It's really a matter of me losing work from Covid19 situation, it wasn't my fault that the restaurant got shut down you know. Then I'd lost my woman a few weeks later was forced to move back to the Hood in NJ. Needless to say I quickly developed a Heroin and Cocaine addiction once more, I find it impossible stay clean here....people, places and things are real.
Part of me is on some suicidal ideation type of stuff man. How many times do I have to get thrown to the wolves. Having to start over again with nothing from the bottom is so difficult, and now im gonna have to face this in the middle of a pandemic when its gonna be extremely difficult to find work. I'm gonna be on the streets in the midst of this pandemic situation that I'm sure it will make finding work way more harder than usual.
Thinking about adding an entire 10-12 bags of fentanyl/dope to same shot, probably just pass out and be pissed it got wasted. Only have 32 hours off the Buprenorphine so I should probably wait until tommrow to make sure it really hits. Really trying to hold on PD Fam but if I dissapear from Bluelight r you know what would have happened. I'm sorry guys and truly wish things needed differently, love you all. It's been real and time for me to merge with the collective maybe I'll comeback as a human not forced to battle such harsh demons all of my life.
~Cosmic Charlie
And my words will be here when I'm gone As I'm fading away against the wind
And the words you left me linger on
As I'm failing again now, never to change this
And I'm sympathetic, Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam And it seems I'm alone here, hollow again
As I'm flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again As I'm failing again now, never to change this
And I'm sympathetic, Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam And I'm sympathetic, Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam The same old feelings are taking over
And I can't seem to make them go away And I can't take all the pressure sober, But I can't seem to make it go away
The same old feelings are taking over
And I can't seem to make them go away And I can't take all the pressure sober (I can't make it go away.
I can't make it go away) And I'm sympathetic, Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam
And I'm sympathetic, Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam
And I'm falling, falling, falling, Falling, falling, falling, falling
Apart again at the seam.