☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: If 2020 Was the Dumpster, Can 2021 Be the Fire?

[Jabberwocky]

I’ve heard so many of those accidentally became a felon stories from the US. It really is the Carceral State and disenfranchises millions of citizens. Literally. And then makes it almost inevitable that they re-offend when that have zero options for gaining a place as a respected regular citizen.

It happens to a much lesser extent in Australia because we have less serious crimes and there are lots of post- release programs to help prisoners. But the police are as lazy as fuck here and they spend all their time focussing on known petty and minor criminals to meet their quotas/statistical goals so the jails are full of people doing like their 4th stretch for ‘possession with intent to sell’ which only requires having 2-3g of something like meth on you.

And our corporations are following the US way of police checking new employees and refusing to hire anyone with any kind of record. Zero tolerance even if it was just one joint at a party when you were a teenager. If the cops charged you, which they most often do even though they have discretion, that’s the end of your career opportunities at any kind of top firm in any industry.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

I snipped a lot out of that post because I'm prone to ranting and it's gone now. But yes my friend has experienced everything you're talking about. I have a lot of friends who's lives went down hill fast once they got that first felony. Many of them weren't even breaking the law. I know someone that got a felony for having their medication lose and not in the bottle.

You don't even have to be convicted for it to follow you around. A couple of years ago I got caught with a glass pipe in my pocket during a traffic stop. They wrote me a ticket for it then told everyone in the county by printing it in the crime blotter. Next thing I know I have family members calling me from the other side of the country asking me about it. I beat the charge in court, in fact my lawyer got it thrown out and it never even went to to the bench. I didn't even have to pay the $250 fine or whatever it is.

Did they print a retraction? No. Did anyone apologize to me for dragging my name through the mud and illegally charging me with a crime? No. I just got the joy of paying my lawyer over double what the fine would have cost to keep it "off my record". But it isn't "off my record". Because now every background check run on my name shows "charged with possession of drug paraphernalia".

 

[Xorkoth]

the requirement to carry insurance

This is very important because liability insurance ensures that if you fuck up and hurt someone or damage property, the person you hurt doesn't get fucked and stuck with damage that they did nothing to cause and are liable for. Liability insurance requirements make complete sense to me, although if you are not going to drive the car outside of your own property, I can see where you shouldn't need liability insurance.

everything to do with driver's licenses, and all the fees for things like tags, licenses, registration, the taxes just for owning the car etc.

The taxes help pay for road maintenance. And people who have shown repeatedly they are a danger to others (DUIs, reckless driving, etc) should not be allowed to keep driving. To me, driver's licenses make good sense and are on par with other road laws like stop signs, speed limits, etc.

Driving should perhaps be less regulated, maybe, but it shoudn't be unregulated. Driving IS a privilege, which should not be revoked without good cause, but there are good reasons to revoke someone's driving privileges, and that is when they repeatedly endanger others. We should be able to do whatever we want, as long as we're not harming others, that is where freedom of the individual stops taking precedence over the good of society. I got a DUI in 2018, it really sucked to lose my license for a while but I was repeatedly endangering other people as I got more and more comfortable with driving at questionable times, and I'm very thankful that when I did fuck up (blacking out and passing out at the wheel), I didn't do more than total my car and damage a parked car. Because of the severe ramifications for my actions, I will never get behind the wheel again without ensuring I'm under the limit. I carry a breathalyzer in my car and if I blow over, I get an Uber. As much as it sucked to go through, I consider it an example of the system working as intended and having a net positive impact on society.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

<cars>

We will never agree but I just wanted to point out something. Before cars most people had horses or walked to get around. Let's assume if you were middle class your family had a horse. There were steep punishments for stealing a horse or injuring a horse. People that made a nuisance out of themselves riding a horse were punished, fined, thrown in jail just like today. However, the Government could not tax you just for having a horse. The fact that I'm forced to pay taxes on old cars in my yard is not right. I shouldn't be forced to sell off or crush a perfectly good car I just don't feel like driving at this time. As it stands the Government is getting free money out of me because I have a project I won't get to for another 5 years.

