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TDS Megamerged TDS Psychosis Thread vs. it's all going to be alright

Hey blue light, so recently ive moved to Louisiana from Hawaii due to a psychosis resulting in my medical separation from a place called "Hawaii Job corp" the psychosis was not caused by any immediate drug use and the only possible thing i could have taken was some Chlorophenaramine or Amoxicillin for my bronchial infection, i am very Sad now because it seems like my goals were ruined, i had recently planned to live in Hawaii with my girlfriend and complete the Job corp program get a job and just live a happy life in "Paradise" now all of that was shattered, now i admit to doing copious amounts of drugs, which one of my favorite being DXM, which i had done at least once a week for the past 2 months of me being in job corps, and some recent methamphetamine usage, small amounts and probably 3 times over the course of the 2 months, but during the weekend of the psychosis i was completely sober (unless slipped something) and my perception and overall mentality DRASTICALLY changed to the point that with every psychedelic or drug of any mind altering state could not compare(5-Meo-Dalt,Purple bomb synthetic e, nrg-3,cannabis,lsd,hbwr,cocaine,aderall,painkillers) i list all of the drugs because i have a feeling maybe some of my past drug usage has influenced the state of psychosis but anyways here how the psychosis started....

It was a Friday evening after a hard day of landscaping(The trade i did in job corp) it was time for the weekend, now i probably would have gotten high if asked to but oddly enough i had an altered state of perception going on to the point where i didn't need anything to be "High" previously during the trade there was a girl that i thought was cute and some guy had bothered her to the point of her screaming "Shut the Fuck up!" so i kind of asked what was wrong she said nothing and so i proceeded with my day, after seeing the guy who bothered the girl in the computer room after trade hours, he was in the security trade so even though the computer room was open to anybody in the dorm he looked at me when i went to kind of investigate and said "This is off limits" i laughed and said "sorry" so enough with the nonsense this is when the paranoia began, because he claimed the computer room which is available to all students was off limits i assumed he was trying to do something on the computer (Mind you he was with an IT guy) to get the cute girl in trouble, This was the worst assumption and based off of stupid evidence, so after that i started a mini rumor that the guy was trying to get the girl lets call her "Veronica" in trouble which proceeded in me getting called into the office and explaining myself, so after that incident was the Friday the incident began on a Thursday but got worse on Friday.

So after school on Friday i had the assumption that my fellow job corps security peers were out to get me, now that paranoia had escalated due to the fact that now my perception was that i was a monkey from a different planet inputted into a human vessel in order to save humanity from a race of (No offense to Caucasian people) White-gay men who raped black men for the ancestral powers of purity and godliness, so in a matter of days i went from the most open minded non rasict type guy to an extremist to racism, so anyone that was white or i thought were gay i was ready to beat the hell of them, i also thought that the white gay men brought these florescent green grasshoppers from another gay men planet (Influenced by a documentary by the history channel) so i thought that some of my fellow colored men (Hawaiian,Samoan,Black,Whatever) Were controlled by these parasites going through there anus up to their brain i proceeded to think this was the reason some of my "Brothers" acted very much like females always carrying a male counterpart touching and laughing with the other men, again assumptions.. so i was paranoid to the max, i though pedophiles were all around me that the ku klux klan was after me that since i had discovered my "True self" that now the white gay men had to rape me and make me into who i am today.."Normal" so i thought staff were pedophiles white people were pedophiles and that i was trying to get ambushed my a multitude of gay men to be raped and beaten over the head to forget my self, so anyone going through this could imagine how hard it was to keep a straight face or anything, i began to become severely dehydrated during the course of these days due to me not drinking water and my bronchial infection, and oddly enough when i drank water i had cleared up a bit, my roommate who had aspergers really fucked me up, because we were playing dragonballz and he would blurt out random jokes which may or may not have been funny but in my mind he was a "Brother" and we as monkeys joked on the white gay men, he would say something and i would equate it to me eating a white gay men, because in my mind that's what we did to get back at them.

So Monday when all staff came back a lot of people gossiped about my weird behavior and i got called into the psychologists office and put on medical leave, went to a mental ward, and now... im here, nothing came out of that weekend good or satisfying not even a learning aspect because i did not willingly take a substance at all that weekend, i mean the only good thing if anything is that i thought all colored women were queens and alien mother goddesses of planet earth and that each girl that was beautiful at job corps i wanted to immensely have sex with for hours =D but all in all i apologize to any gay white men for i am clear now and anyone who is offended my my post understand my mind was fucked. thanks for reading any feedback or response to what this may or might have been will be appreciated thank you and goodbye!
 
