The percs are better in the short term mainly because they come with some actual fear of hurting myself, where straight oxy brings no such fear. I come from a long line of alcoholics (strong livers), so I’m not really worried about the long term damage.
AND I’m a great bullshit artist, so talking my Dr into more oxy wasn’t impossible. Getting more than 6 Percocet’s per day was the limit because of the Tylenol in them.
I don’t want to damage my relationship with that Dr. There’s likely more surgeries in my future and I want that dealer, I mean doctor, to write me a giant prescription if that ever happens. My current goal is to make him think he tapered me off the pills, rather than just stop cold turkey. Somewhere in the middle of this I wanted to stock away some percs, but that doesn’t seem to be working.
Baby steps. Two steps forward and one step back. This time last year I was prescribed 100 mg per day oxy, and I would take 600 mg per day for 5 days every month. Right now I’m taking about 1/2 of that for about the same amount of time. It’s a step in the right direction and the Tylenol is actually what is doing the work.
Ultimately it’s the common pattern of abstinence and relapse. It’s really hard to look back at all of the times I was close to freedom and realize I keep putting myself back into the grips of the pills. I just know myself and I know that I won’t walk away from this problem until I have proven to myself that there is no solution. Meanwhile I’m getting about a week each month with some real pain relief and it’s kind of nice.