It isn't the taxes I take issue with it's how they extract the taxes and how they double tax us. The Government isn't supposed to be able to tax your labor. There were clear rules laid out by the forefathers that were promptly ignored within a generation and we keep tacking more and more on top. We're already taxed for gasoline. It should be enough to maintain the road. Maintaining the road is one of the biggest scams running. The Federal Government holds the funds over the state's head and threatens to take them away any time a state doesn't want to go along with something. The crooked state Governments keep needless road work going to make sure they use up the entire budget every year. If you don't they'll send less the next years. Everyone is on the take.

Another benefit to a horse is you could put your passed out friend on his and the horse would take him home. It knew the way. Now if your drunk friend was parading down mainstreet jumping over nice old ladies and firing his 6-shooters into the air in all directions they would have thrown him in the jail to sleep it off. But they wouldn't have ruined his entire life over it. They wouldn't have taken away his horse either or given him a horse trained not to move when it smelled alcohol.

Our freedom of movement actually decreased with the introduction of the car. It's already impossible to travel within the United States without being tracked and monitored everywhere you go. The interstates have more cameras on them than the average prison.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

Bleh I just remembered my other pet peeve about driver's licenses in America. If they're going to be this strict and tax me this much then the DMV needs to step up their game. At least 75% of the other people I see on the road should have their privileges taken away until they take a proper test! This isn't just me thinking everyone else is an asshole. I am very patient, kind, and practice defensive driving at all times. I could pass the German's test easily.

No one in America should be on the road unless they can drive manual and demonstrate the ability to do threshold braking/braking without ABS. In addition to knowing and demonstrating other laws like STAYING TO THE RIGHT UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO PASS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Sorry. I hate driving on the interstate.

 

[tired of crap]

STAYING TO THE RIGHT UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO PASS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

I usually stay to the right except to pass..but its not often I pass our lord and saviour JFC.

But I once passed this long haired hippie, returning from a festival. He could have passed for JC if it werent for the fact that he was doing bumps, presumably of K (as he was swerving between lanes wildly).

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

I fucked up today dudes, I'm officially done with psychedelics. I went psychotic on DPT, it wasn't full blown ego death and hysteria like on AL-LAD, but still quite bad and scary. It took a while for me to actually realize what was happening, but when I had Seroquel kick in it slowly went away over the course of an hour.

I remember very well what being psychotic was like for me and maybe I'll elaborate tomorrow on it. One important thing I realised is that I can't trip anymore, it will take many years if ever. I feel like the border between tripping (hard) and my personal psychotic state of mind is very thin, I can't unsee it and I have to accept that my propensity towards going psychotic is much higher given that I have a bipolar disorder.

All in all I'm fine, feel pretty decent and quite good over my calmness and strength in what were a crazy 90 minutes. It's not all bad as a kick in the face as this helps leaving everything behind you know.

I actually had tickets for a club night, where I'm at now hahah, mad tired of course because of all the Seroquels I popped lol, buy hey I had already paid for a ticket, kinda had to go.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

I usually stay to the right except to pass..but its not often I pass our lord and saviour JFC.

But I once passed this long haired hippie, returning from a festival. He could have passed for JC if it werent for the fact that he was doing bumps, presumably of K (as he was swerving between lanes wildly).

That might have been me. My little sister used to call me JC but her Dad put a stop to it. Always hated the comparison it wasn't the first or last time I heard it.

I fucked up today dudes, I'm officially done with psychedelics. I went psychotic on DPT, it wasn't full blown ego death and hysteria like on AL-LAD, but still quite bad and scary. It took a while for me to actually realize what was happening, but when I had Seroquel kick in it slowly went away over the course of an hour.

Hey man I know exactly what you're going through. It just humbled you. In 2 or 3 more weeks you'll be feeling more like yourself again. Wish you would have asked here before you took seroquel. After you ride out the fear in those first hours it settles down and becomes a good time for reflection.

Did you do the entire trip inside? If you attempt it again go outside. I was in that bad place myself until I went outdoors. Did you see the entities coming out of everything? For me they were everywhere but I couldn't get a good look at them. Evil little shits coming out of the walls, floors, and my television. They weren't outside.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

That might have been me. My little sister used to call me JC but her Dad put a stop to it. Always hated the comparison it wasn't the first or last time I heard it.


