Need Help 300mg methadone to zero

[Skippwiggins]

Wife and I talked really deep for 2 hours on Saturday. Don't told her I had no idea what my plan is..to go back on maintenence or tough out the sober life. When I brought up the bupe again she shut down and said do what you have to do I guess ill get over it like everything else. Everything else being the few relapses shes seen already, never on opiates but still. Our conversation was very cathartic.

Whats the point of going on bupe if she resents me for it? It makes her so upset. For 2 years we planned this sober life together and what we'd do with it. Coincidentally I feel like shit being sober. I know it will pass eventually but when man.

 

[Skippwiggins]

I have been on and off methadone for over 2 decades. Have around 8 cold turkey clinic kicks (really depends what you consider a cold turkey kick). And 3 tapers where I always made it over a year off. Usually would start messing with opiates again around the 6-9th month mark. Was on it for the 1st time at 19. Also took it lots for self tapers. I never gave up fighting opiates as I will never submit to being a junkie. Against the way I was raised to start. And being on that shit an embarrassment. You can't even do anything on that stuff. Even going camping for the weekend may cause issues. Dude was on 300mg and failing his marriage. I wonder why lol. It breaks your dick too. How you gonna be happy without having normal sex? You won't.



This was my exact quote. Do not kick off 300mg. Kicking sub 5mg and there is barely any withdrawal. But this guy ended up cold turkeying and already put the work in. If he were on day 2 I would tell him to get back to the clinic tomorrow and taper. Just like I told that dude on 120mg he may be making a mistake going to rehab. Have to check what happened with him. Everyone metabolizes it different anyway. 300mg for him could be 60mg for someone else. The actual dose number means very little.

Methadone didn't cause a seizure, drinking cessation did. However the poor nature of the clinic scripted me methadone when I was in such deep shit with alcohol and didn't even bat an eye. I didn't even see a doctor. And here is your dose of opiates. Wait...did you make your payment yet?

They also scripted it to me when I didn't even have an opiate problem and even dropped clean for them lol. In the USA its really bad.

There is no doctor with methadone treatment. Its a joke. Maybe if the system consisted with more than a months update that went like this -

1) Has anything changed?
2) Is your dose OK? Any cravings? You need an increase?
3) Looks like you are ready for the next take home schedule!
4) Good job! See you next month!

Then I would take it as a more serious treatment. As of right now its just a legal fix that you get forever. Easy to zombie you out and have your squirrel money to them vs give you any treatment.

I have much sobriety. Willing to bet money probably 2x more than you. Unless you started dope in high school and in your 40's now, clean... you are not even on my level when it comes to using let alone recovery dude. I grew up in the dope spot and saw people shooting up heroin and was kicking needles down the street by age 10. I avoided dope for a long time. People were sniffing dope in jr high. Friend advice LOL. Friends that get opiates right from the pharmacy and hook you up are much better than internet sourcing.

I still play with opiates though . And I enjoy them very much when I do. Well for the most part. As you get older they kinda lose their fun. No longer drink either and opiates don't feel like they used to. The street dope sucks. I feel like my life is leaps and bounds better when not on any opiates to be honest. Feel good. I just got back off. Was only on it for 1.5 months last time. Stopped from 10mg. Had a little fucked up headspace is all. Opiates very mental. Have you ever kicked benzos and seized to the hospital? Or had alcohol DT's and legit was in psychosis? That is a real withdrawal...

I will never believe anyone cannot stop taking opiates. Just giving someone an unlimited supply of opiates is crazy. This type of treatment should involve literally 4 hours a day of therapy. I cannot say anyone I know was helped by it long term. Turned them into hardcore addicts when they were just chippers to start. It may seem like it at 1st. And if you got off in time maybe it did. Sitting on it for years is not going to end well.

Our marriage was perfect on the methadone. We never had issues until I got off of it and went through hard-core withdrawal. I could function better on the methadone than I ever did otherwise even on 6 hr of sleep a night. tapered off the done and been off for six months.

