Crashing
Bluelighter
I don't think sane men can truly ramble.
☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Somatic Swirly Sepia Summer Sausage Stage Set Suppository
- Thread starter Xorkoth
- Start date
- Status
I don't think sane men can truly ramble.
vortech
Bluelighter
Whenever I feel I've found myself, I'm kidding myself. I'm still hella lost. It is something to be humble about. Finding oneself is a purpose of life's journey, evolving into our true selves. Most of us don't have it as easy as Shulgin, but he is right, and he is an inspiration to us that we should write down our own rambling of varying "psychoses". It really helps in the process of finding ourselves, reflecting on the writing in different states of mind. It is a form of biofeedback i call 'tuning' in my book. My next book is taking quite a while to progress for this reason. I use those writings as tools to see things from different perspectives in different states of consciousness.
The added benefit of writing is not for oneself but as mirrors for others to see themselves, consider and possibly receive inspiration and a new perspective from which to move forward past what blocked them in the past. Others have helped me in this way, the list of credits is far too long, but have been from BL posts.
The added benefit of writing is not for oneself but as mirrors for others to see themselves, consider and possibly receive inspiration and a new perspective from which to move forward past what blocked them in the past. Others have helped me in this way, the list of credits is far too long, but have been from BL posts.
vortech
Bluelighter
Well, Many have been from BL posts. The greater portion is from everywhere else. But I always come back here for this reason.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Nice, I did ibogaine and it changed my life dramatically. Craziest experience ever too.
Haha, nice, shortly before my ex left and then I did ibogaine and got off opiates, I got a fortune cookie that says "Doors will be opening for you in many areas of your life". I taped it to my computer monitor and it turned out to be so, so true. It's still taped up there to this day.
Well, my band is falling apart... one of my bands anyway. It's been happening for a long time though. The two lead singers/songwriters are a couple and ever since she got into the band, it's been a downward trajectory. She's such a drama queen and everything has to be her way (for example, she got him to stop doing 2 of our songs because they were written about his ex-girlfriend and she can't handle it due to jealousy/possessiveness issues). Both of them always seem so drained... he probably would be anyway because he's in school and has a job and has the band, but I think she drains him a whole bunch. She reminds me of my ex, he sometimes gets really upset and tells us about how she acts and it gives me anxiety just to hear about it. She's always making everything about herself and there have been a variety of times where the rest of us were about to tell her we can't play with her anymore.
Recently they came to us after practice and said they want to only have 1 practice a week, and that in a year they're going to move away to Colorado. They still seem to think we can play shows and maybe do a small tour next summer but there's no way, I don't think they even think about music when they're not at band practice. Half the time they cancel that one practice a week anyway because they are "tired", or the best excuse, "we have to pack for our trip in 2 days". Now they're saying only Sundays will work and Sunday is the one day of the week I said I couldn't do because it's the one day my girlfriend and I both don't have to work. So, uh... yeah. 8)
But the good news is, the timing is impeccable. The rest of us are pretty much fed up, and we have a side project that all of us feel way more excited about musically (we have all been frustrated at the other two's desire to become more poppy, everything they write is poppy and she's always saying that our songs should all focus on lyrics with instrumentation secondary - she only sings by the way and refuses to learn anything else, even alternate percussion and then uses that as a point of contention that she wants to be more involved - while the rest of us feel strongly the opposite). We had our first show as that other group very recently and it was amazing, people were way more into it and so were we, we made some real connections that we haven't been able to make with the other group. So the transition to a different thing is naturally happening. I think we may end up just focusing on trying to record our 13 original songs from the full band, get nice studio tracks so we all have them, have a record of this point in time. But it's good to be able to really focus on the music I want to focus on. The core group of the band is the group that is the side project (which I guess is now the main project), plus our old bass player... these guys are all in my group of best friends too.
So anyway, gonna go practice for that band in a half hour or so.
Last edited:
Cream Gravy?
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2014
- Messages
- 12,395
^I had been wondering about what was going on with that band couple of yours, as a few months back I recall you telling us about the situation being, well, exactly like you described lol.
Doors aren't necessarily opening in my life, but the ones that are open aren't closing at least hahah. I'm just making slow progress towards my goals. I've been finding myself to be lacking energy this week and it makes it hard to come home from work just to get right into the studies. Tomorrow I have time off though, and I plan to make a concerted effort to relax, as well as knock out some of these studies that I need to complete. One day at a time right?