Hey man I know exactly what you're going through. It just humbled you. In 2 or 3 more weeks you'll be feeling more like yourself again. Wish you would have asked here before you took seroquel. After you ride out the fear in those first hours it settles down and becomes a good time for reflection.

Did you do the entire trip inside? If you attempt it again go outside. I was in that bad place myself until I went outdoors. Did you see the entities coming out of everything? For me they were everywhere but I couldn't get a good look at them. Evil little shits coming out of the walls, floors, and my television. They weren't outside.

It was psychosis bro, believe me I know, I'll explain later and maybe write a report on it, as it really is my farewell to psychedelics. It was not a "bad trip" or something.

I'm totally fine tbh, I handled myself well throughout considering, worst case there is minor brain damage through dopamine flooding and overheating.

Based on what I know about regular psychosis, my experiences are entirely different. Maybe I'll write a report, it could help people and it highlights the importance of always having APs around.

 

[Xorkoth]

The fact that I'm forced to pay taxes on old cars in my yard is not right. I shouldn't be forced to sell off or crush a perfectly good car I just don't feel like driving at this time.

We agree there, for sure. It makes no sense to pay taxes on cars you're not driving.

Anyway I'd be down with not being taxed to own cars, but I firmly am on the side of requiring liability insurance for cars you drive on public roads, and being licensed to drive. Both of these are in order to minimize harm to others, as driving cars is the most dangerous thing we do, and it kills more people than any other accidental sort of death by far. If you're going to repeatedly drive while too fucked up to avoid hurting other people, you shouldn't be able to drive, and licenses are the only way to really enforce that. Also, a license proves you have been tested and are able to drive. We can't just have random people who don't know how to drive driving freely on the road. I mean some people suck at driving anyway but without a licensing system, there would be nothing to stop people from getting behind the wheel who literally have had no training and do not understand the rules of the road.

I fucked up today dudes, I'm officially done with psychedelics. I went psychotic on DPT, it wasn't full blown ego death and hysteria like on AL-LAD, but still quite bad and scary. It took a while for me to actually realize what was happening, but when I had Seroquel kick in it slowly went away over the course of an hour.

I remember very well what being psychotic was like for me and maybe I'll elaborate tomorrow on it. One important thing I realised is that I can't trip anymore, it will take many years if ever. I feel like the border between tripping (hard) and my personal psychotic state of mind is very thin, I can't unsee it and I have to accept that my propensity towards going psychotic is much higher given that I have a bipolar disorder.

All in all I'm fine, feel pretty decent and quite good over my calmness and strength in what were a crazy 90 minutes. It's not all bad as a kick in the face as this helps leaving everything behind you know.

I actually had tickets for a club night, where I'm at now hahah, mad tired of course because of all the Seroquels I popped lol, buy hey I had already paid for a ticket, kinda had to go.

Damn man I'm sorry you experienced that. Bummer about [psychedelics but I guess it is what it is and at least you realize it. Better to realize it than keep trying and experience life ruining effects.

 

[simstim]

So last Thursday was my 37th birthday.

My parents came over to take me out to lunch and they gave me a bicycle with an 80cc motor on it (which is awesome!!).

Then we went out to lunch and I got a notification on my new phone (which was also an early birthday present from my dad). I checked on Facebook and found out that my friend had died the day before. This led to me crying quietly several times during lunch and not wanting to hangout with my parents afterwards.

It started to be a really good day and then this news pretty well ruined it. My friend was an alcoholic. He had multiple organs failing and shutting down along with other issues.

We met through a mutual friend playing pool and soon after we were hanging out almost everyday. When the bar called last call every night at 3:30am I would go and get a twelve pack and then me and some other people would go over to his house to continue drinking and getting high. I often went by there during the day to hangout as well.

This was all back in 2006 and I haven't seen him in person for a lot of years, but that didn't lesson the blow any. I had just wished him happy birthday on Facebook back in July and he commented back.

I actually saved him from going to prison once when my friend called me and warned me not to go over there because he had gotten arrested leaving the premises with cocaine and the cops said they knew where it came from. I wasn't supposed to warn him per the instructions of the police, but the very first thing I did when I got off the phone was call him and say, "get your shit out of the house now!"

