TDS Megamerged TDS Psychosis Thread vs. it's all going to be alright

[It's a baby!]

I wrote a crazy post a while ago that got closed because it was blog material (I was just churning out words all circling around one idea). I ended up going to the ER for care on the recommendation of a crisis services place and being institutionalized for 11 days (traumatically horrific but necessary at the time). I'm now on abilify, 20mg/day in two divided doses, and I'm seeing an outpatient psychiatrist ASAP (quite possibly tomorrow); they also gave me two shots of haldol at a couple of points in the hospital and one oral dose, I know that stuff lingers forever. I'm also not using any drugs or alcohol, my favorite drugs were marijuana and psychedelics and those scare the shit out of me now, and beer but I'm living with my dad and mom again and my dad's trying to quit drinking too so it's become a father-son bonding thing. It's much easier to quit drinking when you don't have a fridge full of beer all the time.

I'd just love to hear from other people who have been through a serious drug-induced psychosis (mine was mostly from psychedelics/methoxetamine/weed/fake-weed but any drugs'll do), and what their recovery was like.

One interesting/disturbing thing about antipsychotics is they make you too restless to sleep. You DO sleep but your dreams are of you tossing and turning in your bed. And you have nightmares that are difficult to distinguish from reality. But shit like that will get better as I get used to the medication. Meditating and stretching and going on long walks also help a lot. But who knows where I'd be if I didn't have parents who could afford to support me.

 

[Blue_Phlame]

You're spot on w/ the meditating and exercise. Do more to keep your body and mind healthy and it'll help you recover from all the bad juju you put yourself through.

It's hard to say what my bouts of psychosis came from, but I don't have any doubt in my mind that psychoactive drugs played a part in bringing it out. The last one that I remember having was due to methoxetamine as well. I finished off that substance and don't have any incentive to get it anymore. Others factors included my general mental instability (bipolar, schizophrenia, clinical depression/dysthymia, etc.)
I've been on anti-psychotics, while they do help with psychotic symptoms, they tend to present other unfavorable side-effects which are almost as unpleasant as the psychosis...
Best thing to do is surround yourself by favorable stimuli - friends, interesting things, and generally good mentally stimulating activities that help distract from the terrible thoughts and feelings.

However, it's easier said than done. Especially when it seems as if you're surrounded by everything you don't want to be around, full of stress and in a seemingly endless cycle of routine that cannot be helped to change.

 

[It's a baby!]

Yeah Blue_Phlame, I'm very lucky because I've been able to physically relocate to 400 miles away from everything. I'm seeing a psychiatrist here to deal with my meds/etc and he's making me see a therapist/drug counselor, which I'm fine with.

Is it safe to take say 50-75mg of diphenhydramine to help me sleep? The abilify drug safety sheet says to be cautious when combining with anticholinergics but specifies like methscopolamine, diphenhydramine is an antihystamine but it has lots of anticholinergic effects too. But if it was dangerous to combine with benadryl they'd say so.

 

[stardust.hero]

Have you tried melatonin as a sleep aid?

 

[J.Wallace]

What happened that requires all this medication? I don't mean to sound mean, but what kind of experience could have happened that now requires you to take all this junk? You don't need medication to get over a bad experience. Going to the hospital was your first, and probably biggest mistake. Now they have you going to therapists, taking all kinds of medication, and they have you convinced alcohol is acceptable drug use but your previous use wasn't? This all sounds a little silly to me.

Again, I don't mean to come off as cold, or rude. I'm just being honest. One bad drug experience, no matter how scary, should result in your current situation. Sounds you like needed a few days of recovery, as oppose to the quick reaction of going to a hospital.

 

[It's a baby!]

What happened that requires all this medication? I don't mean to sound mean, but what kind of experience could have happened that now requires you to take all this junk? You don't need medication to get over a bad experience. Going to the hospital was your first, and probably biggest mistake. Now they have you going to therapists, taking all kinds of medication, and they have you convinced alcohol is acceptable drug use but your previous use wasn't? This all sounds a little silly to me.

Again, I don't mean to come off as cold, or rude. I'm just being honest. One bad drug experience, no matter how scary, should result in your current situation. Sounds you like needed a few days of recovery, as oppose to the quick reaction of going to a hospital.

It wasn't a bad drug experience, I had stopped all drug use for weeks before it got to the point that I thought I could read minds and control people through subtle manipulations of body language. I need abilify to keep those out of control thoughts and feelings at bay, ultimately I will get off of it, it's like a band-aid and my wounds are still pretty fresh. I went to the hospital because at that point I was an absolute incoherent mess, not making any sense to anyone.

I'll totally try melatonin that sounds like a great idea.

 

[stardust.hero]

Melatonin is really great it's naturally produced in the body every day by the pineal gland and it tells the body when it's time to sleep. The more light your body takes in per day the more melatonin is produced. That's why you are more tired on days you spend in the sun. But it's naturally occurring in the body and I've noticed it doesn't produce any of the morning grogginess that sleep aids and synthetic medications will cause. I would say it's safer than most sleep "medication" routes.

