nuttynutskin
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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)
- Thread starter neversickanymore
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Try Zappos?
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
I've been in excruciating pain with my neck n side of my head. Couldn't sleep with ut was in floods od tears n funnily enough my cat was being really affectionate.
Just taken my suboxone.
But hey I thought suboxone helped with pain????
Just taken my suboxone.
But hey I thought suboxone helped with pain????
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
^^ Suboxone mainly helps with pain when taken in incredibly small doses.
Buprenorphine partially metabolizes into a full agonist opioid - but the initial does of buprenorphine blocks your receptors from absorbing the full agonist metabolite. If you take less then 1mg of bupe, then it is possible for the metabolite to bind to some of your receptors.
Looks like another repeat of last week. Still awake at 2:45 when I have to get up at 6:30 for class. Just spent a couple hours trying to fall asleep already with no luck. Last week I stayed up all night the days I had class because I was still awake so late I woulda missed class had I let myself pass out at that point - I REALLY fuckin' hope this week isn't a repeat. Going to class without sleeping fucking sucks. Plus if I don't sleep then I won't do yoga, and I actually haven't done yoga in a week now because I haven't been sleeping well. Fuckin' insomnia. It's getting bad... like really bad. It was bareable for the last 8 months up until a month ago. Since new years though it's just been debilitating.
Buprenorphine partially metabolizes into a full agonist opioid - but the initial does of buprenorphine blocks your receptors from absorbing the full agonist metabolite. If you take less then 1mg of bupe, then it is possible for the metabolite to bind to some of your receptors.
Looks like another repeat of last week. Still awake at 2:45 when I have to get up at 6:30 for class. Just spent a couple hours trying to fall asleep already with no luck. Last week I stayed up all night the days I had class because I was still awake so late I woulda missed class had I let myself pass out at that point - I REALLY fuckin' hope this week isn't a repeat. Going to class without sleeping fucking sucks. Plus if I don't sleep then I won't do yoga, and I actually haven't done yoga in a week now because I haven't been sleeping well. Fuckin' insomnia. It's getting bad... like really bad. It was bareable for the last 8 months up until a month ago. Since new years though it's just been debilitating.
T. Calderone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2010
- Messages
- 8,982
^ Have you tried melatonin Casey? It works nicely for me if I don't use it every day. I'm trying to get back to a "normal" sleep schedule because for a couple years I got used to going to bed at 6-7 am. Even harder if I wasn't tired and not sleeping at all for a couple days, it is debilitating.
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
^^ Every so often if I work REALLY hard at it, and endure a couple weeks of laying in bed awake going insane, I am able to get to the point where I have a somewhat decent sleep schedule. But then every time within a week or two after finally normalizing, something happens to throw it off one night - and one night is all it takes to throw me right back into a shit fuckin schedule.
This is and always has been my biggest trigger. I just tried sleep for like an hour again, not luck. I REALLY want to just say fuck it and get something to knock myself out... preferably a handful of benzos. What's worse is with my Dr.'s office, an ativan prescription is just a mouse click away for me to get a refill sent via their website. I'm not about to do it, partly because certain people in the rooms would give me shit and try to make me change my sober date if I told them, and partly because I know there is always a chance I will go for the handful instead of the .5mg. Anyway, point being that I hate insomnia with a burning fucking passion. It is the only thing I consistently have in my life that triggers an insane amount of pure rage and hatred towards life - and it's not even something tangible. Yes I have tried meletonin by the way. along with a thousand other over the counter remedies.
Insomnia sucks. I seriously lose ALL motivation to stay sober passed 4am. and it's 4 fucking am. I am SO GRATEFUL that it's illegal to sell booze passed 2am here. Because if it wasn't I would have relapsed on alcohol many times over simply due to sleep deprivation.
This is and always has been my biggest trigger. I just tried sleep for like an hour again, not luck. I REALLY want to just say fuck it and get something to knock myself out... preferably a handful of benzos. What's worse is with my Dr.'s office, an ativan prescription is just a mouse click away for me to get a refill sent via their website. I'm not about to do it, partly because certain people in the rooms would give me shit and try to make me change my sober date if I told them, and partly because I know there is always a chance I will go for the handful instead of the .5mg. Anyway, point being that I hate insomnia with a burning fucking passion. It is the only thing I consistently have in my life that triggers an insane amount of pure rage and hatred towards life - and it's not even something tangible. Yes I have tried meletonin by the way. along with a thousand other over the counter remedies.