My other friend may have gotten into some trouble at sentencing for possession due to them not busting the source, but who does things like admit where they got cocaine to the police, so I didn't feel bad about that.

The visitation was yesterday and the funeral today. I didn't go because it was too far away to go on my new motorized bicycle.

The funeral is on YouTube and I'm thinking about watching it tonight.

Sorry about this wall of text, but I had to get it off my chest somewhere.

Feeling sad

RIP Beau!!!

 

[deficiT]

So last Thursday was my 37th birthday.

My parents came over to take me out to lunch and they gave me a bicycle with an 80cc motor on it (which is awesome!!).

Then we went out to lunch and I got a notification on my new phone (which was also an early birthday present from my dad). I checked on Facebook and found out that my friend had died the day before. This led to me crying quietly several times during lunch and not wanting to hangout with my parents afterwards.

It started to be a really good day and then this news pretty well ruined it. My friend was an alcoholic. He had multiple organs failing and shutting down along with other issues.

We met through a mutual friend playing pool and soon after we were hanging out almost everyday. When the bar called last call every night at 3:30am I would go and get a twelve pack and then me and some other people would go over to his house to continue drinking and getting high. I often went by there during the day to hangout as well.

This was all back in 2006 and I haven't seen him in person for a lot of years, but that didn't lesson the blow any. I had just wished him happy birthday on Facebook back in July and he commented back.

I actually saved him from going to prison once when my friend called me and warned me not to go over there because he had gotten arrested leaving the premises with cocaine and the cops said they knew where it came from. I wasn't supposed to warn him per the instructions of the police, but the very first thing I did when I got off the phone was call him and say, "get your shit out of the house now!"

My other friend may have gotten into some trouble at sentencing for possession due to them not busting the source, but who does things like admit where they got cocaine to the police, so I didn't feel bad about that.

The visitation was yesterday and the funeral today. I didn't go because it was too far away to go on my new motorized bicycle.

The funeral is on YouTube and I'm thinking about watching it tonight.

Sorry about this wall of text, but I had to get it off my chest somewhere.

Feeling sad

RIP Beau!!!

So sorry for your loss bro

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

So, psychosis...
I took 120mg of DPT, became very anxious in the beginning as was expected after months of not tripping and taking APs daily which are the literal opposite of psychedelics. I started getting véry hot and went out of the room I was in, music was starting to sound very uncomfortable. So I went to my living room and started pacing and thinking, I was like okay, just calm down, you're just tripping way too hard for what you can handle right now, you've been here before, just relax and push through, it will all settle soon like it did on the last DPT trip. Then the thought loops also really started, something like this:

Relax man, it's just you.
Wait, don't say it like that.
This is so typical.
Wait NO!! You did it again
I shout STOP (when I say it, it's like time rewinds to the beginning of shouting STOP and I see myself shouting it, it happens again and again...)
This is not right, this is not right
FUCK DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT
Come on man, you're okay, didn't do anything wrong (I started overthinking some really dumb stuff I did)
Wait, hahah, alright, just chill
No wait, not chill, just uhm
NOOO don't say it like that, (time rewinds again, my whole body twitches and I see myself saying NOOO again)
S-S-STO-STOP

These things happen over and over again, constantly in my head and completely delusional.
It's different from AL-LAD where I was in full ego death and had no clue about anything, here I still had a sense of self. For some reason it took me at least an hour after dosing to take Seroquel, I don't exactly remember why I waited so long, but it goes to show the mindfuckery of a psychotic mind. Since I knew what was happening I was kind of calm throughout but I still couldn't stop the psychotic tendencies, like thinking something, then thinking NO FUCK THATS WRONG, something again to "fix it", and it's wrong again etc etc etc.... Also the shouting of words in the hopes to "fix" what couldn't be fixed. It's like my brain was completely short circuited.
It was very reminiscent of AL-LAD where I constantly did this as well. At some point the visuals changed to this eerie look that was 100% similar to my AL-LAD psychosis and the DPT feel was completely gone, it was then that I took Seroquel as I was 100% sure that I was psychotic then and things slowly went back to normal over the course of an hour, these little psychotic tendencies of flashbacks to words and trying to fix, and be wrong again were still there but I got more back in control. An hour after Seroquel I was pretty much back to normal.