On test and gear theres no amount of methadone that would ever make me not want to have sex 5x a day.

As far as internet sourcing i could do as much fentanyl as I wanted to do for a month for the cost of a gram or two of dope and get it via DHL from China. I could have got H but didn't wanna go down a road I hadn't seen in 5 years.

I saw my counselor every week at the clinic. My doctor every two. They both asked the same questions and more every visit. They were very attentive to the patients needs. There was only 150 patients and 8 counselors and 4 doctors. I know my clinic is more upscale than some but never heard of getting dosed without seeing a doctor.

I do appreciate your personal experience and even opinion, although I disagree with your views on maint. Meds. I do agree that anyone can recover from opioids though.

 

[Iceman1216]

What a great thread to read! your honesty shows the Man that you are, and the dedication to the things you Love, Your Wife, Children, Gym!!
I feel for your situation, and how hard it is to be both mentally and physically feeling like Shit, when you know that there is nothing wrong with you except Self inflicted Behavior! You sound like a {Go Big or Go Home} guy, if that is you in the mirror , Fucking Huge, and why you did not Fuck around with just normal opiates or even H ,went to the Mother of All Opiates Fent!!
The truth of the natter is that you have rewired your Brain, Central Nervous System, and chemical balance of your body, with the chemicals you have chosen to put in your body. Truth be told they where all free will choices, and you must have really liked the results??
You are long way out of the woods you put yourself in, And tougher than most people I know, I have lost sponces who never made it half as far as you from that cocktail you where on!!
I can not and will not lie to you, you may be half way or a little more through this journey ( exercise helps ,without PED , sorry) Time takes time! Your last post was feeling a little better, that's Good, and that is all you are really going to get, a little better slowly, until you will one day say WTF this does not suck anymore!!
I think you really bit off a lot while you where early in Full recovery, move,wife,kids full time new city, new business, I must have missed 9-10 things right?

MAT is considered the Gold standard in my local rehab, and the strong point of it is; it prevents ODs , more people alive the better. So it is your call. Do you need to get the Paws off your plate and deal with them later, and get the above mentioned family and life issues worked out, knowing you will be in this boat again { hope not as bad, please do not go down that road again?
Or stay on this current shitty road to Harpy destiny ?
I would give it a 6 more months; a full year, and then see where you are at, if you can? Many people have a need for long term, life time medicine, to live an Happy productive life!! I hope you could do it on a very Low amount to be and stay stable, if that is you?
Sorry for the long winded response with not a Strong opinion as some of the above. I have been in 12 step recovery for 37 years and was a Hard ass Big Booker , till I started to go to funeral after funeral in the late 90s till now.
Now I am a HARM REDUCTION guy!! I dont care what you do as long as you are safe and alive, and not hurting other people
All is Well
ICE

 

[Skippwiggins]

What a great thread to read! your honesty shows the Man that you are, and the dedication to the things you Love, Your Wife, Children, Gym!!
I feel for your situation, and how hard it is to be both mentally and physically feeling like Shit, when you know that there is nothing wrong with you except Self inflicted Behavior! You sound like a {Go Big or Go Home} guy, if that is you in the mirror , Fucking Huge, and why you did not Fuck around with just normal opiates or even H ,went to the Mother of All Opiates Fent!!
The truth of the natter is that you have rewired your Brain, Central Nervous System, and chemical balance of your body, with the chemicals you have chosen to put in your body. Truth be told they where all free will choices, and you must have really liked the results??
You are long way out of the woods you put yourself in, And tougher than most people I know, I have lost sponces who never made it half as far as you from that cocktail you where on!!
I can not and will not lie to you, you may be half way or a little more through this journey ( exercise helps ,without PED , sorry) Time takes time! Your last post was feeling a little better, that's Good, and that is all you are really going to get, a little better slowly, until you will one day say WTF this does not suck anymore!!
I think you really bit off a lot while you where early in Full recovery, move,wife,kids full time new city, new business, I must have missed 9-10 things right?

