• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

madness00 said:
Plenty of okay doctors out there.
Click to expand...
I have only met terrible ones 99% of the time.

No one is going to be able to fix me, anyways. I have to do it and it's going to take a lot of work.

It's like a love/hate relationship with wanting to get better/doctors/medicine/help. I want to just "do it on my own". I guess this is "pride".

Pride is a SIN. And I am a SINNER.
 
It will take a lot of work.

And dude, if someone helping you would better you as a person, make you happy and relieve you from pains, can't we be proud to take their help?

:p
 
madness00 said:
It will take a lot of work.

And dude, if someone helping you would better you as a person, make you happy and relieve you from pains, can't we be proud to take their help?

:p
Click to expand...
In my own words "I like to do everything on my own, myself, I am proud, pride is a sin and I'm a sinner"

...and I get it. I know I need to eat a slice of humble pie almost every waking moment. Too much ego. I get it.

I know.

I would hate me too.

I do hate myself. And I love myself.
 
Yeah, i read that part, IIRC.

Just saying, you can manipulate your view of what pride means to you, if you'd like.

You're in the driver seat.
 
A big part for me was trust in other people. And mutual help, doing good things for others. They not only reciprocate in time, well, usually, but it makes me feel good doing it.

I agree with madness00. There's no easy, silver bullet. Taking meds is the first part of it. Without that, there isn't usually a lot of success. When you have loved ones saying you need meds, then that's another level up from trying meds yourself. It means things have gotten so that it has spread from you to outward and reached them, and they see outward signs of something that they think should be improved on.

I didn't see a reason in your posts for the roller-coaster of emotions that you describe, so maybe you're on something other than benzos and dabs? Because those two don't produce tons of negative energy and what appears to be confusion and upset like I interpret from your other posts...

It really can start today if you want. After time spent doing right by yourself, you can see how others will have a higher opinion of you, and will feel like they can be closer to you. They have a perspective that we can never see.
 
madness00 said:
You're in the driver seat.
Click to expand...
I'm really not. I do believe in hard determinism. It's a reality I live in.

I realize I have been slowly killing myself for over a decade. I don't know how much longer I can go on, nor do I care.

Thank you for being the best friend I have here for being you man. Always be true to yourself, don't change for anyone unless you really want to. <3
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I feel defeated, like my disorder/medicine defines me and it makes me very unhappy.
Click to expand...

I would say that NOT getting treatment that you need (whatever that is) defines you if you let it. I don't think being medicated has to define you. Nobody would say that someone with diabetes is defined by the fact they have diabetes and have to take medication for it, so why should mental health be any different? You're only defined by your disorder if you let yourself be, and anyone that judges someone for taking medication isn't worth knowing in the first place imo.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I want to go to a doctor to get benzos but am having too many mental health issues to want to (vulnerability, doctors suck, etc). I don't think I should take medicine "For the sake of other people" but I like positive social interaction.

Even family is suggesting I go back on medicine. :(

I feel defeated, like my disorder/medicine defines me and it makes me very unhappy.
Click to expand...

Captain H, what is your diagnosis if I may? Mine are Panic Disorder, Opioid Use Disorder, and as of a recent honest session, PTSD.

I am medication noncompliant. The only psych med I take is Thorazine and sometimes I weasel a benzo out of an unwitting doctor, but last time I burned through a script of 90 1mg Alprazolam in 4 days and woke up in jail (criminal tampering), I gave it up. I wish there were a benzo in an injectable polymer suspension because I simply do not trust myself with them.

You know, man, I do not have any friends out in the "real world". None. I know that I have not been active on BL in recent years, and every time I log in and read the shrine I get sick. I had tell my psychiatrist a while back of one friend and I said you. You are one cool motherfucker and I hope you know that you can lean on me if you ever have anything pressing on your mind.
 
As bad as schizophrenia is for cognitive abilities and memory, its fucking euphoric mostly since the dopamine is just flying through your brain.

Schizophrenia at its best feels like your stimmed.
 
jackie jones said:
Captain H, what is your diagnosis if I may? Mine are Panic Disorder, Opioid Use Disorder, and as of a recent honest session, PTSD.

I am medication noncompliant. The only psych med I take is Thorazine and sometimes I weasel a benzo out of an unwitting doctor, but last time I burned through a script of 90 1mg Alprazolam in 4 days and woke up in jail (criminal tampering), I gave it up. I wish there were a benzo in an injectable polymer suspension because I simply do not trust myself with them.

You know, man, I do not have any friends out in the "real world". None. I know that I have not been active on BL in recent years, and every time I log in and read the shrine I get sick. I had tell my psychiatrist a while back of one friend and I said you. You are one cool motherfucker and I hope you know that you can lean on me if you ever have anything pressing on your mind.
Click to expand...

Yeah i fuckin' love CH.

In my own world, getting a bit worried about the vernal equinox coming up. If history repeats itself, i'll get pretty manic. Hope i don't have to go inpatient - hoping my lamictal 400 and vraylar will hold me down.
 
I lost my family. I miss my children. My boys. My babies! My beautiful babies! What have I done!?

I do not want life anymore. There is nothing left.
 
madness00 said:
Tomorrow might be awesome.

:)
Click to expand...
Your optimism is contagious like the Coronavirus :)

I'm feeling otherwise pretty down but I really like that post.

I gotta think that tomorrow could be cool too

Kind of hard at the moment but I like seeing others optimistic.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top