good job! I am proud of you.

 

[shouldvestayedhome]

Guys I recovered.

I was about as bad as the worst you, I had every symptom and thought my brain was permanently fucked.

I rolled 5 days in a row twice within the span of 3 months and regularly took it every other week for about a year. Yes, I was a complete idiot I felt like I was invincible. In the summer (August) of 2023 I entered what we call LTC and it lasted for about 10 months with no changes. I didn't see any improvement and was stuck in literal hell for that period of time. Around the 1 year mark I started feeling significantly better and then by 1.5 years (around now) I feel damn close to 100% recovered and it doesn't control me. I am back to living a normal care free life.

Remember, if I can recover like this, so can you. I am proof this isn't brain damage or anything more the just your chemicals being unbalanced and your body needing some serous time to recover.

I cut caffeine, alcohol, and bad foods, tried probably 30 different supplements, exercised 5 times a week (running and weight lifting), meditation, pushed my self to do things I was uncomfortable doing, slept good, etc.
I don't know what helped and what didn't.

I don't think there is one cure to this, but what helped me the most was learning to forget and ignore my symptoms/feelings. Do everything you can to resume your normal life style.

I can't believe I went through this and I am sorry you are as well.

I love you all! Goodluck I'll check back here occasionally to answer any questions.

Well lucky for you, I permenantly fried my brain and I am going on 8 years now after the fact, but I still alive and relatively living a normal life.

 

[Deep_Fried]

8 years is tough man. I'm close to 5 years in and still optimistic, as it does improve year by year, but stressful moments still push me over the edge.
Stay strong all the best!

 

[danielfgt]

Hi everyone,

I just found this forum and wanted to share my experience with MDA. On December 22, 2024, I took a high dose at a party. I don’t know exactly how much, as we dissolved the powder into bottles of Gatorade. The experience was amazing at the time, but the next day, I started feeling intense anxiety, headaches, tremors, panic attacks, and a very high heart rate.

By the end of December, things were improving, and I felt like I had gotten through it. But on January 13, 2025, I woke up feeling dizzy and with blurry vision. It kept getting worse until it turned into a terrible migraine. A week later, I ended up in the emergency room, where they gave me painkillers. After that, my nightmare began.

That night, I couldn’t sleep at all, and to this day, I still haven’t regained my ability to sleep properly. My vision remains blurry, I have migraines that come and go, I constantly feel cold, and my skin is very sensitive. I also experience a burning sensation on the soles of my feet. When I do manage to fall asleep at night, I wake up two hours later sweating and feeling unwell. If I try to take naps, I feel awful or experience sleep paralysis.

I went to a psychiatrist two months ago and was prescribed escitalopram and clonazepam. I couldn’t tolerate the antidepressant, and while clonazepam helped stabilize my anxiety a bit, I can’t take it anymore. My heart rate is almost always above 80, sometimes over 100, even when sitting or lying down. I tried taking trazodone, but it didn’t work for me. Right now, I’m supplementing with alpha lipoic acid, magnesium glycinate for sleep, melatonin, and omega-3.

Some physical symptoms, like tingling, have improved. However, now I have mid-back pain for no apparent reason. I’ve had a full blood panel, a brain MRI, an echocardiogram, an EKG, and tests for vitamin B, folic acid, and iron deficiencies—everything came back normal.

Right now, my biggest struggle is my inability to sleep properly. It’s taking a huge toll on my mental health. I feel drained, constantly worried, and it’s affecting my work.

Has anyone experienced similar symptoms? What helped you?

 

[tt9999]

Guys I recovered.

I was about as bad as the worst you, I had every symptom and thought my brain was permanently fucked.

I rolled 5 days in a row twice within the span of 3 months and regularly took it every other week for about a year. Yes, I was a complete idiot I felt like I was invincible. In the summer (August) of 2023 I entered what we call LTC and it lasted for about 10 months with no changes. I didn't see any improvement and was stuck in literal hell for that period of time. Around the 1 year mark I started feeling significantly better and then by 1.5 years (around now) I feel damn close to 100% recovered and it doesn't control me. I am back to living a normal care free life.

Remember, if I can recover like this, so can you. I am proof this isn't brain damage or anything more the just your chemicals being unbalanced and your body needing some serous time to recover.

I cut caffeine, alcohol, and bad foods, tried probably 30 different supplements, exercised 5 times a week (running and weight lifting), meditation, pushed my self to do things I was uncomfortable doing, slept good, etc.
I don't know what helped and what didn't.

