Enigmathefallen
Greenlighter
So I've checked many sources for anything similar to explain this occurrence, but my wife and I are trying to identify what is going on. Used opiates for years, (DoC was/were Opana / oxymorphone, Heroine, Fentanyl) from age 25-38, having a few years of sobriety in the middle of this, only recently have had these new side effects occur. The usual side effects from elevated use were the typical nodding, extra energy and tolerance to the pain my body goes through, but the following is what has been happening lately. These are notes I've gathered with my wife about these new effects. Before you read on, I am so open minded, accepting to anyone regardless of age race sex religion etc... I apologize greatly for what I retell here.
Extreme amounts of energy, but blacked out and with no control
Starts with beatboxing/ finger beat tapping
Volume control issues
Auditorial psychosis - singing nonsense songs
Vocal IQ. Drops dramatically (Usually very eloquent in my speech pattern and mannerisms)
Jumping around arm flailing (broken many items on shelves due to this)
Repeating words and terminology I NEVER OR VERY RARELY USE ( using the term babygirl to my wife, and also apparently being very racist, dropping N bombs repeatedly)
(I am so ashamed of this because not only have I been in an interracial relationship, I've grown up befriending many friends of many different races, especially African American, no one that truly knows me would ever think I was racist in the slightest)
Later on through the blackout I'd get to these parts
Zombie raver (standing in random spots, sometimes ranting sometimes singing)
Overtly emotional
Over reacting to situations and events
(Thought I hurt her when all I did was brush my leg up next to her)
One time I {(Literally)} cried over spilt milk.
LITERALLY!
Deep regret for life choices and leading to
Self harming punishment (head punching, I also nearly concussed myself with a folding chair)
My honest opinion about this is two fold: before I left my home state it was only heroine and Opana (oxymorphone), but in the state I moved to, and after I relapsed, it didn't start until a year into this relapse. I attribute these new side effects to two possibilities. The introduction of actual Fentanyl, or something I heard through the grape vine called Rizzo, which I'm told is a chemical plant food additive used for cut. I've heard about Xylaxene, but haven't had those very serious symptoms that come with that last one, and it's why I've stopped and since have been mostly sober.(So scared to lose a limb) (Feb 20th this year, 1 relapse since)
Other possibilities that my wife has offered touch up on this Fentanyl overloading my throat chakra, enabling me to focus on creative actions (I am a fan of making memes, music, hip-hop songs) but being overloaded may have turned me to these symptoms. Like the Fentanyl affects my brain chemistry differently than normal heroine and oxy/opana had in the past.
I tend to overthink a lot normally, and may even be undiagnosed ADD/ADHD.
If you have read through this all, I thank you for your time and understanding, and any advice you may have for me.
Extreme amounts of energy, but blacked out and with no control
Starts with beatboxing/ finger beat tapping
Volume control issues
Auditorial psychosis - singing nonsense songs
Vocal IQ. Drops dramatically (Usually very eloquent in my speech pattern and mannerisms)
Jumping around arm flailing (broken many items on shelves due to this)
Repeating words and terminology I NEVER OR VERY RARELY USE ( using the term babygirl to my wife, and also apparently being very racist, dropping N bombs repeatedly)
(I am so ashamed of this because not only have I been in an interracial relationship, I've grown up befriending many friends of many different races, especially African American, no one that truly knows me would ever think I was racist in the slightest)
Later on through the blackout I'd get to these parts
Zombie raver (standing in random spots, sometimes ranting sometimes singing)
Overtly emotional
Over reacting to situations and events
(Thought I hurt her when all I did was brush my leg up next to her)
One time I {(Literally)} cried over spilt milk.
LITERALLY!
Deep regret for life choices and leading to
Self harming punishment (head punching, I also nearly concussed myself with a folding chair)
My honest opinion about this is two fold: before I left my home state it was only heroine and Opana (oxymorphone), but in the state I moved to, and after I relapsed, it didn't start until a year into this relapse. I attribute these new side effects to two possibilities. The introduction of actual Fentanyl, or something I heard through the grape vine called Rizzo, which I'm told is a chemical plant food additive used for cut. I've heard about Xylaxene, but haven't had those very serious symptoms that come with that last one, and it's why I've stopped and since have been mostly sober.(So scared to lose a limb) (Feb 20th this year, 1 relapse since)
Other possibilities that my wife has offered touch up on this Fentanyl overloading my throat chakra, enabling me to focus on creative actions (I am a fan of making memes, music, hip-hop songs) but being overloaded may have turned me to these symptoms. Like the Fentanyl affects my brain chemistry differently than normal heroine and oxy/opana had in the past.
I tend to overthink a lot normally, and may even be undiagnosed ADD/ADHD.
If you have read through this all, I thank you for your time and understanding, and any advice you may have for me.
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