MAT is considered the Gold standard in my local rehab, and the strong point of it is; it prevents ODs , more people alive the better. So it is your call. Do you need to get the Paws off your plate and deal with them later, and get the above mentioned family and life issues worked out, knowing you will be in this boat again { hope not as bad, please do not go down that road again?
Or stay on this current shitty road to Harpy destiny ?
I would give it a 6 more months; a full year, and then see where you are at, if you can? Many people have a need for long term, life time medicine, to live an Happy productive life!! I hope you could do it on a very Low amount to be and stay stable, if that is you?
Sorry for the long winded response with not a Strong opinion as some of the above. I have been in 12 step recovery for 37 years and was a Hard ass Big Booker , till I started to go to funeral after funeral in the late 90s till now.
Now I am a HARM REDUCTION guy!! I dont care what you do as long as you are safe and alive, and not hurting other people
All is Well
ICE

First off your post meant a lot to me and I sincerely mean that. What a serendipitous encounter meeting you. Go big or home thats always been me. Whether its recovery and the steps, gym, love, family, drugs its always been that way. I need to learn moderation in all aspects I think. That is indeed me in the picture. I'm grateful to be addicted to healthy living and exercise it keeps me sane and speeds recovery.

I know its often said but "trudge the road to happy destiny" pg 164? Is my old sponsors favorite phrase in the big book. What a coincidence you said that.. I dont believe in coincidences but I do believe in my higher power and the messages and people he brings into my life. AA changed my life. To this day its one of the few things that helps me more than anything. To me it is the cure or part of it. A spiritual malady is what I have. I always preferred AA to NA despite being an addict. Just prefer the literature and the members. Im assuming I should rework the steps again? I know I need a new sponsor still searching. Still text with my old one daily though. Its hard to put in the effort when your mind feels so fried but I know I have to. It was definitely easier when a meeting was 4-5 mins away and not 30, but ive got nothing but time without working right now.

My tolerance is so low id overdose if I went back to the methadone clinic and got the lowest dose, so I know I could stabilize on 1-2mg of suboxone and save the rest.

I'm not sure if ill power through PAWS or go back on maintenence but if I do idk how to bring it up to my wife. We put thousands of hours on the phone, a lot of it manifesting our future together. Putting in the energy that if I got sober it would bring upon some great good and magic into our lives that all our dreams would come true. We see countless signs of this every single day, even on my bad days the signs from above show. I know not everyone is spiritual or believes in manifestation but we do. I try to tell her that me going back on maintenence isn't for life, and that our dreams are still here and alive, we're only 27. I love her and her kids, our kids, to my core and just want to be rhe best me possible and right now im struggling. It is easier to spend the day with kids and playing and laughing then it is with the wife. Theres just tension between us and I understand. Yes I gave up my entire life to move across the country to the south and be with them.

Your post meant so much to me iceman. Its really good to here from a fellowship member and some insightful on addiction and most importantly recovery. If you could id greatly appreciate a prayer from you.

 

[xelence]

I have been on and off methadone for over 2 decades. Have around 8 cold turkey clinic kicks (really depends what you consider a cold turkey kick). And 3 tapers where I always made it over a year off. Usually would start messing with opiates again around the 6-9th month mark. Was on it for the 1st time at 19. Also took it lots for self tapers. I never gave up fighting opiates as I will never submit to being a junkie. Against the way I was raised to start. And being on that shit an embarrassment. You can't even do anything on that stuff. Even going camping for the weekend may cause issues. Dude was on 300mg and failing his marriage. I wonder why lol. It breaks your dick too. How you gonna be happy without having normal sex? You won't.



This was my exact quote. Do not kick off 300mg. Kicking sub 5mg and there is barely any withdrawal. But this guy ended up cold turkeying and already put the work in. If he were on day 2 I would tell him to get back to the clinic tomorrow and taper. Just like I told that dude on 120mg he may be making a mistake going to rehab. Have to check what happened with him. Everyone metabolizes it different anyway. 300mg for him could be 60mg for someone else. The actual dose number means very little.

