Exhausted Im kinda done with everything

[Señor Moreno]

Wow Nznity, that's fucked up.
It is a true lot of shit what you have to endure.
Pain is a motherfucker, so is depression.
Don't know what to say but you are right, if you will undergo surgery, the less the drugs you are used to, the better. Had some surgery on 60mgs long term methadone. They gave me a fent patch to wear and morphine here and there. All it did was make me even more constipated with minimal pain relief.

Easier said than done but yeah, bro, keep your meds to the minimum you can bare. You will thank yourself later.

You said you are young, that is good.
Emotions hit harder when you are young, or at least thas was my case. I don't have a reason for that and can't find English words to try and explain myself, even it would be hard in Spanish.
But thing is without knowing how, I found ways to kind dissociate myself and my psichcological (?) problems. "Found ways" are not the words, but it just happened.

Mucho ánimo, tío!! ❤

 

[nznity]

Your going fight this battle and win my friend
Its amazing how we can survive this shit but dammm you have and you will!

Thx again, I'm doing my best. I've fking cried blood and even questioned my life at some point but things are getting better...I'm transfigurating into a different person totally. We are soul, body, spirit and mind in the end and we are in constant evolution.

 

[Uknowit4now]

Thx again, I'm doing my best. I've fking cried blood and even questioned my life at some point but things are getting better...I'm transfigurating into a different person totally. We are soul, body, spirit and mind in the end and we are in constant evolution.

Yeap the blood tears... its a lotta pain thats for sure. And thats all we can do is our best.. peace my friend, find it, you will, its that inner peace in your soul..i think you already know, i definitely dont need to educate you on that!

 

[nznity]

Yeap the blood tears... its a lotta pain thats for sure. And thats all we can do is our best.. peace my friend, find it, you will, its that inner peace in your soul..i think you already know, i definitely dont need to educate you on that!

Thank you for re assuring Me anyway though .

 

[Uknowit4now]

Thank you for re assuring Me anyway though .

you sound like a strong person to me with a good head on your shoulders. Use that to your advantage i know you will...

 

[nznity]

you sound like a strong person to me with a good head on your shoulders. Use that to your advantage i know you will...

Danke bro. I try my best, I've just been a reckless spoiled kid during my early 20s and my dad didn't fking guide me when I needed someone to help me get back on track. Instead, he turned a blind eye and fuckng let me go to shit and then he locked me up twice in 2 horrible rehab centers that instead of helping me, I met more drug addicts, more contacts,etc plus that treatment center the psychological abuse was hardcore, I was so stressed out I relapsed after 3 days. Well it's been quite a while since then and I'm having a lot of time to reflect on life but yeah I want the best for me now. Drugs are not a priority anymore.

 

[RC-Lover123]

You need to stop the benzo poison. I was never depressed in my life until I started taking Valium and Xanax daily and in massive amounts. Within a year, I was a depressed, horribly dark individual, a wreck, and also thought that I didn't really care about life any more. I stopped the benzos cold turkey, accepted the withdrawal and insomnia and the depression was soon gone for good.

 

[n3ophy7e]

You need to stop the benzo poison. I was never depressed in my life until I started taking Valium and Xanax daily and in massive amounts. Within a year, I was a depressed, horribly dark individual, a wreck, and also thought that I didn't really care about life any more. I stopped the benzos cold turkey, accepted the withdrawal and insomnia and the depression was soon gone for good.

Very, very wise words.

 

[RC-Lover123]

I have taken and abused almost every freaking drug on earth and I am pretty sure that benzodiazepines are the most evil and dangerous substances out there. They feel innocent and unspectacular but they take over your life quickly, fuck up your personality, make you do crazy and insane things you would never ever do normally (I became badly criminal, a psycho) and last but not least: They cause depression even in otherwise reasonably happy people.

 

[nznity]

You need to stop the benzo poison. I was never depressed in my life until I started taking Valium and Xanax daily and in massive amounts. Within a year, I was a depressed, horribly dark individual, a wreck, and also thought that I didn't really care about life any more. I stopped the benzos cold turkey, accepted the withdrawal and insomnia and the depression was soon gone for good.

What for? They are not impacting my life in a negative way, if it wasn't for them and morphine I'd be screaming from the pain and the anxiety of being like. I've yet to experience any benzo wd too. As long as they are useful to me, I'll keep taking em. I got worse problems to deal with rn like recovering the movement of my right arm, THAT SHIT TRULY MAKES ME DEPRESSED, not benzos. Thanks for your input though.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I have taken and abused almost every freaking drug on earth and I am pretty sure that benzodiazepines are the most evil and dangerous substances out there. They feel innocent and unspectacular but they take over your life quickly, fuck up your personality, make you do crazy and insane things you would never ever do normally (I became badly criminal, a psycho) and last but not least: They cause depression even in otherwise reasonably happy people.

I am, of course, "liking" your post not because I like it but in agreement and solidarity.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I am, of course, "liking" your post not because I like it but in agreement and solidarity.

