Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[Jnowhere]

Went to the pharmacy, got what I was expecting and a surprise. I haven't finished the bottle of( gabapentin) yet and now more.
I am a little scared of it. Does anyone know anything about how long and how much you need to use before withdrawals? This drug is given for so many reasons( even veteranians use it), seriously. I am worried about how much to take and avoid withdrawals.

 

[elgoucho9]

Well it's not really an inpatient it's an outpatient that houses you. I think I can be here like 6 months. I've been here a month at this point.

Yeah idk. They're my adoptive parents so not my dad. But yeah if she's saying that I doubt he'd say anything different he normally just follows her. Don't really feel comfortable asking anymore I already feel shitty about it.

Guess I don't really have any choice but to continue with it and hope for the best that a job comes through.

I think staying there and waiting for a job to come through is the most logical thing to do. I know you're probably fed up in the outpatient housing. But it's safer for you there than it is on the streets and more stable than your adoptive parents place by the sound of things.

A job will come through and eventually you can get your own place. Stay strong for now man you are doing great. I know the process seems long but you will get there.

 

[TheLightBringer]

Feel like Im nearing my breaking point. I try to have a positive mindset but feel like I need to vent and complain a bit.

Been clean off everything since august 2020 and turned my life around, started lifting, going to NA, got an education, entered a relationship etc. Everything going good until I tore my labrum in my left shoulder. Had surgery, got prescribed painkillers had my parents manage them and quit taking them way sooner and just fought through the pain.

Then I tore my other labrum, tore something in my knee, pain every day in knee and both shoulders. Developed horrible sleep schedules struggling to get much sleep, started getting sick all the time. Was studying to better my grades to get into university but thats gone to shit. I recently moved cities and moved in with my girlfriend and dont have a job just watching my bank account drain more and more each month.

Havent been able to lift in ages which helped me stay clean, havent been to an NA meeting in a year, pain every day, cant sleep anxiety stress. Ive been seriously sick for over 5 weeks and just thinking about substances and wishing I could escape reality for a while altough I know exactly where that will lead.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@TheLightBringer this is the exact place to vent.

Sounds like you know how to get surrounding supports, that's the hardest part for a lot of us.

I still have drug dreams. You seem self aware and have good reasons to keep up the good work.

Life is going to happen. Unexpectedly. In these situations I "play the tape" of what my previous outcomes were. Not great in my experience. Very uncomfortable and ultimately not worth it, in my opinion. Staying grateful also helps me.

I'm sure you know these things but just to remind you that simple mindsets like that can help emensly. And feeling comfortable reaching out, huge.

i always want to stay vigilant. Drugs don't care about our well-being outside of their narrow purpose

 

[TheLightBringer]

@azzbatshitazzOzzy

Playing the tape forward definetly helps remind myself what will happen if I pick up drugs again. I find myself fantasizing about drugs and getting/being high to an obsessive degree I just dont know when ill snap. Even though I know exactly how fast it will make my life miserable for some reason I cant stop part of myself from wishing I could live that crazy lifestyle again.

Ofc Im an addict and my brain will always make remember the ”good” parts of that lifestyle before remembering all the horrid shit surrounding it.

Thank you for listening to my rants though, I struggle with talking to people ab this irl so just speaking anonymously on a forum is much easier.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sometimes I miss the chaos. Not having to keep up with appearances. The excitement of copping, heart racing as I walk home, all the things.

However I've realized, the comfortable life with a clear head allows me the free time to do.. whatever I've always wanted to do outside of drugs. And that for me, finding that, is a work in progress

@TheLightBringer

 

[thatmf]

I think staying there and waiting for a job to come through is the most logical thing to do. I know you're probably fed up in the outpatient housing. But it's safer for you there than it is on the streets and more stable than your adoptive parents place by the sound of things.

A job will come through and eventually you can get your own place. Stay strong for now man you are doing great. I know the process seems long but you will get there.

Yeah definitely. I spent a while in a similar situation, it worked out ok eventually. Don't lose all hope, you have a roof over your head for at least a few months. Hopefully you'll find a good job and work something out with the housing

 

[thatmf]

Feel like Im nearing my breaking point. I try to have a positive mindset but feel like I need to vent and complain a bit.

Been clean off everything since august 2020 and turned my life around, started lifting, going to NA, got an education, entered a relationship etc. Everything going good until I tore my labrum in my left shoulder. Had surgery, got prescribed painkillers had my parents manage them and quit taking them way sooner and just fought through the pain.

