FG I've not read all of that because its all in a huge paragraph. But what I have read I am really concerned. For you and for what your saying is doing to others.
A lot of people, as you are aware, have passed from EADD n I, correct me if I'm wrong pls people, some to suicide. Your threats of suicide are really hurting n worrying others here because a lot of people love you here - and it isn't long since, as you know, Knock died.
I can't begin to imagine the pain you've gone through. You told me some in PM n it saddens me to think that you've been through those things. But, without sounding heartless, when you constantly are threatening things like this you are putting people in awkward position because they don't know how stop you if you go ahead, or how best to help you because we're not professionals - and you need proper help, FG, I thought yoh were getting sectioned for a bit to help you get straight???
You know we can't stop you doing something silly but rather than let the ones who hurt you, win, wouldn't it be best if you took back that power n learnt how to feel empowered, happy?
I think SHM is right, although this is a drug discussion site its also a harm reduction site, n it may be best for you to stop, or at least cut down some of the drugs that you are taking. People are being harsh with you because there's only so much help / support you can give a person n sometimes it's better to use tough love n be blunt. Please remember that people love you n care for you here but some have recently gone through a string of losses n watching you threaten to end your life, knowing they can't help or stop you, I can only imagine is soul-destroying.
Please think on this, FG.
Thinking of you
Evey