Sorry @nznity but I agree with him. Benzos are seemingly innocuous but are actually quite insidious. They are depressants, after all. I know they might make us feel better at the time, but overall they make our general mood lower over time.

 

[RC-Lover123]

If you take them every night (what benzo are you taking?) you will get addicted or you already are but you don't notice it. Valium withdrawal takes three days or even longer to kick in due to the very long half life. And they will make you even more depressed. No drug on earth ever got me depressed but Valium and Xanax achieved that within a year, and badly so. They don't help with pain, morphine does that much better and is also good for anxiety and sleep.

But obviously I don't know you or your precise condition, nobody is the same. Your original post reminded me of that terribly dark mindset I developed deep in my benzo addiction. And the same happened again in following episodes of benzo abuse. Depression and anxiety always came back when benzos were in my system again. They literally are a depressant, like n3ophy7e correctly stated and they depress your mind and your soul. Toxic garbage.

 

[nznity]

Sorry @nznity but I agree with him. Benzos are seemingly innocuous but are actually quite insidious. They are depressants, after all. I know they might make us feel better at the time, but overall they make our general mood lower over time.

Ikik but right now is not the moment, trust me. I don't wanna depend on them for the rest of my life but I'm in a very vulnerable position as I type this and need them very bad. I'll taper of them slowly with diazepam when my health improves.

 

[nznity]

If you take them every night (what benzo are you taking?) you will get addicted or you already are but you don't notice it. Valium withdrawal takes three days or even longer to kick in due to the very long half life. And they will make you even more depressed. No drug on earth ever got me depressed but Valium and Xanax achieved that within a year, and badly so. They don't help with pain, morphine does that much better and is also good for anxiety and sleep.

But obviously I don't know you or your precise condition, nobody is the same. Your original post reminded me of that terribly dark mindset I developed deep in my benzo addiction. And the same happened again in following episodes of benzo abuse. Depression and anxiety always came back when benzos were in my system again. They literally are a depressant, like n3ophy7e correctly stated and they depress your mind and your soul. Toxic garbage.

Clonazepam 2 mg during the day and 2-4mg at night.

 

[nznity]

If you take them every night (what benzo are you taking?) you will get addicted or you already are but you don't notice it. Valium withdrawal takes three days or even longer to kick in due to the very long half life. And they will make you even more depressed. No drug on earth ever got me depressed but Valium and Xanax achieved that within a year, and badly so. They don't help with pain, morphine does that much better and is also good for anxiety and sleep.

But obviously I don't know you or your precise condition, nobody is the same. Your original post reminded me of that terribly dark mindset I developed deep in my benzo addiction. And the same happened again in following episodes of benzo abuse. Depression and anxiety always came back when benzos were in my system again. They literally are a depressant, like n3ophy7e correctly stated and they depress your mind and your soul. Toxic garbage.

I definitely am dependant on them but I've yet to experience wds cause its impossible for me to run out, they are freely sold over the counter in my country so yeah, for the past 2 years or so I've been taking at least 4mg everyday.

 

[nznity]

If you take them every night (what benzo are you taking?) you will get addicted or you already are but you don't notice it. Valium withdrawal takes three days or even longer to kick in due to the very long half life. And they will make you even more depressed. No drug on earth ever got me depressed but Valium and Xanax achieved that within a year, and badly so. They don't help with pain, morphine does that much better and is also good for anxiety and sleep.

But obviously I don't know you or your precise condition, nobody is the same. Your original post reminded me of that terribly dark mindset I developed deep in my benzo addiction. And the same happened again in following episodes of benzo abuse. Depression and anxiety always came back when benzos were in my system again. They literally are a depressant, like n3ophy7e correctly stated and they depress your mind and your soul. Toxic garbage.

My mindset is more due to my overall health and the severe mental toll that being bedridden us causing me. Add tons of psychological abuse by my retarded father and u get why I am that kinda depressed. Drugs have nothing to do with my problems, if it wasn't for morphine and clonazepam I'd probably b banging my head against the wall.

 

[Nas47]

Sorry @nznity but I agree with him. Benzos are seemingly innocuous but are actually quite insidious. They are depressants, after all. I know they might make us feel better at the time, but overall they make our general mood lower over time.

Usualy they(benzos)are not suitable or can worsen major depressive symptoms indeed.,..especially at bigger doses

 

[nznity]

Usualy they(benzos)are not suitable or can worsen major depressive symptoms indeed.,..especially at bigger doses

I cant harm myself anyway, I'm too weak right now to even sit, rofl. I don't wanna die yet man, I was just venting bcs I felt the need for it. But I'll take into consideration what you guys are saying cuz Its true, the downregulation of GABA receptors after prolonged times of massive benzo doses is permanent and my brain is already pretty fried from all the cocaine I've snorted, smoked and shot in the past...it's still hard to picture myself free from everything but it's something I wanna accomplish eventually.

 

[ions]

So something dawned on me. My former professor(s) from Mansfield U both studied in Peru. One a native Peruvian, the other american doing a study there.

I know, why mention. I don't know. I may reach out to them if the mood strikes. About if they know or met any specialists down there that could help a little. Who knows.