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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Tell a shit joke

A guy walks into a bar.
"Give me a whiskey. I am going to drink myself to death cause i just found my woman in bed with FUBAR"
"I cant help you kill yourself. I wont pour you a whiskey. If i caught someone fucking my girl i would kill them though " said the barman.
The man stood up with an evil twinkle in his eye and left without saying a word.
5 hours later he returned.
"Did you kill him?"
"Nah. I just fucked your wife though so pour me a fuckin whiskey"
 
A horse walks into a bar.
Several patrons got up and left as they recognized the potential danger in the situation.
 
Bloke goes to meet his girlfriend's parents for the first time, over Sunday dinner.
So he's sat at the table making small talk with the father when he feels a familiar gurgling in his guts instigated by the previous nights curry and lager fest.
Suddenly, without warning, he releases an SBD that could strip paint at 40 yards.
Father's nose starts a twitching, but he just looks down at his pet dog Rover and says "get under the table Rover, get under". Rover ignores him and continues to sit between them hoping for scraps.
Bloke thinks "phew, I got away with that one, he thinks it's the dog.. "
Soon bloke feels another commotion brewing in his underpants.
More confident this time, he expertly eases oute a gut guff of epic proportions.
Father soon detects it, looks down at the dog and shouts " Get under the table Rover, get under!!" Again, the dog ignores him.
Before long, bloke feels the pressure building again. Without a care in the world, he drops the Fat Man of all bum bombs, with a fall-out second only to that experienced by Nagasaki.
This time father stands up, with face red from a mixture of rage and oxygen deprivation and shouts at the top of his voice, "Get under the table Rover, before he fuckin shits on you!!!"
 
There were four young nuns waiting in line and giggling outside the confessional one morning. The priest summoned the first one in, and the other three huddled around, trying to listen.
- Bless me, Father, for I have sinned!
- What sin have you committed, my child?
- I looked at a man's private parts!
The priest sighed, in the manner of one who has heard it all before. - Say 20 Hail Marys, and bathe your eyes in Holy Water. Go in peace with God!
The second nun entered the confessional, while the others strained their ears.
- Bless me, Father, for I have sinned!
- What was your sin, my child?
- I touched a man's private parts!
The priest sighed again. - Say 20 Hail Marys, and wash your hand in Holy Water. Now go in peace with God!
The third nun said to the fourth, - Do you want to swap places?
- Why should I want to swap places?
- Because I don't think you'll want to drink it, after I've sat in it!
 
BecomingJulie said:
There were four young nuns waiting in line and giggling outside the confessional one morning. The priest summoned the first one in, and the other three huddled around, trying to listen.
- Bless me, Father, for I have sinned!
- What sin have you committed, my child?
- I looked at a man's private parts!
The priest sighed, in the manner of one who has heard it all before. - Say 20 Hail Marys, and bathe your eyes in Holy Water. Go in peace with God!
The second nun entered the confessional, while the others strained their ears.
- Bless me, Father, for I have sinned!
- What was your sin, my child?
- I touched a man's private parts!
The priest sighed again. - Say 20 Hail Marys, and wash your hand in Holy Water. Now go in peace with God!
The third nun said to the fourth, - Do you want to swap places?
- Why should I want to swap places?
- Because I don't think you'll want to drink it, after I've sat in it!
Click to expand...
Good one. Lol
 
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