Hey, thanks. ☺
I am also always happy to hear a "moan", so no sorries needed there. I encourage it, expression of the heart.
All I really do actually is moan, but I dress it up by nature with humourous twists and personally I feel my moans are very valid too lol.
I can relate completely to what you say here.
I try my best to keep faith. Telling myself forever, if there is any point in this game there absolutely needs to be some sort of ultimate supreme benevolent divine.
I still can"t accept this though. Okay, we NEEDED this exoerience hurt and pain.
Maybe we did bad things, before?
So life is the god given correction facility!
Now if I was some Almighty powerful loving God, creator of everything surely limitless power and ability and choice to design things from the ground up...
There's no way I would Factor into this scheme no allow such extreme levels of horrendous pain torment suffering and sorrow!
Like, is there really no other better way of doing this?
Was I presented with the choice of ceasing to exist or or taking on these challenges and burdens in life?
Even that completely sucks in terms of concept but regardless, I clearly must not have appreciated quite what I was getting myself into because simply ceasing to exist all together genuinely seems like the most appealing proposition I can personally imagine like it's better than euthanasia which we can't even bloody access the c****
If our pets reached this stage, it would be deemed inhuman to deny them relief, dragging life on so uglily.
So I have some big questions about this. Personally, Im convinced our "creators", masquerading "Gods" are a nefarious freelancing race who keep firm permanent watch of us, realky hold every string & card, who not that long ago fully reset current humanity after a mudflood extinction event, possibly way more, late 1700's.
Deserted Earth, repopulates with the current bioligically engineered subset of humanity. Way shorter life spans, weaker immunuty, dismally reduced mental faculties and level of consciousness on the whole.
Very easy to control manipulate and keep watch of this flock down here. I imagine the previous generations may have stirred up up slightly too much bother so we need it modifying further to keep things easier and more predictable.
History has been shockingly falsified but very cleverly so.
It (we) all started here, early 1800's
I believe this, and so so much more too, it's just too much for the programmed masses to entertain, by design.
And this is just one small layer in time. Back to my example about how us clever people meddled with various animal breeds resulting in some of them having her difficult way of life for purely selfish gain.
We brutally murder cattle and chickens after subjecting them to a miserable hellish life we force feed geese to make you know what.
I wonder who they pray to?
I have many questions not that's fine actually that's interested because it's a piss take that we have to rack our mortal brains so much we should just all share the truth if god is so bloody f****** great there would be no no evil, and no hell for me I don't even want the Demons to feel pain because I do not want pain to exist they just need to be banished or Vanquised.
Fundamentally though why the hell is this supreme loving creator allowing these twats god knows what form they actually take to be controlling creating and destroying our lives cyclically according to their own god given free will?
Sit back, enjoy the show God y don't you? I ask again.
I'm losing my track now. It's been a hell of 24 hrs.
But I have figured some crucial things out and I definitely have a shot here. Just so hard forever, every time in the deepest catch 22 ditch. Physically I mean.
I have been taking ivermectin because I needed to do something desperately about these fresh long covids and the unbearable nerve damage.
It's interesting stuff and has done a lot to massively improve my general respiratory infection symptoms which have been much easier to manage since.
I also stopped feeling really sick for the first time since I broke my back in September.
I'm taking a course of prescribed vibrational homoeopathy which works magic and really will remedy my problems it just takes time and suffering in the process such is healing.
I have made brilliant progress actually healing the hemorrhoids caused by the original Covids which have been been the greatest bane of my existence ever for over 6 months at least of true torture that no human should have been able to manage and just survive I swear.
A few weeks ago before I began this homoeopathy and the ivermectin there is no way I could possibly have lived for very long at all and it was worse then on anything I could describe just to be conscious.
The past week I have achieved an extraordinary amount of healing repair detoxification but it's been so arduos exhausting painful in the process.
After so so so much already.
My mind and nerves long ago broke, then to extra degrees last week.
Hence PTSD plus.
Underneath, sure progress.
However. Im allergic to nearly everything in some way. Even if it does general wonders, I need it, always a sting in the tail.
Ivermectin has a very powerful anxiolytic effect similar to benzodiazepines but actually more effective for myself and also so massively calms down the nervous system and studies discovered in past that ivermectin directly stimulates healing of damaged nerves as well.
It was tested and indicated as being extremely beneficial for me generally recently.
But. It interferes with my bowel movements lots of supplements and remedies and foods have this effect I must be so careful we have have two valves in our colon on the lower left side is the ileocecal valve which is the most important one and is effectively like a tap which can be mechanically closed, by allergy, infection or stress.
It became clear to me since yesterday that the ivermectin for all of the genuine benefits it has has provided is causing my ileocecal valve to shut there for not allowing waste to leave the intestines.
So this has been flaring up my hemorrhoids but only relatively mildly and only really on the outside for such a long time the fistures were were everywhere inside like a volcano but not any longer!
I have identified this now. But I was not mentally prepared nor physically equipped to handle another round of torture the last 24 hours when I was very close to physical relief but desperately needing some healing for PTSD and trauma.
Earlier I wax in such a wretched physical state, unable to sleep still, just unbearable hit fiery innards like aggressive rats burrowing out.
Nauseaous, in body pain, too weak to be upright, unable to sit or lay down.
I flipped into the severest mental trauma state ever. I just wished to die. Withiut pain, trauma and further consequence.
It's better! I did well again. Proactive, mountain scaling.
I feel sick, depressed, all sorts. But I may have a shot here. After all.
hehe. Reminds me of when I had my daughter (21 years ago!) I kept crying just looking at her. I'm pretty much ready to be a grandma now and that thought has kept me going through some awful s#it. I want to meet that little critter!!
