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☮ Social ☮ [PD Social Tripping Thread] NEW! Gather here for swirly talk

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DAT BOI! OH SHIT WADDUP!!

Just FYI I am the dude, who was with vortech, when he found some dank MDMA/MDA crystals on his porch along with a tab of what is probably acid that my gf took.

We had a fucking blast ;w;
 
My friend tells me he is unable to understand me when I'm on 3-MeO-PCP. Is he just dumb and I a genius or am I just wonky as fuck?
 
I think he's just stupid!

This 3-MeO-PCP train is so fucking fast. :D everyone get in!

I got a new scale, it has a TOUCH SCREEN!
 
He actually is a bit stupid (no offence to the guy), but out of all the people I know he has seen me on under the influence of psychs/dissos the most, so if he observes something it must mean something right? On the other hand, he only does MDMA, 4-FA and psychedelics, and isn't the most open/abstract-minded person I know, so he might just not understand.

The biggest lesson 3-MeO-PCP has given me is that I shouldn't be doubting so much, to learn to shut up my internal critic. Now that I am doubting this drug, what do I do? :D

-

Summing these things up I realize that I'm just a lot more confident about my autistic tendencies on it and some people might just bounce off of that. I hope these lessons are permanent and not some lingering effect from the drug, because being me is great. There are other factors that contribute to this (met a girl, started doing yoga, better diet), but mentally this seems to do a lot for me.
 
kidklmx said:
The biggest lesson 3-MeO-PCP has given me is that I shouldn't be doubting so much, to learn to shut up my internal critic. Now that I am doubting this drug, what do I do? :D

-

Summing these things up I realize that I'm just a lot more confident about my autistic tendencies on it and some people might just bounce off of that. I hope these lessons are permanent and not some lingering effect from the drug, because being me is great. There are other factors that contribute to this (met a girl, started doing yoga, better diet), but mentally this seems to do a lot for me.
Click to expand...

The "internal critic" can certainly be a nuisance, can't it? Self-esteem is enormously important, as I'm discovering, and that's hard to manage if you're always putting yourself down!

As far as retaining the lessons of psychedelics and dissociatives, I find that it takes a little work. I tend to easily forget insights that come under the influence, and I have to more or less re-discover these truths while sober, at which point they stick more easily. The advantage of chemicals is that they lubricate the relevant mental machinery, so it comes easier when you're back from the moon again, so to speak.
 
Guise, wait for me!!!! Ill be jumping back on the train in 2-3 days. Lets meet at the drink car and talk about some next love-all shit that only other tweetmeowers could possibly understand. Then we can make some music, full-love
samples of tweeting birds and meowing cats. There will be so many layers to it the only way it could make sense is under the influence of 3meo, and in that state it will be like have a casual conversation with God.
What else could we do for fun, a group of treemeowers? We could build a tree house! To join the club you would have to correctly say the ACTUAL unabbreviated name of our magical pixie dust. Then we could lure actual pixies into the Tree House and have a spiritual orgy with yoga and meditation.
Might be fun.
 
Hahahahah I love your idea vortech. Spiritual orgy's are the best kind. Are you sure you're not still on the train, bro? You sound like it! lol, lovin' you homie. I've been chilling with the conductor at the front for what seems like forever, come burn one with us when you get here.

P.S. The machine elves have been fucking with me HARDCORE, man. I have some incredibly bizarre stories for you if you're interested, vortech.
 
Was pretty fucking depressed trying to taper pregabalin and doing a lot of K and a little MXE this weekend.

Doing a lot better now, not quite off the pregabalins yet and on dexamph script which I also skipped a lot last week (there was some overlap with dex and K which obscured the dissociative effects but was still sort of nice/interesting which I didn't expect it to be. Still weird though.)

Can't really take K anymore though, quickly tolerance rose so much again that I feel mentally obliterated but don't actually really trip. If at some point you then take a little etizolam to help sleeping, there is even less hope of having an interesting effect anymore.

I'd trip if I felt up to it, and maybe I will a bit later on... to help reset my negative thinking. Maybe better if at first I stick to 2C-C. I might get some K again at some point now that it is cheap and super high quality, because of nice combos such as with 2C-C.
 
Does tapering off of pregbalin itself cause the depression, or is it something you deal with natively?
If you need a little pep to your self-image, please know that I always look forward to your contributions to this forum, and I'm certain I'm not alone in that. I imagine you've had a very positive impact on the world just via the words you've typed in here on BL.
 
