Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
My weight today is 75.3kg I didn't get to weigh myself a second time because the batteries went flat but I have more batteries coming with my grocery order today so I'm excited to keep weighing myself over the next few days because I really think I'm finally at a stable weight after 7 months. I went on my exercise my bike I burned 250 calories which isn't alot but I'm proud of myself because I was only going to push myself to do 200 calories but pushed myself to do the extra. It took about 40 mins.
I took my supplements magnesium, b12, biotin, iron & spirulina then after lunch I had NAC & vitamin D drops. Later in the afternoon I'm going to have more NAC & more spirulina.
I had an argument with my mum today I'm so frustrated she doesn't believe invega is the reason I put on weight. Even though I've put on 25kg literally after the invega injection & literally my whole life have never ever put on a large amount of weight. I was 51-53kg before invega. I would eat whatever I wanted but was still mostly healthy. I would use my exercise bike but I wasn't always consistent & didn't need to exercise. She said I put on weight because I eat too much & I'm getting older when I actually eat a little less than I used to I skip breakfast now & just have a coffee & healthy banana smoothie until around mid day then most days have a chicken avocado salad for lunch. I also have no sugar in my coffee. I was trying to explain to her it raised my prolactin levels to 2172 when the normal range is 85-500 it stopped my period & it made me put on 25kg. But she kept saying no it's not the medication it's because you eat too much & work from home. Even though her & dad eat small packets of chips after dinner sometimes & mum binges on chocolate & dad eats 2 ice creams on weekends sometimes.
Like what the fuck! I'd never put on 25kg especially when I eat very healthy even though I still do eat chocolate or hot chips or ice cream at times.
I don't drink fizzy drink I drink lots of water I also drink only fresh non concentrated juice. I don't have salt on my hot chips when I get them & I'm gluten & lactose free.
I joined the gym but I was trying to explain I stopped because at the time I was continuing to put on the weight no matter what because the invega was still in my system & I've only now hopefully stopped putting on the weight. I swear I blame so much of the abuse my family put me through my whole life on the reason for going into psychosis. I had never been on medication my whole life I had anxiety, ptsd & ocd but was highly functioning. My parents used to make me feel like I was crazy but that was part of the abuse. It's brought up a whole lot of anger & feelings from the past even though I can't fully feel the anger it actually used to motivated me. I'm so angry that this ever happened to me in the first place when I didn't deserve it.
I was never meant to be on a cto in the first place. I took it to supreme court & had my cto revoked because the lawyer said technically I shouldn't have been placed on it because it was my first time in the mental health unit a cto is meant to be for someone who has been released then been non compliant & returned. At the worst I should've only had the 2 loading doses of 150mg then 100mg. I even asked for a review when I was released & they were horrible & refused to take me off the injection I was well spoken & had a list of reason why I wanted to come off injection. That was a psychiatrist & nurse from the mental health unit that gave me a review. I was meant to be with the community health centre but they were too full so I was kept with the mental health unit. Then not long after having my first 75mg I was transferred to community health centre & luckily my psychiatrist was great I presented the same list to him & was well spoken again. He atfirst said he would give me one shot of 50mg then one shot of 25mg then stop injections but I was firm & said I wanted to go on tablets so he agreed. I think it helped I got my doctor to write a letter of support he also wrote he had referred me to a private psychiatrist. I had also mentioned the supreme court case & I do think that's partly what made my new psychiatrist to agree to take me off injections because I had mentioned it because atfirst he said he couldn't do anything about cto but I said I had been informed he had the right to revoke it if he wanted to & later in the conversation after mentioning supreme court he said okay I'll take you off cto when you've had your first appointment with private psychiatrist. I was actually taken off cto earlier though because I decided to proceed with court case even though I was happy with the result from psychiatrist & he actually fought for me to come off it & convinced the head psychiatrist etc to agree with supreme court to take me off it.
I wish I had've gone to the community health centre first because then there's a chance I could've avoided the first proper dose of 75mg which is what ruined me.
