I get where you're coming from I do. But I already have this voice in my head telling me that it's all me and that things are not going to get better. Nobody asked you to read these nobody asked you to have the answer. I come here so maybe someone someday will relate to my story. Idk why I come here but I do know when I read your replies to me it just depresses the ever living fuck out of me because you tell me things that I already know about myself. I get where you're coming from, but it's just misdirected and generally just makes me feel a lot worse about myself than when I started. I'm sorry I can't just figure it out like you want me to trust me I wish I'd do all the things that you'd tell me to do but for some reason I'm just THAT fuckin dumb. So I get it. But I'm telling you. You're doing way more hurt than you are helping by telling me a worst possible outcome of a scenario I have already thought through 3,000 times in the last 24 hours. If beating myself up and telling myself to "just do it" was the answer I most certainly wouldn't have to come here to write about it because I've already spent 27 long hard years of doing that to myself already.
OK. Fair enough. You say you have a voice in your head telling you that you are never going to get better. I'm sure you have other voices telling you that you want a new life. You can pick which voice you listen too. I thought maybe a little anger might motivate you and it did motivate you to write me back which you have never done before. So I guess I motivated you to do at least that. You posted in a forum on a regular thread which means it shows up when one reads the threads. You didn't make it a blog, which actually has to be looked for. So naturally it is there every day and since you post daily it shows up as recent activity.
You're not getting comments here anymore because its the same stuff over and over lately and for a while now. You're trying to pull a geographic by going to another web site -- to get more replies methinks. Its become more about crying for attention than recovery. Don't mean to be mean, is what it is, and I hope for the best for you.
A job that you stick with maybe?
A dash of intuition I nod to
Nah, you made a commendable effort and it's never gonna be a perfect science. Human emotions are fickle like that.I know I'm the one that chased him off and I'm not proud of it. Sometimes my age and experience makes me think with my mind and not my heart.
I was doing good for about 7 pages and then I kind of got frustrated and told him exactly what I thought.
Just because I would be able to handle the hard truth doesn't mean that he could as well. I can understand why he felt the way he did after I read my posts again just now. Obviously I let my frustrations about his lack of effort cloud exactly what I was trying to help him with. Methinks my own emotions muddied up the waters.
Not my finest hour. @slw0363 . Ya wanna come back and give me a second chance?
So it comes to my attention there's some motherfuckers out there that could use a story like mine. Who are those motherfuckers? Fuck if I know, but if there's a single person on planet earth who will be able to use my story to better figure themselves out or at least if there's a single person who can look at my story and say "well at least he's a good example of what not to be and so I won't be like that" and then they go off and make different better choices than I did, then I feel like it was worth it. Plus... And it took me awhile to grow into this mindset... I was getting more out of writing and being able to process my emotions based on what I wrote down. At first I had a lot of anger towards this site I was like "these motherfuckers trying to control me" and I still kinda feel that way like legitimately fuck you from the very bottom of my heart for making me feel like I should just be getting anything at all. I'm glad it came so easy for you but guess what there's some motherfuckers out here much like myself who still fucking struggle even if you think that the answer is right in front of my face, even if you think I'm being whiney, even if you get bored of what I have to say. Fuck you for that, by the way, if you don't get how I don't see something that is obvious to you, that's fine. Guess what? I don't care.