Insomnia sucks. I seriously lose ALL motivation to stay sober passed 4am. and it's 4 fucking am. I am SO GRATEFUL that it's illegal to sell booze passed 2am here. Because if it wasn't I would have relapsed on alcohol many times over simply due to sleep deprivation.
Apex Anomaly
Greenlighter
Scrolled to the bottom by then, my problem appeared pretty trivial lol, best of luck to you all!
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Sorry you're going through this, Case, I thought you were on suboxone? Did it help you with dnnsleep?
I'm confused. Why would a small dose be more affective than a larger dose????
Evey xxxx
I'm confused. Why would a small dose be more affective than a larger dose????
Evey xxxx
Last edited:
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
^because of the way your body metabolizes the drug. It's a very strange substance...
Yeah. Another day of class with no sleep. Not sure how much more of this I can handle.
this is exactly what happened last time. Insomnia leading me to the point of relapse. They say do things differently, SO
I have tried: (and failed)
-proper sleep hygiene
-daily exercise (running, yoga, sit ups/pushups, etc)
-every OTC remedy you can list, and then some
-meditation
-breathing techniques
-reading
-try to sleep for an hour, get up for 30 mins, try to sleep for an hour, get up for 30 mins (they say to get up if you're still awake after an hour... IME it just breaks up the insanity of laying there doing nothing, other than that it didn't help)
-PRAYER (you know I'm desperate if I'm praying...)
-counting imaginary sheep jumping over a fence in my mind (literally. It was mildly entertaining for a bit while in a semi psychotic sleep deprived state. Then it just got fucking annoying)
-writing in my journal about it. Trying to get unwanted thoughts out of my mind.
-rather than clear my mind while meditating, letting it flow freely for a bit before trying to sleep.
-punch the ground to the point of basically breaking a knuckle i.e pain endorphins (does your knuckle being squishy, not swollen but the correct size and SQUISHY mean you broke it? It gets swollen after but yeah whatever... anyway this wasn't tonight but many times in the past)
-masturbating and/or sex
-listening to music, relaxation tapes, ambient noise, etc
-drawing before going to bed
I have tried: (and succeeded almost 100% of the time)
-Benzos
-Opiates
-Cannabis Indica (not sativa, and preferably concentrated)
-Ketamine (after coming down anyway)
-Chloroform (you bet your fuckin' ass I chloroformed myself. Thats a story for another thread. Not sure if this deserves the 100% list cause it was only once and i woke up a few hours later with a headache n couldn't get back to sleep without redosing, sort of like alcohol. random fact! It smelled sort of like strawberries.)
As you can see, naturally my mind goes bad places when I can't sleep, which is pretty often. Fortunately, I know none of the items on this second list are solutions, they are simply bandaids. And moldy bandaids at that (make the problem worse in the long run...).
Begs the question though, anybody got an idea that I didn't put on my first list? I'd like to "do things differently".
Yeah. Another day of class with no sleep. Not sure how much more of this I can handle.
this is exactly what happened last time. Insomnia leading me to the point of relapse. They say do things differently, SO
I have tried: (and failed)
-proper sleep hygiene
-daily exercise (running, yoga, sit ups/pushups, etc)
-every OTC remedy you can list, and then some
-meditation
-breathing techniques
-reading
-try to sleep for an hour, get up for 30 mins, try to sleep for an hour, get up for 30 mins (they say to get up if you're still awake after an hour... IME it just breaks up the insanity of laying there doing nothing, other than that it didn't help)
-PRAYER (you know I'm desperate if I'm praying...)
-counting imaginary sheep jumping over a fence in my mind (literally. It was mildly entertaining for a bit while in a semi psychotic sleep deprived state. Then it just got fucking annoying)
-writing in my journal about it. Trying to get unwanted thoughts out of my mind.
-rather than clear my mind while meditating, letting it flow freely for a bit before trying to sleep.
