I hate myself so much for trying Prozac thinking it would help. I was only two months out from taking the damn shots. I wish I told my friend my anxiety wasn't at natural levels, it was the fucking invega and I just needed to wait it out. I hate myself for putting myself through this. I lost all of the beautiful parts of myself. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life anymore.
I wasn't educated on anxiolytic options for me, I could have taken busiprone and I would have been fine and it could have actually helped.
I'm so scared I'll never be normal. People on the PSSD subreddit think they had chemical lobotomies, but they don't know the half of it. The people here live in fear of invega's permanence when in all likelihood they will recover. I know both of these horrors, everything is uncertain for me.
The inside of my head just feels numb, it's like parts of my brain are literally blocked off now. I had an IQ of around 120, I was creative and trying to find my "drive" so I could be a working artist. I was loving and I cared about the world a lot. I just feel like an empty shell most of the time, although I'm getting little pieces of myself back.
I'm watching everyone improve and I just... blighted myself trying to heal faster. It's still possible that I will heal from PSSD, I've made some progress, but it might take years. Years I could be spending dating and falling in love.