There are some things I forgot about, mainly what I "understood", as I also did on my AL-LAD psychosis, I thought I'd remember but I didn't. I couldn't put it into words either at the time, but I just knew.

I don't know what stimulant/sleep deprived psychosis is like but I imagine that psychedelic induced psychosis is very different. There are no shadows or entities, it's just you fucking with your own head. I also imagine this is very different for each individual.

I was lucky that I still had a sense of self, such that deep down I could stay calm while on the surface I was a playing ball of the psychosis. The AL-LAD psychosis was different because there was zero sense of self and no control at all.

Going from non psychotic to psychotic felt very natural, like going over things that made me anxious, I do that on every trip, but something snapped very early on that wasn't normal, it took a while for me to realize that. I think I fully realized what was happening when I had these inklings to shout words.
I think it can happen for me on any psychedelic, there is no point in taking one anymore. I can't trust myself anymore, and my psychotic state of being is about the most ugly place I could ever find myself in.

So I'm fully done with tripping, it's legit dangerous for me, and it's about time I gave up. I fully concede that I have a mental illness, and concede that the people that always say, don't trip with bipolar, are right. In the future, if any bipolar individual comes around and wants to trip, please advise him to have APs around at all times and to not fuck with high/heroic doses. I've tripped many times, but as my bipolar got worse over time something was bound to snap.

It sucks cause I'm sitting on an EPIC drug stash and you guys know how much I loved tripping, I would even take hours out of my day to be able to just talk about my favorite drugs lol. They're the best and it's not even remotely close. And I was damn good at it too. I just didn't win the genetic lottery.

It's time I step away and get on with my life, I need to refocus. End of a true era!!

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

It's not a jab on DPT though, don't let the horror story dissuade you. Easily top 3 drugs I ever did, high doses work and it's very deep and very fun.

 

[porkstock]

I can admit I was wrong but a lot of people can't. I'm not taking an experimental drug either.

In the US, the COVID vaccines are no longer “experimental” as they have been granted full FDA approval. The mRNA vaccines contain 4 basic ingredients: the active mRNA, fats to surround it, salts and sugar to stabilize it.
I won’t deny that they have rare side effects, but surely the side effects of opiate/fentanyl or research chemicals is far more risky.

 

[simstim]

So, psychosis...
I took 120mg of DPT, became very anxious in the beginning as was expected after months of not tripping and taking APs daily which are the literal opposite of psychedelics. I started getting véry hot and went out of the room I was in, music was starting to sound very uncomfortable. So I went to my living room and started pacing and thinking, I was like okay, just calm down, you're just tripping way too hard for what you can handle right now, you've been here before, just relax and push through, it will all settle soon like it did on the last DPT trip. Then the thought loops also really started, something like this:

Relax man, it's just you.
Wait, don't say it like that.
This is so typical.
Wait NO!! You did it again
I shout STOP (when I say it, it's like time rewinds to the beginning of shouting STOP and I see myself shouting it, it happens again and again...)
This is not right, this is not right
FUCK DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT
Come on man, you're okay, didn't do anything wrong (I started overthinking some really dumb stuff I did)
Wait, hahah, alright, just chill
No wait, not chill, just uhm
NOOO don't say it like that, (time rewinds again, my whole body twitches and I see myself saying NOOO again)
S-S-STO-STOP

These things happen over and over again, constantly in my head and completely delusional.
It's different from AL-LAD where I was in full ego death and had no clue about anything, here I still had a sense of self. For some reason it took me at least an hour after dosing to take Seroquel, I don't exactly remember why I waited so long, but it goes to show the mindfuckery of a psychotic mind. Since I knew what was happening I was kind of calm throughout but I still couldn't stop the psychotic tendencies, like thinking something, then thinking NO FUCK THATS WRONG, something again to "fix it", and it's wrong again etc etc etc.... Also the shouting of words in the hopes to "fix" what couldn't be fixed. It's like my brain was completely short circuited.
It was very reminiscent of AL-LAD where I constantly did this as well. At some point the visuals changed to this eerie look that was 100% similar to my AL-LAD psychosis and the DPT feel was completely gone, it was then that I took Seroquel as I was 100% sure that I was psychotic then and things slowly went back to normal over the course of an hour, these little psychotic tendencies of flashbacks to words and trying to fix, and be wrong again were still there but I got more back in control. An hour after Seroquel I was pretty much back to normal.

