Opiates - Retrospective - Description of the Opiate High

[Xorkoth]

What percentage of opiate addicts are able to function, go to work etc.?

It depends on the individual, and also the level of severity of the addiction. In my experience, people who turn to IVing are much more likely to end up in a really bad way, like homeless, resorting to crime, prostituting themselves, doing nothing but trying to score. Though certainly not all. Personally, I never allowed myself to cross the IV line, and also I primarily used opioids I was able to legally get (kratom and then poppy pods/seeds) so I didn't have the legal implications to worry about. I was able to hold down my job and even excel in it, but also I have always been really good at making sure to take care of my responsibilities in general.

Despite that though, I was miserable and I managed to ruin myself financially in a really bad way, and eventually fantasized about killing myself daily.

Opiates are not worth it for recreational use. It is most likely you will look back on this decision and would give anything to take it back.

 

[Lydian Jester]

I'm honestly looking to try and use them medicinally, because of bodily tension, like a last resort.

 

[telepathetic]

yeah, I'd consider my use "medicinal" as well. A dangerous self medication nonetheless

 

[Lovecraft]

This is so accurate. I'm 4.5 months clean (AGAIN) and as usual, starting to really get the urge to use. Reading your post simultaneously simulateously scared the hell out of me and strengthened my commitment to staying clean. I've been struggling with opiates off and on for over 20 years. It's high time to stay stopped. I have a 7 year old son and he deserves better.

I'm going to save this post and read it every day.

 

[plumbus-nine]

Try dissociatives first. Without knowing real opioids (and using them chronically is a vast difference from what you get from eg codeine - the negatives come slowly but steadily), low dose MXE /O-PCM can even fit into what one might expect from opioids. They are fluffy, painkilling, euphoric, distracting, moreish - can give you a good imagination of what it's like to be in a deep addiction but you'll have a hard time killing yourself with them and they're easier to quit. Also with dissos you get actually a tool at hand for quitting opioids, lol. But the real difference is that dissos are somewhat self limiting. After awhile one gets bored off them, every relapse just shows you how stupid it was to overuse them and the tolerance curve is very different, a relapse doesn't put you into dependency again.

Be prepared for mania though.

 

[December Flower]

This was such an amazing read.
Thank you Xork

 

[Xorkoth]

This is so accurate. I'm 4.5 months clean (AGAIN) and as usual, starting to really get the urge to use. Reading your post simultaneously simulateously scared the hell out of me and strengthened my commitment to staying clean. I've been struggling with opiates off and on for over 20 years. It's high time to stay stopped. I have a 7 year old son and he deserves better.

I'm going to save this post and read it every day.

I hope that it helps you. I'm also in a relapse, again. Working on stopping, I'm on my third small dose of suboxone, skipping a day between doses. Have 2 more doses, going to take the next one in 2 days and the next one 3 days after that and then hopefully be good... I'm going to try to do an online appointment to get some clonidine from a web site I found that says they can prescribe and send the script to your local pharmacy... they mention opiate withdrawal as a reason to be prescribed it on their site. I hear clonidine really helps, but I have yet to try it. Hoping I can get that and that it will help me with the residual crappiness I will feel. I am also thinking about using naltrexone, some people I talked to told me that it keeps them from having cravings, and it also prevents opiates from even working since it is an antagonist, and it doesn't make them feel emotionless or anything. I've been wondering if using that might help me break the cycle again and get some distance from it all.

The struggle is real. When I wrote this I thought I was finally past it, I made it past 5 whole years clean, I didn't dream about opiates anymore, didn't crave them. Then things turned south in my life and I experienced a lot of loss and pain and I relapsed once... and have struggled ever since. That was over 2 years ago.

 

[Lovecraft]

I hope that it helps you. I'm also in a relapse, again. Working on stopping, I'm on my third small dose of suboxone, skipping a day between doses. Have 2 more doses, going to take the next one in 2 days and the next one 3 days after that and then hopefully be good... I'm going to try to do an online appointment to get some clonidine from a web site I found that says they can prescribe and send the script to your local pharmacy... they mention opiate withdrawal as a reason to be prescribed it on their site. I hear clonidine really helps, but I have yet to try it. Hoping I can get that and that it will help me with the residual crappiness I will feel. I am also thinking about using naltrexone, some people I talked to told me that it keeps them from having cravings, and it also prevents opiates from even working since it is an antagonist, and it doesn't make them feel emotionless or anything. I've been wondering if using that might help me break the cycle again and get some distance from it all.

The struggle is real. When I wrote this I thought I was finally past it, I made it past 5 whole years clean, I didn't dream about opiates anymore, didn't crave them. Then things turned south in my life and I experienced a lot of loss and pain and I relapsed once... and have struggled ever since. That was over 2 years ago.

You could've been writing my exact story. I was like, "holy shit, this is me". And you described the process in such compelling, accurate detail. I was starting to get into a bit of denial myself, thinking it's not so bad, which is just the addiction trying to get me again and your post was like a smack in the face with the reality that this is no joke. It's amazing the shit we tell ourselves to get us back using again after some time clean. What a mind-fuck.

