stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
You can mention FB, but don't post your FB address or links to it for security and safety purposes.
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)
- Thread starter neversickanymore
- Start date
- Status
Ah. I hate having two addictions at once, it's too much and I am so exhausted of it. I managed to sort out and get back on my subutex script for my opiate addiction yesterday, but stupidlym forgot to pick up my other script from the doctors which had my diazepam and sleeping meds on. I haven't taken or had my diazepam script for 6 days now (and about 2 weeks properly), and I'm really starting to feel the shitty withdrawal effects from that.
I've been throwing up, stupid sensitivity to light and sound which has given me a nonstop migraine and weird tension in my head and eyes. Light and sound are so painful. I feel so dizzy and out of it. I can't believe I forgot to pick up my script, I can't wait till Monday. :/ I phoned nhs direct to get help and try and see an out of hours doctor. I'm terrified the shaking is going to turn into another seizure. They don't believe me though, and I have been waiting for hours for a call back. Argh. I am not trying to score and get high, god damnit.. It just feels unbeatable at the moment. I phoned them up again, and they said to wait another 2 hours for a call back. I am really struggling to explain the side effects and symptoms as my brain feels fucked. It makes them think I am faking.
I hate myself and what I have done. Now, to wait around in pain. I deserve this I know.
I've been throwing up, stupid sensitivity to light and sound which has given me a nonstop migraine and weird tension in my head and eyes. Light and sound are so painful. I feel so dizzy and out of it. I can't believe I forgot to pick up my script, I can't wait till Monday. :/ I phoned nhs direct to get help and try and see an out of hours doctor. I'm terrified the shaking is going to turn into another seizure. They don't believe me though, and I have been waiting for hours for a call back. Argh. I am not trying to score and get high, god damnit.. It just feels unbeatable at the moment. I phoned them up again, and they said to wait another 2 hours for a call back. I am really struggling to explain the side effects and symptoms as my brain feels fucked. It makes them think I am faking.
I hate myself and what I have done. Now, to wait around in pain. I deserve this I know.
Last edited:
plmar
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2012
- Messages
- 1,898
Is it a catholic school? I wouldn't be surprised if it was, those are the fucking worst and some are ran like fucking convents.
This is why I doubt I'll ever have kids because something like this would piss me off so much I'd go and shoot the teachers then myself. No use arguing with the cunts.
Not letting a 4 year old eat some chocolate, I'm sure that's all those fucking 'teachers' feast on. Take away their food and they'll probably die within a day.
Last edited:
hydroazuanacaine
bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2007
- Messages
- 8,493
i just got home from my first appointment with a new psychologist. saturday morning. have been counting down the hours to this appointment; i need help. when i called to say i was there, she said sorry there was a miscommunication and she's in her yoga clothes. we can reschedule.
first bottle opened early today.
first bottle opened early today.
Last edited:
lol, I know what you mean about their catholic schools they're shitty to say the least.
But I wouldn't go as far as shooting up teachers and myself.
Last edited:
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Wow that's disgusting. A health care professional acting like that. She actually said she was in her yoga outfit? The least she could do was make a proper excuse. Sorry that you had this experience. I didn't know that psychologists saw patients on a weekend? Can you make a formal complaint against her? She can't go treating her patients this way.
Evey xxxx
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
That is terrible, hydroazaunacaine. I know how much you have been anticipating this. Don't let it run away with you, though. Just take it day by day. PM me anytime and hang in there, OK?
me too! Thats why i turned out with maybe just a few too many screws loose. I should sue em. Bastards.
honestly it's all brainwashing shit. I still to this day remember the songs we had to sing. I'm scarred for life, and the priest i'm certain something suss was up with him he was all nice and kept touchin my arm when he talked to me but i dont think he was...
can be friendly to peeps as in hey come over here..once or twice spread out but not 4 TIMES IN A DAY....