Methadone didn't cause a seizure, drinking cessation did. However the poor nature of the clinic scripted me methadone when I was in such deep shit with alcohol and didn't even bat an eye. I didn't even see a doctor. And here is your dose of opiates. Wait...did you make your payment yet?

They also scripted it to me when I didn't even have an opiate problem and even dropped clean for them lol. In the USA its really bad.

There is no doctor with methadone treatment. Its a joke. Maybe if the system consisted with more than a months update that went like this -

1) Has anything changed?
2) Is your dose OK? Any cravings? You need an increase?
3) Looks like you are ready for the next take home schedule!
4) Good job! See you next month!

Then I would take it as a more serious treatment. As of right now its just a legal fix that you get forever. Easy to zombie you out and have your squirrel money to them vs give you any treatment.

I have much sobriety. Willing to bet money probably 2x more than you. Unless you started dope in high school and in your 40's now, clean... you are not even on my level when it comes to using let alone recovery dude. I grew up in the dope spot and saw people shooting up heroin and was kicking needles down the street by age 10. I avoided dope for a long time. People were sniffing dope in jr high. Friend advice LOL. Friends that get opiates right from the pharmacy and hook you up are much better than internet sourcing.

I still play with opiates though . And I enjoy them very much when I do. Well for the most part. As you get older they kinda lose their fun. No longer drink either and opiates don't feel like they used to. The street dope sucks. I feel like my life is leaps and bounds better when not on any opiates to be honest. Feel good. I just got back off. Was only on it for 1.5 months last time. Stopped from 10mg. Had a little fucked up headspace is all. Opiates very mental. Have you ever kicked benzos and seized to the hospital? Or had alcohol DT's and legit was in psychosis? That is a real withdrawal...

I will never believe anyone cannot stop taking opiates. Just giving someone an unlimited supply of opiates is crazy. This type of treatment should involve literally 4 hours a day of therapy. I cannot say anyone I know was helped by it long term. Turned them into hardcore addicts when they were just chippers to start. It may seem like it at 1st. And if you got off in time maybe it did. Sitting on it for years is not going to end well.

Yo that’s good news! I’m glad to hear you’re in a better place now. Sounds like OP is doing better too. Righteous. You’re right, I’m not in my 40s yet and only have 5-6 years “recovery” experience. I was a chipper myself and one day my uninformed bitch ass couldn’t score so instead I went crawling to a sub doctor and like you said: that just solidified the habit/my junk use more than anything. It did come with a lot of therapy but it really put my life on a detour. I was struggling in college but when I picked up opiates and then subs basically all I ever thought about was that stuff. My education came to a 100% halt. Here we are 10 years later and I’m just now applying to transfer to 4-year schools. *huge fucking eyeroll*

Just out of curiosity, when you do choose to do opiates for fun, which ones do you do? What was the highest MD dose you were ever on? How much “gets you off” these days? You sound like you know what you’re doing but I just want to say “hey be careful” anyway because my former sponsor / best friend was abusing energy drinks and poor diet and relapsed and died. He was 41 or 42.

 

[xelence]

For reference i am off methadone have been for 6 months. Today is almost 30 days off kratom which I took on and off. Probably 3 mon off and 3 on.

Its been almost a week since this post and things are a bit better. Since having 2 more shots of T and taking ashwaghanda for anxiety I feel somewhat better. Anxiety isn't crippling just background, aches and pains mostly gone, can spend 1.5 hours in the gym instead of 40 mins. This time includes cardio and stretching. Night time still sucks so restless, pins and needles pain, insomnia. I still really don't feel right mentally or physically. I just feel so off.. laughing and kissing more but still have trouble connecting with wife.

Cravings aren't 24/7 subsided to maybe hour a day.

Still not sure what the plan is. Would love suboxone but 6 months of withdrawal down the toilet for nothing would suck. To be sick this long and not be sober man idk if what to do. Day at a time as they say.