-punch the ground to the point of basically breaking a knuckle i.e pain endorphins (does your knuckle being squishy, not swollen but the correct size and SQUISHY mean you broke it? It gets swollen after but yeah whatever... anyway this wasn't tonight but many times in the past)
-masturbating and/or sex
-listening to music, relaxation tapes, ambient noise, etc
-drawing before going to bed
I have tried: (and succeeded almost 100% of the time)
-Benzos
-Opiates
-Cannabis Indica (not sativa, and preferably concentrated)
-Ketamine (after coming down anyway)
-Chloroform (you bet your fuckin' ass I chloroformed myself. Thats a story for another thread. Not sure if this deserves the 100% list cause it was only once and i woke up a few hours later with a headache n couldn't get back to sleep without redosing, sort of like alcohol. random fact! It smelled sort of like strawberries.)
As you can see, naturally my mind goes bad places when I can't sleep, which is pretty often. Fortunately, I know none of the items on this second list are solutions, they are simply bandaids. And moldy bandaids at that (make the problem worse in the long run...).
Begs the question though, anybody got an idea that I didn't put on my first list? I'd like to "do things differently".
Last edited:
T. Calderone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2010
- Messages
- 8,982
No way Apex, you can say just about anything and that's why we're here!
Casey, chloroform, holy shit! That's pretty extreme and yeah I can see it giving you a major headache! I feel your pain about not being able to sleep man because I've tried everything too. Alcohol just energizes me worse maybe because I'm bipolar. I would need a shit ton of benzos to work for sleep then wake up hungover from them. Diphenhydramine - hit or miss but shitty side effects that I can't tolerate.
Wish I had a good solution, like I said only thing that helped me was melatonin, but loses its effectiveness after time. A lot of it too is the stress of knowing "in so many hours I have to get up." That by itself prevented me from properly resting. I'm blessed that I don't have to work now otherwise I know I would be a fucking basketcase. Hang in there buddy.
floatingaround
Bluelighter
I hate how quickly my mind state can shift over a couple of negative thoughts.
I've been through most of that list as well Case, never tried chloroform though but probably would have done if I had any
Drugs do work and there is no point in saying they don't but IME they only work for a while, the sleep is low quality and when you cease the drugs your worse off than before you started.
I know some of my insomnia has been due to anxiety but I have to accept that 20+ years of drug use has played a part. I was on prescribed Venlafaxine until fairly recently and that reduced my sleep to 3-4 hours a night but since getting off that and doing my best to stay away from amphetamines and benzos my sleep is better.
I think it will take a long time for things to properly settle down ( assuming I can stay away from illicit drugs ) I try not to focus on it these days, it's easier said than done but my propensity for anxiety can lead to a horrible viscous circle.
Drugs do work and there is no point in saying they don't but IME they only work for a while, the sleep is low quality and when you cease the drugs your worse off than before you started.
I know some of my insomnia has been due to anxiety but I have to accept that 20+ years of drug use has played a part. I was on prescribed Venlafaxine until fairly recently and that reduced my sleep to 3-4 hours a night but since getting off that and doing my best to stay away from amphetamines and benzos my sleep is better.
I think it will take a long time for things to properly settle down ( assuming I can stay away from illicit drugs ) I try not to focus on it these days, it's easier said than done but my propensity for anxiety can lead to a horrible viscous circle.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
^because of the way your body metabolizes the drug. It's a very strange substance...
Yeah. Another day of class with no sleep. Not sure how much more of this I can handle.
this is exactly what happened last time. Insomnia leading me to the point of relapse. They say do things differently, SO
I have tried: (and failed)
-proper sleep hygiene
-daily exercise (running, yoga, sit ups/pushups, etc)
-every OTC remedy you can list, and then some
-meditation
-breathing techniques
-reading
-try to sleep for an hour, get up for 30 mins, try to sleep for an hour, get up for 30 mins (they say to get up if you're still awake after an hour... IME it just breaks up the insanity of laying there doing nothing, other than that it didn't help)
-PRAYER (you know I'm desperate if I'm praying...)
-counting imaginary sheep jumping over a fence in my mind (literally. It was mildly entertaining for a bit while in a semi psychotic sleep deprived state. Then it just got fucking annoying)
-writing in my journal about it. Trying to get unwanted thoughts out of my mind.
-rather than clear my mind while meditating, letting it flow freely for a bit before trying to sleep.
