Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[elgoucho9]

@elgoucho9

Breathlessness, shoulder pain, chest pain, numbness. That's not a good combination.

You said you have no answers.

Have you had an ECG and/or an echocardiogram? Chest x-ray? Full bloodwork?

What drugs/alcohol did you consume when you had these symptoms?

You're in Australia, right? I'd go to a different doctor. Shouldn't cost you much to get a second opinion. High end testing shouldn't cost you much either. My ECG and my echocardiogram were both free.

I had similar symptoms to you when I had COVID. Chest pain. Pain in shoulder / left arm. Breathlessness. I also had chest pain, on and off, for a year or two prior to this... Turned out to be nothing. Chest pain is skeleto-muscular. Other symptoms were due to COVID or otherwise coincidental.

For peace of mind, get a second opinion.

Any other symptoms (even those occurring independently)?

I'm in the UK guys. I have admitted myself to Accident & Emergency 6 times between 2021 and 2022.

I have had some of those tests. Echocardiogram showed some swelling in the bottom wall of the heart. They said it could be pericarditis but the test was inconclusive. Then i had a cardiac MRI which showed the heart was still functioning well. This was the beginning of last year. I had coughed up some blood then too. But not as regularly as i have been recently.

I've been bad since last night so i'm going to go along to A&E today. Mostly because my rents are pressuring me to go. I had the exact same pains and spitting blood last Friday too. So it seems the only logical thing to do.

Symptoms i have: overall weakness and fatigue, pain in chest & back every day, spitting blood in the mornings, discomfort lying flat, cold extremities when the pain comes on.

Hard to know what's up really. I have almost no biology the knowledge. I struggle with even describing what kind of pains i'm suffering, i just know i'm definitely not right.

I am so sorry to read about your medical struggles. There seems to be issues with the Healthcare system, maybe I am wrong, but a lot of people have bitched about health care System in The UK. I sincerely hope and pray that you get better.

Yeah the healthcare system here does seem to suck these days. I have contacted a private clinic i was at and got all the information from them about all tests done and talked things over with family. Hoping i can finally make some progress with what's wrong but based on previous attempts doing the same thing i'm doubtful.

Thanks though for the concern people. Shame we didn't have a BL clinic. Ha

 

[tokayeahok]

That's commendable of you.



I don't want to start an argument or tell you how to run your life, but you did say that this is the 4th time this kind of thing has happened in the last couple of years and that getting rejected made you want to relapse. AA is not my thing either, but sometimes they are right.

I actually relate to how you feel, i'm just a lot more cynical about relationships at this point.

Hang in there and don't do anything stupid.

haven’t done anything stupid, those are just thoughts passing through like clouds. still been going on my walks. i did walk yesterday until my legs about fell off. did some baking and a lot of cooking for the holidays.

yeah it’s easy to get wrapped up in cynicism in regards to relationships. i was naturally a cynical and incredibly nihilistic lad for the longest when i didn’t love myself. i started to love myself this year and all of that slowly just dissipated.

i truly do love who i’ve become and respect myself finally, although struggle with esteem quite a bit - but im working through it.




i hope everyone is having a great morning. i slept in late and im just having some kratom and coffee & replying to messages while i soak like a fucking prune in the tub.

bless

 

[elgoucho9]

Got nowhere again today. Ran the exact same tests blood and ECG as last time. Then praised how much my GP had done, ran 2 tests in 2 years.

Was in a shitty mood so came home went to bed then got up and comfort ate; beans on toast, milk chocolate and now chilli and lime crisps. Figure i might aswell let loose for a night try cheer myself up from being miserable lol.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

Got nowhere again today. Ran the exact same tests blood and ECG as last time. Then praised how much my GP had done, ran 2 tests in 2 years.

Was in a shitty mood so came home went to bed then got up and comfort ate; beans on toast, milk chocolate and now chilli and lime crisps. Figure i might aswell let loose for a night try cheer myself up from being miserable lol.

have you had an endoscopy?

 

[Frog Dreams]

I would go endoscopy / colonoscopy.

Get your lungs checked, too.

 

[elgoucho9]

have you had an endoscopy?

No and the hospital are saying there is a long wait list once my doctor refers me.

@Frog Dreams i did submit a sputum test and have a chest x ray last week nothing abnormal apparently.

At a guess maybe it's like esophagus or pancreas. Fuck knows will deal with it. I'm still not totally sold it's not cardiovascular. Got a doctors appointment next week so hopefully they'll refer me for an endoscopy since they smoked my insurance policy lol.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

No and the hospital are saying there is a long wait list once my doctor refers me.

@Frog Dreams i did submit a sputum test and have a chest x ray last week nothing abnormal apparently.

