I've been lurking here for a while now and I think I've read every single thread on long term comedowns. So decided to finally post what's happening to me. After a period of around 2-3 years of doing various drugs, I realised I didn't feel the same anymore. I would find it harder to process information, work stuff out mentally, nothing seemed fully real anymore, etc. I kept on getting drunk and high anyway because it didn't bother me to the extent I wanted to put my life on hold, and my friends kept telling me it was all in my head.
Everything changed last March when I went on an mdma binge all weekend - I must have done about 6 (untested) pills in little bits. Then the next week I did another 6. This was followed by 5 months of wondering if I was going crazy, not being able to focus on anything properly, I wasn't able to even think properly. I thought it would be like previous times where the effects would mostly wear off after a few weeks. So I kept thinking I was going to be alright soon, kept going out drinking.
I developed EXTREME anxiety and paranoia, I'd go out drinking and literally be a complete mess, then not remember a thing and have panic attacks about it the next day, id have flashbacks and talk to myself all week. I would have racing thoughts about dying and I felt like I wasn't even a person.. I just felt like I was a complete weirdo.
At this point I still didn't realise it was the mdma, I just thought it was from drinking so much and the previous drugs. So I decided to go sober, but I then ended up getting given free pills and taking them (5 months after first binge), then the week after dropping 0.7g mdma and completely losing it. So now since then, in September, I've been sober completely (bar drinking 2 weeks after my last drop). I'm 6 months in and I still feel dizzy every day, if I move my head there's a wooshing feeling, I have trouble having conversations, I've stopped speaking to a lot of people because I can't be myself. I have anxiety and I have HPPD. My head constantly feels like something is spinning round in it, along with head pressure, and in general tripping and seeing shit move around.
My symptoms have gotten slightly better, I don't feel like I'm completely living in a nightmare anymore, I still get anxious thoughts about weird stuff I've done while in this state but they are decreasing. I'm starting to see a slight glimmer that I may actually have a decent future but it's a small one still. it's still the one thing on my mind 24/7, I try to ignore the blatantly obvious symptoms such as the whole room breathing but it's hard. SOMEHOW I've managed to keep my high pressure finance job and keep it together from an outside perspective so that's a plus.
I've accepted I'll be like this for at least 8-10 months if not more, but I just feel like I'm wasting my younger years for nothing, although I'm trying to see a positive and am hoping I come out a better person.
Any comments from people with a similar experience would be appreciated. I haven't seen any doctor because I've heard more drugs won't really help but any input is welcome! I'm 22 btw. Thanks!