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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS Megamerged TDS Psychosis Thread vs. it's all going to be alright

Hello, BL, first, some background

Cannabis has been a big part of my life. In middle school I gave a power point presentation in my health class and participated in a legalization debate in my english class. I convinced the whole class that it should be legalized. In my freshmen year of high school I saw The Union (great movie) and was inspired to create legalize and regulate papers and posters, I plastered my school and was threatened with suspension. I hadn't ever used cannabis up to this point and wouldn't ever get my first real taste until senior year of high school. I only smoked about three times in my senior year. It was my freshmen year of college that I was able to procure and use cannabis regularly, I became a daily user in a few months (2-3).

It was in the spring, April right around Easter that I first tried LSD. A friend has said our mutual dealer had it and I decided to try it after some deliberation. I then kept dosing (one tab) 1-4 times a day for a week straight. I went to my family's Easter gathering half-drunk and on acid. My tolerance was high at that point so I wasn't truly tripping hard, but my decision making was terrible and I'm severely lucky I didn't kill myself or someone else. I damaged a car for $3,000~ worth of damages. Through the following months leading up to June I used psychedelics a fair bit, largely mushrooms instead of acid.

I then had a surgery in June and was off psychedelics until August. In August I used a lot of acid, at one point I took notable doses 3-4 times in a week (I understood tolerance better at this point and raised doses appropriately). I also started using MDMA in this month and took about .8g over the course of the month. In early September, I went on two 4-5 tab trips. On the second I went into severe derealization and/or depersonalization (the philosophy behind it was very much British Idealism) and for a full week I was cared for by friends before being taken to the ER and going into a hard psychosis for another week, I was given anti-psychotics and eventually came out of it. Although I had a second break (without substances) about two weeks after coming out of it even while on anti-psychotics.

All to say, that was back in September, I haven't used since save some dosing with Gabapentin (and felt great). There has been a severe depression lingering, suicidal ideation, anhedonia, etc. I even relapsed into self-harm just the other night. I'm off anti-psychotics at this point but I've been having urges to use cannabis, it's such a big part of my life in so many ways and I dread to give it up...but I don't want to drive myself insane again...

Anyone have experience with cases like this? Words of wisdom to offer? I'm currently trying to get on Wellbutrin and am working with a psychologist having multiple sessions a week, but it's hard...I mean I bought a case of razor blades the other day just to cut. I'd rather smoke than cut but...I feel so conflicted about it. Stuck between urges. I even worry about my Gabapentin abuse and at times Benadryl/Vistaril abuse (Doses higher than 75mg). Sorry if the post is rambling, it helps to write.

Thanks
Washed Candle
 
i would just remember when you feel the urge to smoke, that at this point for your psychological recovery, weed is going to exacerbate your depression.

have you talked to anyone about cutting yourself? i don't have experience with self-harm but there have to be better coping-mechanisms available than cutting ?

i would treat the big smack in the face from the universe which resulted from really crazy use of psychedelics, as a chance to re-evaluate the way i use drugs, perhaps a time to clear ur system of drugs for a long period of time. use the time for self-development, read some books, exercise every day, eat whole nutritious food, perhaps meditate for 5 minutes in the morning.

i think over the next few months the darkness will subside a bit, it is just a lingering trauma from the psychosis.

be well~
 
I'm thinking about cultivating these crack bugs in some terrarium. It would be amazing to have a constantly growing source for cocaine that just needs some water, proteins and light. Also they'd probably be legal all over the world as long as not intended for human consumption and could even help to solve the global food crisis! RC vendors anyone!!11?

bed-bug12.jpg
 
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Nice to see some other people sharing some stories of drug induced psychosis. I've been a heavy mephedrone user for the last year and am just getting myself some sanity back. Starting to come round from some really crazy thoughts (people could read my mind, I was going to bring about the end of the world, there was a huge conspiracy to stop me getting drugs etc etc). I always feel a bit better after 2 weeks of abstinence (where I'm at now) but get some persistent weird thoughts, from past experience these seem to take a little more time to dissipate. My psychiatrist believes that the risk of permanent drug-induced schizophrenia is negligible. Apparently if your symptoms start after you enter your thirties people usually recover fully, due to the fact your brain is less likely to permanently re-wire itself, best to keep to professional help with serious shit like this.