At a guess maybe it's like esophagus or pancreas. Fuck knows will deal with it. I'm still not totally sold it's not cardiovascular. Got a doctors appointment next week so hopefully they'll refer me for an endoscopy since they smoked my insurance policy lol.

hmmm push them relentlessly for endoscopy mate, incredible how much ulcers/hernias can affect all over abdomen etc, and some of your symptoms definitely fit the bill (from personal experience) - gotta rule it out at least

also - meditation and/or relaxation techs, trust

 

[elgoucho9]

hmmm push them relentlessly for endoscopy mate, incredible how much ulcers/hernias can affect all over abdomen etc, and some of your symptoms definitely fit the bill (from personal experience) - gotta rule it out at least

also - meditation and/or relaxation techs, trust

Yeah i will do bro thanks for the advice. I've managed to pull my head out from depression now at least watching some comedy and going easy on myself.

I guess with the health side of things gonna have to just stay at them. Surely endoscopy will reveal something.

Probably being sat in a&e for 5hrs earlier didn't help my mood much i guess. Will get back to usual exercising and eating healthy tomorrow.

 

[deficiT]

I was walking home from a job interview, and right on the corner by my house, there was a girl sitting on the sidewalk, completely slumped over with her head between her legs. Pants pulled down. Not moving at all. In the rain. It was kind of a fucked up sight. We called EMS and they came and picked her up. Seems like she might be alright cause they weren't blaring lights back to the hospital.

Idk but be careful out there folks, this dope is no joke.

 

[Jnowhere]

Even though I got my property tax bill today. I am still happy. I try to find little things that make me happy. I have lived in a number of states but most of my life within a hour of Detroit. Detroit area has a ridiculous number of pizza chains. Domino's and little Ceasers are national.
There are regional ones like Marco's. This is a small but very slowly growing chain.The last time I had Marcos pizza was in the 1980's. I always remembered how much I loved their pizza.
Found out there is now a Marco's pizza only a little over a mile(2km?) from my house. Even after decades the pizza is still one of my all time favorites. Luckily I took meds before I inhaled that delicious near perfect moderately priced pizza. So many good pizza places near me Have died. But Marco's is near by and they seem busy. Like I said I am trying to find little things for happiness.

 

[Frog Dreams]

@elgoucho9

Do you get heartburn / reflux frequently?

Might be worth taking an OTC med that suppresses stomach acid production, like Nexium.

If your oesophagus is damaged, you don't want acid irritating it. There are certain foods you can avoid to reduce the chance of reflux.

 

[Frog Dreams]

In order to qualify for a spiritual retreat, I need to do six weeks of complete sobriety starting midnight.

It's so helpful having that sort of discipline in my life. I will do the six weeks, no question, because I want to go to the retreat but also because I don't want to fail my first test.

I realize now - more than ever - that I need guidance at this point in my life, because (for whatever reason) I'm still not guiding myself the way I should go.

I've gotten so used to consuming large amounts of drugs on a regular basis. Six weeks shouldn't be hard, but it will be... and that's attachment.

I need to let go.

 

[Jnowhere]

Ok, froggey I will be totally honest and brutal(not really). You want to go trip your balls off at some ceremony but need to be clean.
First of all you are a father, and doing lots of drugs and having kids to take care of. Especially since money seems to be an issue; least we forget the drug expenditures spreadsheet talk we had.
You drink to much, how do I know: You talk about drinking too much.
You are grown man with children and you need to set a good example and you are on a budget. Kids aren't stupid, they will if they already have not figure out you do drugs. Do you really want them to follow that path and the path of drunkenness?
You seem hell bent on licking the hallucogenic sweat off, of some frogs balls or something like that as part of some native rite/scam. For that you need to be sober.( it makes the scam look like more, than it is, tripping )
If you can't stay sober for your family: think about that frog balls you want to lick.

 

[Jabberwocky]

kratom and coffee & replying to messages while i soak like a fucking prune in the tub

Hell yeah. Jacked up and relaxed

; beans on toast, milk chocolate and now chilli and lime crisps.

That's what's up. All the flavors, diverse textures

also - meditation and/or relaxation techs, trust

Absolutely

. So many good pizza places near me Have died. But Marco's is near by and they seem busy. Like I said I am trying to find little things for happiness.

That's huge.


I always look forward to meals.

Thursday night I had another drug dreams. About getting caught red handed but still using in front of her because I couldn't not finish a bag.

My Friday night was sort of screwy. Told my girlfriend I'd go to a Christmas play at a church with her and a friend. Drove there, chilled in the car because we were early. Saw lots of people pouring into the church. Girlfriend said there was a kids arts and crafts before the play. I told her I was overwhelmed and drove us home. I feel bad that I went back on the commitment. But also this fake life of keeping up with appearances, that I'm starting to realize she enjoys the little meaningless (IMO) interactions, and she's starting to believe is a much bigger struggle for me than she thought and likely unfixable for her, is really eating away at me. Yes she saved me from the street, and strung out I probably seemed more of a hopeful fix for her as I was more expressive and evidently insecure but she was confident in me, and she seemed more stone cold but is now extremely latching on, but as I find my way it's pretty clear that we just are complete opposites to the he point of very volatile and gut wrenching arguments with no better understanding after two full years.

End of vent.

Looking forward to my coffee right now.

And this dumb ass Kroger coffee machine I swear to fucking god I'm going to throw it out the window some day it's expensive and useless

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

but as I find my way it's pretty clear that we just are complete opposites to the he point of very volatile and gut wrenching arguments with no better understanding after two full years.