Doors aren't necessarily opening in my life, but the ones that are open aren't closing at least hahah. I'm just making slow progress towards my goals. I've been finding myself to be lacking energy this week and it makes it hard to come home from work just to get right into the studies. Tomorrow I have time off though, and I plan to make a concerted effort to relax, as well as knock out some of these studies that I need to complete. One day at a time right?
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Yeah it's more of the same.
Making slow progress towards your goals is a good thing. Progress is progress. Better slow and steady than quickly and burn out or something.
Making slow progress towards your goals is a good thing.
Progress is progress. Better slow and steady than quickly and burn out or something.
Help?!?!
Bluelighter
You don't. That's the point....
HeadphonesandLSD
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2011
- Messages
- 1,768
You guys might appreciate this;
One of my long time friends has a problem with listening. He'll look right at you as you explain something to him, nod, says he understands then he'll ask you something a few minutes later that makes it obvious that he wasn't paying attention. He's so bad about this everyone in our group of friends constantly makes fun of him for it, we've gotten so good at noticing it that we can predict when he'll do it most of the time.
This friend also joined me on my first and only time using 2C-P. Before I dosed him at 10mg or so I explained the drug in detail for a good hour. This is on top of all of the times I'd spoken with him about it in the week leading up to the night we both took it. If you don't know 2C-P has a long 3 hour come-up and a total duration of 24 hours or so.
We were an hour into the main effects (four hours after taking it), not even on the peak and he's staring at the wall clock. He looks over at me like a lost child and says: "So...we'll be coming down in about 2 hours, right?". I said no, and replied "I told you man, _24 hours_". He got that "Oh shit" look on his face and I'll never forget it, for a moment he was in awe that something could last that long. It didn't send the trip in a bad direction I just thought it was the funniest damn thing.
One of my long time friends has a problem with listening. He'll look right at you as you explain something to him, nod, says he understands then he'll ask you something a few minutes later that makes it obvious that he wasn't paying attention. He's so bad about this everyone in our group of friends constantly makes fun of him for it, we've gotten so good at noticing it that we can predict when he'll do it most of the time.
This friend also joined me on my first and only time using 2C-P. Before I dosed him at 10mg or so I explained the drug in detail for a good hour. This is on top of all of the times I'd spoken with him about it in the week leading up to the night we both took it. If you don't know 2C-P has a long 3 hour come-up and a total duration of 24 hours or so.
We were an hour into the main effects (four hours after taking it), not even on the peak and he's staring at the wall clock. He looks over at me like a lost child and says: "So...we'll be coming down in about 2 hours, right?". I said no, and replied "I told you man, _24 hours_". He got that "Oh shit" look on his face and I'll never forget it, for a moment he was in awe that something could last that long. It didn't send the trip in a bad direction I just thought it was the funniest damn thing.
Last edited:
Img_9999
Bluelighter
That's interesting, just a couple of days ago I was thinking in very similar terms.
Comedy gold, but poor guy, lol!!
HeadphonesandLSD
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2011
- Messages
- 1,768
That guy is always good for stuff like that. I swear every time I trip with him he does something similar and it never fails to make me laugh.
I was dosing 5-meo-mipt pretty regularly a few summers ago. He got a taste of it and kept nagging me for re-doses, he ended up in a bad spot on the second re-dose and wouldn't talk to me for a good while. 15 minutes later he's watching the Flintstones and talking my ear off about how Fred's car doesn't obey the laws of physics because the rear wheel would just come right off of it if it were really moving forwards. I'd never noticed it before but he's right:
A month later he came back around asking if I had anymore "weird internet drugs" (I had shared MXE, 2C-P, 2C-T-7, and 5-meo-mipt with him by this point). I dosed him on 5-meo-mipt again warning him that re-dosing might be a bad idea. He asked for one anyway and seemed fine so I allowed him a few more mg. Like clock work he gets all freaked out at the 3 hour mark again and asked for a benzo. We told him to wait and again he was fine after 15 minutes or so. Eventually I figured out that this happens to just about everyone with that substance and it was just part of it. It happened to me several times when I experimented with it too but I learned how to manage it or avoid it all together.
Doing MXE with him was so much fun. It was the first time for both of us and we did it in a single wide trailer he was renting at the time. An old one from at least the mid-late 70's like the ones we'd both grew up in. That setting combined with lots of 80's movies/games that we just kinda ended up playing made it feel like we'd used a time machine and gone back to the good old days. I really thought I was back there at a couple of points.