I agree in theory that the evidence suggests that marijuana can make initiate a predisposition to schizophrenia but not sure that everyone that so predisposed to schizophrenia would go on to get it anyway, I imagine it would need a trigger of some form or another. I smoked weed for years and never developed mental health problems, but regularly IV-ing too much crystal meth and mephedrone will do that to you 8o - not sure that should come as a surprise though.

I've never been offered anti-psychotics or other drugs to combat my psychosis here in the UK but my psychiatrist seemed pretty convinced my symptoms and situation didn't require it. As with all drug related problems - get help and listen to the experts - don't rely on users who may or may not have drug related mental health issues themselves :! we can share experiences but very few people on here are clinicians.
 
Perpstudent, great post. I think i've frazzled my brain a little but at 32 i don't think it's unsalvageable :P i've had a few (what i consider) minor psychotic episodes only one of which resulted in a&e where i literally got a cup of tea and some diazepam <3 (was living in Wales at the time, seems to be the answer to most dramas... just kidding Wales, you're awesome)

I do think that when shit's going down in your head though it is very real, and the memories of it being so dramatic or intense are also very real memories and need to be treated as such. Pay close attention to what you think you might need to talk about and if your memory is sketchy like mine write it down. I have a million notebooks on the go at any one time but at least i have mental health stuff recorded in case i need it, alongside other notebooks like my shopping list and sketchbook ;)
 
I had drug induced psychosis 3 times due to opiate and benzodiazepine withdrawal.
The doctors thought I had no hope and each time I came back to reality 100%.
The craziest thing I remember was watching TMZ on the TV there, and Kanye West was blabbing my deepest darkest thoughts on TV to everyone in the psych ward...pretty intense...pills are ruthless.
If you would have met me in those crises, you would have thought I was a lunatic, and was a no hope case, the staff each time thought I was going to end up in a group home for crazies, but I bounced back, I pray your sister does as well.
 
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Thank you for sharing your post. I'm also in an outpatient treatment program on a low dosage of Risperidone. I started having psychotic symptoms after a bad trip in May of 2014 and continued going to school with untreated psychotic symptoms. I eventually failed a class, took medical leave, and started counseling for depression. In July of 2015 I had a psychotic break, convinced myself that the DEA was after me, threw away my car keys, and hid the trunk of a stranger's car.

I was nearly hospitalized. Was let free. Called my parents, who came to Portland to pick me up. And I've been steadily recovering ever since.

Thank you for sharing your story. You're not alone. Hopefully, by now, you've recovered completely.

Looking forward to the future,

In_Recovery
 
So I've been struggling quite a bit since leaving rehab. I've been sober for about 6 months from meth. Since leaving rehab I've dabbled with Kratom, weed and alcohol a bit since. Kratom makes me nauseous and kicks up my anxiety the next day plus makes me clench my teeth. So I only took Kratom a few times before realizing it wasn't going to do me any benefit. Weed kicks up my psychosis, I'm always hallucinating... even all these months later. Things are distorted, warping, twinkly.. I can't even explain it honestly. But it's definitely psychosis (since I didn't see shit 24/7 until my horrible spiral into meth addiction)..When I smoke weed, it amplifies all of my bad symptoms I have all day every day (Mood swings, anxiety, depression, hallucinations, paranoia, etc.) so I quit smoking weed. Alcohol makes me sick as well so I pretty much have been sober for 2 weeks now with no substances at all.