There are some things I forgot about, mainly what I "understood", as I also did on my AL-LAD psychosis, I thought I'd remember but I didn't. I couldn't put it into words either at the time, but I just knew.

I don't know what stimulant/sleep deprived psychosis is like but I imagine that psychedelic induced psychosis is very different. There are no shadows or entities, it's just you fucking with your own head. I also imagine this is very different for each individual.

I was lucky that I still had a sense of self, such that deep down I could stay calm while on the surface I was a playing ball of the psychosis. The AL-LAD psychosis was different because there was zero sense of self and no control at all.

Going from non psychotic to psychotic felt very natural, like going over things that made me anxious, I do that on every trip, but something snapped very early on that wasn't normal, it took a while for me to realize that. I think I fully realized what was happening when I had these inklings to shout words.
I think it can happen for me on any psychedelic, there is no point in taking one anymore. I can't trust myself anymore, and my psychotic state of being is about the most ugly place I could ever find myself in.

So I'm fully done with tripping, it's legit dangerous for me, and it's about time I gave up. I fully concede that I have a mental illness, and concede that the people that always say, don't trip with bipolar, are right. In the future, if any bipolar individual comes around and wants to trip, please advise him to have APs around at all times and to not fuck with high/heroic doses. I've tripped many times, but as my bipolar got worse over time something was bound to snap.

It sucks cause I'm sitting on an EPIC drug stash and you guys know how much I loved tripping, I would even take hours out of my day to be able to just talk about my favorite drugs lol. They're the best and it's not even remotely close. And I was damn good at it too. I just didn't win the genetic lottery.

It's time I step away and get on with my life, I need to refocus. End of a true era!!

That sounds rough!

What was the ROA? If nasal or IM that's a pretty hefty dose! After I tried some lower doses I decided 90 mg up the nose was where I wanted to be at. The only time I tried 110mg intranasally I blacked out for the entire duration of the trip, but I had been drinking too.

It sucks that you feel that way about tripping. Do you think you could've handled a lighter dose? Maybe you just did a bit too much.

IME a 90mg intranasal dose of DPT is on another level compared to 50mg or 75mg. I let a friend snort 25mg once and he tripped.

Maybe you should've tried 75mg or 80.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

That sounds rough!

What was the ROA? If nasal or IM that's a pretty hefty dose! After I tried some lower doses I decided 90 mg up the nose was where I wanted to be at. The only time I tried 110mg intranasally I blacked out for the entire duration of the trip, but I had been drinking too.

It sucks that you feel that way about tripping. Do you think you could've handled a lighter dose? Maybe you just did a bit too much.

IME a 90mg intranasal dose of DPT is on another level compared to 50mg or 75mg. I let a friend snort 25mg once and he tripped.

Maybe you should've tried 75mg or 80.

It is not a question of being able to handle I think, just my brain short circuiting very early on. The initial anxiousness didn't cause the psychosis, it's something going wrong super early on that causes the extreme anxiousness, it was the same on AL-LAD.
I was hypomanic going in, since I only took 100mg Seroquel the night before and barely slept because of it.

What is the point of tripping if psychosis is constantly in the back of my head, tripping is so close to it, I feel it. Even on less intense trips between this one and AL-LAD I entered the psychotic space but just didn't go all the way (I can tell because of how the visuals change). It is my brain telling me "do not do this". I'll listen this time.

I'm also scared if I would continue tripping and it happened again that I'm fucking with the threshold that like defines when I go psychotic. Statistically I'm even quite likely to go psychotic someday while not even taking any drugs, I do not want that, obviously.

