Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah @elgoucho9 cutting contacts and building new ones is so so important. I even moved out of the city.

Good post stay strong

 

[elgoucho9]

Yeah @elgoucho9 cutting contacts and building new ones is so so important. I even moved out of the city.

Good post stay strong

I've already done that ages ago bro. Like all suppliers everything like that or people who were just along with me for the ride are long gone. This was one of my actual boys from over 15 years ago, we worked together, grew up together. But he's now in a place where he is fucked with drugs. Not much i can do, you can only get yourself clean. The mad part is he is already on dialysis cos his kidneys packed in. Yet he's still taking drugs and my other mate told me he's even still taking testosterone and other steroids. Madness.

You are right though. Can't be around him or anyone else local when they still want to take drugs. Those kind of scenarios only going to set yourself back entertaining them.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah I understand the want to empathize however it's totally valid and understandable to not get involved.

Maybe even a small part of him is proud that you didn't. Maybe it would have made it worse for him as well

 

[Jabberwocky]

Because I know that feeling of like asking for shit but sort of hoping they say they don't have a connect

 

[elgoucho9]

Because I know that feeling of like asking for shit but sort of hoping they say they don't have a connect

He had already scored earlier in the night off the Albanians after i told him i didn't know the first time mate. Probably by the second message they had stopped delivering as it was 2am.

 

[tokayeahok]

just got back from my walk. hands are fucked bc it’s so cold out today and i underdressed. gotta run into town for some smokes & to haul off all of mums cardboard boxes in regards to her amazon prime and temu addiction lmao

so happy to be feeling better these last two days. that c diff shit hit different.

 

[elgoucho9]

I didn't realise but the ultrasound and chest xray i'm due for my health issues are today. Quite hopeful i will get to the bottom of it with this.
It's been 2 years of being messed around by health practitioners, i had taken out a Bupa health insurance policy but my local GP filled a form in saying i had dyspepsea diagnosis since 2019, which none of the tests they ran (helicobacter etc) indicated that, and they also never told me the diagnosis at any point to my face. Obviously never told my last GP either as she did me a referral for the same medical procedure (Endoscopy) a year ago.
So as per this nightmare i now have no health insurance as they will no longer cover me for anything as they believe i have lied on the application form lol.

I'm kind of relying on today at least finding something in order for them to run more tests.

 

[tokayeahok]

First day of rehab.

Woke up early after a restless night, had coffee and nicotine and triple checked everything before leaving.

Got admitted into treatment and met the nurse who is assigned to my case after being interviewed for a bit.

Had to empty my pockets and my bag when we arrived to my room to make sure i had no drugs on me, but i could easily have hidden something in my underwear if i wanted to. I thought this was pretty sloppy, but another guy in my ward later told me the staff raids the rooms at random times. Some guys apparently got caught with steroids last week, and someone got kicked out of treatment for having a straw with traces of drugs in his belongings.

The food is good and plentiful. I can't leave the hospital area during the first week, with two exceptions: the gas station next to the area and the outdoor gym across the street. Works for me.

Worked out and sat through a couple of meetings (you have to attend some of them, but luckily there are alternatives to AA/NA for those of us who are not into that stuff). That's pretty much it for today.

Only complaint i have at the moment is having to share a room with another patient, and the guy being a messy slob to boot. He better do his fair share when we have to clean the room on friday.

that’s actually really nice to hear a lot of the positives of this. getting out to go to the corner shop or the gym, or going to different alternative meetings - proud of you

 

[deficiT]

Been feeling like shit lately. Not having a job has been getting me down big time. Now I'm learning I basically don't have a home to go back to even if I found a job. Been having nightmarish mood swings and overall just not feeling like life is worth it, at all. Wishing things would get better but it just doesn't feel like they will.

 

[elgoucho9]

Been feeling like shit lately. Not having a job has been getting me down big time. Now I'm learning I basically don't have a home to go back to even if I found a job. Been having nightmarish mood swings and overall just not feeling like life is worth it, at all. Wishing things would get better but it just doesn't feel like they will.

Shit man i'm sorry to hear that. May i ask what happened that you don't have a home to go to? I presume that someone parents/partner letting you down. You are obviously trying when you are looking for a job. Shitty move to pull on someone who is working towards recovery.
I know that negative feeling of impending doom all too well. I hope things improve for you mate.

Shoot me a PM if you don't want to explain this publicly. But maybe going through it all we can help you try and find a solution. We are all in this battle together.

