I'm exactly the same!! My best friend who passed away nearly 4 years ago, gave me his login details and showed me how to do it once, but I have no idea how to do it. It's for the best because I would just buy all the things.
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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?
- Thread starter Jabberwocky
- Start date
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Its nothing to be afraid of, but you certainly need to know what you're doing, which takes much research.
Yes.
I am a true polyaddict and the dark net is like kid me in a candy shop. Its definitely not good for someone having difficulty controlling their use.
Anyways drugs r bad....
On another topic I noticed that my schizo symptoms flare up when I am stressed or very sad. New to me. Not too bad, not much, but noticeable.
The INCESSANT FUCKING MUSIC in my head needs to stop. Sorry mini vent.
Have a good day friends.
stardust10
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2020
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- 1,604
Fuck am I schizophrenic? ^ I get random music through my head at least 50% of the day lol.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I used to get music stuck in my head too. Its different. I start hearing music playing before I even open my eyes in the morning. Instead of voices I hear music. It can be very odd. Sometimes I'll hear someone I know singing the song. Its hard to explain and all started after my mental breakFuck am I schizophrenic? ^ I get random music through my head at least 50% of the day lol. The darknet lol
Trust me when you hear your own mother's voice singing childhood rhymes in your head at 6am... a song you've never heard before... Trust me it gets VERY weird and abnormal.
I have to remind myself that I am sane and still appear so to other people.
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stardust10
Bluelighter
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Ok 
I don't know you but I'm sorry you had a mental break I'm feeling like I could any day soon
I don't know you but I'm sorry you had a mental break I'm feeling like I could any day soon
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Made me smile. Maybe you, too.
Well, that's alright. I used to feel nervous and paranoid when I first started buying from there so I can definitely understand why you would feel that way.
Sorry to hear you're going through that, it does seem like it's causing you distress so hopefully it gets better soon.
For me today has been alright, I got some more heroin so I'm feeling much better now. Last week I had purchased a new drawing tablet for my PC, at first I regret it because it was an impulse purchase and I hadn't drawn in so long because depression completely killed my ability to enjoy it so I thought I wasn't going to be as good as I used to, but I decided to test the tablet out by doing a quick drawing of one of my favorite characters from a video game and I was pleasantly surprised to find that my skill level hasn't really declined at all. It really does disturb me just how badly depression can suck the enjoyment out of things I love to do though...
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Looks like a professional sketch to me. I'd like to see any of your digital art. Don't short sell yourself. Most of us draw 3rd grade chicken scratches.Well, that's alright. I used to feel nervous and paranoid when I first started buying from there so I can definitely understand why you would feel that way.
Sorry to hear you're going through that, it does seem like it's causing you distress so hopefully it gets better soon.
For me today has been alright, I got some more heroin so I'm feeling much better now. Last week I had purchased a new drawing tablet for my PC, at first I regret it because it was an impulse purchase and I hadn't drawn in so long because depression completely killed my ability to enjoy it so I thought I wasn't going to be as good as I used to, but I decided to test the tablet out by doing a quick drawing of one of my favorite characters from a video game and I was pleasantly surprised to find that my skill level hasn't really declined at all. It really does disturb me just how badly depression can suck the enjoyment out of things I love to do though...
Thanks, drawing is something that I've enjoyed ever since I was a child. I don't usually post my art online but if you really want me to share it I'm more than happy to do so!
^^ Please do! 
Me too man, me too.
That is very interesting, and I imagine that it is very good for you to know for future reference. Are you currently medicated for your symptoms?
on.my.way🌿
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2020
- Messages
- 485
Not doing great. Met another guy he's kinda sociopathic and I cant stand it. His behaviour makes me act up and then he blames me for it etc. Dont fuckingn sit and compliment your female friend for how hot and sexy she is for like 5 mins.
While barely agnoliging my existence the whole time we spent with them
saying goodbye to my cat but not to me..