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I'm sorry that you had this experience but it sounds like a wake up call that something serious could be going on. I assume that you saw a psychiatrist when you got back home? Previous drug use may have been a factor but it may not. The fact that you can see your own delusion is very positive. I would keep my life as simple and healthy as possible. Only time will tell if this was an isolated incident or whether you will have these extreme states again. Again, I feel that the fact that you recognize how crazy your thinking became is a very good sign. On the off chance that you did not see a doctor, I would definitely recommend that. I know you must feel very confused and remorseful about how your experience ended in Hawaii but try to go easy on yourself. Sometimes even stress can do terrible things to the mind. No one got hurt and you are alive to tell the tale so the worst that happened is that an opportunity was lost. There will be other opportunities so remain hopeful, get healthy and stay away from substances that might tip you into this kind of thinking again.<3
 
I can understand how you must be feeling. I myself have suffered with recurrent psychosis since I gave birth to my baby 17 months ago. It was 3 days after I had my baby that the madness began. I was screaming at anyone and anything, I was angry all the time, it was intense anger and frustration. This escalated into me thinking that I was in an alternate world. I was terrified of people in the street, I would analyse everything, everyone's movements. I was literally in a living hell thinking people were going to kill me and my baby, I was fixated with the government and thought they were trying to kill me with synthetic diseases they were making, I thought they had created the Ebola virus to kill me. I was hearing voices every night. They didn't scare me, they were more comforting. I eventually, after months of battling with this insanity went totally mental. I was stood talking to wallpaper on the walls, I was thinking that the patterns on it were demons controlling my life. I stood shouting at the wallpaper to stop. I was scared to death. Things came to a head when I tried to take my own life. I was admitted to a psychiatric ward and was immediately prescribed anti psychotic medication. I have had a few relapses due to not taking my medication so I was put on an injection of anti psych meds every 4 weeks. I'm doing much better now and am feeling strong. My advice to you would be to seek medical help as soon as you can. Don't be afraid, you need to figure out with your doctor what has caused this and what can prevent it from happening again in the future. This is not something to take lightly, you need all the support that you can in times like these. I cannot tell you if your episode was related to taking drugs but you need to nip this in the bud before it spirals out of control. Be strong and stay safe.
 
It feels really good to read your posts and see how you got better. But I have a question, do any of you face memory problems ?
I'm taking meds now as I took large lsd dose and abused marijana. I find it hard to stay focused and I always have anxiety and I'm depressed because of how my life turned out to be.
 
Has anyone ever heard of a person taking to much medical marijuana and going into a physcotic manic epiosde? My sister in law is in the hospital right now because shes have a manic episode, (getting naked and doing crazy shit in front of people).

The doctors gave her something to counteract the drugs last night but its not working. They're saying the damage might be permanent. They gave her one more dose this morning to see if they can get her back to normal. Is there a way out for her? This is really hard on my wife and family and it seems hopeless coming from the DR.s point of view.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Jeremy
 
xhitskwadx said:
Has anyone ever heard of a person taking to much medical marijuana and going into a physcotic manic epiosde?
Click to expand...

I've heard that cannabis can precipitate schizophrenia, but that's in people who will otherwise develop schizophrenia anyways, it just gives it impetus. Not sure if that's what's going on with your sister, but cannabis is contraindicated in a couple situations...one is in schizoid-prone individuals, the other is in anxiety prone individuals (all of my friends who suffer from anxiety report that cannabis exacerbates their symptoms).
 
I had a pretty bad Flubromazolam habit in the past and almost died from the withdrawal, the largest amount of Flubro I have ever consumed was 12mg, which caused a 2 day blackout. I'm only 15. After going through the WD, I was very careful with GABAergics, and only occasionally used Phenobarbital and Pentobarbital. I then ODed on Baclofen (350mg in 4h) and they had to put me under "assisted ventilation" because there is no fucking antidote for baclofen. When I woke up the next day, I spent the whole fucking day throwing up and promised to myself that I will not use baclofen ever again.

So I got hold of .5mg Flubro blotters and told myself: "I will be sensible with this drug this time". That was thenmost pathetic lie I have ever told myself.

I took 1 blotter, waited for 30mins, nothing happened, took another one, waited for 30mins, nothing happened, took a third one and BAM! That's the last thing I remember. But this time it was different, I didn't just lie around for the day, no, I apparently became very aggressive and reckless, and I don't remember one bit of it. When a family member decided to shout at me, I apparently ran off upstairs and put something in my mouth and had troubles swallowing it, but then quickky swallowed it. The thing I swallowed were the x97 0.5mg Flubromazolam blotters. 5 mins later I collapsed and emergency services were called.

While they were on the way, I was apparently making very loud "snoring noises", when the paramedics arrived they thought it was opiate OD and shot me with Naloxone, after 7 shots!!! They realised that nothing is happening and that it must be an OD from another depressant, my family informed about my benzo problem, so they shot me with Flumazenil, and suddenly my breathing was back to normal, but I was still deeply unconscious, they gave me 2 more shots, but they did not change anything. But this is just the begining of hell.