Then I tore my other labrum, tore something in my knee, pain every day in knee and both shoulders. Developed horrible sleep schedules struggling to get much sleep, started getting sick all the time. Was studying to better my grades to get into university but thats gone to shit. I recently moved cities and moved in with my girlfriend and dont have a job just watching my bank account drain more and more each month.

Havent been able to lift in ages which helped me stay clean, havent been to an NA meeting in a year, pain every day, cant sleep anxiety stress. Ive been seriously sick for over 5 weeks and just thinking about substances and wishing I could escape reality for a while altough I know exactly where that will lead.

It sounds like a massive setback. I know generally NSAIDs aren't all that effective at dealing with severe pain. And that exercise really helps with staying clean no matter what drug. Have you seen/are you able to see a pain specialist?

Edit: The times I've had severe shoulder/back pain, a visit to the chiropractor has generally helped with the worst of the pain (and has made said pain ok enough to manage to exercise again)

(Just a thought)

 

[Jnowhere]

You mentioned stress and anxiety. Don't be like me and start using benzo's, I have been on them almost 7 years. I have no idea get off them. Also watch out for gabapentin, I can't believe it but I took my morning meds as usual but my doctor gave me more gabapentin and it did potentciate my 1 oxycodone, 1 10mg Valium and a benadryl.
I have a buzz off that? All I know is they perscribe it for everything.( even veterinarians use it) and the buzz I got is not something I wanted. I just need to eat, but my pancreas is acting up so I took 2 gabapentins to make me hungry(I sometimes have to force myself to eat) now I just want more of a buzz. Not good, not hungry but now am in bad place. Now I got a buzz and a bunch of pharmaceuticals staring at me. I have avoided the gabapentin, so now my tolerance is down. This may be a very unproductive day.

 

[tokayeahok]

girl i had been talking to cut things off last night. should’ve known this is what i signed up for when she told me she was hurt from a previous relationship.

just wanna take a handful of xanax and walk forever. this is like the 4th time someone has done this to me in the last 2 years.

hurt people, hurt people.

 

[thatmf]

girl i had been talking to cut things off last night. should’ve known this is what i signed up for when she told me she was hurt from a previous relationship.

just wanna take a handful of xanax and walk forever. this is like the 4th time someone has done this to me in the last 2 years.

hurt people, hurt people.

oh no Look man I haven't been in a relationship for years. Good on you for having the guts to open up to someone. It takes balls! Sucks but maybe it wasn't meant to be. Don't fall back on old methods of killing the pain..it won't help in the long run. Try to focus on yourself and look after you.

 

[tokayeahok]

That sucks, but you'll get over it.

After having three more or less catastrophic dating experiences this year, i've come to the conclusion that recovery and romance just don't mix. A recovering addict is just way too messed up emotionally for any kind of serious relationship to work, and the women who go for fuckups tend to be fuckups themselves.

If a good wank doesn't cut it, go bang a hooker or just fuck and ghost some chick on Tinder if you've got game. It's better that way.

id rather not hurt someone else and do the same thing that someone else just did to me.

i don’t really go for the ‘people in recovery shouldn’t be in relationships’ narrative as that’s just typical AA/ traditional recovery jargon. i think i’m ready to see people & if anything i’m able to share the best version of myself to someone.

thanks though, appreciate the response. i’m alright, just didn’t really expect it this time

 

[Jabberwocky]

Guys IMO it should be taken w a grain of salt however, the main point I think is that recovery should be for you. However I am not the one to advise on this..

I'm not gunna lie I'm pretty god damn scared if i wasn't w my girlfriend I'd be using. She literally helped so much trust me on that.

It's a very delicate subject

 

[Jnowhere]

Damn gabapentin, now I can't drive. Was going to drive a pizza place, and now I feel off. So frozen pizza instead. We'll now I have eaten and saved some money and did not risk a 2nd dui
Maybe some real pizza tomorrow.

 

[elgoucho9]

Super depressed here spent the night crippled by chest pains still no answers at all. I was feeling a bit sore and miserable cos of it all day, then watching a movie just having cup of coffee, on comed this sharp pain in my chest & left shoulder. Then a tighness in my chest and both hands felt numb. Sweaty palms. Completely deabitated by the pain wondering is this it. Felt like the breaths i was taking werent supplying me with any oxygen. So sat on the side of the bed with my head between my legs.

This first happened to me exactly 2 years ago November 25th 2021. Has happened many other times since. When it first started i called an ambulance on myself 6 times, everytime they never knew what it was and sent me home the same night.

