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Exhausted Im kinda done with everything

n3ophy7e said:
Yeah man I can't have THC at all. In my circles of friends weed is very much accepted, almost all of my friends smoke. So I always wanted to be able to smoke and enjoy it. But it just does not agree with me. It took many years of trying to enjoy weed, and eventually resigning to the fact that I just cannot have it.

CBD is totally fine though 🙂
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You know, the last few years I smoked(I smoke since I'm 15) from the age of 22-25 purely for peer pressure because everyone else in my circle did it all the time. It got to a point where I felt fed up with it and I had much more confidence with myself to say no, I don't need everybody's validation....fk that. Almost same thing happened when I tried cocaine, I've always had a self destructive behavior I think, I liked to be in a toxic environment. I'm done with all that immature bs, took me a while to finally get it but I'm almost there lol.
 
I find everyone who stops regularly smoking has a period of paranoia and unpleasantness after trying to start again without easing into it. Weed is pretty horrible without tolerance imo
 
nznity said:
I've always had a self destructive behavior I think, I liked to be in a toxic environment. I'm done with all that immature bs, took me a while to finally get it but I'm almost there lol.
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I used to be the same way. But peer pressure never had anything to do with my drug use and abuse. I was always the first in my circle of friends to seek out new thrills. I really didn't care if others did it or not.

I'm sorry to hear all the shit you've been thru and are still going thru. We BLers really like you, nznity. We're rooting for ya, brother. Best wishes and keep us posted.
 
jasperkent said:
I used to be the same way. But peer pressure never had anything to do with my drug use and abuse. I was always the first in my circle of friends to seek out new thrills. I really didn't care if others did it or not.

I'm sorry to hear all the shit you've been thru and are still going thru. We BLers really like you, nznity. We're rooting for ya, brother. Best wishes and keep us posted.
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Man you're so right. It wasn't the peer pressure, I actually liked to roll over in the mud and cover myself with that ahit. For some fucking odd reason I thought I was unworthy of things, man I still got so much trauma to work on. Right now I'm contained and can't do shit but imagine if I'm fine again and those thoughts unresolved thoughts start ruminating again? I needa take precautions and also get the fuck away from here, they sell coke 5 min walking from here. Anyway, thanks buddy for those words of encouragement 👍 I tend to fuck up from time to time with some ppl but I'm not a bad person.
Cheers for that buddy, it's Friday and I'm having a drink to distract myself.
Stay safe 🙏
 
nznity said:
Man you're so right. It wasn't the peer pressure, I actually liked to roll over in the mud and cover myself with that ahit. For some fucking odd reason I thought I was unworthy of things, man I still got so much trauma to work on. Right now I'm contained and can't do shit but imagine if I'm fine again and those thoughts unresolved thoughts start ruminating again? I needa take precautions and also get the fuck away from here, they sell coke 5 min walking from here. Anyway, thanks buddy for those words of encouragement 👍 I tend to fuck up from time to time with some ppl but I'm not a bad person.
Cheers for that buddy, it's Friday and I'm having a drink to distract myself.
Stay safe 🙏
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No one is a bad person, we just learn unpleasant habits some where down the line 😹
 
nznity said:
My whole body aches. I feel drained, , exhausted of being ill.i take loads of benzos everynight to sleep... just to wake up and feel more tired and sore all over my body. I feel so fragile in this nasty world, I think I don't belong here. I've always felt like something was missing and tried to fill that void with massive amounts of narcotics and rampant cocaine use but it only numbed myself temporarily while everything was falling apart around me. It only made the hole bigger and I'm permanently scarred from all the havoc drugs have brought upon my life.
I'm being pushed to the extreme right now, no one should ever feel this sad. My suicide ideations are more recurrent everyday that passes, the first thing I think in the morning is "why am I still alive?". During the day I constantly ruminate thinking ways to die, my depression is through the roof, the food all tastes the same to me now. In conclusion, just being alive has become a fucking chore and I'm being pushed to the limit 247. I'm too young but at the same time I'm too sick and I'm not enjoying life anymore( I'm starting to doubt if I ever did too).
Anyway, I'm just done with everything. I just wanna sleep and never wake up. Only in dreams I feel happy so sooner or later, ill put myself down to a perpetual oniric trip. Thank you, Adiós.
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My sister does heroin and I got sober two years ago myself. How can i not convince her to quit? You just have to admit the drugs are addicting and that it really is as easy just allowing yourself to feel really bad for a week. The drugs hypnotize you and your under a spell. Until you have five day under your belt your just a drugged zombie. It's a shame because i was lucky tho try lots off rehab. Jail, AAA. I could walk you through how to get sober. i would advise you to medical detox. Where do you live?
 