Thanks very much perp ( ;) ) but I'm afraid it's not enough for me, if I can contribute to the forum it's a pretty nice consolation prize but the frustration is a bit much to keep falling out of guidelines for normal usefulness in the world, to just be functional at least let alone use any of my qualities. I'd probably rather be functional at one thing than dysfunctional but talented at multiple things. I mean you can always have hobbies but at some point shit gets pointless if it keeps being denied and invalidated, or just plain unsuitable to make money like a lot of my talents. For a few things máybe but I'm terrible at entrepeneurship.

Pregabalin normally helps me (has done for the past 2 or so years) to keep my days running smoothly at a basic level. Without it, I feel more stuck than I was before it... not extremely anxious but just very stuck. And being stuck I get terribly demotivated because I see everything fail apart from just having a safe and tiny home where I survive. So I am not even interested anymore to give it another shot building myself a new life (previous ones were ripped apart from e.g. being forced to move away from a place where I had my friends, sport, music teacher etc) on bad days. On good days also hardly so, one step at a time.

So trying to taper pregabalin really magnifies the anxiety of depression of that stuckness... I'm about halfway though, but I am not sure if it is a good idea to keep tapering.

I've found out by now that contributing via bluelight is so foolproof that it couldn't really fail (of course it still depends on what you contribute, but besides of that you can hardly go wrong), but I got pretty fucked IRL.

That I am not yet pushed to find a job is one of the few other consolations - I try to get shit running again by helping out family with serious DIYing.

Shrink says it couldn't be PAWS for quite a while now, I don't want ADs so that's that. For what I was used to I suffered a lot and now small things can make me feel angry and frustrated.
Don't trust things to go right anymore. I used to not be able to watch a whole lot of movies or play games, sooner or later I needed stimulation and just started creating stuff etc. Now I couldn't care either way.
 
Solipsis said:
Was pretty fucking depressed trying to taper pregabalin and doing a lot of K and a little MXE this weekend.

Doing a lot better now, not quite off the pregabalins yet and on dexamph script which I also skipped a lot last week (there was some overlap with dex and K which obscured the dissociative effects but was still sort of nice/interesting which I didn't expect it to be. Still weird though.)

Can't really take K anymore though, quickly tolerance rose so much again that I feel mentally obliterated but don't actually really trip. If at some point you then take a little etizolam to help sleeping, there is even less hope of having an interesting effect anymore.

I'd trip if I felt up to it, and maybe I will a bit later on... to help reset my negative thinking. Maybe better if at first I stick to 2C-C. I might get some K again at some point now that it is cheap and super high quality, because of nice combos such as with 2C-C.
Click to expand...

I haven't been wanting to trip. Figure I needed a break and all that. Maybe I did, who knows. AllI know is 20mg 4 aco met and some hiking the other day made me want to rethink it. Like I felt whole again and things were better, anf motivates me to do some stuff.

2c-c sounds nice. Nice and middle ground. Can become something else, but mostly you just get to chill anf hangout with yourself or whoever and be cool. I didn't really even want to trip, but I did and it made me think about some things anf make stuff happen. Sometimes I fon't even like it, but feel bettef for doing it. Maybe you are the same?

About talents and making money... Of course you need it, but do not give in. Being a multi talented person who cant function in a somewhat shit world shoulf be something yo be proud of. You are who you are, and you arent alone, albeit ptobably outnumbered. I think throughout my life and realized the whole idea of living to be a cog and make $$$$$ has always been disconcerting and horridly foreign to me. You cant be a loser if you are playoing a different game. At least thats what I tell myself.
 
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yepyepwoah said:
About talents and making money... Of course you need it, but do not give in. Being a multi talented person who cant function in a somewhat shit world shoulf be something yo be proud of. You are who you are, and you arent alone, albeit ptobably outnumbered. I think throughout my life and realized the whole idea of living to be a cog and make $$$$$ has always been disconcerting and horridly foreign to me. You cant be a loser if you are playoing a different game. At least thats what I tell myself.
Click to expand...

Such a great and important message. Making money is only important because it makes it easier to survive in this world, it's not important for its own sake. So many people judge your success as a person by how much money you make, but in my opinion there are far more important measures of success, for example, helping people, making art. My dad does it to a large extent though he's getting better... I make more money than almost every one of my friends, and I own my house and have for 8 years... but compared to my siblings and parents I am the "struggling" one, because I don't have a bunch of savings, money to do everything I should (like fix my roof), investments, etc. I used to get down on myself because of that pressure/expectation, and feel like a failure. But I have a comfortable life that I love. My dad has a lot of money, but he worked himself to the bone for his entire adult life, and was fairly miserable for a decade and a half. I don't want that, I want to live free and spend my time doing things I love and that make me happy.