 

[AutoTripper]

So, psychosis...
I took 120mg of DPT, became very anxious in the beginning as was expected after months of not tripping and taking APs daily which are the literal opposite of psychedelics. I started getting véry hot and went out of the room I was in, music was starting to sound very uncomfortable. So I went to my living room and started pacing and thinking, I was like okay, just calm down, you're just tripping way too hard for what you can handle right now, you've been here before, just relax and push through, it will all settle soon like it did on the last DPT trip. Then the thought loops also really started, something like this:

Relax man, it's just you.
Wait, don't say it like that.
This is so typical.
Wait NO!! You did it again
I shout STOP (when I say it, it's like time rewinds to the beginning of shouting STOP and I see myself shouting it, it happens again and again...)
This is not right, this is not right
FUCK DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT
Come on man, you're okay, didn't do anything wrong (I started overthinking some really dumb stuff I did)
Wait, hahah, alright, just chill
No wait, not chill, just uhm
NOOO don't say it like that, (time rewinds again, my whole body twitches and I see myself saying NOOO again)
S-S-STO-STOP

These things happen over and over again, constantly in my head and completely delusional.
It's different from AL-LAD where I was in full ego death and had no clue about anything, here I still had a sense of self. For some reason it took me at least an hour after dosing to take Seroquel, I don't exactly remember why I waited so long, but it goes to show the mindfuckery of a psychotic mind. Since I knew what was happening I was kind of calm throughout but I still couldn't stop the psychotic tendencies, like thinking something, then thinking NO FUCK THATS WRONG, something again to "fix it", and it's wrong again etc etc etc.... Also the shouting of words in the hopes to "fix" what couldn't be fixed. It's like my brain was completely short circuited.
It was very reminiscent of AL-LAD where I constantly did this as well. At some point the visuals changed to this eerie look that was 100% similar to my AL-LAD psychosis and the DPT feel was completely gone, it was then that I took Seroquel as I was 100% sure that I was psychotic then and things slowly went back to normal over the course of an hour, these little psychotic tendencies of flashbacks to words and trying to fix, and be wrong again were still there but I got more back in control. An hour after Seroquel I was pretty much back to normal.

There are some things I forgot about, mainly what I "understood", as I also did on my AL-LAD psychosis, I thought I'd remember but I didn't. I couldn't put it into words either at the time, but I just knew.

I don't know what stimulant/sleep deprived psychosis is like but I imagine that psychedelic induced psychosis is very different. There are no shadows or entities, it's just you fucking with your own head. I also imagine this is very different for each individual.

I was lucky that I still had a sense of self, such that deep down I could stay calm while on the surface I was a playing ball of the psychosis. The AL-LAD psychosis was different because there was zero sense of self and no control at all.

Going from non psychotic to psychotic felt very natural, like going over things that made me anxious, I do that on every trip, but something snapped very early on that wasn't normal, it took a while for me to realize that. I think I fully realized what was happening when I had these inklings to shout words.
I think it can happen for me on any psychedelic, there is no point in taking one anymore. I can't trust myself anymore, and my psychotic state of being is about the most ugly place I could ever find myself in.

So I'm fully done with tripping, it's legit dangerous for me, and it's about time I gave up. I fully concede that I have a mental illness, and concede that the people that always say, don't trip with bipolar, are right. In the future, if any bipolar individual comes around and wants to trip, please advise him to have APs around at all times and to not fuck with high/heroic doses. I've tripped many times, but as my bipolar got worse over time something was bound to snap.

It sucks cause I'm sitting on an EPIC drug stash and you guys know how much I loved tripping, I would even take hours out of my day to be able to just talk about my favorite drugs lol. They're the best and it's not even remotely close. And I was damn good at it too. I just didn't win the genetic lottery.

It's time I step away and get on with my life, I need to refocus. End of a true era!!

You know, the thing Buzz and I am bushed for words now too too knackered plus but getting along, this all still sounds very normal to me.

And you have always presented so sensibly and not needlessly articulately but not from an absence of it, with meaning and experience always.

I have lots of thoughts images and feelings on this. I have overcome neurosis affecting speech very psychosomatically.

Inner voice. Took me years. I retrained things,

So many different sectors need rewiring though. But the physical is the obstacle like basic food & sleep for eg.

