Whenever I'm really focused on my sobriety and working on my personal issues, I have a lot of dreams about my childhood and subsequent drug use...
Sep 20-21, 2020: "Old Muscle Selfies"
I was looking at an old photo album that folded out like an accordian and found some pics of myself from the 1990's when I was really into bodybuilding. It made me want to get back into that kind of shape again. There was also something that related to drugs but I can't remember what. I kept on leaving the house and then returning to rearrange the photos (and other souvenirs, I think) for some reason. There may have been some embarrassing pics from later years or something that I wanted to get rid of.
Sep 21-22, 2020: "Angry Parents"
My parents told me that I couldn't eat dinner until I finished my chores, which consisted of climbing through a tight crawl space in either the basement or the attic to do something. It was making me feel extremely claustrophobic and I started to panic.
(I woke up at this point and it took me almost an hour to fall back to sleep, only to return to the same dream.)
I completed my first chore and then had to help my dad do something outside. It was winter and the ground was covered with snow & ice. My parents started fighting about something and I wanted to leave before I got caught up in the middle of it.
I went to the supermarket with my parents and they were still fighting. My mom grabbed a gun from behind the security desk and started waving it around. I ran out of the store because I was afraid that it would accidentally go off. I ran into a cousin of mine in the parking lot and she asked how I was feeling. I said, "Pretty much suicidal." and rushed off to my dad's old van, then worried that she had taken me seriously and would have me committed to a psych ward or something.
My parents came out and continued arguing in the van. She still had the gun and I was completely freaked out by this point. She stacked up a bunch of items (including his pills) on the floor and went back to do her hair with a curling iron. I tried my best to keep everything from sliding around and falling over because I didn't want to make her any angrier.
We got back home and she said something about another guy to make him jealous. Their fight started to become physical and I said, "I think that you guys need to separate for a while. I don't mean get divorced; I mean physically right now.". They agreed and went in different directions.
Later we were all at a store like Walmart and they were STILL fighting. My dad said something like, "I'm about to show you my anger in a really dramatic way." and started swiping all the items off of the shelves and smashing them onto the floor. I lost my temper at this point and broke a big old-fashioned clock, shattering glass everywhere. The last thing that I remember is trying to clean it up without getting cut.
(Ugh, maybe tonight I'll just stay awake...)
Sweet Dreams!!!
Dreamflyer
