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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Talk Thread: Swirly Congregation That's 100% Pandemic-Proof

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Today I am 6 months clean from those opiates.

It has been one hell of a trip. I had an interview today, and I thought it was for a different job. It was for a higher level management job which makes more sense for my career progression. it was totally random I applied to this in person months ago if something came up. I really hope I get it now that I was surprised by the kind of job it is. Would be amazing for me otherwise I keep trying. The questions caught me off guard it was as hard as any serious career interview, and I had to think a lot about past memories and I wasn't really prepared but made it through. Took extra valium or I would have been a little edgy and maybe talking too fast or not thinking things through as well. I am always going off on tangents regardless though I can't help it if I have to talk for long periods of time. My way of communicating is interconnected but nonlinear. If I can be interviewed like that, I'll have a good job soon. I really need the money I'm broke.

Haven't tripped since the 3 months of 2cc. Taking a couple years off lol I'm still processing how I've changed.
 
I'm staying the course on the opioids too but I've discovered something that is pissing me off. I finally have the place to myself for the next 2 weeks and what do you know I had the luck of a 20 year old girl throwing herself at me on the first day. Took her back home of course where I quickly found out that I'm no good in bed without my opioids ><. I have no ability to control myself anymore and I can't power through that either. On opioids I could go for hours sometimes and had the exact opposite problem of not being able to finish.

I decided to take the blue helper I keep around in case I have problems but by the time it started working fun time was over and her friends at the party next door were constantly calling looking for her. We never got a chance to sneak back off once my dick was actually working again so I'm pretty bummed about all of this today. Thinking on it I've realized I never really had sex without opioids before considering I didn't become sexually active until a couple of years into my initial addiction. Starting to worry that I'll never be able to enjoy it now that I'm committed to staying clean. I'm flirting with the idea of trying kratom for sex but I don't want to get any problems started. People speak of it like it's a on-par with hydrocodone which I already know I have no self control with.
 
swilow said:
I've be clean for about 3 months now I think. Do you still get any PAWS stuff?
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Good for you man, are you still suffering PAWS? I'm almost 6 months out right now and I'm still going through a bit but it gets a little better everyday. I still feel like I'm crawling out of my skin sometimes. Still dealing with the fact that I can actually feel my nerves for the first time in a decade. Also didn't realize how long it'd been since I'd sneezed. Was such an odd sensation to be constantly sneezing even many months after quitting.

Either one of you guys quit using Iboga or considering taking it to cement the will to stay off the opioids?
 
I'm still getting pretty anxious and seem to have a low resistance to stress, gloomy mood where everything seems fucked and some stomach and various pain issues but largely, I'm getting better. Some days though, it feels like week one again :\ But those are the days where you can strengthen your resolve.
 
HeadphonesandLSD said:
Good for you man, are you still suffering PAWS? I'm almost 6 months out right now and I'm still going through a bit but it gets a little better everyday. I still feel like I'm crawling out of my skin sometimes. Still dealing with the fact that I can actually feel my nerves for the first time in a decade. Also didn't realize how long it'd been since I'd sneezed. Was such an odd sensation to be constantly sneezing even many months after quitting.

Either one of you guys quit using Iboga or considering taking it to cement the will to stay off the opioids?
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You probably know it, but I got off opiates over 4 years ago with iboga. It was a miracle for me, changed my life. Lasted 3 days of acute effects, I came out of it feeling like I had woken up from a long, painful dream, and I wasn't crazy anymore. I think it worked for me uncommonly well, but I have never had a craving for opiates since, not a single time. I also started playing music again and got in shape, basically I can divide my life into pre-iboga and post-iboga.
 