 

[deficiT]

Shit man i'm sorry to hear that. May i ask what happened that you don't have a home to go to? I presume that someone parents/partner letting you down. You are obviously trying when you are looking for a job. Shitty move to pull on someone who is working towards recovery.
I know that negative feeling of impending doom all too well. I hope things improve for you mate.

Shoot me a PM if you don't want to explain this publicly. But maybe going through it all we can help you try and find a solution. We are all in this battle together.

Well it's kind of a long story, but essentially I went through a divorce a couple years ago, and have only been on my own for a little bit since then. Just impossible to afford rent and do a normal job. So I've been bouncing around from program to program, stayed at my gfs parents until she passed away, and then was at my parents for the past year.

Right now I'm just staying at an inpatient program/halfway house type deal that my insurance pays for, as I checked into detox to try and get sober a couple months ago. Last night I found a potential job that could work out, but it's back close to my parents house. I asked if I could possibly just move back in so I could make it to this job, and my stepmom made it sound like she wasn't trying to let me yet. Although it's been months. I mean it's just frustrating because like I already WAS living there and it would've been fine if I didn't try to get sober. She thinks I'm basically gonna leave the program and relapse.

It's just frustrating because it feels like I'm never going to gain any level of trust again. I mean my siblings have only ever helped out very minor, and now it's like the only "home" I've ever really known isn't really an option. So it feels like if I ever want to gain any freedom or independence I'm just gonna have to rough it being homeless and move somewhere affordable.

 

[kiely]

Been feeling like shit lately. Not having a job has been getting me down big time. Now I'm learning I basically don't have a home to go back to even if I found a job. Been having nightmarish mood swings and overall just not feeling like life is worth it, at all. Wishing things would get better but it just doesn't feel like they will.

Just keep moving towards housing and a job. And you can do it. If you can get housing and a job you will be good. That's the main thing and just stay busy doing that. It is

really tough through the cold and winter months especially though. Stay busy and you have this. You sound like you have made it quite a bit through the worst.

It's amazing that you are still strong. Yes, do get that job and housing and keep going. Your presence is awesome and I am so sure you have skills for whatever you keep

growing towards in life. Sorry it is just so cold now. Blessings. Stay awesome our strong energy friend.

We all need a home I know. You will get there and you can.

 

[kiely]

^^^^^ edit: your step mom should be more caring during the season. it's about being human. good day.

and you are doing great def !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[elgoucho9]

Well it's kind of a long story, but essentially I went through a divorce a couple years ago, and have only been on my own for a little bit since then. Just impossible to afford rent and do a normal job. So I've been bouncing around from program to program, stayed at my gfs parents until she passed away, and then was at my parents for the past year.

Right now I'm just staying at an inpatient program/halfway house type deal that my insurance pays for, as I checked into detox to try and get sober a couple months ago. Last night I found a potential job that could work out, but it's back close to my parents house. I asked if I could possibly just move back in so I could make it to this job, and my stepmom made it sound like she wasn't trying to let me yet. Although it's been months. I mean it's just frustrating because like I already WAS living there and it would've been fine if I didn't try to get sober. She thinks I'm basically gonna leave the program and relapse.

It's just frustrating because it feels like I'm never going to gain any level of trust again. I mean my siblings have only ever helped out very minor, and now it's like the only "home" I've ever really known isn't really an option. So it feels like if I ever want to gain any freedom or independence I'm just gonna have to rough it being homeless and move somewhere affordable.

I have to appologise man as i'm not from the US. So i don't know how the rehab places you have there work. How long is left with the inpatient programme? Perhaps maybe your step mom might see things differently once that is completed?

If not can you reach out to your dad? Presumably she lives with him. Then surely he can work on her if you explain you have done everything you possibly can to get sober, and didn't expect the only people you have to leave you in a situation where you would be left homeless.
I would also emphasise everything you've been through. The divorce. Finding your feet again then your gf dying (which i am sorry to hear btw that is a harsh one to deal with). It would seem cold not to help you til you get on your feet a bit when you are trying so hard. Just tell them straight this is it, you are at a crucial point where now you've got sober the next thing is to get back on your feet, not wind up on the street.

You need to express to them how hard its been to get this far and how being homeless will lead to you being around people living a life you were trying to get away from. Also no address will make it harder to get a job.
Even with family you will have to fight your case tooth ane nail man. People didn't trust me for a long time you have to work on them and it will come small bits of improvement in their trust levels at a time. Don't give up.

