Relapse the moment right before you mess up!

[Jabberwocky]

I really liked both of them. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts it was interesting to read the stories of the people that the doctor treated and his interactions with them. I also appreciated getting the perspective of someone with a process addiction. People with substance addictions are seen in a more negative light by society, however the process of addiction is the same throughout any type. I found his scientific explanations of why some people are more predisposed to addictive behaviors due to early life experiences and environments versus the genetics.
Chasing the Scream really tuned me into the war on drugs and how it’s just been perpetuating the problem for all this time. Decriminalizing and showing more compassion for addicts proved to be successful in I think it was Portugal? Less crime, less overdose deaths and I think even less drug usage over all. Despite that, I doubt the US will ever make big enough changes.
If you have any other addiction and recovery reading material that you’ve found interesting and/or helpful please let me know.

sorry i somehow missed this message before. i definitely agree that mate's interactions with his patients and his own description of his addiction was illuminating. i loved his chapter about a higher power, i shoul reread it.

and yes portugal decriminalised drugs. i was there on holiday a few months back, obviously i only got a tourists eye view. but in the UK you get a lot of obviously intoxicated homeless people in city centres, i didn't see any of that in lisbon. they made it easier for addicts to get help by removing the fear of legal consequences.

@chinup @Sweet Jane78 one of you is british no? ever heard of thelema? i went into them oasises in california years ago, it was some creepy shit, but i learned about Aleister Crowley, and to this day am still utterly fascinated, i was going to recommend one of his books called Diary of a Drug Fiend, it's exactly what the title says but something at the end of the book helped me alot. Mind you, he was no ordinary drug fiend, he was a literal wizard, and a war veteran, and if you are into astrology, his chart is the evilest shit u will ever see.

i'm british. i have heard of them, and i have heard a bit about aleister crowley (last podcast on the left, which i love, did a series about him). wasn't he basically into massive drug fuelled orgies all the time, but also like massively disgusting- like as in physically gross, unclean etc? i am not into astrology but that is very interesting!!

 

[Sweet Jane78]

@chinup @Sweet Jane78 one of you is british no? ever heard of thelema? i went into them oasises in california years ago, it was some creepy shit, but i learned about Aleister Crowley, and to this day am still utterly fascinated, i was going to recommend one of his books called Diary of a Drug Fiend, it's exactly what the title says but something at the end of the book helped me alot. Mind you, he was no ordinary drug fiend, he was a literal wizard, and a war veteran, and if you are into astrology, his chart is the evilest shit u will ever see.

I’m American. Sounds interesting. I’ll have to check that out. Thanks

 

[Sweet Jane78]

wow can you really throw it out? i could never. only once or twice did i do that. when my best friend came out of rehab to live with me and i was like shit here he comes i better flush this shit
aye, those week long runs after not using for a while make me feel like shit aswell... i dont go to the bathroom, get super bloated if i eat (which i dont)
what made u relapse? i have karate class in one hour and i can still go buy some powder but i dont want to be late for training idk im sad as fuck oof if i had my glock with me i would go straight to hell for killing myself. aint that so unfair? that the people who commit suicide go to hell? like you already feel bad enough to blow your brains out, and boom you wake up in the land of eternal torture, fuck that

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I hope you stick with the karate. Seems like a good way to try to focus on more positive things that are good for you. Also, way to go for trying to help your friend out.
I actually did throw it away because I was just feeling so bad physically and mentally from using. My mistake was leaving it in the bag because I ended up retrieving it and using more and then later decided I better dump it from the bag into the trash.
At the moment I decided to relapse it was the weekend and I didn’t have anything else going on and felt like I just wanted to party with my using friends. I think the real reason is I just wanted to escape from life stuff that’s been going on. It’s “fun” until it’s not.

 

[SuperPsych]

6 months! Ahhh It seems impossible. I do find some hope in what you said about going a year not even wanting it! Right now I feel like the wanting will never go away.

Are you in any type of program that has helped you?

You made it 26 days! That is something to be proud of! Doesn't matter if you slipped up today or yesterday, that is still progress made. If you can make it almost one month, then you can make it 6.

I'm not sure what your DOC is, but I've been through heavy opioid, meth, benzo, cocaine, etc addiction. Basically I've been addicted to anything and everything. The craving and urges usually become much easier to deal with after the first month. Around month 6 they become more like background noise and are easier to manage.

I've been in recovery for the past year. This is my 3rd serious attempt. The first time I made it a little over 6 months then went back out for a few years. The 2nd time I made it about a year then went back out for 2 years. This time I'm on a year and going strong.

What's made the difference for me this time around is that I'm doing outpatient treatment and seeing my addictions counselor regularly. I have done 12 step meetings in the past and they are super helpful, especially if proper addictions treatment isn't an option. My counselor is pushing me to go to meetings. I've only been to one this whole year. It's important to find a good meeting that you like. A lot of AA/NA meetings suck, so don't feel bad about shopping around until you see one that you like.

Maybe this isn't the right place to post this, but recovery also looks differently for everyone. Like I said, I was a heavy opioid, benzo and stimulant user. I was prescribed Suboxone and I've been on it the past year and am tapering off of it. It's been really valuable in helping me get my life together. I also still use Psychedelics, Dissociatives and Marijuana. Psychedelics I only use a few times a year when my depression gets bad. Dissociatives I use once every 1-2 weeks, both for depression and to fight weekend boredom tbh. Marijuana I use for nausea and to help get to sleep. I don't smoke it to get stoned because it gives me anxiety attacks. Why do I consider myself in recovery even though I still use some drugs? Well, I'm not using Meth, or Heroin, or benzos. I'm not using anything that has ruined my life in the past, and I'm now responsible with the few things that I do use. That's why I say I'm in recovery but I'll never claim that I'm sober. I did wait at least 6 months into recovery before I reintroduced Psychedelics and dissociatives though. I also don't recommend getting into those now if you've never done them before. My current regimen works for me but it'd be the downfall of some folks.

I only shared just to highlight that everyone's recovery looks different. It's taken me 3 times over many years to find a regimen that (so far) works for me