Nice dude it’ll get better. Is this your first time getting off drugs for more than a day or two? I think most people will agree that it really takes as long as 6 months (supposedly even 18! according to the rehab I went to) for all of the “PAWS” to be gone. I personally feel like PAWS is somewhat real but also kinda bs and nowhere near as real as the sub doc I went to and rehab would have you believe. The amount of MD you were on might mean it’ll take longer to be back at baseline. I prefer to have my thinking be more along the lines of “Ok, today I don’t feel so good. Sometimes, people don’t feel so good. That’s all it is.” Because that way the thought process ends right there and gets chalked up to just another day. Attributing every minuscule misfortune or bad feelings to PAWS is a slippery slope and can lead the person to think that they are still afflicted by this ghastly apparition. The monkey on the shoulder has become a ghoul of sorts. Better to have clear shoulders than imagined demons, because what’s to stop those thoughts of PAWS from becoming more aggressive? Idk I went into rant mode.

Are you considering this 1-2 mg sub idea because of your PAWS symptoms? To be frank, I’m currently doing exactly that. I relapsed on subs of all things. When you have no opiate tolerance subs will get you high. Kind of. For a while. BUT after only a week or less of taking them, when it comes time to stop, there will be WDs again and ain’t nobody want that. The only reason I’m still taking them is because I’m being lazy about dealing with the WDs (which honestly won’t be that bad just a few days of discomfort and sniffling and for sure a few nights of bad sleep). But I KNOW that once I’m off of them I will feel better.

My caution is to avoid going back on maintenance subs if you’ve got this much clean time from opiates already. Like TheInvisibleStoner said. But also, like Iceman said, harm reduction is where it’s at. If you think that your life will be more stable and that the trajectory is better than what it currently is then hey maybe do go for it. Just be mindful of what you’re getting yourself into. I’m only a few years older than you and was on subs between ages 22 and 26 I think. I’d only been smoking H when I went on them. I didn’t start shooting until later. I got kind of caught up in opiates for longer because of subs. Who knows what would have happened otherwise though. I’m back on them now (started in December) and I can’t say that it’s objectively good.

Peace and good luck either way.

 

[Skippwiggins]

Nice dude it’ll get better. Is this your first time getting off drugs for more than a day or two? I think most people will agree that it really takes as long as 6 months (supposedly even 18! according to the rehab I went to) for all of the “PAWS” to be gone. I personally feel like PAWS is somewhat real but also kinda bs and nowhere near as real as the sub doc I went to and rehab would have you believe. The amount of MD you were on might mean it’ll take longer to be back at baseline. I prefer to have my thinking be more along the lines of “Ok, today I don’t feel so good. Sometimes, people don’t feel so good. That’s all it is.” Because that way the thought process ends right there and gets chalked up to just another day. Attributing every minuscule misfortune or bad feelings to PAWS is a slippery slope and can lead the person to think that they are still afflicted by this ghastly apparition. The monkey on the shoulder has become a ghoul of sorts. Better to have clear shoulders than imagined demons, because what’s to stop those thoughts of PAWS from becoming more aggressive? Idk I went into rant mode.

Are you considering this 1-2 mg sub idea because of your PAWS symptoms? To be frank, I’m currently doing exactly that. I relapsed on subs of all things. When you have no opiate tolerance subs will get you high. Kind of. For a while. BUT after only a week or less of taking them, when it comes time to stop, there will be WDs again and ain’t nobody want that. The only reason I’m still taking them is because I’m being lazy about dealing with the WDs (which honestly won’t be that bad just a few days of discomfort and sniffling and for sure a few nights of bad sleep). But I KNOW that once I’m off of them I will feel better.

My caution is to avoid going back on maintenance subs if you’ve got this much clean time from opiates already. Like TheInvisibleStoner said. But also, like Iceman said, harm reduction is where it’s at. If you think that your life will be more stable and that the trajectory is better than what it currently is then hey maybe do go for it. Just be mindful of what you’re getting yourself into. I’m only a few years older than you and was on subs between ages 22 and 26 I think. I’d only been smoking H when I went on them. I didn’t start shooting until later. I got kind of caught up in opiates for longer because of subs. Who knows what would have happened otherwise though. I’m back on them now (started in December) and I can’t say that it’s objectively good.