He's been my tripping companion since the start, the first thing I ever did was mushrooms and he was part of that group. Later on when I found LSD for the first time he was part of that group too (I bought 10 hits and gave them away). He wasn't around for my first time with MDMA but after my first roll I made sure to go buy some more and gift him his first dose. We planned on taking it a month later but ended up at some chick's birthday party. We walked in this house and all the girls were in costume (it was nearly Halloween) and the three of us were the only men there. I told him to just go ahead and take it and gave the birthday girl and her friends some too. We ended up having a really good time.
Last edited:
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Fuck yeah muthafuckas, I just got a $3k a year raise! I really didn't expect raises although I was really feeling I deserved one as I do a lot of stuff only I can do and it's been a few years. The company keeps having trouble meeting goals set by the parent company, so raises have been out the window for a while. We didn't meet the numbers last year either but my boss managed to get me a raise anyway. I love it!
I love it!
Cream Gravy?
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2014
- Messages
- 12,395
^Congrats!
Man, lately I've been noticing my health is well, significantly worse than it was years ago. I haven't been to the doctor in many years, I just hate going... anyways, I finally up and decided to make an appointment to see if I can get some of these issues sorted out, at the prodding of my girlfriend. You know what? The earliest appointment my general practitioner could afford me is in 9 fuckin weeks! I guess if I've waited 4 or 5 years, another 9 weeks won't hurt...
Man, lately I've been noticing my health is well, significantly worse than it was years ago. I haven't been to the doctor in many years, I just hate going... anyways, I finally up and decided to make an appointment to see if I can get some of these issues sorted out, at the prodding of my girlfriend. You know what? The earliest appointment my general practitioner could afford me is in 9 fuckin weeks! I guess if I've waited 4 or 5 years, another 9 weeks won't hurt...
Last edited:
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Damn that's a long wait time!
I feel really healthy, I am the healthiest I've been physically since I was 15 years old in cross country. I do do a lot of drugs though, and some cancer issues in some people I know recently (some younger than me) have gotten me a bit nervous. I need to make an appointment for a physical soon, I've been meaning to but I keep putting it off. It seems like it's definitely best to keep on top of that stuff, even if you feel good. My biggest fear (health-wise) is that I would develop some sort of disease like cancer and then not realize it until I feel sick for a while and put two and two together, and by then it's much worse than if I had caught it early.
I feel really healthy, I am the healthiest I've been physically since I was 15 years old in cross country. I do do a lot of drugs though, and some cancer issues in some people I know recently (some younger than me) have gotten me a bit nervous. I need to make an appointment for a physical soon, I've been meaning to but I keep putting it off. It seems like it's definitely best to keep on top of that stuff, even if you feel good. My biggest fear (health-wise) is that I would develop some sort of disease like cancer and then not realize it until I feel sick for a while and put two and two together, and by then it's much worse than if I had caught it early.
HeadphonesandLSD
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2011
- Messages
- 1,768
I've been avoiding the doctors for many years now unless I'm in so much pain that I absolutely have to go. I really need a brain scan to find out how damaged mine is from all those concussions and falling head first on concrete 15 years ago but I'm afraid of what they'll find. I used to fear it because I didn't want to know if I had limited time because I thought it'd make me very depressed. Now I fear that if they told me I only had so many years or one more major blow to the head that I'd just go nuts and not give a damn about anything.
I should probably go though....too bad I'm poor.
Congrats on the raise.
I should probably go though....too bad I'm poor.
Congrats on the raise
.
LSDMDMA&
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2010
- Messages
- 12,829
drinkin out on the back porch.
hopefully i can get my dexedrine back
the place im gonna do iop at is gonna give me a psych referral
hopefully i can sign a contract and grt my dex back
need that
hopefully i can get my dexedrine back
the place im gonna do iop at is gonna give me a psych referral
hopefully i can sign a contract and grt my dex back
need that
TheAppleCore
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2007
- Messages
- 5,510
So far my health seems to be generally improving with time (knock on wood). I used to have a major acid reflux issue, which has almost entirely disappeared, to my great relief. I also used to have some sleep-related concerns which I've mostly put to rest (har har).
I'm convinced that a good 50% of health problems are merely the result of hypochondria, stress, and / or other psychological factors. A healthy mind = a healthy body.
Why does it matter whether your brain is damaged or not? I mean, if it is, they can't really fix it anyway, right?
I'm convinced that a good 50% of health problems are merely the result of hypochondria, stress, and / or other psychological factors. A healthy mind = a healthy body.