Clonodine does help with taking the edge off of withdrawal. Definitely get some if you can. I've used it before and it gave me significant relief. Not like a Suboxone or anything but definitely makes things a little more bearable.

Good luck to you. I'm clean again 4.5 months and I want this to be the last time. I'm so sick of it and yet the thought of how opiates feel, especially coming out of some clean time, still gets me. Especially now that I have some issues with chronic pain. I'm serious though, I'm going to read your post every day.

Hang in there brother.

 

[December Flower]

I hope that it helps you. I'm also in a relapse, again. Working on stopping, I'm on my third small dose of suboxone, skipping a day between doses. Have 2 more doses, going to take the next one in 2 days and the next one 3 days after that and then hopefully be good... I'm going to try to do an online appointment to get some clonidine from a web site I found that says they can prescribe and send the script to your local pharmacy... they mention opiate withdrawal as a reason to be prescribed it on their site. I hear clonidine really helps, but I have yet to try it. Hoping I can get that and that it will help me with the residual crappiness I will feel. I am also thinking about using naltrexone, some people I talked to told me that it keeps them from having cravings, and it also prevents opiates from even working since it is an antagonist, and it doesn't make them feel emotionless or anything. I've been wondering if using that might help me break the cycle again and get some distance from it all.

The struggle is real. When I wrote this I thought I was finally past it, I made it past 5 whole years clean, I didn't dream about opiates anymore, didn't crave them. Then things turned south in my life and I experienced a lot of loss and pain and I relapsed once... and have struggled ever since. That was over 2 years ago.

I'm rooting for you too, man
You've kicked this devil's ass once, and you can do it again, I'm sure

 

[Xorkoth]

I got a script for clonidine and gabapentin today, which has me feeling way more confident. Gabapentin on its own does absolute wonders, especially for kratom (it works better for kratom than "full opioids").

 

[Lovecraft]

Xorkoth I was reading your opening post again and I was thinking about all the things I've told myself to get back using opiates. For instance, when I'm clean and feeling shitty (depressed, anxious) for whatever reason, I say, "well I might as well use since being clean apparently isn't much better", which makes no sense because I'll end up feeling worse.

I also have a ton of guilt for what I've put my loved ones through with this.

I don't know how old you are but I'm going to be 48 in July and started doing opiates when I was in my 20’s. I need/want to be done for good. You can do it too. Let's leave this shit behind once and for all.

 

[Xorkoth]

Oh man do I know what you mean. One of the biggest hurdles for me is that I am compelled to use drugs not only when things are going bad, but also when things are going good. It's when things are just plugging away, middle of the road, that I find it easiest to stay away. My initial reason for starting to use drugs was out of excitement and experimentation, and so when I am feeling euphoric, the thought always creeps in "hey I could take XXXXX and this would be even better!". My first relapse after a long time off (8 months clean), it was my birthday and I convinced myself that doing it once would just be a good birthday present.

I'm turning 38 next week, and have been into opiates since I was 20/21 (started at 20 but didn't experience withdrawals/get deep in until 21). But yeah man, we do got this. I know we can both do it. Maybe I'll re-read my story every morning, too, it does paint a vivid picture.

Something that helps me tremendously and is really important every time I've quit and stayed off is working out every day. Especially 20-30 minutes of cardio. When I do an hour of working out, cardio and weights, I feel SO MUCH better throughout the day and I get an endorphin rush from the exercise. It helps more than any other single thing.

 

[Lovecraft]

I've had that same thing about when things are going great and I'm feeling good I think about how (fill in the blank) will make it even better. I've done that with drugs and food. These days, I'm not as fooled by it and when things are going well when I'm clean, I'm pretty aware of how I'll fuck it up by using. Nowadays, it's when life shows me it's ass is when I start thinking about escaping.

I work out too. It's always been my go-to whenever I get off opiates. The endorphins are very close analogs to opiates and I especially feel the similarities after a good workout. One thing that sucks is that I have chronic pain as a result of injuries from when I was younger so I can't always workout as hard/much as I'd like. Pain is another trigger for me that I need to be careful of.

From all of my experience and failures with regard to quitting opiates I'm realizing that it's a daily battle and I can never take it for granted. I had 5 years clean once about 10 years ago and I thought I'd never use again. This "disease" or whatever you want to call it is life-long. I know that now. Even reading your post I realized that I was starting to slip into old thinking again that will get me using.

My wife is going to have surgery in a couple weeks and I will be helping her with getting her medication. I'm determined to stay clean through it. Last time she had surgery, I ended up taking half her medication and she ran out too soon. I had to call her doctor to get her a refill. Can you imagine what ba POS I feel like? That just can't happen again this time or any time.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

Fantastic description. I do find there can be quite a lot of variation in the high between different opioids, too.

 

[Xorkoth]

I've had that same thing about when things are going great and I'm feeling good I think about how (fill in the blank) will make it even better. I've done that with drugs and food. These days, I'm not as fooled by it and when things are going well when I'm clean, I'm pretty aware of how I'll fuck it up by using. Nowadays, it's when life shows me it's ass is when I start thinking about escaping.