When I started tripping again January 2019- reading your report there, takes me back.

I had to work through things. Keep jumping in. Liking it or lumping it.

It's never easy to take off with LSD redosing is bliss. But I realise, I have dissolved those particular anxiety/OCD based tendancies at least.

No psychosomatic aspects within or generally there.

I'm not saying this would be right for yourself.

I do though still feel you may have gained some therapy there still and insight.

You proved how much you CAN keep sense and control your mind too, with seroquel on hand ofc.

Now I'm not suggesting it and no need to or not, but on this thing, I really wonder, if you did trip again next week say...find yourself in similar space, but somehow had a reflect, kind of not too panicked, maybe less entangled and compulsive.

As a general principle because it would not apply to everybody but I do firmly believe in this type of self psychology development with psychedelics approaching them from a place of being in a psychosomatic way anxious about the experience and a tendency towards OCD and psychosis.

Day 5 no LSD for me. Seems like 2 weeks experience. Amazing afterglow though. I hope it's permanent. That is largely why I have pushed on with the stuff.

Letting so much infiltered light in so that it's blinding but once let up, afterglow forever.

I like a mystical afterglow. I can not trip a lot myself now, ideally. Too intense is the world for my senses primarily. Soften it. Soften me. But I have seen enough for now and feeling good and bright in spirit at least.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Now I'm not suggesting it and no need to or not, but on this thing, I really wonder, if you did trip again next week say...find yourself in similar space, but somehow had a reflect, kind of not too panicked, maybe less entangled and compulsive.

It was 100% psychosis man, I had an intense psychotic break on AL-LAD at the start of the year, that was a disaster as I wasn't alone and police and shit got involved lol.
This was exactly the same, but it was just less intense and there was no ego death involved. I messaged someone while on it, and I re-read what I wrote and that could've very well just been mistaken for a dude tripping hard, but it wasn't. My body overheating is also a sign of excessive dopamine action.

There is no need to reflect on the psychosis, it is by far the ugliest space I could ever find myself in. Deep down, so a level below the psychosis, I knew what I was into and I just had to wait and suffer a little. I was very calm but the mind doesn't stop so I had no choice but to go along with it all, but I knew I was safe at least. My AL-LAD trip had some profound elements to it, but this was just living with a temporarily broken brain. Very unpleasant and deeply useless. In my psychotic state there's nothing of value to be gained, I'm as sure as I can be. I hope to never go there again, wouldn't be the worst thing either, but why take the risk... My brain is fucked, and I hope to spend many decades more with it so I gotta preserve what I can.

 

[AutoTripper]

It was 100% psychosis man, I had an intense psychotic break on AL-LAD at the start of the year, that was a disaster as I wasn't alone and police and shit got involved lol.
This was exactly the same, but it was just less intense and there was no ego death involved. I messaged someone while on it, and I re-read what I wrote and that could've very well just been mistaken for a dude tripping hard, but it wasn't. My body overheating is also a sign of excessive dopamine action.

There is no need to reflect on the psychosis, it is by far the ugliest space I could ever find myself in. Deep down, so a level below the psychosis, I knew what I was into and I just had to wait and suffer a little. I was very calm but the mind doesn't stop so I had no choice but to go along with it all, but I knew I was safe at least. My AL-LAD trip had some profound elements to it, but this was just living with a temporarily broken brain. Very unpleasant and deeply useless. In my psychotic state there's nothing of value to be gained, I'm as sure as I can be. I hope to never go there again, wouldn't be the worst thing either, but why take the risk... My brain is fucked, and I hope to spend many decades more with it so I gotta preserve what I can.

We are all different. You have done well uptil now it appears.

I wish there was a bright flipside other than just not going nuts, I mean that not insensitively.

I'm extremely lucky in this regard then. My own recent psychosis state was of a very different nature. Acute, from a combination of importantly lots of trips in short time, also high high mental stress, lack of any support or even space or outlet walls caving in...

Like not being oneself. Pretty present minded and in command of thoughts. Just not feelings.

And delusional.

It should resolve with a short time. I don't want to go back to normal though. Otherwise I'd have stayed that way.