That's why i ended up taking drugs maybe he put something in the wine to knock me out. I hate all religions/ not that i hate you as a person just your religion dont try sell it to me recovering or drug addicts cant afford whatever it is.
rant to be continuedsick of thier in name of father son holy spirit. I'm suing them for fucking me up. i reckon they abused me, im almost 29 and a half and still not right to this day.
biggest sellers without making a profit but only for thier disgusting sexual deviant prize/award are priests. Sorry if i offended anyone im going thru withdrawals
so i guess i better stop writing here til i can handle them better.
baptism, theres, your first communion then there your? see did they ever teach me about drugs at that school? No I was chained up every time i got into trouble i feel all alone now so i take drugs to take the pain out of molestation charges that WILL be brought against him. Mr Stinky you may remember him from the late 80's??
Sorry to the christian or catholic cant remember but i guess it was my fault parents they think they send u a "good" nice and "happy" st mary st john st vigin crap that its "the RIGHT thing to do" and u will turn out an angels....it in fact PROVEN by studies shows the more kids that go to a god school end up smoking at back of oval in year 7 then by yr 8 ui start on somethin someone gives u but reality it all started when the priest gives you something for hiw own disgusting fetish . Pathetic
Last edited:
sarcophagus.heels
Bluelighter
That is absolutely awful. If she works under a group or hospital, I would complain to them if you could, because that is irresponsible. Hang in there
I actually missed my Catholic school after I got switched to public school, but that perhaps says more bad about the public school than anything. Then again, I only did Catholic school for elementary. Looking back, a lot of it is brainwashing. But I guess it didn't stick, because I was never religious, and I'm an atheist now. But all told, my particular Catholic school was actually decent. Our teachers weren't nuns, just the principal. And the students were very nice, and I got along with them very well.
The public schools I went to afterward were full of bullies. I was never bothered for being a bookworm when I was in my Catholic school, but as soon as I transferred to public school, people made fun of me, so I became a complete introvert. It was years before I came back out of my shell.
School can fuck you up, it really can.
Last edited:
It can fuck you up if you let it fuck you up. Went to catholic/private schools thru my younger schooling and switched to public schools thru high school. Catholic schools are a joke compared to what they used to be like, hearing stories about what my mom would tell me about the nuns tying her hand behind her back with a rope to force her to learn to write right handed because only the devil rights with his left hand. Getting slapped by the nuns with rulers, etc.
Still consider myself catholic to this day though albeit with a few added beliefs of my own. My parents were smart enough to move the family out of city life (grew up in River Forest) and into leafy suburbs where the only problem with life was drugs. Was threatened to be shipped off to military school during high school when I was heavily exploring psychedelics and starting dope, sometimes I wonder what my life would of been like if they did that? Even now I'm still contemplating going back to school to work on another degree and the main reason I feel like doing that is to challenge my mind. Always told myself oh I can't do that or I'm not going to do that. It feels good to push back those thoughts and try new things.
Aren't you in school at Univ. Of Chicago, Sarcophagus? That's pretty impressive.
Still consider myself catholic to this day though albeit with a few added beliefs of my own. My parents were smart enough to move the family out of city life (grew up in River Forest) and into leafy suburbs where the only problem with life was drugs. Was threatened to be shipped off to military school during high school when I was heavily exploring psychedelics and starting dope, sometimes I wonder what my life would of been like if they did that? Even now I'm still contemplating going back to school to work on another degree and the main reason I feel like doing that is to challenge my mind. Always told myself oh I can't do that or I'm not going to do that. It feels good to push back those thoughts and try new things.
Aren't you in school at Univ. Of Chicago, Sarcophagus? That's pretty impressive.
^I switched from public to private and I liked private allot better. better education, better teachers, hotter women, harder partiers, though in hindsight that may not have been all that good for me.
I got four new quad packs of underwear.. I fucking hate them.. there are two types of men in this world.. suport men and boxer/freeballin men.. Im the latter and all these are way to tight.. feels like my guys are in my throat.. fuck these things.. like im wearing ladies panties without the benefit of wearing ladies panties.. fuck these things they are going in the garbage cause I washed them all and who wants used skivvies.