I work out too. It's always been my go-to whenever I get off opiates. The endorphins are very close analogs to opiates and I especially feel the similarities after a good workout. One thing that sucks is that I have chronic pain as a result of injuries from when I was younger so I can't always workout as hard/much as I'd like. Pain is another trigger for me that I need to be careful of.

From all of my experience and failures with regard to quitting opiates I'm realizing that it's a daily battle and I can never take it for granted. I had 5 years clean once about 10 years ago and I thought I'd never use again. This "disease" or whatever you want to call it is life-long. I know that now. Even reading your post I realized that I was starting to slip into old thinking again that will get me using.

My wife is going to have surgery in a couple weeks and I will be helping her with getting her medication. I'm determined to stay clean through it. Last time she had surgery, I ended up taking half her medication and she ran out too soon. I had to call her doctor to get her a refill. Can you imagine what ba POS I feel like? That just can't happen again this time or any time.

You seem to be on the right track, good luck man, I think we've got this. But it is indeed a lifelong battle. I'll never make the mistake again of thinking it's not something I need to remain vigilant about. For me, loss/grief is a huge trigger. and what sucks is that the older we get, the more we will experience this. Both of my main relapses in the past couple of years have been from loss/grief.

Today was my last suboxone dose. I'm loaded up with clonidine, gabapentin and loperamide though so I'm ready. Kinda nervous, but I've done it many times before and I'll do it again.

 

[Lovecraft]

Yep, getting older sucks! That's why I kinda have this troubling feeling that now's the time because from here it just gets harder.

Hang in there and be strong. Hopefully you can step away from life responsibilities for awhile. Feel free to message me if you need a reminder that it WILL get better.

 

[Xorkoth]

I am unable to step away from responsibilities which is why it keeps being so hard to stop. I did take a month off last summer and did a detox where my friend and I rented a cabin and stayed there with no cars for a month. Got clean and happy, then the day I got back my cat died... unexpectedly and RIGHT then, and my girlfriend who was watching her basically dropped the ball so I was grieving and angry at the same time. And I relapsed. I cant get another period of time off like that, my job and band are too demanding.

Fortunately the gabapentin is amazing. I feel good today, started to get withdrawals and took 900mg of gabapentin spaced out, and a clonidine. I just need to make sure to alternate loperamide and gabapentin days to avoid gabapentin addiction (been dependent on phenibut a lot and also gabapentin once). Gabapentin works much better than loperamide since it also improves mood substantially, but loperamide takes away most of the worst of it, too. Plus I did every other day low dose suboxone for the past 10 days, I cheated and took kratom a couple of times too but my usage was way down for a little while so that should also help.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I consider myself a 'functional-addict' in that:

1) I can tell myself to quit when I need to for say, travel reasons, so that I don't go through WDs while away
2) I use weaker opioids as social/work/motivation enhancers so that I'm not a complete asshole to people all the time
3) Despite years of abuse (8 years now?) I never let it impact my relationships

Maybe I'm just a year or two away from a worse habit, Idk... I did try out methadone for the first time last night, at roughly 1.5mg. It was decent, not very strong at that dose. I was completely clean of opioids at that moment too as I'd just come back from a vacation... but clearly, I am an addict, since the first thing I did when I got home after cleaning up the home was break out my vial of methadone and trial it. Of course, I had been waiting over a month to do so (because of the travel).

Opioids are weird. I can't imagine ever being treated for pain with anything else (I can't take ibuprofen it damaged my intestines) and the medicinal world has yet to find a decent replacement for them.

 

[Lovecraft]

Opioids are weird. I can't imagine ever being treated for pain with anything else (I can't take ibuprofen it damaged my intestines) and the medicinal world has yet to find a decent replacement for them.

Very true. They are so effective at relieving any kind of pain or discomfort both physical and mental/emotional (when not abused for prolonged periods) and yet, can make an addict out of any god-fearing square grandmother and lead them down a horribly destructive path.

 

[Xorkoth]

I consider myself a 'functional-addict' in that:

1) I can tell myself to quit when I need to for say, travel reasons, so that I don't go through WDs while away
2) I use weaker opioids as social/work/motivation enhancers so that I'm not a complete asshole to people all the time
3) Despite years of abuse (8 years now?) I never let it impact my relationships

Maybe I'm just a year or two away from a worse habit, Idk... I did try out methadone for the first time last night, at roughly 1.5mg. It was decent, not very strong at that dose. I was completely clean of opioids at that moment too as I'd just come back from a vacation... but clearly, I am an addict, since the first thing I did when I got home after cleaning up the home was break out my vial of methadone and trial it. Of course, I had been waiting over a month to do so (because of the travel).

Opioids are weird. I can't imagine ever being treated for pain with anything else (I can't take ibuprofen it damaged my intestines) and the medicinal world has yet to find a decent replacement for them.

1.5mg? Damn man you have the most sensitive opiate receptors I've ever heard of lol. I like to take 60mg of it