Not knowing what is wrong with me. Pain in chest and back every day of varying degrees, in various other places. Doctors being deliberatly useless and just fobbing me off it feels like. It's all just taken over my whole life. What's the point if this is just it now then i have no future anyway. Struggling not to throw in the towel.

 

[Jnowhere]

Super depressed here spent the night crippled by chest pains still no answers at all. I was feeling a bit sore and miserable cos of it all day, then watching a movie just having cup of coffee, on comed this sharp pain in my chest & left shoulder. Then a tighness in my chest and both hands felt numb. Sweaty palms. Completely deabitated by the pain wondering is this it. Felt like the breaths i was taking werent supplying me with any oxygen. So sat on the side of the bed with my head between my legs.

This first happened to me exactly 2 years ago November 25th 2021. Has happened many other times since. When it first started i called an ambulance on myself 6 times, everytime they never knew what it was and sent me home the same night.

Not knowing what is wrong with me. Pain in chest and back every day of varying degrees, in various other places. Doctors being deliberatly useless and just fobbing me off it feels like. It's all just taken over my whole life. What's the point if this is just it now then i have no future anyway. Struggling not to throw in the towel.

I am so sorry to read about your medical struggles. There seems to be issues with the Healthcare system, maybe I am wrong, but a lot of people have bitched about health care System in The UK. I sincerely hope and pray that you get better.

 

[thatmf]

Super depressed here spent the night crippled by chest pains still no answers at all. I was feeling a bit sore and miserable cos of it all day, then watching a movie just having cup of coffee, on comed this sharp pain in my chest & left shoulder. Then a tighness in my chest and both hands felt numb. Sweaty palms. Completely deabitated by the pain wondering is this it. Felt like the breaths i was taking werent supplying me with any oxygen. So sat on the side of the bed with my head between my legs.

This first happened to me exactly 2 years ago November 25th 2021. Has happened many other times since. When it first started i called an ambulance on myself 6 times, everytime they never knew what it was and sent me home the same night.

Not knowing what is wrong with me. Pain in chest and back every day of varying degrees, in various other places. Doctors being deliberatly useless and just fobbing me off it feels like. It's all just taken over my whole life. What's the point if this is just it now then i have no future anyway. Struggling not to throw in the towel.

I would honestly try seeing another doctor. I'm guessing you're in the states so you can't walk into ER. But it sounds serious my dude, do what you can to find some decent medical care. Sucks that they haven't taken it seriously, it's hopefully nothing but there's probably some reasons behind how you're feeling.

 

[Frog Dreams]

@elgoucho9

Breathlessness, shoulder pain, chest pain, numbness. That's not a good combination.

You said you have no answers.

Have you had an ECG and/or an echocardiogram? Chest x-ray? Full bloodwork?

What drugs/alcohol did you consume when you had these symptoms?

You're in Australia, right? I'd go to a different doctor. Shouldn't cost you much to get a second opinion. High end testing shouldn't cost you much either. My ECG and my echocardiogram were both free.

I had similar symptoms to you when I had COVID. Chest pain. Pain in shoulder / left arm. Breathlessness. I also had chest pain, on and off, for a year or two prior to this... Turned out to be nothing. Chest pain is skeleto-muscular. Other symptoms were due to COVID or otherwise coincidental.

For peace of mind, get a second opinion.

Any other symptoms (even those occurring independently)?

 

[thatmf]

Super depressed here spent the night crippled by chest pains still no answers at all. I was feeling a bit sore and miserable cos of it all day, then watching a movie just having cup of coffee, on comed this sharp pain in my chest & left shoulder. Then a tighness in my chest and both hands felt numb. Sweaty palms. Completely deabitated by the pain wondering is this it. Felt like the breaths i was taking werent supplying me with any oxygen. So sat on the side of the bed with my head between my legs.

This first happened to me exactly 2 years ago November 25th 2021. Has happened many other times since. When it first started i called an ambulance on myself 6 times, everytime they never knew what it was and sent me home the same night.

Not knowing what is wrong with me. Pain in chest and back every day of varying degrees, in various other places. Doctors being deliberatly useless and just fobbing me off it feels like. It's all just taken over my whole life. What's the point if this is just it now then i have no future anyway. Struggling not to throw in the towel.

IF you're in Australia you could go to an urgent care clinic or just go to ED (be prepared to wait and maybe bring an overnight bag). You can't let one seemingly unalarmed doctor decide that there's nothing wrong with you. It could be angina, liver impairment or something cardio related. If you go to hospital you'll have to wait but they can run all the tests they need to. Don't keep ignoring it because it could get worse.

 

[Jnowhere]

I believe he lives in the UK