• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Yum, Chinese!! Gotta love it, but that stuff sits in your belly like concrete, it'll put you down for a nap. hehe

Glad you liked the video. Yeah, Bill gives the best advice! He rambles about different topics and I don't have a great attention span either. He loves to talk sports a lot and I fast forward over that part because I'm not into hockey like him.

An all-time favorite podcast is from years ago when he talks about having to go to a Lady Gaga concert with Nia. He pissed her off so bad because he was drunk and making fun of the show the entire time. It was hilarious. It's probably on YouTube.

I gotta go out this morning to the pharmacy because my Concerta will be ready, yay. Then I gotta make another stop on the way home. Lord knows I can't stand leaving the house. Help me baby Jesus. ?
 
Lol yeah it does sit like concrete. Mexican is up there too in the favorites but is known to do the exact opposite. :p

Haha, titled "Bill Ruins Nia's Night" - I can already tell it's gunna be hilarious. I'll watch it tonight because i don't have headphones and i'm at the library, but here it is so we both can reference:

The challenge of going out - but IMO going for walks are great for the mind and body, and driving is fun as hell because i'm mad and love a rush. Even public transport can be interesting to people watch. Always a clown or two on the train/bus.

Will report back in regards to the video. Thank you.. now i have something to do tonight :)

I really wish i had some sort of stimulant in my cocktail, like wellbutrin at least. I don't really experience much depression now that i'm stable but i do have this overwhelming feeling of.. chronic boredom. And that, ladies and gentlemen.. is why i do drugs. :p Well, i'm sure there's a deeper reason why, right? Maybe a reason why i started in the first place aside from curiosity? But boredom definitely perpetuates it. Or i'd be lying.

I'll pray for you that going out goes well. YOU GOT THIS! Heh
 
^ That's my first time hearing that clip so I'm glad you found it! I must've heard the podcast right before that one. It was much longer and only Bill was on the show talking about the entire night in detail. That video is a great summary though and Nia is there to bust his balls. I love when Nia says Bill yelled out "LAYDEEEEEEEESSS!!" Too funny. That entire clip is gold.

Yes, boredom can definitely make one reach for drugs. That's why it's really good that you're occupying more of your time with your job. I know boredom still creeps in, but it would be much worse if you were unemployed and listening to the addiction whispering in your ear all day long.

Thanks for the encouragement. Today went really well! I got out and took care of business. It's certainly good walking weather now. It'll be even better this weekend. :)
 
Felt a bit manic yesterday. Was tossing and turning and only slept a couple hours. Had a really good day though, so maybe was just excited. And i had an energy drink before bed.. so who knows.

Just found out benadryl can show up as a false positive for methadone on drug tests, so i should probably stop tooting them. Doesn't really do much but slightly enhance masturbation - i just like putting things up my nose.
 
Feeling anticipation while waiting the mailman. Last night was watching Spiderman:into the multiverse and that shit got me pumped as fuck so took some time to fall asleep.

Saw a good friend from army first time in years and we decided we should definitely hang out. Called a friend who i havent seen in 8 months, chatted for a good 30 minutes and he said he will come to my lil village after visiting parents and friends at our hometown. Hell of a good day so far.
 
Last edited:
Therapy went great today! He gave me a workbook to read with some homework to do.

He started talking to me about comedy. Turns out he's also a fan of Marc Maron, Bill Burr and Greg Giraldo (just to name a few) so that's cool.

I really like his approach, he's not a condescending cunt trying to tell me that my views of the world and politics are wrong. He's aware that my experiences are different from his especially since I'm a different color.

Now tomorrow is the psychiatrist...
 
Feeling devastated. Won't this grief ever go away? Keep needing to dope myself up with sedatives, but it doesn't always help.
 
@CoastTwoCoast Glad therapy went well. I don't think me and my (court ordered) therapist would ever talk about comedy. It's always about my interactions with other people and faults in my personality. She's honest and somewhat helpful, but i could never just shoot the shit with her. If i brought up my favorite comic she'd probably say something along the lines of, "so, is that how you spend your time?"

@ChemicallyEnhanced Go for a walk :p it really helps. Even ask @mal3volent - he knows.

@schizopath friends are cool :p i wish i had more that weren't all into crack.
 
mal3volent said:
It's true. Any excuse you can find to get outside, do it.
Click to expand...
madness00 said:
@CoastTwoCoast Glad therapy went well. I don't think me and my (court ordered) therapist would ever talk about comedy. It's always about my interactions with other people and faults in my personality. She's honest and somewhat helpful, but i could never just shoot the shit with her. If i brought up my favorite comic she'd probably say something along the lines of, "so, is that how you spend your time?"

@ChemicallyEnhanced Go for a walk :p it really helps. Even ask @mal3volent - he knows.

@schizopath friends are cool :p i wish i had more that weren't all into crack.
Click to expand...

I go for a mini-walk up the street and back every time I have a cigarette (like 10-20 x a day) if that counts? And I agree it kinda helps me calm down. I used to walk 24 miles every day before by back injury and chronic pain.
 
Going through a very hard time. I just don't know how to tell anyone IRL. On the surface I'm outgoing, confident, quick to laugh, but on the inside I'm broken and screaming for help.
 