xxsicknessxx said:
My sister does heroin and I got sober two years ago myself. How can i not convince her to quit? You just have to admit the drugs are addicting and that it really is as easy just allowing yourself to feel really bad for a week. The drugs hypnotize you and your under a spell. Until you have five day under your belt your just a drugged zombie. It's a shame because i was lucky tho try lots off rehab. Jail, AAA. I could walk you through how to get sober. i would advise you to medical detox. Where do you live?
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Lima, Perú 🇵🇪
I'm already past drug addiction, I got health problems, I'm ill as fuck and fighting for my life. That's the thing in this thread
 
nznity said:
Lima, Perú 🇵🇪
I'm already past drug addiction, I got health problems, I'm ill as fuck and fighting for my life. That's the thing in this thread
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Peru wow.. beautiful lands and country. Tough tho with many drugs. Must be some good Peruvian flake 😹😹😹
 
Do you like to game @nznity? Do you have any gaming systems? I'm just wondering if you have something else to get into besides reading to keep you occupied while youre bedridden all day. Hope all is well and I'm wishing you the best.
 
xxsicknessxx said:
It's a shame because i was lucky tho try lots off rehab. Jail, AAA. I could walk you through how to get sober.
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That's really cool that the American Automobile Association is doing rehab now.
Do they drive you to not drink?




😉
 
somnilicious said:
Do you like to game @nznity? Do you have any gaming systems? I'm just wondering if you have something else to get into besides reading to keep you occupied while youre bedridden all day. Hope all is well and I'm wishing you the best.
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Well, generally I spend my day chatting with friends, bit of discord, all day watch stuff on YouTube(I don't watch TV, I learn about news online) and I.play a lot of archero( a really cool mobile game thwt you only need one hand to play). I got a laptop for Xmas(brand new hp) but sadly I can't use it yet till I fix my right arm. My brother would lend me his play station 4 if I could use both hands but currently mhmm all I do is pretty much all that stuff I wrote up there lols.
 
Uknowit4now said:
Peru wow.. beautiful lands and country. Tough tho with many drugs. Must be some good Peruvian flake 😹😹😹
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I've had the luck of coping pure cocaine from the VRAEM Valley(straight from the lab) twice. Me and a friend bought 2g and were doing that shit as if it was reg coke. Omg my heart was pounding and sraky it was way too strong. I swear a lil line( around 100-150mg) lasted 30-40 mins till u wanted to redose. No jet fuel smell, super oily and hygroacopic. U couldn't cut tbat shit into lines, it felt like it was frigging wet lols but it was super good 👌. I can't discuss prices but a gram of it costed around the same u pay for a reg bag in the states haha
 
UPDATE: I wanna say that I wrote this 1 day before I had an appointment with a new doctor that has told me he's gonna help me out to recover, 34 yo, specialized in reconstructive microsurgery(which is rare here and what I needed tbh), he studied in Switzerland and in the States. Anyway so this Dr has given me hope and I feel as if a lot of weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Thanks everyone for the support and all the love,BL is my other family.💙
Good vibes for yall, there's nznity for a good time still.
Much luvvv,
nico xx
 
nznity said:
I've had the luck of coping pure cocaine from the VRAEM Valley(straight from the lab) twice. Me and a friend bought 2g and were doing that shit as if it was reg coke. Omg my heart was pounding and sraky it was way too strong. I swear a lil line( around 100-150mg) lasted 30-40 mins till u wanted to redose. No jet fuel smell, super oily and hygroacopic. U couldn't cut tbat shit into lines, it felt like it was frigging wet lols but it was super good 👌. I can't discuss prices but a gram of it costed around the same u pay for a reg bag in the states haha
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No jet fuel smell😹😹😹 gawd that smell and taste... i remember all too clearly 😹😹😹 imagine cooking that stuff up for a boost.. lol not a good idea.
 
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