It may sound like small stuff but.its a lot more and I know where this is going. He's away for a few days now hopefully he just stops responding idc
im fucking broken cant handle this now. Addicted to bensos again, taking low doses though. 15mg and 20$ left just shoot me ughhh
While barely agnoliging my existence the whole time we spent with them
saying goodbye to my cat but not to me..
It may sound like small stuff but.its a lot more and I know where this is going. He's away for a few days now hopefully he just stops responding idc
im fucking broken cant handle this now. Addicted to bensos again, taking low doses though. 15mg and 20$ left just shoot me ughhh
stardust10
Bluelighter
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- Nov 5, 2020
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Maybe you shouldn't respond to him? If there are warning signs? Easy to say. You ok 
woman to woman welcome to message me anytime remember 
Mentally I'm not the worst today just feeling really lazy/lethargic/bit of frustration but I'm trying to be kind to myself and not stress about the things I'm not able to get done. I have palpitations so lying in bed only getting up when I need to.
woman to woman welcome to message me anytime remember Mentally I'm not the worst today just feeling really lazy/lethargic/bit of frustration but I'm trying to be kind to myself and not stress about the things I'm not able to get done. I have palpitations so lying in bed only getting up when I need to.
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I think I will, especially when profile posting becomes available then I can post all the drawings I want!^^ Please do!
I second what iTry said. I know it's easier said than done, but in the long term it really is for the best to not have someone like that in your life.
It's good that you're trying to be kind to yourself, that's something that's very important. The way I like to think about it is to treat yourself like you would treat someone else. So if you would be kind and understanding when someone says they're lethargic and having trouble getting out of bed, then you should treat yourself the same way instead of telling yourself hurtful things like calling yourself useless or lazy.
stardust10
Bluelighter
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^completely agree I still am working on this negative talk and attitude...it's like I want to beat myself with a big stick or hammer or something fuck lol
But I'm getting better. At least I'm aware now.
Runs in my family we all put far too much pressure on ourselves and tend to have low self-esteem/social anxiety - for me it's getting close to people. my brother handles his SA well as he has a great job working with loads of people. Anyone else suffer from serious low self-esteem sometimes to the point of self sabotaging or avoiding opportunities/relationships etc etc?
But yeah treat others the same as you wanna be treated. And show yourself the same love and compassion. I'm gonna work on this. Less guilt, less stress, good vibes lol.
But I'm getting better. At least I'm aware now.
Runs in my family we all put far too much pressure on ourselves and tend to have low self-esteem/social anxiety - for me it's getting close to people. my brother handles his SA well as he has a great job working with loads of people. Anyone else suffer from serious low self-esteem sometimes to the point of self sabotaging or avoiding opportunities/relationships etc etc?
But yeah treat others the same as you wanna be treated. And show yourself the same love and compassion. I'm gonna work on this. Less guilt, less stress, good vibes lol.
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Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Does anyone ever suddenly feel very guilty and sad for no reason at all?
Its like I feel I got caught doing something bad, but I didn't.
Maybe this is just guilt of not keeping promises I make to myself.
Its like I feel I got caught doing something bad, but I didn't.
Maybe this is just guilt of not keeping promises I make to myself.
stardust10
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2020
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I feel guilty all the time I feel bad for loads of things and tbh I've not REALLY done much wrong yaknow
YES. I always think/assume that I've done something wrong or that someone is upset with me. I challenge the fuck out of my initial thoughts and reactions now (thank you CBT) but it's still always my first reaction when, for example someone says "I need to talk to you later" or my boss says "Can we have a quick chat". My brain just goes "ARGHHH I'M FUCKED!" even when I know I did nothing wrong.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
1000% I'm the same in every way. Its a combination of anxiety and low esteem, confidence, "PTSD" from the past, stress, everything.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Omg I legit have anxiety attacks when my phone rings sometimes. Mostly because I had to go off the grid to get away from those damn debt collector, haha.Absolutely!!! It's the reason I don't answer my phone, like, everEven if I know the person who's calling hahahaha.
Something that helped me too is I switched to a very soft and calm ringtone and notification. Less phone anxiety