Why does it matter whether your brain is damaged or not? I mean, if it is, they can't really fix it anyway, right?
Last edited:
HeadphonesandLSD
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2011
- Messages
- 1,768
I've had some episodes over the years (falling out). I'm afraid it might be something they'd take away my driver's license for. Without it I'm not mentally healthy and would continue to drive anyway since it's my outlet. Same thing with knowing one more blow means the end, if I can't ride my bike/atv at top speed around my farm I'd loose my sanity. It's just better not to know, if I know it'll just make me depressed or most likely cause me to go all out and engage in risky behavior.
I just prefer to avoid them and deal with my problems through self medication. Dosing mushrooms a couple of times a year keeps the headaches at bay enough that they don't leave me stuck in bed. As long as I can continue doing that I think I'll be okay. I can't afford much more than that right now anyway, one visit to the hospital and I'll be in debt up to my eye balls. Already costs $100+ every time I see a regular doctor. They don't accept livestock as payment anymore. ;/
Last edited:
HeadphonesandLSD
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2011
- Messages
- 1,768
Sorry for the double post but this got me wanting to rant;
I'm sure some of you guys have had concussions and what-not but I can't stress how bad they can be for you. For some reason I always ended up falling on my head when I got injured. When I was about 13-14 I started a 4 year span where I just constantly kept having major blows to my noggin', I had one where I fell on concrete while standing. The dumbest thing I ever did was not go to the hospital that night even though I had fluid building up under my scalp. I watched an alarm clock in triple vision for a few days, slurred my words for months, and pretty much taught myself how to talk correctly and socially interact again. By the time I had healed up I wasn't even the same person anymore and had lost a ton of my memories from before the accident. People that I grew up with and was good friends with might as well not even existed because I don't remember them, don't know them, and have to fake my way through a conversation with them whenever I see them. I know everyone has that happen from time to time but for me it's with everyone aside from the few close friends I had around the time when I got injured.
It really fucking sucks but lately I've been remembering more from my child hood. Most of those memories center around family though. It's odd because otherwise my mind is a steel trap (it always was), if I hear something or learn something for the first time it sticks with me forever and I have impeccable recall. I don't know if I have a photographic memory or whatever they call it now but I've always knew I was a little better at doing these things than most of the general population. So even though I'm a lot dumber than before I damaged my brain I'm still above average in that department. The main thing I've never been able to really recover is begin social. I can not read faces or tone anymore to save my life, unless you spell something out in detail to me I will not get the emotional tone of it. My own emotions became very blunted too; Things rarely make me laugh and when they do it hurts (back of my head feels like an ice pick). Extreme anger is about the only emotion I feel strongly anymore but that's very rare. When I do go off people know it's best to stay out of my way because it takes a while before I calm back down.
I'm sure some of you guys have had concussions and what-not but I can't stress how bad they can be for you. For some reason I always ended up falling on my head when I got injured. When I was about 13-14 I started a 4 year span where I just constantly kept having major blows to my noggin', I had one where I fell on concrete while standing. The dumbest thing I ever did was not go to the hospital that night even though I had fluid building up under my scalp. I watched an alarm clock in triple vision for a few days, slurred my words for months, and pretty much taught myself how to talk correctly and socially interact again. By the time I had healed up I wasn't even the same person anymore and had lost a ton of my memories from before the accident. People that I grew up with and was good friends with might as well not even existed because I don't remember them, don't know them, and have to fake my way through a conversation with them whenever I see them. I know everyone has that happen from time to time but for me it's with everyone aside from the few close friends I had around the time when I got injured.
It really fucking sucks but lately I've been remembering more from my child hood. Most of those memories center around family though. It's odd because otherwise my mind is a steel trap (it always was), if I hear something or learn something for the first time it sticks with me forever and I have impeccable recall. I don't know if I have a photographic memory or whatever they call it now but I've always knew I was a little better at doing these things than most of the general population. So even though I'm a lot dumber than before I damaged my brain I'm still above average in that department. The main thing I've never been able to really recover is begin social. I can not read faces or tone anymore to save my life, unless you spell something out in detail to me I will not get the emotional tone of it. My own emotions became very blunted too; Things rarely make me laugh and when they do it hurts (back of my head feels like an ice pick). Extreme anger is about the only emotion I feel strongly anymore but that's very rare. When I do go off people know it's best to stay out of my way because it takes a while before I calm back down.
- Status