Here's my issue. I work full time, plus overtime (50 hours on average) in a retail job. Dealing with people is excruciating, I feel constantly judged, paranoid of their motives, etc. It's difficult to speak too, I tend to stumble over my words and find it almost difficult to talk. I'm constantly hallucinating, which is much more obvious at night... and makes driving at night dangerous because it warps my surroundings so much that it's difficult to drive. I feel extremely socially isolated. It is very difficult to be around people because I'm constantly paranoid of their motives or have an irrational fear that they're judging me.

Worse yet, I also have a bad case of anhedonia. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I have no hobbies, and really enjoy nothing in life besides laying in bed and watching Netflix. I feel suicidally depressed constantly wanting to just jump off a bridge... I feel like I can't relate to people anymore and I feel like life is unbearably difficult and depressing. So now what?

I'm also 26, used meth in heavy binges on and off (IV and smoked) for about 8 months. I also abused benzos, alcohol, cocaine, mdma(which triggered my first psychotic episode), all opioids (especially oxycodone and heroin), marijuana, amphetamines(d-amp,l-amp,etc.), (I've been on almost every psych med out there), ghb, psychedelics, etc.

Here's my questions.
1. How long will the psychosis last? It hasn't gotten noticeably better or worse since quitting meth.
2. How long will the anhedonia last? Will I ever enjoy hobbies again or life again for that matter?
3. Are there any medications that are useful in treating ongoing meth psychosis and the depression associated with anhedonia? I don't want anymore highs to be honest, I simply want to just be able to function semi normally and enjoy life again. So I won't take benzos or anything like that. I want to know if there are any supplements or antidepressant/antipsychotics I could take to help my brain recover/function properly again. I want to look up at the stars again.. and not be distracted by the constant insane distortions caused by the psychosis.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Meth was a very cruel mistress to me and I can't imagine relapsing since I know it will only worsen my life.. but I've actually been craving opioids a lot lately (nearly messaged a friend to try to score smack to try to stop the nagging depressed thoughts).. I just want to be happy again and enjoy life like I used to before meth. It's been 6 months already, I have yet to see a psychiatrist and my family won't help me pay to see one so I'd have to pay out of my own pocket which I've been reluctant to do. I think tomorrow I will make an appointment though and just suck it up and pay the 60 dollar copay.
 
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1+2. No one can tell you for sure, some people suffer from psychosis all their lives and for some it stops eventually. If yours truly is induced by drugs there's a great chance that it will stop, maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a year. In the mean time you should stay away from drugs (even cigarettes) eat healthy and work out. Same goes for anhedonia.
3. Yes you could take antipsychotics, but antipsychotics are some nasty drugs so you really should over think the pros and cons. I think that the newer atypical antipsychotics (they have less side effects etc) could help you, so you may want to try risperidone or olanzapine. Speak with your doctor about it.
I hope you will feel better soon :)
 
I suffered meth/amph psychosis for a couple months after I got clean. But I got on subutex which really helped (but I was primarily an opiate addict). The hallucinations stopped and besides some paranoid thoughts now and then, I'm good- I'm off all other drugs.
 
Hey man I don't have any exact answers for you but I can relate so much to no drugs really helping my situation anymore, and feeling lost because there are no easy solutions to my problems. I just want to share that these feelings don't tell the whole story and that there is beauty waiting around the corner. I abused speed and many others for a long time, and I feel your pain, but don't let it drag you down. Feel free to pm me.
 
I feel like the worst part of my spiral into drug addiction was my recovery process. Rather than going to a psychiatric facility to be cared for by loving and knowledgeable therapists and psychiatrists, I was tortured and nearly died in a 3 month long Scientology hell known as Narconon. I think Narconon did more damage to my mental health than the drugs did. I'm obsessed now with reading about scientology's crimes and almost every night I have nightmares of being back in Narconon.
 
I remember reading about your time there and it sounded so awful. My struggle with quitting drugs is that I have chronic pain from rheumatoid arthritis thst doesn't quit just because I'm clean, so it makes it hard to take that step. Anyway one thing that works for me and my brother (a true on again and off again) meth abuser is getting Immersed in an enjoyable book.
 
