The Toloache God appears in 2 forms (at least,this is how he/she appeared to me,in my trips)
-A brown cerberus with red eyes,horrific appearance.Most of the times,he/she appears in this form when I have a bad trip.
-A white,pale lady which gets angry easily if you don't show her affection and sympathy.Sometimes,she likes tricking you.
Because of pure curiosity,I've once decided to insult & make fun of her in my delirious state of mind and this made her ''get back into her shell'' and transforming herself into the cerberus form that is extremely scary and intimidating,tears dropped from my eyes every time that hellish creature got too close to me.
In her 2nd form she shows her ''good side'',but if you prove to her that you're not trustworthy to see her in that form,she will come back to her demonic form and terrorize you for the entire trip.
Actually,I'm not sure if she is truly a lady or a hermaphrodite because her lady features are a bit distorted,I've made a portrait of her in my book.
I feel totally brain damaged after a month on PCP. 2 years with this combo is not something I would make it through intact.
Nobody would make it through intact,I'm glad that I'm still able to socialize with people over the internet but in reality...I have serious problems,whenever I talk with a stranger,my pupils dilate,my face turns red and I get dxm like visuals. (the third eye suddenly appears on their face,their mouth disappears,it's really creepy)
I'm having a lot of trouble from dxm & datura induced psychosis,I always get auditory hallucinations at night and CEV's,sometimes OEV's.
...forgot about deja vu's,I have daily deja vu's and it's not that nice.
But,well,I'm still strong enough to endure this,I haven't lost my motivation,neither my hope.
Unfortunately,I've severely lost my math skills,my memory and my self confidence,but,that won't stop me.
Anyway,I have nothing else to do,I don't even know what else I can do..I'm buried too deep in this tripping journey,I can't give up now.
That cocktail for a week seems extreme. A month, a year, 10 of them. I can't imagine what the long term affects might be. And still being high on Datura then taking Muscaria throw in some DXM AND Salvia on other days. I can only hope you you develop a tolerance for your sake. The hypothesis is to see what its like. My theory is "loony tunes" for life. I hope you reconsider, fuck the promise to yourself. Come up with an alternative with something more stable and evaluate that if you must. The risk is too great to take this chance, think it over, than do it again and again.
I'll consider stopping when I won't be able to do anything else.
As I'm still able to function,I'm still able to continue.
I can't stop yet,I have enough energy within myself that can help me go on.
One of my main concerns is that whenever I stop tripping from the substances that I take,my psychotic episodes begin,so,without taking anything,I start tripping once again.
Sunday,when theoretically I should be sober,I'm tripping almost as hard as I'm tripping saturday,when I take dxm.
I'm glad that I managed to relatively stomp the delusions,whenever I become delusional & whenever I get paranoid,I take 5 zolpidem pills and go to sleep.
When I wake up,I'm tripping but I'm also less delusional,it actually helps.