Damn
@w01fg4ng, my condolences.

Be well.
Since getting all sober McMackey mmmkay, a few milder substances that never used to do anything to me I've noticed to now have some kind of effect. Specifically Ladasten/Bromantane, that iffy Russian nootropic that is still massively overhyped in some circles. I used it for about 5 or 6 days, initially 100mg/day before realising the tablets I had were 50mg and not 25mg as I had presumed. It's nice, but still "subtle", ie, unlikely to be too noticeable to someone who has done a solid amount of real GABAergics or stimulants. I think though the GABAergic effects were the most suppressed in my case since I used phenibut more days than not for maybe 3 or 4 years until about 4 months ago, Now 10mg diazepam also makes me too sleepy to do anything whereas previously I needed 20mg to notice much of anything, gabapentin actually does something (although only tried a few times, previously it did nothing) and... yeah, well I guess even my supposedly controlled phenibut usage was a little less so and just subtly and continuously suppressing my susceptibility to GABAergic drugs.
As it happens though I won't be doing any more good drugs for a while because following a vague diagnosis of GAD I've been prescribed sertraline, one of the newer SSRIs. In a perverse, drug-enthusiast kind of way I'm actually excited to be able to experience this oft-maligned but actually rather smartly designed class of medically-endorsed psychotropics. If I'm gonna be mostly substance-abstinent I may as well get another experience under my belt

, especially with a substance that might actually have some studied long term benefits rather than the almost completely unstudied stuff of potentially dubious real benefit I've imbibed over the years. Only thing that puts me off is the long duration of treatment, I'm gonna try to make it on the lower end, like 6 months or so, unless I really end up loving the stuff in which case I guess I'll ride it until I don't wanna be on it anymore and have maxed out any benefits, or unless I can't tolerate it and have to abort mission earlier.
So far just the first day I noticed some strangeness, I can definitely feel, I think, the parallels between the serotonergic activation and what I imagine happens with a well calibrated microdose, since for a good chunk of that morning I felt somewhat like I had just noticed the first alerts of an oncoming trip, some nausea, even the faintest visual alterations - although that could have been just an associative memory. Minus, also, the concurrent anxiety of "Oh shit I'm nauseous now and I'm about to be tripping for the next 6-12 hours, what if it just gets worse?!"

That's usually my main compounding negative thought during comeup anxiety anyway.
Hope y'all are doing as well as you can, given whatever life circumstances have thrown themselves in your path.