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Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

6am-64-14m said:
hey man i got tears with or without benzo
cannot for the life of me figure this shit out and it going on for fucking decades!
Dont need no suicide hotline or a fuckin doctor of fuckin bullshit (no offense to any here).
I find so much beauty in the world and the creatures... why do I feel so much pain? I do no harm to anyone (even those who need it) and have paid up my dues for past shit - imo.
Fuckit man WTF?

not looking for answers they a;ready here still gleaning.
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Hey bro what drugs are you using again similar ones to me? Like opiates and cannabis
 
Ganjcat said:
what drugs are you using
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ya mean wtf am i on? lol
nothing basically
a little kratom for pain and a little phenibut for nerves
fuck prescriptions man the have fucked me for decades and I am tired of it... been tired of it
matter of fact time to dos a coupla gs of kratom now, thanks for remindin me was wondering why my back was runnin amok lol
 
I find beauty in the world to just watching animals doing their thing or a cat just walking along the wall birds eating bread etc but it's not enough it's because I'm jobless and tbh that's the one thing that's killing me inside and making quitting and everything else harder then it needs to be I might start an apprenticeship but I dont wanna work for free
 
6am-64-14m said:
ya mean wtf am i on? lol
nothing basically
a little kratom for pain and a little phenibut for nerves
fuck prescriptions man the have fucked me for decades and I am tired of it... been tired of it
matter of fact time to dos a coupla gs of kratom now, thanks for remindin me was wondering why my back was runnin amok lol
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Ahaha ahhh.. yes I miss kratom it sustained me well.. red Bali or if they didn't have it green everyday wash n toss which was hard to do without gagging but I swear that stuff is good for you not just to get high but it felt like it added a deep level of content perception that other opiates don't anyway I had kratom everyday in the week then I would have codeine on the weekend as a treat because they are obviously more euphoric I would be so happy if I met someone with a big supply of kratom it would be like my dream finding someone who has so much they can sell me tonnes for X amount I think if I had kratom now it would make quitting and everything so much easier
 
TripSitterNZ said:
lucky i decided to live on cause a week later life is better than ever has been. Crazy how things can take such turns
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This is precisely why I am never going to attempt suicide ever again. If anyone told me how fucking beautiful and lovely my life would be now, there's no way I would've tried to kill myself back then.
 
n3ophy7e said:
This is precisely why I am never going to attempt suicide ever again. If anyone told me how fucking beautiful and lovely my life would be now, there's no way I would've tried to kill myself back then.
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I am delighted to read this. You are an awesome lady, and the world needs more people like you, not less.

But uh... tell me this (or anyone, tell me this):

Your views about God are irrelevant now. But try to step into my shoes, my mindset. I am not religious at all, but i have had a FIRM belief in God for about 20 years now. I have prayed and i have prayed and prayed some more. Nothing like million euros and a hot girlfriend. Just some peace of mind, relief from suffering, for myself and also to the world. But there are times, when my relationship with God gets rotten. Belief stays FIRM, but the relationship is rotten. Living through one of those periods right now.

Things are bad here...

The harder i try, the harder the world and the reality pushes against me. Therefore, fuck trying. It is easier to not even attempt to fix things which are wrong, regarding my life. Just float, on the surface of the sea of madness, and see where the currents lead me to. I have no control over anything. Not even my own brittle hands, which seem to pour beer into my mouth and then i swallow it and then i achieve numbness, which is way better than pain.

Relatives, gone. I have nothing in common with them anyway. Friends, gone, corona messed some up big time, they could not handle what was / is happening and became persons who are not the type of persons i want to interact with. I noticed that some friends were only taking advantage of me, and i ditched them. Relationship with God = Rotten for the time being.

So, WTF? Why should i be here anymore? To wake up in the morning, make coffee, write stuff online, maybe drink / smoke a bit, write more stuff online, and go to bed and sleep. Rinse and repeat. Every day i live, is not a victory for surviving. Every day i live, is a victory for the entities and powers that make me suffer. They won, because i have given up.
 
Sometimes I wonder if it really is just too late for me. Maybe I've crossed the point of no return and I'll forever be drowning in my mistakes and regrets. I know you always have today to make things better, but it really feels like I've gone off a cliff and can't make anything right again.
 
oooh, a little bird, rap-artist called - 2muchcatostrophicbulshitthatiamusingasanexcusenottograntmyheadpeacebecauseithinkimapeaceofshitanddontwanttofacecomplexityandparadoxandwouldratherblamemyselftokeepmyinsularnarrativealivethanfacecomplexrealitydespitebeinglovelyandcomplexmyself ;)<3
 
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deficiT said:
Sometimes I wonder if it really is just too late for me. Maybe I've crossed the point of no return and I'll forever be drowning in my mistakes and regrets. I know you always have today to make things better, but it really feels like I've gone off a cliff and can't make anything right again.
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I felt exactly like you did when I was your age. Thought I could never turn shit around. Thought it was a life of past the point of no return.

I was wrong. It took some work but I hung in there and although I still live hand to mouth and paycheck to paycheck I got my peace of mind back.

You can too. I know you can. I read your posts and I see you are fighting. So keep fighting. You really can turn it all around if you stay focused.

105 days aint chicken feed brother. You got this.
 
Sigh I am using a Delta 8 disposable this morning but honestly would probably have got alcohol before nine this morning if I didn't puke up the Benzeneurotoxin I ingested last night that I vented about a little ago usually keeps me up all night always an impulsive choice to use without planning I need to avoid booze today for the life of me not much social life here today more like stay in bed vaping nicotine and this while my body recovers from that damage I surely did to my brain again.

I am ready to go to 12 Step meetings weekly I see no other solution here for me after years of not wanting to go to 12 Step meetings such is my lot in life on this planet but Gabor Mate says a toxic culture should take a good hard look in the mirror and wise up like I will have to do better myself I can only change me.
 
deficiT said:
Nooooo officer, who told you that!?
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I dont even know you - this is a message board full of questionable folk and I already love you; as human. I've got a weird intuition(albeit mixed with a lot of sense ;) ). Don't ever disrespect yourself by negating who you are- despite feelings/behaviour ( drugs/not drug related) - lose the habit of fucking yourself over ( by the means that you know yourself). There are enough people/things/constructs in the world willing to do it to/for you; don't join them. <3
 
dragonix said:
Sigh I am using a Delta 8 disposable this morning but honestly would probably have got alcohol before nine this morning if I didn't puke up the Benzeneurotoxin I ingested last night that I vented about a little ago usually keeps me up all night always an impulsive choice to use without planning I need to avoid booze today for the life of me not much social life here today more like stay in bed vaping nicotine and this while my body recovers from that damage I surely did to my brain again.

I am ready to go to 12 Step meetings weekly I see no other solution here for me after years of not wanting to go to 12 Step meetings such is my lot in life on this planet but Gabor Mate says a toxic culture should take a good hard look in the mirror and wise up like I will have to do better myself I can only change me.
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GO for it; criticize it! Just find what you need - this is living; to care for yourself and others who need to live. Any group/person/animal or concept that gives you perspective, meaning, purpose confidence to live your life is worth persuing - nothing should be dogmatic but DO what you need to do. best of luck<3
 
I am fuckin serious, guys, I was taught to fear darkness and stay away but this htread is opening me up (no puns) and is a part of my life now.
Sorry to just invite myself nut you guys always try to drag me everywhere ya go... please lets dont do the car crusher thing again; it was quite uncomfortable.
Lots to figure here but workin on me before tossin too much potentially disinformation about... ya know teachers will be the hardest judged, right?
 
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