So it's official, my girlfriend is moving into my house at the beginning of September. :) I'm getting excited. She's gonna pay me a moderate chunk of total expenses (nowhere near half, since it is after all my house, but enough that it will feel like I got a fat raise at work with the extra money I can save). Over the next couple of months we're going to paint her room, rearrange some stuff, and make a cover for the upper deck balcony (which is the car balcony basically) so we can put the litter boxes out there so it won't smell like cat litter upstairs. I think it's gonna be great, she'll be an awesome roommate. :)

Also my mortgage refinance is almost done going through. My ex agreed to sign all the papers to remove from the deed, and also to sign the no-fault divorce, we had a heart to heart that made me feel bad for her because she's obviously still mentally ill, but she was also very nice and seemed to very much want things to go smoothly for both of us. Anyway, once it goes through I'll have about 20 grand for home repairs. My roof is the main thing. I wanted to put on a metal roof, my impression was it's cheaper and easier. And in any case I expected to be quoted about $10k to get it done (I decided not to do it myself, I just need my roof to be good and I don't want to risk it). I got an estimate today, my first one, and he said that metal roofs are way more expensive. He quoted me $16k for a new metal roof, but he said that they could do a new asphalt shingle roof (which is what I already have) for about $5600, which includes everything, dumpster fee, demolition, replacing bad plywood, etc. And it has a 25 year warranty so if anything fails in that time they'll fix it for free. So I'm like... uh yeah, I think I'm doing that! I really just need a roof that protects my house. I like the idea of a metal roof, but I'm not trying to pay 3 to 4 times as much for one.

Anyway I'm going to get a few more estimates but I had no idea I could get a new roof for that little! That's a big deal because I also need to replace doors and windows, install a wood stove, re-insulte some areas, and if I have enough left over, finish off my basement into livable space that I can add to the square footage of the house... maybe even put a bathroom and closet down there and then I could add a bedroom and bathroom to the house in addition to the square footage... it would be a separate entrance too so I could even rent the space if I wanted to.

Things are looking up. :)
 
Well, my ex flip flopped again... after telling me she'd sign the papers and return them ASAP, she called today to tell me that she won't have time until September or October. She told me that she's sorry it's inconvenient for me and that the mortgage deal with fall through and I won't be able to fix my roof, but that it's "equally inconvenient" for her to do this on my schedule because she has no time at all. To take 20 minutes to FUCKING GO TO A NOTARY AND SIGN SOME GOD DAMN PAPERS. She said she needs a lot of time to read them and understand them fully. I asked if she distrusted what I explained to her about them and she said no, she trusts I'm telling the truth but she still needs to understand them herself. Okay fine, I get that, but what the fuck do you mean it will take you until September or October to do that?? What assurance would I have that you would "have time" then? She also refuses to sign the property settlement agreement for our divorce until then.

So I reached out to her mom finally, I'd been avoiding it out of respect for her. We were always really close, her mom and I... she was a second mom to me, I love her very much and vice versa. I'm hoping she can help me, but I lost her phone number when I switched phones so I hope she has the same email. If that doesn't work, I'm going to threaten to file for a contested divorce and it will mean she needs to lawyer up... that will be a hell of a lot more "inconvenient" than signing a few papers. I'll give her mom a couple of days to reply and then that's what I'm going to do.

FUCKITY FUCK! :| This is maddening... being with her was the worst decision I have ever made. I can't believe that it feels like a lifetime ago that we were together but she's still fucking with my life.
 
pharmakos said:
And now like clockwork, she wants to stay together... Swears she'll work on her issues...
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I've read through the last few pages and I'm glad you're doing well with the ketogenic diet. Salads can be really great and you can get really creative with them. I do find that a chronic illness can take a toll on a relationship. When we went to the transplant center to get my husband listed they recommended everyone in the family see one. I don't know what your situation is but it has really helped me/us. I think the key is finding a therapist you click with. Anyway I wish you luck. Nice little community going here
 
Damn Xork, sorry to hear about your troubles with divorce and the ex... Sounds like your girlfriend moving in will be positive change though. I know her living situation has been difficult previously, so I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

I'm just back from visiting family in California and backpacking in Yosemite. Talking to my Cali relatives is so strange. Most of my father's side is ardently Catholic and hate the way California is 'going to pot" literally and figuratively lol. I find it so strange. What I would give to live in such a braodely liberal state... Of course, I'm not really Catholic. So maybe that's why.

