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Relapse the moment right before you mess up!

chinup said:
shit, i'm sorry you had it too. mine was pretty bad, i had a few involuntary hospitalisations, and ended up doing a few months in a specialist residential facility. i got well enough to not need IP treatment any more but didn't really recover, just started numbing with drugs instead and was still extremely underweight. thank you for thinking i might not make my childrens life a living hell, i really would hope not to and wouldn't want to bring a life into the world if i didn't believe myself capable of giving a child a decent life. my boyf would make a great dad and we have family near by too which would help.

spoiler for period related tmi:
i found losing my period validating, but i didn't get it back til i gained weight in rehab a few years ago,and its not come back properly, its very light. which apparently means that even if i am ovulating (which drs currently aren't sure....) my womb lining might not be sufficient to actually support a pregnancy. i haven't needed to buy period products since i was 19, just use panty liners for like 2 days a month, i'm 36 now.
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It's... Extremely triggering for me to talk about anything ana related so i never do it. But the period thing i really dont mind cus i always wanted to adopt a kid. My best friend is a dude and we are not a couple in any way but he agreed to raise a kid with me haha
 
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strangeaeon said:
It's... Extremely triggering for me to talk about anything ana related so i never do it. But the period thing i really dont mind cus i always wanted to adopt a kid. My best friend is a dude and we are not a couple in any way but he agreed to raise a kid with me haha
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Nawww that is so lovely!! <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
Nawww that is so lovely!! <3
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Here is hard to be entrusted with a kid, they research alot about you before it but i hope we make it cus i have never wanted to get pregnant
Hey how is your baby now? I hope it hasnt been too hard on you like what i wrote about a few messages ago here
 
strangeaeon said:
Here is hard to be entrusted with a kid, they research alot about you before it but i hope we make it cus i have never wanted to get pregnant
Hey how is your baby now? I hope it hasnt been too hard on you like what i wrote about a few messages ago here
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Wow hun, where is that? Ultimately it's a good thing but it would be stressful having them research you beforehand.
My baby is so good!! He is the best! He is super healthy and thriving, and he is such a fucking delight. A really sweet little boy 🥰
 
n3ophy7e said:
Wow hun, where is that? Ultimately it's a good thing but it would be stressful having them research you beforehand.
My baby is so good!! He is the best! He is super healthy and thriving, and he is such a fucking delight. A really sweet little boy 🥰
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Florida. The problem is, they know i been a junky. My neighbours just had a baby an it wont let me sleep... That would be my least fave part about it, i would go insane
 
strangeaeon said:
Florida. The problem is, they know i been a junky. My neighbours just had a baby an it wont let me sleep... That would be my least fave part about it, i would go insane
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Ahhh yeah, there's no way around that with babies. My boy is pretty damn good with sleep but having said that, I didn't sleep last night 😑 He had his 4 month shots yesterday and was super sad all last night 😪
 
God, so many times I've been there and wish I wouldn't have done it. I slowly lost everything: my job, my girlfriend, my possessions,clothes, my jewelry, etc. God, fck dope.
 
Now I really want some oxycodone but can never take one AGAIN because they are causing me unbearable pain and a life of downward spiraling crippling torment. Until IT ALL ENDS and is overr.
FOREVER in fcking eternity. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
 
I'm trying to find a place to post. I woke up in terrible pain and aching. So I did some dabs and the pain went completely away. Does this mean I am addicted to dabs now ?!!!!!!!

Oh but I did double up on my Meloxicam also today.
 
hylite said:
I'm trying to find a place to post. I woke up in terrible pain and aching. So I did some dabs and the pain went completely away. Does this mean I am addicted to dabs now ?!!!!!!!

Oh but I did double up on my Meloxicam also today.
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What kind of pain do you have and why? Mine is muscle pain, terrible pain that wont let me get out of bed without everyone around me noticing that i am suffering. But it's because i sleep too much, barely eat, and probably need a higher dose of methadone
 
nznity said:
God, so many times I've been there and wish I wouldn't have done it. I slowly lost everything: my job, my girlfriend, my possessions,clothes, my jewelry, etc. God, fck dope.
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Nah dude its hard for me to blame drugs. They are always the symptom of something worse. Today i really want a fix but in two hours i have a karate exam and i would totally arrive super late if i went to get that crap, yet it would make the exam sooo much easier and much less painful than it will be so idk all i know is that this sucks
 
strangeaeon said:
Nah dude its hard for me to blame drugs. They are always the symptom of something worse. Today i really want a fix but in two hours i have a karate exam and i would totally arrive super late if i went to get that crap, yet it would make the exam sooo much easier and much less painful than it will be so idk all i know is that this sucks
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You're rationalising your use, that's common between addicts. I've done the same shit a thousand times but I've would've done better without it.
 
I ended up not taking the Duloxetine and the bottle is still sealed. Have to peel the foil sealed on container.
But the next day I bite a tiny chip of a 10mg hydrocodone. Because I was trying to do a dab and I had been crying so much from being in pain that it was making me cough so much and hard to breath well. So opioid is a cough suppressant and it really helped. But the kindling is back a little worse each time and slight withdrawal and now I am almost out of Prednisone. I will be in pain a lot and don't have anything else to take.

And the maybe three choices and I don't EVEN know what they mean or can they even help somehow. ? And I am not seeing it. For my auto immune inflammation.


1 Gabapentin ?

2 Pregabalin ?

3 Duloxetine ?
 
n3ophy7e said:
When can you see your doctor again?
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Oh heyyy. <3<3<3💙 The Duloextine sounds juicy and I was wondering about it. But it said something about serotonin and I had just messed with norco again. That it is. But just yesterday Not today ???
 
The cast doctor can prescribe so I hope he gets how bad I need it. I could bring him my lab report ? God you know and covid alerts told me to stay in for two years and don't go anywhere and stay away from people. But I once went to this one awesome doctor . . . . . last May.

I wonder if they are on here.
 
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