The grass is always greener on the other side...
 
Xorkoth said:
Such a great and important message. Making money is only important because it makes it easier to survive in this world, it's not important for its own sake. So many people judge your success as a person by how much money you make, but in my opinion there are far more important measures of success, for example, helping people, making art. My dad does it to a large extent though he's getting better... I make more money than almost every one of my friends, and I own my house and have for 8 years... but compared to my siblings and parents I am the "struggling" one, because I don't have a bunch of savings, money to do everything I should (like fix my roof), investments, etc. I used to get down on myself because of that pressure/expectation, and feel like a failure. But I have a comfortable life that I love. My dad has a lot of money, but he worked himself to the bone for his entire adult life, and was fairly miserable for a decade and a half. I don't want that, I want to live free and spend my time doing things I love and that make me happy.

The grass is always greener on the other side...
Click to expand...

My feelings exactly. As long as I can maintain some degree of equilibrium (that's what I call having no money, a positive spin on the term being 'broke') and pay for my necessities I would rather spend as much time as possible channeling creative energy, being around friends etc., so much more valuable than a fake-ass $10/hour job. Material possession is not a priority for me, but supporting myself is, so there is an equilibrium within that. Usually what happens is all my money is allocated as soon I get it.

Re: Solipsis and Pregabalin, I also use it for the same effect of smoothing out the energy on a day-to-day basis. It was been a great help keeping my nerves level even in situations where I would normally feel a little irked or uncomfortable, and those feelings ripple out into asymmetric energy oscillations over time that amplifies imbalance from all the 'energy pollution' in the world around us...if that makes any sense.

The 'disorder' I have is that I am hypersensitive to all kinds of energies, so I need to be careful what settings I expose myself to, but lyrica helps me get through it when I have no other choice. Its an extra layer of protection in a sense. I'm not trying to get off it any time soon because it has been a non issue for a few years now except for the couple times I ran out of my script before I could refill it and had to grab other supplements to fill the gap. I've learned to have a backup supply if anything happens.
 
I agree with you guys, I have never had that "money making mentality" and even now when I'm pretty wealthy in every standard (I own a house on a good area without mortgage plus I inherited over 100k € lately + I own some land and wood, a car too) I don't really appreciate money that much. I'm happy as long I can pay my bills, have a little fun here and there. Materialistic people disgust me. I'm pretty much set for life when I graduate from university and get a decent job. Having the dream summer job at the moment but it ends in a few weeks and I go back to studying.
 
Thanks, that is insightful and yeah I guess when drawing comparisons while I'd rather have one functional talent (greener grass) than several dysfunctional ones, right now I have no creative drive - normally at some point I get bored and just start thinking of making various things, and normally I feel content just being interested in things... now, hardly any of that, no grass whatsoever besides the minimal occasional piano play.

Instead of at least choosing one of my plans to move forward, I'm just sad or angry. Well yeah yesterday I started with a high-ish dose of dexamp again and had a better day... driven to do chores (typical), and dug up equipment to make a ladder for my Elephant's Foot plant.
And this weekend after coming down from a lot of K, while feeling the agony of being poured into the mold of my own skin again and the encumbrance of existance... I started getting these creative and kind of compulsive fantasies (also typical, just like when I tapered and quit benzo's clinically). Wrote down a few 'jokes' / cartoon ideas and more interestingly a few cynical and quite bizarre stories. I'll try to share them in Words in a minute and post a link here.

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/800530-Farts-of-a-broken-mind

The cartoon I am supposed to make for a magazine isn't coming together though, and today I'm bailing again, on family and help - so people get even more worried. Drinking too much. Becoming suicidal.

There were a number of things my mind kept whispering into my ear about things continuously getting fucked up and therefore being pointless, but that all seems to have stopped.. (K?) So maybe I'm just hung over today and keep being afraid > under influence and in a vicious cycle but with promise if I get out of it.
So aside from that I don't really know or have a proper excuse for why I feel terrible a lot of the time. Fortunately I've never truly been suicidal (I consider myself the type of person that wouldn't really attempt anything foolish, but that would only ever do anything making sure it works if it ever got *that* fucking bad. Only thing that amounts to is that I believe that if the next decade isn't considerably less torturous or demanding of my health's condition I won't live to see 40 with any decency.

I'll probably be maintaining at my current pregabaline dosage until I see my shrink though, that's for sure.
 
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