-punch the ground to the point of basically breaking a knuckle i.e pain endorphins (does your knuckle being squishy, not swollen but the correct size and SQUISHY mean you broke it? It gets swollen after but yeah whatever... anyway this wasn't tonight but many times in the past)
-masturbating and/or sex
-listening to music, relaxation tapes, ambient noise, etc
-drawing before going to bed
I have tried: (and succeeded almost 100% of the time)
-Benzos
-Opiates
-Cannabis Indica (not sativa, and preferably concentrated)
-Ketamine (after coming down anyway)
-Chloroform (you bet your fuckin' ass I chloroformed myself. Thats a story for another thread. Not sure if this deserves the 100% list cause it was only once and i woke up a few hours later with a headache n couldn't get back to sleep without redosing, sort of like alcohol. random fact! It smelled sort of like strawberries.)
As you can see, naturally my mind goes bad places when I can't sleep, which is pretty often. Fortunately, I know none of the items on this second list are solutions, they are simply bandaids. And moldy bandaids at that (make the problem worse in the long run...).
Begs the question though, anybody got an idea that I didn't put on my first list? I'd like to "do things differently".
Can someone look after the benzos n give you one a night? If they work then would this be a possibility for you? Or would the feelings from the benzos trigger you?
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
^because of the way your body metabolizes the drug. It's a very strange substance...
Yeah. Another day of class with no sleep. Not sure how much more of this I can handle.
this is exactly what happened last time. Insomnia leading me to the point of relapse. They say do things differently, SO
I have tried: (and failed)
-proper sleep hygiene
-daily exercise (running, yoga, sit ups/pushups, etc)
-every OTC remedy you can list, and then some
-meditation
-breathing techniques
-reading
-try to sleep for an hour, get up for 30 mins, try to sleep for an hour, get up for 30 mins (they say to get up if you're still awake after an hour... IME it just breaks up the insanity of laying there doing nothing, other than that it didn't help)
-PRAYER (you know I'm desperate if I'm praying...)
-counting imaginary sheep jumping over a fence in my mind (literally. It was mildly entertaining for a bit while in a semi psychotic sleep deprived state. Then it just got fucking annoying)
-writing in my journal about it. Trying to get unwanted thoughts out of my mind.
-rather than clear my mind while meditating, letting it flow freely for a bit before trying to sleep.
-punch the ground to the point of basically breaking a knuckle i.e pain endorphins (does your knuckle being squishy, not swollen but the correct size and SQUISHY mean you broke it? It gets swollen after but yeah whatever... anyway this wasn't tonight but many times in the past)
-masturbating and/or sex
-listening to music, relaxation tapes, ambient noise, etc
-drawing before going to bed
I have tried: (and succeeded almost 100% of the time)
-Benzos
-Opiates
-Cannabis Indica (not sativa, and preferably concentrated)
-Ketamine (after coming down anyway)
-Chloroform (you bet your fuckin' ass I chloroformed myself. Thats a story for another thread. Not sure if this deserves the 100% list cause it was only once and i woke up a few hours later with a headache n couldn't get back to sleep without redosing, sort of like alcohol. random fact! It smelled sort of like strawberries.)
As you can see, naturally my mind goes bad places when I can't sleep, which is pretty often. Fortunately, I know none of the items on this second list are solutions, they are simply bandaids. And moldy bandaids at that (make the problem worse in the long run...).
Begs the question though, anybody got an idea that I didn't put on my first list? I'd like to "do things differently".
Case, what about asking your doctor about trazadone or ambien before turning something so drastic as benzos.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
Yeah trazedone would be a good start to see if that helps with sleep. It never worked for me.. made me feel really weird. I don't like it. But, I know a lot of people it works for.
Quetiapine (Seroquel) works well for me. Was the only thing that let me get any sleep in detox.
Quetiapine (Seroquel) works well for me. Was the only thing that let me get any sleep in detox.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Not sure what meds those are stardust , but I agree if there 's something that case can try before resorting to benzos then that would be best. Is trazadone a sleeping medication like zop? Is it addictive?
