I have come to appreciate a sober mind-state more than an inebriated one, for the most part.
It's not like being high. You may never feel as fucked up again. But being sober is a major improvement. There's something about sobriety that makes you feel good in a way that drugs and alcohol never can. You won't be sabotaging yourself anymore. You'll be more in control. You'll be living in this world, not some far-off fantasy land that no one can empathize with. It's not "good" like being fucked up. But it's a massive improvement.
You deserve to get treatment. A doctor can hook you up with the medicine that would most target your underlying disorder, which is the reason that you drink so much. But also, it's extremely important that you go to therapy/AA, and that you understand that only you can make yourself better, meaning that you should implement exercise, socialization, and mental work into your daily routine. If you don't, you're not doing all you ca to help yourself.
I've been there, man. I've had my run-ins with alcohol. I was addicted to alcohol when I was a kid. I got off it cold turkey (which isn't advised). Now, I'm able to have a few drinks per week. But that probably isn't the same for you. I was horribly addicted to it, but not that much.
I'm sure you know this or you wouldn't be posting, but alcohol will ruin your life for good if you don't do something about it. It's all up to you. Treatment is out there.