I got four new quad packs of underwear.. I fucking hate them.. there are two types of men in this world.. suport men and boxer/freeballin men.. Im the latter and all these are way to tight.. feels like my guys are in my throat.. fuck these things.. like im wearing ladies panties without the benefit of wearing ladies panties.. fuck these things they are going in the garbage cause I washed them all and who wants used skivvies.
hydroazuanacaine
bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2007
- Messages
- 8,493
i liked switching from catholic school to public school. though my parents say that switch for me was one of their biggest mistakes in life, so...
glad to hear you came back outta your shell!
thanks for the sympathy about the appointment, Evey, herbavore, and above. i met with her today. she's pretty cut and cold. it's not like any other therapist i've been to. i wonder what the actual sessions are going to be like. today was just the intake and diagnosis, so it was just like 2 hours of her asking me questions. she might be able to help me a bit, but she's not at all someone i can just talk to.
i have to quit drinking. i punched by bathroom window last night -- luckily it is two-ply, and i only broke on layer of glass so no cold air. when i decided <to do more damage> . then punched my table. and it's ikea so even though it looks like a really nice piece of solid wood, i punched a hole in it. so how many hundreds are we at? so stupid. plus i spent like 80 dollars going out last night. which is cheap giving all the places we went, but i can barely remember it and even if i could that's not reasonable money use. i'm sick of not being able to remember what i've done. i've said it a few times before to no avail, but here's to one more. done drinking.
glad to hear you came back outta your shell!
thanks for the sympathy about the appointment, Evey, herbavore, and above. i met with her today. she's pretty cut and cold. it's not like any other therapist i've been to. i wonder what the actual sessions are going to be like. today was just the intake and diagnosis, so it was just like 2 hours of her asking me questions. she might be able to help me a bit, but she's not at all someone i can just talk to.
i have to quit drinking. i punched by bathroom window last night -- luckily it is two-ply, and i only broke on layer of glass so no cold air. when i decided <to do more damage> . then punched my table. and it's ikea so even though it looks like a really nice piece of solid wood, i punched a hole in it. so how many hundreds are we at? so stupid. plus i spent like 80 dollars going out last night. which is cheap giving all the places we went, but i can barely remember it and even if i could that's not reasonable money use. i'm sick of not being able to remember what i've done. i've said it a few times before to no avail, but here's to one more. done drinking.
Last edited by a moderator:
actually you can go ahead and edit that back.. sorry about that hydo I must have lost my mind because of these underwear and forgot we were in vent rant were triggering is allowed.
hydroazuanacaine
bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2007
- Messages
- 8,493
four packs of an unfamiliar underwear? can't really complain about getting burned when you roll the dice like that.
the post is fine. you snipped highlights of my stupidty; i'll pass on editing back in. point is that i now have to replace a window and a table because i intentionally hurt my hand, so i should suck it up and realize beer tastes good and i can't have any.
the post is fine. you snipped highlights of my stupidty; i'll pass on editing back in. point is that i now have to replace a window and a table because i intentionally hurt my hand, so i should suck it up and realize beer tastes good and i can't have any.
I can complain and I am complaining and I will continue to complain. This is my world and in it nothing is ever my fault
If taste is what you really like then you may want to try some of the NA beer as two of them are alright... clausthaler and kaliber are not so shabby im my opinion.
If taste is what you really like then you may want to try some of the NA beer as two of them are alright... clausthaler and kaliber are not so shabby im my opinion.
MagickalKat777
Bluelight Crew
Ugh... What the fuck... Is there really a point to coming off of benzos if I'm going to feel like shit? I can feel the breaking point coming... I'm going to end up killing myself if something doesn't give soon. Maybe coming off of them is a stupid fucking idea. FUCK! 
- Status