Swim has indeed dealt with a Meth psychosis or two in my day. The worst one Swim has seen involved a 12 hour session of smoking, with swims friends(rip) girlfriend partaking and also eating 45 ten mg addy's on top of it. This was a terrifying event folks with everything from visual hallucinations to having to pick her up after being caught by the police to avoid her being taken to the clown factor i.e. the psych ward. If swim were to go into detail on this it would take pages and pages and several hours so I will just explain how to put an end to this madness. It's simple if you have the right tools which are not always available though. Long story short, administer 2-5 mgs of Haloperidol depending on the individual, 1-2 mgs Ativan sublingual, and 25 mgs of Doxepin. The most important part of the regimen is by far the Haloperidol, with the Benzo i.e. Ativan you can mix it up any will do as long as they are not sleeping aids and are used for anxiety. Within one hour the person should be either sleeping or calm, if not Swim would suggest taking the person to the hospital but if that is not an option use additional Benzo's. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES USE ADDITIONAL DOXEPIN, BEING THAT IT IS EXTREMELY likely to cause an OVERDOSE. A pure Benzo overdose is rarely heard of, but can happen. I read a report of someone ingesting 2000 mgs of alprazolam with minimal toxicity. All of this information is purely from experience and one should exercise caution when doing anything of this sort.
 
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I had extreme serotonin syndrome once and was psychotic for about 12 hours. Luckily my dad didn't take to me to the hospital as i would have ended up at the clown factory and that would have precipitated a whole host of other problems.
 
Hey all, I'm feeling compelled to get some stuff off of my chest that I've hid from every single person in my life for about 2.5 years now: I've been living with pretty severe amphetamine-induced psychosis and paranoia for over two years now, which manifests itself mainly in the form of hearing voices and then me spending literally hundreds of hours reacting to & trying to deconstruct the message & meaning of the voices, which have significantly lessened my quality of life.

The only semi-rational explanation I've been able to formulate (while sober for over a week) is that the voices are an external reflection of my sub-conscious, which I think makes sense, but I came to that realization over a year ago and they still fuck with me to varying degrees any time I touch amphetamine- which is pretty often as I'm prescribed 40mg Adderall daily and buy other people's prescriptions on top of that as often as I can- and even when I'm sober sometimes. It's gotten to the point they're always present to some extent if I've taken amphetamine in the past week or so, but what's begun to scare me lately is that I'll be adderall-free for 2+ weeks at a time and then hear a loud outburst in my head from the same fucking voices that have tormented me for years.

The character and nature of the voices are hard to explain, as it's more or less been the same "characters" the entire time, though their specific identity and nature have changed- the complexity of the plot is ridiculously intricate and complicated, too much to write down right now, although I intend to eventually, at this point i feel like it'd almost make a compelling book or screenplay.

When they first started occurring, I was deep in the depths of some intense amphetamine binges. I was on my usual 30mg/day adderall and was supplementing that with RC amphetamines- mainly 2-FA, 2-FMA, 4-FMA & 4-FA. I kept myself awake for 2 straight nights of heavy amphetamine use- something that I had done dozens and dozens of times before, like 30-50+ all-nighters total- and early on the morning of day 3 something just snapped. I hallucinated that someone was trying to break into my apartment, called the police on myself, cut myself with a steak knife trying to bar the door from the invisible attackers, and called a friend to drive over an hour to come save me. My friend arrived before the police- thank god- and found me completely warped by psychosis and about to go into cardiac arrest. We got set to go back to his place to get me out of that environment, but before we left the police did show up and were super pissed and suspicious of the false call, I only barely got them to leave without taking me in for evaluation.

I gotta run but will right a Part II in a bit, I just have to get this whole saga down in writing for me own sanity and I know this beautiful Bluelight Community is the best place to start <3 seriously tho, I love you all for all the guidance, inspiration and humanity I've found here over the past years.
 
On a quick scan.. sounds like you brought out some latent schizophrenia, Im sad and really sorry to say, especially if they have remained..
 
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