 

[Jnowhere]

I didn't realise but the ultrasound and chest xray i'm due for my health issues are today. Quite hopeful i will get to the bottom of it with this.
It's been 2 years of being messed around by health practitioners, i had taken out a Bupa health insurance policy but my local GP filled a form in saying i had dyspepsea diagnosis since 2019, which none of the tests they ran (helicobacter etc) indicated that, and they also never told me the diagnosis at any point to my face. Obviously never told my last GP either as she did me a referral for the same medical procedure (Endoscopy) a year ago.
So as per this nightmare i now have no health insurance as they will no longer cover me for anything as they believe i have lied on the application form lol.

I'm kind of relying on today at least finding something in order for them to run more tests.

I screwed up but I hope things get sorted out. What I really was trying to say is below. Good luck and hope and pray all is good.

 

[Jnowhere]

That is awful. This is only adds to my mistrust of female doctors. I am trying to understand the UK's medical situation. When I was broke here in America, I was on Medicaid and got good treatment( the government and their new opiod policies, aside) Wow, you can't be refused insurance, although they want you to buy during certain periods. My health coverage is relatively cheap and has few good points but at least they can't refuse me. If they could no insurance company would take me.

 

[deficiT]

I have to appologise man as i'm not from the US. So i don't know how the rehab places you have there work. How long is left with the inpatient programme? Perhaps maybe your step mom might see things differently once that is completed?

If not can you reach out to your dad? Presumably she lives with him. Then surely he can work on her if you explain you have done everything you possibly can to get sober, and didn't expect the only people you have to leave you in a situation where you would be left homeless.
I would also emphasise everything you've been through. The divorce. Finding your feet again then your gf dying (which i am sorry to hear btw that is a harsh one to deal with). It would seem cold not to help you til you get on your feet a bit when you are trying so hard. Just tell them straight this is it, you are at a crucial point where now you've got sober the next thing is to get back on your feet, not wind up on the street.

You need to express to them how hard its been to get this far and how being homeless will lead to you being around people living a life you were trying to get away from. Also no address will make it harder to get a job.
Even with family you will have to fight your case tooth ane nail man. People didn't trust me for a long time you have to work on them and it will come small bits of improvement in their trust levels at a time. Don't give up.

Well it's not really an inpatient it's an outpatient that houses you. I think I can be here like 6 months. I've been here a month at this point.

Yeah idk. They're my adoptive parents so not my dad. But yeah if she's saying that I doubt he'd say anything different he normally just follows her. Don't really feel comfortable asking anymore I already feel shitty about it.

Guess I don't really have any choice but to continue with it and hope for the best that a job comes through.

 

[deficiT]

Second day of rehab. One day without cigarettes.

Slept like shit thanks to my roomie snoring. Gotta ask the doctor for something to help me sleep next time he is on duty. Getting zopiclone might be a tall order, but even hydroxyzine would help.

I have to ask the doc for a hep C test anyway due to fucking some dope whore without a condom during the summer. A good example of the kind of bright ideas i get during my benders. In my defence i have to say she only told me about having hep C after the fact.

Attended the mandatory meetings during the day. I really don't feel good talking about personal issues in a group setting, but it is what it is.

Did some stretches. Another workout tomorrow.

Decent day, if a bit boring.

Sleep is gonna be tough. It's good you can keep your phone though.

Luckily I didn't wind up with hep c, but I've definitely made that mistake before and got bit for it. Definitely get checked.

 

[deficiT]

I'll say that most of the time hep c isn't passed that easily through sex if that makes you feel better.

 

[Jnowhere]

Well it's kind of a long story, but essentially I went through a divorce a couple years ago, and have only been on my own for a little bit since then. Just impossible to afford rent and do a normal job. So I've been bouncing around from program to program, stayed at my gfs parents until she passed away, and then was at my parents for the past year.

Right now I'm just staying at an inpatient program/halfway house type deal that my insurance pays for, as I checked into detox to try and get sober a couple months ago. Last night I found a potential job that could work out, but it's back close to my parents house. I asked if I could possibly just move back in so I could make it to this job, and my stepmom made it sound like she wasn't trying to let me yet. Although it's been months. I mean it's just frustrating because like I already WAS living there and it would've been fine if I didn't try to get sober. She thinks I'm basically gonna leave the program and relapse.

It's just frustrating because it feels like I'm never going to gain any level of trust again. I mean my siblings have only ever helped out very minor, and now it's like the only "home" I've ever really known isn't really an option. So it feels like if I ever want to gain any freedom or independence I'm just gonna have to rough it being homeless and move somewhere affordable.

I, am really sorry to hear that things are going rather lousy for you. I wish had some words of encouragement, because I've seen all that you do here, and try to help others. I really hope and pray you can find a living and job situation that works, and of course maintain your sobriety. Good luck