I don't think there is one cure to this, but what helped me the most was learning to forget and ignore my symptoms/feelings. Do everything you can to resume your normal life style.

I can't believe I went through this and I am sorry you are as well.

I love you all! Goodluck I'll check back here occasionally to answer any questions.

Hey, I’m trying to figure out how lifestyle/living conditions affect recovery timelines in cases such as yours. As I’m currently going through smth similar. Would you say that during the 1st year of your healing you had optimal conditions for the brain to heal? Low stress, enough sleep, caloric surplus? My theory is that given optimal conditions the brain really should be able to bounce back from any sort of dmg in around 3-4 months no matter what. But of course if dmg is severe enough then any sort of stress pushes recovery back.

Ed: and age? Still below 30?

Thanks

 

[Bluelube]

Hey, I’m trying to figure out how lifestyle/living conditions affect recovery timelines in cases such as yours. As I’m currently going through smth similar. Would you say that during the 1st year of your healing you had optimal conditions for the brain to heal? Low stress, enough sleep, caloric surplus? My theory is that given optimal conditions the brain really should be able to bounce back from any sort of dmg in around 3-4 months no matter what. But of course if dmg is severe enough then any sort of stress pushes recovery back.

Ed: and age? Still below 30?

Thanks

Hey I was 19 when this started. I was going to college for the duration of the worst of it and it was such a nightmare. I did only start improving after I spent a summer relaxing and living a very stress free lifestyle. I also made an effort to challenge myself and do the things that made me feel anxious.

I strongly agree that having a period of 2-4 months of stressless relaxing living and doing active things can pull you out of this.

 

[blata123]

After promising myself in 2018 that I'd post again once I'd recovered in order to give hope to others, I thought I'd come back to Bluelight and share that I've almost completely recovered after 7 long years. I've had exponential improvement over the past 2 despite not improving for the first 4 years of my LTC. It's an indescribably good feeling to want to live and live life to the fullest, after everything I've gone through. It's 100% possible to fully recover, and I'm sure there are many many others out there who have fully recovered, regardless of timeframe, and gone on to live fulfilling lives.

Best of luck to all of you

 

[blata123]

After promising myself in 2018 that I'd post again once I'd recovered in order to give hope to others, I thought I'd come back to Bluelight and share that I've almost completely recovered after 7 long years. I've had exponential improvement over the past 2 despite not improving for the first 4 years of my LTC. It's an indescribably good feeling to want to live and live life to the fullest, after everything I've gone through. It's 100% possible to fully recover, and I'm sure there are many many others out there who have fully recovered, regardless of timeframe, and gone on to live fulfilling lives.

Best of luck to all of you

Re this post I might just stay active on this forum over the next week or so in case any of you have any questions then I'm off BL forever.

 

[andretta]

Re this post I might just stay active on this forum over the next week or so in case any of you have any questions then I'm off BL forever.

did you suffer from sexual anhedonia and no emotions? cuz m gave me these side effects and idk if i can wait years until i get better

 

[blata123]

did you suffer from sexual anhedonia and no emotions? cuz m gave me these side effects and idk if i can wait years until i get better

Yes - I had to relearn how to identify and express emotions and with that my ability to feel emotions returned.

 

[andretta]

Yes - I had to relearn how to identify and express emotions and with that my ability to feel emotions returned.

do you thibk antidepressants could help? Its been 7 months and i havent gotten better at all, im now trying a 9 me bc cycle but if it doesnt work idk what else to do.

 

[blata123]

do you thibk antidepressants could help? Its been 7 months and i havent gotten better at all, im now trying a 9 me bc cycle but if it doesnt work idk what else to do.

Possibly - but I'm not a medical professional nor do I have experience using SSRIs so I'm not qualified to answer your question - best to ask a doctor or psychiatrist. However, in hindsight I think I would've liked to try SSRIs, I believe current medical literature suggests they work through enhancing neuroplasticity and normalising default mode network activity, which helps with anxiety, which is what I believe is the cause of LTC.
I have no idea what the fuck 9 me bc is but I would advise you to stay away from self-medicating.

 

[blata123]

I think an important question you might want to ask yourself is did you have emotional issues prior to using MDMA - say for example issues connecting with others, expressing emotions, alexithymia, lethargy, anxiety etc. I have this theory that most people with LTC (especially if they only did MDMA a few times) have had pre-existing mental health issues and MDMA isn't really the actual cause of their LTC, but rather the event which pushed them over the edge.