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Mental Health Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v. 9

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IOSIP said:
Where is your emotional blunting at? Is it as bad as it was when you started or has it improved?
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Yeah I feel like a psychopath no emotions.
I feel a little autistic since then too like everything is matter of fact and black and white. Like why does everyone get their emotions involved in like everything they do.

And like I’ve said before I see how much people talk about nothing everyday. Like why so many words. I just sit back and watch everyone now.
 
maryjaneforever said:
Yeah I feel like a psychopath no emotions.
I feel a little autistic since then too like everything is matter of fact and black and white. Like why does everyone get their emotions involved in like everything they do.

And like I’ve said before I see how much people talk about nothing everyday. Like why so many words. I just sit back and watch everyone now.
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I just want to enjoy the simple things I used to. Like a video game. There is no joy in the thought of a game and for some reason that troubles me the most. Gaming is my all time favourite thing and I can't even stand the thought of it.
 
maryjaneforever said:
When I was in prison they locked me in my cell and wouldn’t let me out for three weeks. I lost my shit. I said even dogs get an hour out in the yard and they taunted me and were like oh u wanna go outside do you? So I just kept screaming and losing my shit. They transferred me to hospital for two weeks, injected me, and then sent me back to prison “all fixed”
Fuckin dogs.
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Wow that's fucked I'm so sorry that happened to you.
 
I wouldn’t even test this shit on animals let alone humans.
I also went yellow when they injected me. Like my skin and my face. I knew something was immediately wrong. My face went numb. My heart hurt. And boom lost all my thoughts.
 
I also don’t advocate or stick up for myself anymore. I guess that’s why I stick up for other people. It’s easier.

It also made me think about my future so much more whereas I never used to care I just took each day as it comes and see where I ended up. Now I’m like is this it. Is this all life is. Trying to survive
 
maryjaneforever said:
I wouldn’t even test this shit on animals let alone humans.
I also went yellow when they injected me. Like my skin and my face. I knew something was immediately wrong. My face went numb. My heart hurt. And boom lost all my thoughts.
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I looked outside and asked my dad what the point of life was, in that moment is had lost all happiness. In that moment is realised something was very wrong. I couldn't explain it but something had shifted. This was like 2 weeks after the injections initially at home from hospital. Shortly after the akathisia started.
 
maryjaneforever said:
I also don’t advocate or stick up for myself anymore. I guess that’s why I stick up for other people. It’s easier.

It also made me think about my future so much more whereas I never used to care I just took each day as it comes and see where I ended up. Now I’m like is this it. Is this all life is. Trying to survive
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Oh I'm terrified on my future. I'm such a shell. I have no confidence. I feel like I can't have an independent thought like I need someone else to tell me what to do.
 
The thing that haunts me is the uncertainty of when I will improve. Fuck I've gone from extremely fit and killing it at work. To unemployed overweight with no passion for loge at all. Like I'm shattered as to what ive become. I know i could go to the gym. But I just have zero drive in life right now. I feel completely stuck. Still stuck in ruminating and negative thoughts about how badly I fucked my life up.
 
maryjaneforever said:
Haha that’s a story for another day. Dirty cops. And I played games. I think I racked up 18 charges.
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Haha fair. When I was in hospital they discharged me to this cunt of a psych who I'd making me pick up my scripts weekly from the chemist.

My dignity has been taken away by these fucks.
 
IOSIP said:
Haha fair. When I was in hospital they discharged me to this cunt of a psych who I'd making me pick up my scripts weekly from the chemist.

My dignity has been taken away by these fucks.
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I got rid of the fear of future at last.

Invega surely causes the fear and worry about future as side effects.

Shortness of breath is almost gone but libido hasn't returned yet.

I think we can't escape regrets only by waiting, we need to actively do something about it.

It feels like impossible but I managed to escape that hell now, by understanding the nature of pain and reality of life.
 
wbga said:
I got rid of the fear of future at last.

Invega surely causes the fear and worry about future as side effects.

Shortness of breath is almost gone but libido hasn't returned yet.

I think we can't escape regrets only by waiting, we need to actively do something about it.

It feels like impossible but I managed to escape that hell now, by understanding the nature of pain and reality of life.
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I fucking had everything before I totally fucked my shit up. Now I'm nothing. Absolutely nothing. I will never ammount to anything I get to love the rest of my life knowing I fucked it up.

God it fucking breaks me every day. And I only have time to think it's fucked
 
IOSIP said:
When did you get injected i cant remember? It sucks to see you still have emotional blunting. That's the main thing i have and its super scary that it's been so long and I still feel so fucking flat. When did the blunting get a bit better for you?
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Almost two years ago now, the date is in my signature. It slowly got better over time, but started approaching normal a few months ago.

I was mean to someone who didn't deserve it online because I thought she was a moron who drank raw milk, caught bird flu and gave it to her cats but I was wrong and the cats got it from raw pet food, which is usually safe for pets. I felt really bad about it and cried after someone told me to knock it off and she blocked me. I'd block me too, shit. Good to know I feel guilt and stuff, I had not done anything to trigger guilt like that in a while. In 2023 I would not have cared at all, it felt so sick to be like that. Like a fuckin serial killer.

I was robbed of who I was for so long. I'm so grateful that I can feel again at all. Keep in mind I have additional complications from an SSRI that resembles invega side effects.
 
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IOSIP said:
I fucking had everything before I totally fucked my shit up. Now I'm nothing. Absolutely nothing. I will never ammount to anything I get to love the rest of my life knowing I fucked it up.

God it fucking breaks me every day. And I only have time to think it's fucked
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It is ok you can vent. I think we need to go through all this pain before we forgive ourselves and live the present. It is hard but I try to forgive myself and live the given reality.
 
InvegaAnon said:
Almost two years ago now, the date is in my signature. It slowly got better over time, but started approaching normal a few months ago.

I was mean to someone who didn't deserve it online because I thought she was a moron who drank raw milk, caught bird flu and gave it to her cats but I was wrong and the cats got it from raw pet food, which is usually safe for pets. I felt really bad about it and cried after someone told me to knock it off and she blocked me. I'd block me too, shit. Good to know I feel guilt and stuff, I had not done anything to trigger guilt like that in a while. In 2023 I would not have cared at all, it felt so sick to be like that. Like a fuckin serial killer.

I was robbed of who I was for so long. I'm so grateful that I can feel again at all. Keep in mind I have additional complications from an SSRI that resembles invega side effects.
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Oh yeah sorry I did know it was in your signature. Fuck me dead. It's killing me to know your still dealing with emotional blunting after being injected in 2023. Fuck that scares the hell put of me.
 
IOSIP said:
I just want to enjoy the simple things I used to. Like a video game. There is no joy in the thought of a game and for some reason that troubles me the most. Gaming is my all time favourite thing and I can't even stand the thought of it.
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You should do it anyway, playing my favorite game broke through my anhedonia.
 
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