Anyway sorry I know I just completely rambled on but really needed to vent & the point I was trying to get at is I actually shouldn't have had this happen to me. My argument with mum has brought up alot of feelings which is frustrating because I can't fully feel them or use them as motivation. I'm so proud of myself how far I've come though considering & all I want is for my weight to be stable so I can start on my journey to losing it
I took my supplements magnesium, b12, biotin, iron & spirulina then after lunch I had NAC & vitamin D drops. Later in the afternoon I'm going to have more NAC & more spirulina.
I had an argument with my mum today I'm so frustrated she doesn't believe invega is the reason I put on weight. Even though I've put on 25kg literally after the invega injection & literally my whole life have never ever put on a large amount of weight. I was 51-53kg before invega. I would eat whatever I wanted but was still mostly healthy. I would use my exercise bike but I wasn't always consistent & didn't need to exercise. She said I put on weight because I eat too much & I'm getting older when I actually eat a little less than I used to I skip breakfast now & just have a coffee & healthy banana smoothie until around mid day then most days have a chicken avocado salad for lunch. I also have no sugar in my coffee. I was trying to explain to her it raised my prolactin levels to 2172 when the normal range is 85-500 it stopped my period & it made me put on 25kg. But she kept saying no it's not the medication it's because you eat too much & work from home. Even though her & dad eat small packets of chips after dinner sometimes & mum binges on chocolate & dad eats 2 ice creams on weekends sometimes.
Like what the fuck! I'd never put on 25kg especially when I eat very healthy even though I still do eat chocolate or hot chips or ice cream at times.
I don't drink fizzy drink I drink lots of water I also drink only fresh non concentrated juice. I don't have salt on my hot chips when I get them & I'm gluten & lactose free.
I joined the gym but I was trying to explain I stopped because at the time I was continuing to put on the weight no matter what because the invega was still in my system & I've only now hopefully stopped putting on the weight. I swear I blame so much of the abuse my family put me through my whole life on the reason for going into psychosis. I had never been on medication my whole life I had anxiety, ptsd & ocd but was highly functioning. My parents used to make me feel like I was crazy but that was part of the abuse. It's brought up a whole lot of anger & feelings from the past even though I can't fully feel the anger it actually used to motivated me. I'm so angry that this ever happened to me in the first place when I didn't deserve it.
I was never meant to be on a cto in the first place. I took it to supreme court & had my cto revoked because the lawyer said technically I shouldn't have been placed on it because it was my first time in the mental health unit a cto is meant to be for someone who has been released then been non compliant & returned. At the worst I should've only had the 2 loading doses of 150mg then 100mg. I even asked for a review when I was released & they were horrible & refused to take me off the injection I was well spoken & had a list of reason why I wanted to come off injection. That was a psychiatrist & nurse from the mental health unit that gave me a review. I was meant to be with the community health centre but they were too full so I was kept with the mental health unit. Then not long after having my first 75mg I was transferred to community health centre & luckily my psychiatrist was great I presented the same list to him & was well spoken again. He atfirst said he would give me one shot of 50mg then one shot of 25mg then stop injections but I was firm & said I wanted to go on tablets so he agreed. I think it helped I got my doctor to write a letter of support he also wrote he had referred me to a private psychiatrist. I had also mentioned the supreme court case & I do think that's partly what made my new psychiatrist to agree to take me off injections because I had mentioned it because atfirst he said he couldn't do anything about cto but I said I had been informed he had the right to revoke it if he wanted to & later in the conversation after mentioning supreme court he said okay I'll take you off cto when you've had your first appointment with private psychiatrist. I was actually taken off cto earlier though because I decided to proceed with court case even though I was happy with the result from psychiatrist & he actually fought for me to come off it & convinced the head psychiatrist etc to agree with supreme court to take me off it.
I wish I had've gone to the community health centre first because then there's a chance I could've avoided the first proper dose of 75mg which is what ruined me.
Anyway sorry I know I just completely rambled on but really needed to vent & the point I was trying to get at is I actually shouldn't have had this happen to me. My argument with mum has brought up alot of feelings which is frustrating because I can't fully feel them or use them as motivation. I'm so proud of myself how far I've come though considering & all I want is for my weight to be stable so I can start on my journey to losing it
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