 

[blakmike]

Umm, I've lost my shit on one or two occasions, once with acid and cocaine (great idea huh?), and once like you, with MXE and wayyyyy too much weed with no tolerance. Psychotic break/ derealization/ temporary schizophrenia, call it what you will. Luckily I always found a place to hide (outdoor or indoor works fine), hell a big bush works in a pinch. Once you're hidden, stay there for as long as it takes. You'll know it's safe when you can no longer see into the future, and those people screaming at you to stop, stop screaming. I sure as hell would never let anyone get their hands on me and put me in some hospital. I'd quit taking all that crap they're feeding you (drugs and psychiatry) and move on with your life.

 

[It's a baby!]

Thanks guys, yeah it wasn't like there was one drug experience that set it off, it was the result of abusing psychedelics and dissociatives in general. I had one really powerful and initially positive rebirth sort of trip on 3.2g of mushrooms and I suppose that was when my thinking started to go weird, but it got weirder over the course of a several week period wherein I was not using drugs.

My sleep is fucked up but that's partly because I'm still getting over the hospital stay. I did sleep last night but it was very difficult and I have no idea how long I slept, definitely not long enough.

My dad had a psychotic experience on mushrooms when he was in college, he was up all night hearing voices after they'd wore off. And my sister, who I introduced to this shit, was starting to get some HPPD type symptoms that have gone away. So none of the three of us will probably ever take psychedelics again if we're smart.

 

[Xeromatosis]

Haldol restlessness blows like trying to quit smoking, i feel for you bro. Exercise helps for sure and really just gives you something to do. A daily routine can be beneficial too. Wake, eat, and sleep at around the same time each day--this will help with your sleep problems and mood stability, though it can be boring. Try not to dwell on the things you can't change and things beyond your control, Just focus on the things you can do right now to get you where you want to be. Think things out slowly, no doubt you'll have no end of time, and the answers will come. Good luck and Godspeed.

 

[It's a baby!]

I still don't have a psychiatrist per se but I met with one who is just helping me pro bono, and he's slowly weaning me off the antipsychotics. He's seen stuff like this before and thinks time sleep exercise and food are the best cures, and I'm definitely overmedicated, I was starting to seriously lose all interest in anything to the point that I was just pacing around the house like a zombie. I still am a bit like that but I feel so much better just having met with someone who knows a lot about this stuff.

And melatonin helped, or I think it did anyway and that's what matters.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and good advice, it's encouraging to see that other people have been through similar psychoses and even worse ones and come back to normal.

 

[It's a baby!]

Yeah the abilify is pretty much totally out of my system and I feel pretty damn good. I could pathologize that and say I'm "manic" or I could say I'm feeling pretty damn good and have a lot of energy. Instead of using this energy to consume drugs, create elaborate drug-dealing schemes, etc, I'm doing yard-work for my parents all the time. I go to bed every night and try to sleep at least 5 or 6 hours but I think most nights it's closer to 8. I think as long as I stay away from ALL drugs and alcohol until August 19 (three months after admission), and try to stick to beer after that (because marijuana/psychs might make me insane again, I hate stimulants, not into benzos, and opiates are too damn good for anyone to be able to play with them safely), I will be okay

 

[herbavore]

^ Sounds like a great plan. Do you have a form of exercise that you like that you could pour your energy into? (Just thinking ahead for when your parents yardwork runs dry. )

BTW, I love the way you changed "manic" into "feeling good and having lots of energy". Words really do make a difference.

 

[TheDank]

Answers will come

@It's a baby!
I can relate to a lot of your experience. "read minds and control people through subtle manipulations of body language" and words. For me everything anyone said had triple meanings and codes. Numbers were crazy. 4-6 visits to psych wards starting over ten years ago. Could not find a complete answer to my experience and I actually liked it before it always inevitable got too fast and confusing. interpretation is always the hardest. They labeled me bipolar 1 (a dx made without being >6 mo sober) and put me on all different meds. abilify resperdol seroquel depakote blah blah blah. zombie mode

Weed was my favorite. After switching to different things over the years, later only used alcohol for the most part which I kept using more of. Been completely sober over 4 years now. Turns out 12 steps, exercise and a lot of vitamins was the answer for me. No more meds, symptoms, psychiatrists etc.

you're ahead of the game knowing it was drug induced.

drugs/alcohol deplete a lot of nutrients:
Search these guys for vitamin info: Abram Hoffer, Alan Gaby, Hardy-Stephan nutrient regimen,

btw, the amino acid glycine is nice for sleep, puts you into deep sleep faster without a melatonin hangover.

 

[escapingwonderland]

I was put on Abilify and after that I was seeing things and reading peoples minds, telling them what was going to happen...weird thing was alot of times I was right. I started getting scared to go home by myself so I stopped taking Abilify and the symptoms went away. My first acid trip I too had a rebirth...I started in the womb and could see myself growing up, kind of like when someone dies in a movie. I also thought knew the meaning of life and all that stuff...too funny.