I can't research now my neck n side of head are really hurting
How are you, stardust? Haven't seen you round Bluelight lately. I hope that all is ok xxxx
I can't research now my neck n side of head are really hurting
How are you, stardust? Haven't seen you round Bluelight lately. I hope that all is ok xxxx
Ambien is Zolpidem, I've tried both that and Zopiclone, nether worked well for me and the rebound insomnia from an extended period on Zolpidem was very unpleasent.
Z drugs have taken over from Benzos in the UK for first line treatment of insomnia, personally I don't think they are much of an improvement if any at all. It may be my past abuse of Benzos has an influence so as always YMMV.
Currently I take 50mg of Amitriptyline, I'm not sure it helps with sleep much but it doesnt seem to actually cause insomnia like the Venlafaxine I was taking.
Z drugs have taken over from Benzos in the UK for first line treatment of insomnia, personally I don't think they are much of an improvement if any at all. It may be my past abuse of Benzos has an influence so as always YMMV.
Currently I take 50mg of Amitriptyline, I'm not sure it helps with sleep much but it doesnt seem to actually cause insomnia like the Venlafaxine I was taking.
I feel lucky in that I can usually get a good sleep each night.
I feel for those that struggle to get sleep each night it must be horrible.
Sleep deprivation is used as a torture method so that shows how hard it must be to endure for any period of time.
I feel for those that struggle to get sleep each night it must be horrible.
Sleep deprivation is used as a torture method so that shows how hard it must be to endure for any period of time.
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
I forgot to mention all the prescriptions I have tried when writing that list. I have trazadone at my disposal, haven't taken it in months because of how it makes me feel. (horrible. I have a scrip of ambien at the pharmacy I can get refilled if I so choose, I'm thinking about it just to have around and take on a really bad night but its definitely not an everyday option for me. I've also tried many other drugs similar to trazadone, seroquel and all those - all of them suck and I would honestly rather take heroin than ever take trazadone or seroquel again. That shit is fucking nasty. Fuck psych drugs prescribed for sleep, that should be more illegal then heroin is for fucking sure.
I shoulda been more clear, where I said that drugs were equivalent to putting a moldy bandaid on a wound, I meant that they won't help my problem they will temporarily hide it and make it worse and I'm not interested in that shitty cycle again. So no, I'm no going to resort to benzos or anything worse. No Evey, somebody holding on to the bottle of benzos wouldn't work either - literally everyone in my life is an addict or alcoholic fairly new in recovery, also the whole moldy baindaid metaphor... they just gonna make shit worse in the long run.
Soo I ended up passing out and missing my classes today. Though historically for me, having only missed class once after a few weeks is pretty damn good. So it won't ruin my grades but its still not good at all and it CANT become a regular occurrence. NSA I'll try the sunglasses method and see what happens, thanks.
I shoulda been more clear, where I said that drugs were equivalent to putting a moldy bandaid on a wound, I meant that they won't help my problem they will temporarily hide it and make it worse and I'm not interested in that shitty cycle again. So no, I'm no going to resort to benzos or anything worse. No Evey, somebody holding on to the bottle of benzos wouldn't work either - literally everyone in my life is an addict or alcoholic fairly new in recovery, also the whole moldy baindaid metaphor... they just gonna make shit worse in the long run.
Soo I ended up passing out and missing my classes today. Though historically for me, having only missed class once after a few weeks is pretty damn good. So it won't ruin my grades but its still not good at all and it CANT become a regular occurrence. NSA I'll try the sunglasses method and see what happens, thanks.
You will also need to promote a strong blue spectrum in the morning.. I know the lights seem expensive but maybe try ebay.. im not even playing.. it has worked wonders for me.. I think a circadian rhythm issues i have was a major root to my addiction.. I always wanted to take something to sleep well at the right time.. but in realty the use of benzos allowed me to sleep longer and at the right time.. But I woke up feeling sedated..
Also I belive dopamine is the real determinant on sleep.. so buy altering the other neurochemicals you may seem to address the problem but it may lead to no satisfactory solution.
So if you are going to look for medication I would look for a stimulant in the morning and the light therapy and shades as well as promoting the best sleep hygiene you can.
Also I belive dopamine is the real determinant on sleep.. so buy altering the other neurochemicals you may seem to address the problem but it may lead to no satisfactory solution.
So if you are going to look for medication I would look for a stimulant in the morning and the light therapy and shades as well as promoting the best sleep hygiene you can.
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