After actually making some effort for once my standard attempt at a January purge has seen me using relatively few drugs notwithstanding my methadone, which , perhaps indicative of a genuine if slight, reduction in tolerance allowed me to get 'high' for arguably the first time by misusing the script - understandably I tend to keep at least one spare dose to hand so last weekend I managed to get through the Saturday without taking anything. By Sunday morning I was in real physical need for some poppies but even after going through that awful realisation and experience one gets when opening there eyes to a rattle (my first in ages due to the MMT) my WD symptoms were limited to the first wave of the syndrome, yawns, sneezing and freezing sweats which once up and about became less of an issue, remaining noticeable enough to reinforce how scared I am of coming off methadone compared to heroin.
Despite my relapses and general difficulties in staying completely away from heroin when physically 'clean' I have always found my many self imposed cold turkeys manageable as regardless of how sick I may become, I have always found myself feeling better by day 6 and can usually recover my sleep cycle by day 7 or 8 and while I have never considered it easy, I did fashion methods that when employed properly could guarantee at least 12 days away from the drug (my self detox attempts were usually successful a 1/3 of the time, the other 2 resulting in my cracking around day 3, the point at which my discomfort is as bad as it gets before my physical and mental capacity renders it impossible to engage in a street drug deal). For all the trouble I had stopping the one thing I have never got right is to not start again.
So with regards to a drug who's WD effects did not even start to become pronounced until about 40 hours from last dose one can only speculate how long the absence of that shit is going to hurt for but by binge watching some Netflix I continued to put up with the baby rattle (surely I am not the first to use this double entendre) until way into Sunday afternoon, finally hitting up 100mg (2 and 1/2 times my Rx'd dose) alongside 2mg of clonazepam, which after 40m mins or so saw me nod out properly and while the glow and quality of the exprience was not as good as the ones I have had with heroin, the fact that I managed to get this from my Rx for the first time was impressive enough to keep me going for another week,
The tiny amount I got this morning, while reminding me why this has to end sooner rather than later (it took me 3 attempts to register and shoot) was I am sad to say, absolutely beautiful and with the second bag on a plate I am feeling good enough to at least waffle on here, in contrast to my usual laziness in communicating with others while trying to break free of my semi - self imposed silence and isolation. Viva La Revolution!
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