Peace and good luck either way.

That was a thoughtful post It was a great read and really perfect timing as I felt good all morning and just got hit by a wave of ickiness. Really made me feel better.

I IVd H for 2-3 years with tons of morphine in there, oxy, everything. Got on subs for 3.5 years. Relapsed on fent and H for a year then went to the methadone. Ive had at least a dozen kicks that lasted 2 weeks, probably 2 dozen that lasted 1 week, and one that lasted 35 days before this.

I can honestly say subs and done always gave me a buzz even after years.. if they didn't they wouldn't work for maint for me. Ive always been a go getter when on subs or methadone. They motivated me so much I can go all day long and do anything I put my mind to.

I'm considering the sub because I just want my life back. I want to feel normal. I want to function without all these symtpoms. Theres only two things stopping me from going on sub and thats my wife and the self resentment I may face if I don't tough this out.

Id rather be on methadone but the nearest one is super far, and my tolerance is too low. Plus its easier to get off a low dose of sub.

 

[OpiateKiller]

Don’t give up brother. Do this shit for your family and never look back.

 

[RedRum OG]

That was a thoughtful post It was a great read and really perfect timing as I felt good all morning and just got hit by a wave of ickiness. Really made me feel better.

I IVd H for 2-3 years with tons of morphine in there, oxy, everything. Got on subs for 3.5 years. Relapsed on fent and H for a year then went to the methadone. Ive had at least a dozen kicks that lasted 2 weeks, probably 2 dozen that lasted 1 week, and one that lasted 35 days before this.

I can honestly say subs and done always gave me a buzz even after years.. if they didn't they wouldn't work for maint for me. Ive always been a go getter when on subs or methadone. They motivated me so much I can go all day long and do anything I put my mind to.

I'm considering the sub because I just want my life back. I want to feel normal. I want to function without all these symtpoms. Theres only two things stopping me from going on sub and thats my wife and the self resentment I may face if I don't tough this out.

Id rather be on methadone but the nearest one is super far, and my tolerance is too low. Plus its easier to get off a low dose of sub.

Have you tried other meds? I found gabapentin to be really helpful for PAWS. Cannabinoids too, if that's an option

You should spend a lot of time considering your motivation for being on or off maintenance. I'm sure you already are, but give it more time. Try to see it from as many angles as possible. It could be your addict side tempting you back towards the more comfortable route. That's what it does. But it could also be a genuine insight. It's hard to tell. Lots of people can give you advice, but everyone is different, and no one can tell the future.

My usual exercise is "best case scenario, worst case scenario, what is actually likely" for big choices like this.

I can tell a big part of your decision is how your wife feels. That is both good, and bad. Having sympathy for her pain is good. Having her as a factor also clouds what is best for you. It sounds selfish and backwards, but if you arent doing what is best for you, sooner or later you wont be there for her, because addiction will take you away. There is a reason "acceptance " is step #1 and a core principle for most recovery programs: there is a lot of shitty, shitty stuff to accept, especially in recovery. Addiction isnt done when you straighten out. It is for life, and may take treatment for life.

Also, if I'm reading correctly, you've only been completely off opiates for 6 months. Chances are you still have a lot of healing to do. How you feel right now is probably not how you will feel in a year, or 5 years.

 

[Jfree77]

I was on methadone for 2.5 years. 4.5 years on suboxone prior. 100mg methadone for 3 months only held me for 8 hours. 200mg for 3 months only held me 12 hours. Eventually ended up on 300mg this held me. Id wake up yawning but that was it. 300mg for around 2 years. Did many peak and trough tests.. ekg etc. Only other user ive seen this high is dextermeth fellow BLer at 285mg. had clean urines the entire time. Only went to the clinic a couple times a month. Did way more counseling than necessary. I had 2.5 hours every Monday and was very very close to my female counselor.