On the way to hospital, my breathing suddenly stopped and my blood pressure dropped significantly. They decided to use more Flumazenil, but it did nothing, this is when they realised that shit just got real. While being on assisted vent, upon arrival to hospital, they decided that it must have been barbiturate OD, (where I live it's not uncommon), so they used "Picrotoxin" and another drug called Gabazine, if I'm not mistaking, my breathing was suddenly back up. However it turns out that while I was on the way to the hospital, I slipped into a coma, and the picrotoxin and gabazine did not wake me up.

Flash forward 3 days I wake up. And when I did all hell broke loose. My heart was exploding, my blood pressure was at 230, and I had 2 seizures. 2 days later all of this normalised and I was out of the hospital on the 3rd day after waking up. That's 6 days at the hospital. Holy fuck, I thought my family would be delighted to unleash all of the rage they've got. But no, they were just happy to see me alive and well. But I wasn't well at all.

Ever since I woke and to this day when I am writing this, I have a problem, and I believe it's psychosis. My vision is frequently warped and fishbowl-like, I have extreme paranoia. I now only eat fast food and only drink water when I bought it outside of my house, because I am convinced that my family wants to poison me. I also hear things, especially at night like weird metallic noises and screaming. Also when I took 20mg of Ritalin yesterday I had full-blown visuals, almost psychedelic-like, but scary. Also, when I sit and lean forward it is extremely difficult to breathe.

Any advice on what I should do? And is this permanent, because if it is, I have 8 grams of Nembutal and 15mg of Fentanyl to finish myself off.
 
Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down there on the suicide talk. It is not permanent and you will heal. Yes you took a very large dose of one if the most potent benzos out there. But things will get better. I promise. Why did you take Ritalin yesterday? I would think drugs would be the last thing you would need right now. And you're only 15 how did you get so much flubromazolam? Give your GABA receptors time to heal
 
Hello why hasn't anyone else chimed in? This kid is debating suicide and I know other members and mods especially could give useful advice. T Calderon where are you? You closed that stupid Vallium drug testing thread and I know those are against the rules but this seems slightly more important don't you think? I'm sorry if I'm coming off rude I'm really not trying to be. OP message me if you want to talk. I'm here.
 
OP, you made a couple (big) mistakes but shit happens and time heals all wounds. Seriously, slow down on the suicide talk. It's not that bad. You have your whole life ahead of you. Imagine the heartbreak you'd cause your parents, your family, your friends. It's just not nearly bad enough to contemplate suicide.

All the negative lingering symptoms are temporary, guaranteed. No one has ever heard of anyone being "permafried" from a benzo overdose.

Try not to worry about it, and don't give it too much power and turn it into a monster in your head. Go one day at a time and try to slow down on the substance abuse so you don't expose yourself to this kind of danger in the future.

Seriously, you're young, you have your whole life left to live. Don't sacrifice that because you're feeling a bit confused right now.

The BL population is here to help see you through this. Continue to update us through this thread and PM us if you need anything. We will help you.

Edit: Consider starting a thread in The Dark Side regarding your plans for recovery. The mods there are very empathetic, wise and helpful.
 
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Almost any drug psychosis is never permanent. Just remember that what you are feeling now is not normal, I mean that the way you perceive everything right now is twisted and wrong, once you have healed you will be 100% better.

What you feel now is NOT permanent, it will get better, I unfortunately know that from experience, so just hang in there and be patient.

Also, I don't want to be your parents, but I really suggest you see a specialist, therapy, it really does help.
 
When I wake up, everything seems too loud, too scary, my vision is blurred and shifting all the time, I look at people I know really well and I can't recognise their faces. It is terrifying, and today is the 8th day. The reason I mentioned suicide was because this is just too scary to live with, and if it will heal up, then of course, suicide is unnecessary. Thanks for all of the replies.

Also, I thought benzos were the safest drugs out there, what could have caused this? The night before I took Flubro, I used 250mg of Pentobarbital IMed, could this have contributed to the respiratory arrest and coma?

EDIT: During these 8 days I have not used any substance except for Methylphenidate on the 6th day.
 
OP, I'm not sure about what kind of interaction the IM'ed pentobarbital could have had with the flubro overdose. Benzo's are reasonably safe (in that you can't really OVERDOSE on them alone, but they do contribute to a lot of poly-drug OD's due to their dangerous contraindicated interactions with other substances). And unfortunately, you were using, mg for mg, the strongest benzo in existence.

I don't want to scare you but the symptoms you're describing do sound like there may have been some minor brain damage. Have you seen a medical professional about this yet?

