Interestingly enough, it seems like for females, masturbation doesn’t affect us the same. Not too long ago I was researching how to become multi-orgasmic, and one of the articles I read stated that you should start with making yourself cum. (Link to the article for anyone who is curious)
And how you can, too.
www.marieclaire.com
Then do it several times in a row…it’s like exercising a muscle, you get better at it with practice. And it does seem to be true, at least in my experience. I did this for days on end for a while and it seemed like what the article said was true, the pelvic floor is trainable. And for women, there’s no refractory period. And right now, since I’ve been having frequent sex (YAYYYY) I’ve been able to cum every time, and often multiple times! Part of it is also probably that I’m not on any SSRIs and other meds that we’re having an inhibitory effect. And part is definitely due to the skill of my partner. But whatever the case, women, apparently, can masturbate a ton AND ALSO have immensely satisfying sex.
I think communication is key, here. If you verbalize your wants/needs, then it may make all the difference. Perhaps start by showing her how you prefer to be touched? If you can teach her to masturbate you just like you would do to yourself, that’s a start. It may help make you more motivated to reciprocate, and you can go from there?