^ Have you ever tried therapy? You need to be able to tell someone how you feel. Keeping it all inside isn't good. Venting here helps a lot. We care!

madness00 said:
@CoastTwoCoast Glad therapy went well. I don't think me and my (court ordered) therapist would ever talk about comedy. It's always about my interactions with other people and faults in my personality. She's honest and somewhat helpful, but i could never just shoot the shit with her. If i brought up my favorite comic she'd probably say something along the lines of, "so, is that how you spend your time?"
Click to expand...

Your therapist sounds pretty strict, probably because it's court ordered. She's uptight.
I was pleasantly surprised by my therapist. I mentioned Marc Maron in passing and showed him a picture from when we met. He continued the conversation on his own because he's a fan as well. He actually said "Let's talk comedy" haha
So he stopped business as usual and was genuinely interested in who I like. It was cool. Then we went back to my personality flaws. lol
 
Does anyone else feel like a benzo works better for you than anything else? My life is still stagnant even though I'm on Effexor XR, Concerta and Gabapentin. I don't have that get-up-and-go I want.

A friend gave me a few Xanax the other day before I went out for my psych appointment and I felt right as rain! It's like my brain is in a catatonic state without a benzo. A benzo triggers a part of my brain that relaxes me and really gets me moving.

My psych doesn't prescribe any and I'm tempted to order my favorite drug ever, but going down that rabbithole is bad news because I can't control it. The RC benzo makes me want to do anything I put my mind to and that's not always a good thing. Haha I'm just so tired of feeling dead inside.

The bright sun and warm weather makes me miserable. People go out, laugh and have fun and I still want to keep to myself in a dark room. It doesn't help that my new neighbors are like frat boys. They're still in party/drinking mode and hearing them makes me seethe. I just want to feel alive even if it means getting something that's bad for me.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Does anyone else feel like a benzo works better for you than anything else? My life is still stagnant even though I'm on Effexor XR, Concerta and Gabapentin. I don't have that get-up-and-go I want.

A friend gave me a few Xanax the other day before I went out for my psych appointment and I felt right as rain! It's like my brain is in a catatonic state without a benzo. A benzo triggers a part of my brain that relaxes me and really gets me moving.

My psych doesn't prescribe any and I'm tempted to order my favorite drug ever, but going down that rabbithole is bad news because I can't control it. The RC benzo makes me want to do anything I put my mind to and that's not always a good thing. Haha I'm just so tired of feeling dead inside.

The bright sun and warm weather makes me miserable. People go out, laugh and have fun and I still want to keep to myself in a dark room. It doesn't help that my new neighbors are like frat boys. They're still in party/drinking mode and hearing them makes me seethe. I just want to feel alive even if it means getting something that's bad for me.
Click to expand...

Yes! I'm on many head meds (Sertraline, Seroquel, Trazodone, Thorazine..) but nothing comes close to helping me like benzo's do. It's like a big hug from the inside, letting me know that everything is finally okay and maybe life isn't so badd.

"It doesn't help that my new neighbors are like frat boys..."

Send 'em over here :sneaky:
 
ChemicallyEnhanced said:
Yes! I'm on many head meds (Sertraline, Seroquel, Trazodone, Thorazine..) but nothing comes close to helping me like benzo's do. It's like a big hug from the inside, letting me know that everything is finally okay and maybe life isn't so badd.

"It doesn't help that my new neighbors are like frat boys..."

Send 'em over here :sneaky:
Click to expand...

It's good to know I'm not alone. Have you tried to get benzos from your psych? He or she doesn't prescribe them either?

Maybe being honest is best. Maybe I should ask for at least 30 Xanax or klonopin. Going the route of an RC benzo is dangerous for me. It's too powerful.

I would gladly send all the boys next door to you! Haha I call them dudebros. They're a bit immature for me. It's just having them next door living it up is a reminder of how I'm not. It's obnoxious.
 
I'd say something along the lines of your friend gave you a [insert benzo you want here] when you had a panic attack and it really helped and could you try a prescription for it.

I live in the UK. You cannot get benzo's here period. You can get diazepam but only for severe muscle pain in the back. It pisses me off because those people can get up to 80mg a day and even after crying to my doctor about how I just can't live with this level of anxiety anymore (I was being genuine then, too) I still couldn't get even like 15mg or anything.

I've taken to buying my benzo's without an rx. Fuck the doctors. I'm a grown up and I know my body and I know how much they help me.

Hey, go over there with a six pack. Voila! Friends to party with.
If they still bother you, there are always vacancies in my basement.

EDIT: vacancies for tha boyz, I wasn't trying to abduct you haha.
 
Last edited:
Damn, it sucks you can't get benzos in the UK. I'm in the states and was able to get klonopin since my early 20s from doctors. It's only been recently, the past 2 psychiatrists I've seen have been more strict about not prescribing it. I could keep trying to find one who does, but it gets tiresome.

I don't blame you for buying your benzos, you gotta do what you gotta do! I'll try next time to get some klonopin or Xanax and straight up let him know that if he doesn't prescribe it, he'll be forcing me to get something potentially dangerous on my own.

If I get some RC benzos, I probably would show up next door with a 6 pack...and no telling what else I'd do. ?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top