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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Exhausted Im kinda done with everything

nznity said:
I cant harm myself anyway, I'm too weak right now to even sit, rofl. I don't wanna die yet man, I was just venting bcs I felt the need for it. But I'll take into consideration what you guys are saying cuz Its true, the downregulation of GABA receptors after prolonged times of massive benzo doses is permanent and my brain is already pretty fried from all the cocaine I've snorted, smoked and shot in the past...it's still hard to picture myself free from everything but it's something I wanna accomplish eventually.
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Not so fried man.you are young and the capacity of human body to heal itself is real.You do not score anymore coke right?The depression came from pain&innability to move like before
 
Nas47 said:
Not so fried man.you are young and the capacity of human body to heal itself is real.You do not score anymore coke right?The depression came from pain&innability to move like before
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No, I haven't done cocaine in any of its routes in 2 years. You're right, neuroplasticity is an amazing thing and also it helps that I love to read, cultivate my brain and train it by doing mental exercises(puzzles,playing tetris, sudoku,etc) I think that's made a difference in the impact drugs have had on my cognitive function 😀.
 
RC-Lover123 said:
6mg of Clonazepam is a lot and that shit is long acting. You are severely dependent on them and withdrawal will suck in a major way. I would bet the clonazepam has already fucked you up but you never noticed.
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I know man, didn't u read my previous posts? But I got more important stuff to deal with, I needa prepare myself for 5 surgeries, I needa relax. I'll use the Ashton manual and slowly taper from em, it will take around 2 years but meh, idc as long as I get off the stuff eventually. Benzos are dirt cheap here so it doesn't matter really.
 
nznity said:
No, I haven't done cocaine in any of its routes in 2 years. You're right, neuroplasticity is an amazing thing and also it helps that I love to read, cultivate my brain and train it by doing mental exercises(puzzles,playing tetris, sudoku,etc) I think that's made a difference in the impact drugs have had on my cognitive function 😀.
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Can you move even with help of .....stick?(don't know the word)
 
Did they ever try non surgical relocation for your hip/arms? Seems mad to just send you home for this long, I'm guessing you have pretty terrible sciatica by now?
 
Lysosomalstorage said:
Did they ever try non surgical relocation for your hip/arms? Seems mad to just send you home for this long, I'm guessing you have pretty terrible sciatica by now?
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No they didn't, I need prosthetics on both side of my hips. My arm is fractured needs to be surgically repaired. And for my back, I've no idea I'd I have sciatica(I sleep in a special mattress so I don't develop bed sores). I try to move as much as I can to not lose more muscle mass. I'm still young so my body is hanging in, oh yesh forgot to answer the first thing: covid fucked me up and they didn't wanna do shit for me. Lots of ppl died in my Country cause hospitals focused on treating covid and nothing else than covid. Even my main dealer had leukemia and needed a bone marrow transplant, sadly he died bcus they sent him home too. Rip Alex, best dealer ever available 24 fuvking 7 lol. Good times
 
The Axe said:
Wow 5 surgeries and 2 years physiotherapy, that will get you excited and motivated everyday. That's awesome, I'd go with the benzos too.
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Yeah apparently the guy from above thinks I'm depressed cause of benzos. They actually make me chill and I haven't felt wd a single time. Idc if I'm addicted rn, I'm better off with them rn and it'd be impossible for me to quit now. I need them the most right now actually and finally someone got it. Thc bro, I think the same too:)
 
Nas47 said:
Can you move even with help of .....stick?(don't know the word)
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Cane, crutches, or walking stick :)

Lysosomalstorage said:
Did they ever try non surgical relocation for your hip/arms? Seems mad to just send you home for this long, I'm guessing you have pretty terrible sciatica by now?
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It sounds like the Peruvian medical system is sub-par at the best of times, and then covid happened 😕

nznity said:
Yeah apparently the guy from above thinks I'm depressed cause of benzos. They actually make me chill and I haven't felt wd a single time. Idc if I'm addicted rn, I'm better off with them rn and it'd be impossible for me to quit now. I need them the most right now actually and finally someone got it. Thc bro, I think the same too:)
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Whilst you definitely have a lot on your plate atm, I still agree with him that benzos are bad for long-term mood. But one thing at a time hey.
 
nznity said:
Yeah apparently the guy from above thinks I'm depressed cause of benzos. They actually make me chill and I haven't felt wd a single time. Idc if I'm addicted rn, I'm better off with them rn and it'd be impossible for me to quit now. I need them the most right now actually and finally someone got it. Thc bro, I think the same too:)
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Yeah man don't come off benzos when you're a wreck physically

Anything else you can do to make yourself more comfortable until the surgeries?

What about cannabis?
 
nomorebenzos said:
Yeah man don't come off benzos when you're a wreck physically

Anything else you can do to make yourself more comfortable until the surgeries?

What about cannabis?
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Cannabis made me feel weird and I almost cried last time I tried to smoke a year ago. I felt uncomfortable and anxious, it made me think weird shit. It's a nonono till I feel better physically, at least I've quit smoking cigarettes too. I was smoking 10 cigs a day, so far I'm clean since June 30th. All I take is morphine and clonaz. I'm good with thatb:)
 
Clonazepam is a shitty benzo, always hated that stuff. It feels very strong initially but becomes dull and depressing almost instantly. Not abusable, at least for me. Have abused almost all benzos and Diazepam and Alprazolam are the most widely used ones for a reason, they are really good. Tried other ones but always reverted back to those two buggers. Besides the notorious RC benzos which are even better for serious abuse but they are truly evil, dangerous substances.

OP, I wish you all the best. Hope you recover from these surgeries, it sounds really horrible. I could always rely on my body so I have no idea what it is like to be crippled by injuries or disease.
 
nznity said:
Cannabis made me feel weird and I almost cried last time I tried to smoke a year ago. I felt uncomfortable and anxious, it made me think weird shit. It's a nonono till I feel better physically, at least I've quit smoking cigarettes too. I was smoking 10 cigs a day, so far I'm clean since June 30th. All I take is morphine and clonaz. I'm good with thatb:)
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Yeah man I can't have THC at all. In my circles of friends weed is very much accepted, almost all of my friends smoke. So I always wanted to be able to smoke and enjoy it. But it just does not agree with me. It took many years of trying to enjoy weed, and eventually resigning to the fact that I just cannot have it.

CBD is totally fine though 🙂
 
n3ophy7e said:
Yeah man I can't have THC at all. In my circles of friends weed is very much accepted, almost all of my friends smoke. So I always wanted to be able to smoke and enjoy it. But it just does not agree with me. It took many years of trying to enjoy weed, and eventually resigning to the fact that I just cannot have it.

CBD is totally fine though 🙂
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Same
 
I recently bought some weed for the first time in a decade or so, in order to find some relieve from that epic poppy pod withdrawal. That stuff has gotten so strong nowadays, a small joint ripped my head off. I had to gulp down half a bottle of Gin immediately to shut down the paranoid thought trains the weed caused in my tortured brain. The combined effect of the weed and the Gin were somewhat enjoyable, though but I will not do it again.
 
Weed goes well with alc.like with almost anything.but there is certain people,who don't like it.Me personally smoke much much less than before 10 years
 
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