I could totally be wrong and don't want to plant the idea in your head that you're brain damaged. Whatever is the case, it's not severe since you can obviously maintain well enough to update us on a web forum. But I'd recommend telling your doctor about what happened and see what he says (if you haven't already).
 
hang in there, all of the psychosis type symptoms will be temporary, give it a few days and the majority of the more pronounced things you are experiencing will be behind you and you will notice your mood is much improved within a week. Think of your family. I can sympathise as I have had drug related psychosis. Drink plenty of fluids and eat healthy, you'll be fine
 
Hello Swimming,
I was happily lurking but this post really struck me. I am wondering about the pentobarbital IM you talked about. I work in both human and animal medicine and we see some occasional diversion or disappearance of the pentobarbital used at the clinic. This is only important because its used for euthanasia so the other ingredients in the solution don't have to be safe, specifically methyl alcohol. I may have my alcohols mixed up but isnt that the one that plays havoc with the vision and can cause other nastiness? Soooo not judging just trying to suss out such odd symptoms after 8 days. I mean unless you saw the original container or it was a pill, is there a possibility the pentobarbital was from veterinary use and so extremely likely euthan solution? If possible then maybe methyl alcohol poisoning? BTW hello, bl
 
Given your history and situation you're amost certainly going through benzo withdrawal right now. Panic, psychosis, BP and HR increases, generalized anxiety, and all other symptoms are typical of severe benzo withdrawal. Given that you've already kicked benzos once it isn't surprising that such a megadose would put you further in the deep end of withdrawal. It looks like flubromazolam has a half-life of over 100 hours with 3+ times the potency of aprazolam, you've just given your receptors a run for their money.

The good thing is that it's very likely you'll get through this without lasting mental health issues, as hard as it may sound right now. Staying positive is the best you can do in your situation, doing harm to yourself won't make your situation any better and considering what you're parents have already been through the last thing they want is to bury their son.

You've been gifted with another chance at life, it obviously isn't your time to go so instead of beating yourself up take this opportunity to better yourself and never play with benzos again (or any other dangerously addictive substances for that matter). I'm going to move this to TDS :)

BDD ~> TDS
 
I hope that your family understands that you need some help and guidance right now. It sounds like you have habituated yourself to needing to be high. I was there once at about your age so there is no judgment coming from me, just concern. That is the first error you have to correct in your thinking. You do not have to be high to experience life in a satisfying and comfortable way. It is normal and natural for us as humans to struggle with how to live. We overthink what doesn't need to be over-thought and we ignore that which really could use some thought from our very capable minds!:\ This is a process but no one tells us this when we are shifting into adulthood--we just each stay isolated in our own minds thinking the problem must be ourselves.

I hope that you can find an adult that you can safely confide in to help you through this (maybe a family member but better yet, a therapist). Stay away from drugs and give your brain a chance to heal. Eat right--fast food is not doing you any favors. The fact that you recognize that thinking your family wanted to poison you is pure paranoia a good sign. This is probably drug related as well so again, don't take anything that may contribute to this kind of thinking.

Try to stay calm. When fearful thoughts start to crowd your brain use your rational mind to combat them.<3
 
Sorry guys, I didn't realize that my thread was moved to the dark side and didn't read all of these posts. I am afraid I'm gonna have to disappoint you guys, I have been using Pentobarbital 250mg x2 a day, for 3 days now... I think what I was experiencing was extreme excitotoxicity, and I didn't want to push my luck any further and didn't want my nerves burning up, since the symptoms didn't get any better on day 9. Pentobarbital is also a AMPA and Kainate antagonist which means it will stop those excitotoxicity issues. I just made another thread here asking about barbiturate dependance.
 
I used to do alot of weed, and in 2001 I experimented pretty heavily with shrooms and lsd.
I accidentally tried crack once in 2003. Then in 2004 I accidentally drank a cup that I think had shrooms and possibly some poison in it.
I had waking nightmares for a few months.
Then I was really depressed because I gave up drugs and became isolated.
I was put on antideppressants and overdosed.
Went into the hospital total psychotic break - mute, didn't eat, dangerously high blood pressure, dehydrated, hearing voices.
I was put on antipsychotics and eventually left the hospital.
I wrote about my encounter because I'm a writer.
Then I got paranoid and destroyed most of my work.
I started hearing voices again last year.
Now they can hear my thoughts.
And I want to cut out my eyes.
I'm on some meds, but I deal with crazy daily.
I don't think there is a cure, the government wants to keep me under.
I'm trying to sound more crazy than I am because I'm afraid of the power behind the voices.
they steal my secrets and they steal about half a day every day, I can't get hardly any work done.
I'd like to start dating again, I need a part time job.
I'm getting transportation sorted soon and I'm learning computer programming and animation.
I would even consider a cleaning job if it means my paranoia will be stifled by my independence.
 
I have a routine, I use a habit tracker to keep a log of my 7 habits that I want to work on toward achieving goals.
Things like reading every day, blogging every day, writing every day, studying every day, building a production design portfolio.
 
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