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Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

I knew i was going to want to take phenibut every day too and that's why I didn't order it. I suck for will power when I have it at hand. If it's not in my face, I'm good. I can resist anything from a distance as long as I don't get too close to whatever it is I am wanting. I think with my personality I am going to have to be hyper vigilant for many years to come. I used and abused substances for 40 years on and off and it's still just so ingrained in me.

I broke away from the physical aspect of wanting and needing drugs but my mind still fucks with me 2 years later. A couple months ago I came really close to making a phone call to my ex dealer. I rolled a fattie, took my dog for a walk and talked myself out of it. So I really get the temptation.

You have to taper off of 16 mgs subs daily, right? How long will it take do you think? Rehab job sounds good. Surprised workers can't be on maint. therapy. Isn't that the whole point of recovery?

Every thing is new for you right now. Maybe things will change in the way you feel once you get settled. I just the wish the best for ya. Always will. @deficiT
 
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Pumpkin2021 said:
I think with my personality I am going to have to be hyper vigilant for many years to come.
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I still have to be super hard on myself. I'll play good for a while and fuck up a little. But getting back (although tough at times) seems to be getting easier.
itainteasybeinanaddict
Is anything easy? hmmmmmm :unsure:
May be hard but brittle as hell.
 
So I spent all of yesterday moving everything from my storage unit into my new place. Previous tenant (fucking slob ass pos) left a disgusting, foul fucking mess here for me to clean. I've gotta bug bomb the whole damn basement, ordered some, it's on the way. Couldn't fit my box spring in the door. Gonna have to try and fit it through the front door when the guy upstairs is home at some point. He works late though so he's never really around. Doesn't speak a lick of english. Mentally preparing for trying to turn the pilot light off.

I'm happy I guess, just frustrated with this dude. I would 1) never live in the condition that this fucking guy lived in for months (they barely even had a trash can), you can imagine how that looked and 2) would never leave a mess of my own like this for someone else to clean up. He hasn't even gotten all his shit out. He has till tomorrow and then it's going out the door.
 
deficiT said:
So I spent all of yesterday moving everything from my storage unit into my new place. Previous tenant (fucking slob ass pos) left a disgusting, foul fucking mess here for me to clean. I've gotta bug bomb the whole damn basement, ordered some, it's on the way. Couldn't fit my box spring in the door. Gonna have to try and fit it through the front door when the guy upstairs is home at some point. He works late though so he's never really around. Doesn't speak a lick of english. Mentally preparing for trying to turn the pilot light off.

I'm happy I guess, just frustrated with this dude. I would 1) never live in the condition that this fucking guy lived in for months (they barely even had a trash can), you can imagine how that looked and 2) would never leave a mess of my own like this for someone else to clean up. He hasn't even gotten all his shit out. He has till tomorrow and then it's going out the door.
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People that live like slobs disgust me too. There's no reason for it. Messy is one thing. Filthy is another. I'm sorry you had to move into that. :mad:
 
Pumpkin2021 said:
I knew i was going to want to take phenibut every day too and that's why I didn't order it. I suck for will power when I have it at hand. If it's not in my face, I'm good. I can resist anything from a distance as long as I don't get too close to whatever it is I am wanting. I think with my personality I am going to have to be hyper vigilant for many years to come. I used and abused substances for 40 years on and off and it's still just so ingrained in me.

I broke away from the physical aspect of wanting and needing drugs but my mind still fucks with me 2 years later. A couple months ago I came really close to making a phone call to my ex dealer. I rolled a fattie, took my dog for a walk and talked myself out of it. So I really get the temptation.

You have to taper off of 16 mgs subs daily, right? How long will it take do you think? Rehab job sounds good. Surprised workers can't be on maint. therapy. Isn't that the whole point of recovery?

Every thing is new for you right now. Maybe things will change in the way you feel once you get settled. I just the wish the best for ya. Always will. @deficiT
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Yep, gonna come off the 16mg Suboxone. Will probably drop to 8 straight away today. And then go from there. I did this earlier in the year too. It wasn't bad I did it right. Definitely getting the rehab job takes precedence as I need to get into some kind of job in that field to go into the program for school.
 
The Victorian government has (for a long time) put graphic warning labels on packets of cigarettes. We were one of the first places in the world to do this.

Four years ago, I cut out one of those images and put it in a frame.

It was the warning from the last packet of cigarettes I smoked.

That framed image is still on my wall today.

It has been nearly four years.

I'm almost ready to do the same thing with alcohol or marijuana.

One of them has to go, but I'm don't know which one.

#firstworldproblems
 
birdup said:
Good luck @deficiT.