Anyways, Yosemite was beautiful, saw the Waterwheel Falls which were beautiful (check out vids on youtube if you're curious). Well worth it, but I got eaten alive by mosquitoes. My body is covered in bites. Had some great philosophical discussions with my father and uncle, and I think now I have a greater understanding of their Catholic conservatism. And I told my dad I trip acid at his house when I house sit. He was very offended until I told him about me listening to some of his church chorus CD's and finding a renewed interest in studying the faith.
 
Awesome man, I've always wanted to visit Yosemite. :)

Yeah I'm fucking pissed about it, it's hard to not dwell. Haven't heard back from her mom yet. I had a dream about her and her mom... every single fucking time I have a dream about my ex, in it we got back together but I'm also still with my girlfriend and I'm like, why the fuck did I get back together with my ex?? Now I'm stuck and I feel guilty. :\ But I was hanging out with her mom and it was nice.
 
I had the most incredible time on shrooms yesterday with my girlfriend. We both ate 2 grams each and spent the day in our apartment together smoking weed. I havent tripped in about 5 years so it was really good for me. The peak was pretty intense visually and it was so beautiful.

I'm so in love with this woman, it feels like our connection is even more powerful now. When we started coming down we just kept smoking to get right back in that place again. I just consumed an edible an hour ago. I've got lots of laundry to do today so it should be relaxing. Hope everyone has a great day.
 
Muddy Glow said:
I had the most incredible time on shrooms yesterday with my girlfriend. We both ate 2 grams each and spent the day in our apartment together smoking weed. I havent tripped in about 5 years so it was really good for me. The peak was pretty intense visually and it was so beautiful.

I'm so in love with this woman, it feels like our connection is even more powerful now. When we started coming down we just kept smoking to get right back in that place again. I just consumed an edible an hour ago. I've got lots of laundry to do today so it should be relaxing. Hope everyone has a great day.
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Nice one man :)

The last few pages seem to be filled with relationship stuff, weird.
 
I did a stupid fucking thing last night... was really upset about my ex and that whole situation I've described, got pretty drunk, decided in my infinite wisdom to drive home instead of stay at my friend's. Hit a parked car, got arrested for a DUI. Now I lost my license for 30 days and my car is fucked up. God damn it I can be an idiot sometimes. :\

And for some reason they charged me with DUI and reckless driving...

I really, really hope my car isn't totalled... after the accident I tried to see if it would move so I could get it off the road. The engine sounded fine but it wouldn't move at all when I tried to move it. I love my car... :(
 
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That's terrible man about your car and the DWI, I've gotten 2 of them over the years and it sucks. Lost mine for 2 years the last time. Hopefully it wont caust you too much to fix the car. Drinking and driving is definitely not a good habit, it's just that when your drunk it seems like a great idea and everything will be okay.

Wish you the best of luck bro.
 
Thanks man. Yeah I know it's bad. I've probably been over the limit to some extent a number of times to be honest, but last night I was really drunk. I don't even remember deciding to leave. My friend's girlfriend came down and started fighting with him about some ridiculous shit and I remember being annoyed and feeling awkward being there... next thing I remember is having just crashed and the owner of the car I hit running out of her house and being really upset. :\ Anyway this is a wakeup call, really. I'm thinking at the moment I want to quit drinking, it's the least healthy drug for me that I still use. Makes me an idiot...

My insurance is covering it... I have collision and liability. Of course my car is kind of old so if it's damaged enough they'll declare it a loss and just give me a few thousand to replace it. I fucking love my car so much, I hope so much that it won't be a loss...

They also charged me with reckless driving. They claimed I was going 45 in a 25, though no one saw the accident so I don't know how they would know that. I might have been, I just don't know. My insurance is gonna go way up... also I'm not sure if there would be any point to getting a lawyer or not, or if I should just go to the court date next month on my own. Obviously I won't get out of a DUI, but maybe I could get out of the reckless driving? I dunno...
 
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