GetMeOutOfThisCRAP
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2017
- Messages
- 1,940
I appreciate the replies. Could you tell me your story if you don't mind? I always like reading about the experience of others because it seems like we are connected on the same journey if that makes sense.
I don't want to try fent because I don't want to risk ODing and I read that synthetic opiates have no euphoria just drowsiness.
I definitely know what you mean. Opiates are the only drugs that I actually like. Everything else just gives me massive anxiety or just puts me to sleep. I don't even like alcohol or weed. I first got my taste of opiates years back when after an accident. I was given hydrocodone pills which I really liked. Then three years ago I ran into someone who had a source of roxies. Of course I was going to like those too.
I just can't imagine how much better heroin could be over oxy. I literally cannot wrap my mind around it. But then again I am not a fiend. All it does is give me a sense of relaxation. It just removes all that anxiety and stress. I know some people crave oxy and cannot live without it and I imagine these are the same people who get addicted to heroin. But I am not like that. I know I sound smug but I am not trying to be. I've kept it under control for years now I don't think I have the addiction gene that other people do.
I remember thinking enjoying oxycodone on occasion that I would quit by the end of the year and suffer any consequences and never look back. Well it's been four years now. I'm ashamed to say that I go through periods of clean time but have never been able to permanently kick it. I am rather young, so I'm optimistic about my time to continue fighting it. But oxycodone is in itself a bitch and a half and I wouldn't wish opiate addiction upon anyone. It really is too hard sometimes. It feels impossible actually. I've been a year clean and it was the worst year of my life, but personal issues and a bad relationship did not help me enjoy my time off opioids. I am so exhausted from it all. It still feels good if I use but it will never be like it ever was and tolerance has absolutely nothing to do with it. There's actually a limited amount of times you can get high off opiates before the mental thrill of it literally is permanently lost and everything is just so shitty and miserable. I will keep trying and I do live my life as if it's unaltered and work hard at what I want to be good at. This is all from not even heroin but the weaker form that still ruins many lives. This is why I do not have any interest in heroin. I already have struggled so much with its lesser evil. I know that if I start thinking heroin is one-and-the-same as oxycodone, I will never come back from it. I keep forgetting that heroin even exists.
Oxycodone is one hell of a demon--but it lacks something in its composition that heroin possesses. People on oxycodone often have actual lives. They can work a job and many oxycodone addicts have children and are in romances (often even with a partner who does not use). People around them still love them. This is important to note.. because many people who made the switch to heroin from oxy lost everything, and the only thing they had interest in within the milky way galaxy is heroin, heroin, and more heroin. Oh, and a lot of heroin. Heroooiiiin. Some of those individuals are homeless now. They genuinely thought that oxycodone was wonderful but heroin can't be that different. They tried it and I'm sure they'd say the rest was a bit of a blur. Heroin is the most powerful substance on the planet in my opinion. People struggle quitting heroin more than anything I've ever seen (not just drug wise but literally any activity, job, etc). They simply can not quit and it will not happen in their life time. Still, they should never give up and repeatedly always try to improve their lives and conditions.
My life is excellent. I'm super handsome, in an amazing relationship that I want to last permanently, and I am highly educated and from a loving home. I still struggle greatly with oxycodone. I also like adderall. I don't care about any other substances besides the two. Adderall is much easier to control in terms of usage but it has different problems. I know you think that you can try heroin and measure it out or water it down--all this won't matter soon. Heroin will be the only thing you have interest in. I would say that this would be less likely to happen if you were simply trying it once. However, you intend on temporarily using it to replace oxycodone and then move back to the oxycodone as if it never happened. This is not possible for someone who likes oxycodone. By the 5th time of heroin use your fate will most likely be sealed. Maybe you can kick the habit eventually, but from what I've seen nobody really does unless they're forced onto suboxone permanently or methadone for an unforeseen amount of time.
Oh and my mother was a former heroin addict. She is the only person I know who was able to stop using without suboxone or methadone. She was a total loser for an entire decade (an awful woman until she quit) and so much so that my grandfather cut her out of his will/inheritance. He said she would spend every damn penny on dope. She said, "damn he was right!" And we laughed about it. She is the best liar--probably obtained from her years of heroin use. I do know that she relapsed once while I was in high school, and by some miracle avoided prison when she was arrested because she was one bag of good ole dopey dope away from a dealer charge (she was only using but its safe to say she really enjoyed it quite a bit). The fact that you also only like opiates only makes me really know that you probably won't be able to stop with will power alone. I still stand by you not trying it. You will wake up daily and it will be the only thing you think about doing even if you do not use on weekdays. You will never be able to stop thinking about it. Even once you've obtained a more than sufficient high, you will be spending the next half hour resisting the urge to redose. It is hideous. It literally will be the loneliest place you have ever known and will know. I know many addicts who have been on heroin. They all say that it brought them to a place that was so fucking miserable they fantasized about intentionally overdosing or offing themselves. I am far from a DARE officer and I have no interest in pushing an anti-drug agenda. This is my observation on the substance and what it takes away from you. Literally everything. I only recommend heroin to someone who has nothing good within their life, no one and nothing to protect, or is looking for a final joy ride before their physical illness finally takes them from the world. And even then, there are much better ways to spend your time. Seriously heroin is the devil and oxycodone is the worst.
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