End of vent.

ahhh that level of opposition/argument in the first two years doesn't bode well man but I'm sure you know that

shit's complex eh, but I'm sure you know that too...no easy answers

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah and I wonder if it's my fault. Was I not as forthcoming as I should have been? I feel like I was very clear about my perceptions and introspections, but feel like she created her own narrative based on my body language which I believe might at times be misleading because of my "stepford wives" town upbringing.

But yes I have very seriously been looking to move out, and she's known this too. We are trying to work the logistics. I told her I don't want kids and marriage. She's now saying neither does she.. I enjoy living with her mostly but its these massive, to the core misunderstandings that really leave me saying what the fuck am I doing here

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

Yeah and I wonder if it's my fault. Was I not as forthcoming as I should have been? I feel like I was very clear about my perceptions and introspections, but feel like she created her own narrative based on my body language which I believe might at times be misleading because of my "stepford wives" town upbringing.

But yes I have very seriously been looking to move out, and she's known this too. We are trying to work the logistics. I told her I don't want kids and marriage. She's now saying neither does she.. I enjoy living with her mostly but its these massive, to the core misunderstandings that really leave me saying what the fuck am I doing here

well we could all do things differently in retrospect, hindsight being 20/20 n everything

trick is to learn from it, not place extra stress on the situation through apportioning 'blame' - poor self talk drags the self esteem down and we both know where that often leads for the likes of us

no relationship is ever gonna be perfect but "massive to the core misunderstandings" sounds serious to me (if you're not prone to dramatic language anyway)

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well I am prone to dramatic language at times, but other times completely undersell important things. Is a tough middle ground for me to find an accurate portrayal. Probably why I prefer music. So someone else can do it for me in a more accurate way.

But yes for all reading he's right, be kind to yourself

 

[elgoucho9]

@elgoucho9

Do you get heartburn / reflux frequently?

Might be worth taking an OTC med that suppresses stomach acid production, like Nexium.

If your oesophagus is damaged, you don't want acid irritating it. There are certain foods you can avoid to reduce the chance of reflux.

I don't man. Also the tests they ran for it helicobacter etc all came up negative before. But i have had like sensitivities to certain foods for a while so who knows. I've ran an alkaline diet before but almost kills any enjoyment in eating. That said if that is what's wrong i'll do it again. Still no conclusive evidence what is wrong.

I'm usually quite strict what i eat. Quite enjoyed pigging out last night and didn't feel bad today still. Fasted the first 3 hrs of the day.

Thursday night I had another drug dreams. About getting caught red handed but still using in front of her because I couldn't not finish a bag.

My Friday night was sort of screwy. Told my girlfriend I'd go to a Christmas play at a church with her and a friend. Drove there, chilled in the car because we were early. Saw lots of people pouring into the church. Girlfriend said there was a kids arts and crafts before the play. I told her I was overwhelmed and drove us home. I feel bad that I went back on the commitment. But also this fake life of keeping up with appearances, that I'm starting to realize she enjoys the little meaningless (IMO) interactions, and she's starting to believe is a much bigger struggle for me than she thought and likely unfixable for her, is really eating away at me. Yes she saved me from the street, and strung out I probably seemed more of a hopeful fix for her as I was more expressive and evidently insecure but she was confident in me, and she seemed more stone cold but is now extremely latching on, but as I find my way it's pretty clear that we just are complete opposites to the he point of very volatile and gut wrenching arguments with no better understanding after two full years.

End of vent.

Looking forward to my coffee right now.

And this dumb ass Kroger coffee machine I swear to fucking god I'm going to throw it out the window some day it's expensive and useless

Those drug dreams are fucked up man. Had them so many times coming off crack/freebase. Dreaming of washing up a lump of fishscale and having a bit of rock the size of a dinner plate. Then waking up with nothing depressed lol.

Try not to beat yourself up about the situation with the girlfriend there man. I suspect most men in general do not enjoy those type of interactions much. And women do seem to find more meaning in those type things than us fellas do. Maybe take her for a day out somewhere you find less stressful to appoligize. Just say you got hit with anxiety when you got there, which by the sound of your post is not untrue.
Also the last sentance there, no offence but if nothing else is working, maybe you need to consider if the relationship itself is working for either of you. The longest relationship i ever had was like that, at first it was amazing and we did help each other, towards the end it just blatantly didn't work and we shouldn't have been together. I'm happier atm single than i was for 3/4 of that relationship. She was pretty but just a bit dosey and never really did much of any interest to me. Sounds harsh but sometimes you have to be realistic about things. Even then breakup still sucks.

 

[Jabberwocky]

. I suspect most men in general do not enjoy those type of interactions much. And women do seem to find more meaning in those type things than us fellas do.

Good point. I think I might be becoming stubborn. I need to keep meeting her halfway.

She was pretty but just a bit dosey and never really did much of any interest to me. Sounds harsh but sometimes you have to be realistic about things. Even then breakup still sucks.

Yeah it's difficult because I have no point of reference on if this relationship is hard, will work, if what we do is normal and healthy... ugh.