 

[sonicwhite]

Okay it all started when I took a E pill called a blue lip. Now I had taken E about 100 times before that but there was something wrong with this pill. I didn't feel it so I took another one. My roommate and I had been big drug dealers in the club we where working at so it comes to no surpise that I was already paranoid. Well on the 40 min way home. My roomy K is all like ya I can tell someones following us. He's a tweakers worst nightmare. I started to lose it. That day that I woke up I was at peace but that was just my brain saying your about to go thru something. I had taken shrooms about a week before and was smoking pot and ICE daily. So We get home and I start to think he's a cannibal. Then a whole bunch of jail crap that I really don't want to get into but this was may of 05. I started to come out of it nov 05. Thats how long the psychosis lasted. So is there any one here who has experience MDMA psychosis or something close to it.

 

[Mysterie]

are you sure you didnt experiencing meth psychosis

never heard of people becoming psychotic on pure mdma

 

[sonicwhite]

They said it was amp but I noticed the symptoms when I took the E but I was smoking pure meth so ya I have never been the same since.

 

[Concerned Sister]

I came by this post while researching drug related psychosis which I believe my brother has. I just don't know! He has always been "different" but never delusional. He is a long term ( over 20 years ) crack/cocaine addict as is my oldest brother. About three months ago he quit cold turkey. About a month after, he became extremely depressed which escalated to seeing bugs all over. We called crisis intervention and he talked his way out by saying he was an alcoholic..well, he isn't! Then, thru the course of the week, it progressed to seeing gangs and assassins at the door. He was grabbing knives to defend himself. Well, it was the Fed Ex Driver! Once again called Crisis Intervention. When the cops got there, he accused them of being in on it. He is still in the mental institution on Risperidol, an antipsychotic medication as well as medication for heart issues he didn't even know he had. He is in his 50''s. They say Paranoid Schizophrenia doesn't begin that late which makes me think it happened due to the drugs, even though he had been off them for over a month. Complicating this is my older brothers belief that the drugs can't do that and he just wants to take him home and "see how it goes". Of course he would say that, he is still a cocaine addict! Also, he has had two different doctors and they don't agree with what his problems are. The first doc was the one who did the initial eval when he was brought in. Said he was very sick mentally. Then they moved him to another unit and the new doc could care less! They really aren't doing anything but warehousing him and giving him that medicine, but not even a medicine for depression. He looks horrible. he can't even focus enough to read, etc. He now thinks others in the place are after him but denies it to the doctor who seems to just want to release him. At the last meeting, this A-hole of a doctor didn't even know what medication or doses he was on and doesn't listen when we tell him how depressed and dysfunctional he is. I am so afraid he will hurt the fed ex man or whoever else comes to the door if they release him too soon. Any advise would be appreciated.

 

[chrashz]

This whole fiasco began around a year ago, I suppose, when I first started dabbling with psychedelics. After trying LSD for the first few times, I began to develop some minor HPPD. It didn't bother me, but was made significantly worse by my 5 experiments with 25I-Nbome. After those experiences, of which one I would consider a mildly 'bad trip' (but not too bad), I experienced distortions on a daily basis - still, it didn't really bother me.

The real shit was trigged by New Year's eve, 4 months ago. At the start of the night and until around 1 am I was ingesting mephedrone, fairly sparingly. In total, I'd say it was no more than 300mg over a 3 hour period. After this point, me and my friends left this party we were at and went back to one of my friend's houses - we dropped the little MDMA we had and called up a guy to deliver us 3g. He came at around 4 am; only me and one other friend, determined to have a crazy NYE, remained in the party mood. So, over the next 6 hours we binged our tits off.

All in all, we had around a gram each. The mdma fealt great - it fealt like the first time, that fateful first time; we were both fairly experienced users of MDMA, and rarely got that intense rush you get with low tolerance. The mdma was purple; I read somewhere that this could indicate mda impurities, which could explain the intense euphoria we were feeling. Anyways, we dropped our last dose at around 10 AM and then left to go our separate ways. Towards the end of our binge, we both started to go slightly sideways. My friend was drifting in and out of consciousness; muttering to himself about his ex girlfriend and various other weird shit. I, on the other hand, was just wired as fuck. I was also experiencing geometric patterning on walls and in the sky (which was crystal blue). After I left the house and headed for my home, after smoking some weed to ease the disastrous comedown I was experiencing, I began to get auditory hallucinations - the most memorable of which was hearing a drum n bass song in the woosh of a passing car. Also, I had a disturbing visual hallucination - a black, ghost like entity lept out at me from a driveway. creepy. Could this be characterised as an amphetamine psychosis?

I didn't really feel right for a few weeks afterwards; I felt dissociated and whenever I smoked weed I would experience intense HPPD, the ground and other shit would swirl around like I was tripping balls. I'm not really sure if I have properly recovered, it's hard to tell; at any rate, my HPPD is still severe but not as severe as it was, and I occaisionally trip when I smoke weed.

My question is, what should I do about it? I haven't sought medical attention, should I? I find it difficult to compare my mental states at different time periods, but I'd say there is likely difference between how I feel now and prior to NYE. Or maybe, I am just over thinking it all. Thoughts would be appreciated