I would pray for you, but I know how you hate God.
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Haha I find myself resenting God but realize I don't understand who/what God is so I would say I don't hate Him (why not Her?) I am just bitter when I don't get it my way not a reflection of the efficacy of God rather my own failure in understanding the law of cause and effect now if God can forgive a slanderous sinner I wouldn't mind it I think He knows what makes me joyous and what I disdain now if He thinks I will survive the lessons of this cruel and bitter universe I know not but if He is God He will still love me even if I wanted to decapitate Him

birdup said:
The Victorian government has (for a long time) put graphic warning labels on packets of cigarettes. We were one of the first places in the world to do this.

Four years ago, I cut out one of those images and put it in a frame.

It was the warning from the last packet of cigarettes I smoked.

That framed image is still on my wall today.

It has been nearly four years.

I'm almost ready to do the same thing with alcohol or marijuana.

One of them has to go, but I'm don't know which one.

#firstworldproblems
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Good idea wouldn't work for me I would throw it out eventually and buy the lie again I am thinking just started a nicotine withdrawal journal today trying to quit vaping was smoking cigs though yesterday on a binge alcohol makes me tolerate them otherwise repulsed heavily by them so all the more reason to quit drinking.

Hahaha first world problems lol ever seen Problem Child also the track First World Problem Child by Stray From the Path comes to mind with the verbiage sry I digress so alcohol I would say based on how destructive it is based on scientific literature not even getting spiritual...

For me I am cursed in the sense they go hand in hand I cannot use either alone after many trials doing just that deliberately testing myself in various ways never works probably due to my neurological development or lack thereof due to ploy substance abuse during adolescence so I know they both need to go together if I am serious about recovering and possibly having a life worth living one day.

Best wishes on your journey!
 
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I have been choosing to waste my life and lose my spirit on drugs in isolation glued to screens over interacting with sober people I feel incapable of changing but I cannot stop trying because that beast wants my soul it has no deal for me other than unspeakably wretched torment in mind and body and consciousness basically

Sry if I don't reply often miss them reflection of how big of a mess my mind and life are hope to improve over time slow learner.

Same morning I make a nicotine withdraw journal I relapse and decided to even while looking at it like the pain made me not care but I realize it is causing much of the issue with more pain but somehow I choose the all too fleeting "pleasure" of nicotine as I am not in total control or even good control over my emotional mind. My rational brain needs repair and exercise I can see. Impossible when I keep going bonkers with substances like I came all the way undone at the seams it seems

Enough about my dumb rat in a cage whining now sry cannot linger longer

Fizzgig vaping
izzy-medrano-fizzgig-1.jpg


 
dragonix said:
I have been choosing to waste my life and lose my spirit on drugs in isolation glued to screens over interacting with sober people I feel incapable of changing but I cannot stop trying because that beast wants my soul it has no deal for me other than unspeakably wretched torment in mind and body and consciousness basically

Sry if I don't reply often miss them reflection of how big of a mess my mind and life are hope to improve over time slow learner.

Same morning I make a nicotine withdraw journal I relapse and decided to even while looking at it like the pain made me not care but I realize it is causing much of the issue with more pain but somehow I choose the all too fleeting "pleasure" of nicotine as I am not in total control or even good control over my emotional mind. My rational brain needs repair and exercise I can see. Impossible when I keep going bonkers with substances like I came all the way undone at the seams it seems

Enough about my dumb rat in a cage whining now sry cannot linger longer

izzy-medrano-fizzgig-1.jpg


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We love you friendo dragonix, despite all my rage, I'm still just a splat in a cave
 
dragonix said:
why not Her?
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A female God would have been kinder to women. ;)

dragonix said:
so alcohol I would say
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Yes, it's going to be alcohol. Most of the worst most regrettable moments in my life have been caused by alcohol. I have more problems controlling dose with alcohol than anything else. It makes me sloppy. I also already have developed a medical condition that is incompatible with mass consumptions of liquor.
 
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birdup said:
A female God would have been kinder to women. ;)



Yes, it's going to be alcohol. Most of the worst most regrettable moments in my life have been caused by alcohol. I have more problems controlling dose with alcohol than anything else. It makes me sloppy. I also already have developed a medical condition that is incompatible with mass consumptions of liquor.
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Yo Same, alcohol has caused me nothing but problems. Once I start drinking, I can't stop. It combines oral fixation with mental addiction and coping mechanism, bad stuff, never again.
 
word to the above. fuck that shit. lol
man i still do not have a way out so this is fucking with me (got nowhere to move to all of a sudden) so this is stressin the fuck outta me tbh. specially with the two cats. i keep coming up with crazy quotes for living quarters but a mf broke and homeless.
Homeless in the south I am used to it tropical-ish in s fla. But here in the north I am not accustomed to. Looking for a shelter of sorts until I can get a few paychecks together but never get call backs. Is there something that offers short-term help for a mf like us? I mean functional but fuck through no fault of their own and not affraid to work? Someone that may be an asset? Someone with other goals and need a hand for a minute?
Fuck
lol
 
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