I had a huge IV fentanyl habit thus the high methadone dose. IVing 30-50mg of pure MAF PMAF and BUFF from RC suppliers in China. Years of suboxone before that and H before that.

I worked the 12 steps, attending 5-7 meetings a week for two years, saw my sponsor weekly. 10 hours therapy a month.. Hit the gym 7 days a week, did my round with steroids mostly trt. The gym was a part of my life for the past 13 years. Worked 10 hours a day 6 days a week. I was more stable and functional on this methadone dose than ive ever been. Healed more than I ever have.

I tapered from 300mg methadone to 138mg in 4 months with very mild withdrawal. Switched instantly no wait to 2mg suboxone slowly titrated to 24mg. Experimental trial with new doctor. Spent 1 month on suboxone. Was withdrawling the entire time.. Relapsed hard on RC stims for 3 days I don't know why. Was sick of being sick for a month I guess. Moved across country to be with wife and kids and cold turkeyd the subs. Spent 2 weeks taking 8mg of clonazepam a day as well as 600mg gabapentin. Knocked myself out through the whole thing. I know this wasn't wise. Well a couple week sober after and could not take it.

Ive spent the past 5 months off methadone taking kratom on and off. On one week off etc back and forth. Now im 24 days off kratom and steroids and still so achey, depressed, anxious, restless legs, can't sleep well etc. Ive been 100% sober besides valerian and melatonin. Ive read on reddit people taking 6 weeks for kratom WD depression and anxiety to leave, this could be methadone PAWS, or steroid side effects.

This has destroyed the relationship with my new wife. Someone whom ive never been more in love with in my life and ive been in love many times. We are one in every sense of the word. 3 kids to raise.

Ivs been going to the gym several days a week, hit meetings, stay busy with kids.

Back on TRT and its helped a little bit with depression and focus. Still its not tren and mast which ive been used to.

Broke down today and called sub doctor. I see him in 32 hours. I dont know if I should ride this out or get back on maintenence. Im so conflicted. Im just sick of feeling how I do physically and mentally. Fight through paws for awhile or get on sub?

Gave up my hometown, career, maintenance, sponsor, family, etc to move in with my wife. No drugs except done in 30months to relapsing on stims, benzos. Im so lost and have 32 hours to decide.. and I know it will break my wife's heart if I get back on maintenence.

For reference ive been off methadone for six months. On zero meds. Relapse not an issue since wife is here, and even if she wasn't most id do is pop a benzo. Its maint or nothing won't use opiate.

 

[Jfree77]

For reference i am off methadone have been for 6 months. Today is almost 30 days off kratom which I took on and off. Probably 3 mon off and 3 on.

Its been almost a week since this post and things are a bit better. Since having 2 more shots of T and taking ashwaghanda for anxiety I feel somewhat better. Anxiety isn't crippling just background, aches and pains mostly gone, can spend 1.5 hours in the gym instead of 40 mins. This time includes cardio and stretching. Night time still sucks so restless, pins and needles pain, insomnia. I still really don't feel right mentally or physically. I just feel so off.. laughing and kissing more but still have trouble connecting with wife.

Cravings aren't 24/7 subsided to maybe hour a day.

Still not sure what the plan is. Would love suboxone but 6 months of withdrawal down the toilet for nothing would suck. To be sick this long and not be sober man idk if what to do. Day at a time as they say.

During a methadone peak and trough test do you know if they test for other drugs or alcohol

 

[Skippwiggins]

During a methadone peak and trough test do you know if they test for other drugs or alcohol

Only methadone. Im 90% sure. I was always clean at my clinic so idk forsure but im pretty damn sure.

 

[negrogesic]

Only methadone. Im 90% sure. I was always clean at my clinic so idk forsure but im pretty damn sure.

What ever happened btw, did you go with the subs?

I once got off of 380mg/day of methadone, took me 18 months.

Of course i haven't really been clean since but I definitely stayed relatively clean in comparison.