I will be writing a trip report for that trip I had - it was truly astounding to me. Part of it was like manic bliss and uncontrollable laughter. Part of it was like an exhibition of atrocity through the ages. After that, I descended into Hell. It was not the hell of any religion or a punishment from God. God was just a fetus and I functioned as the end of the umbilical cord that connected to the placenta. The universe we exist in was inside of God. God was a tiny speck and a haven in which goodness could exist. I was the weak spot from which all the evil that permeates this universe leaks inside from the infinite expanse of evil that surrounds this finite speck that we exist in. This tiny speck somehow awakened to goodness and love, but it is just a tiny spark in an endless expanse of pure evil and hate. Other tiny sparks like this one briefly flicker into existence but they are always get consumed by the infinite darkness that surrounds them. This universe, the God in which it is contained, and everything contained within it will be consumed and destroyed just like all the other sparks and everything will go back to the Hell from which it was formed. It is the destiny of us all. I spent some time trying to rid myself of things like compassion and love as a way to shield myself (I actually did this to a degree when I was a kid as a way to reduce the emotional trauma I was experiencing at the time - I was able to completely erase the feelings I had for animals and certain people. I maintained some feeling and compassion for the dog and cat I had at the time and made no attempt to erase the feeling I had for my mom and some of my other relatives. I did lose the ability to feel loved and I completely stopped expressing emotion for a while during my life. It did help me survive for a while. I have since regained those things and I am not going to try to do that again unless I have to because it really does not feel good to be in that state).
I thought I finally understood the nature of reality. Lots of other things happened during that trip.
It probably sounds really negative the way I described it, and I just felt like I was in the ultimate state of hell during part of the trip. It definitely seemed incredibly profound though. It is not something I will forget any time soon. I am actually glad that I had the experience - that may sound really fucked up, but I would do it all again.
That is just a small glimpse of what went on during the trip. Lots of other things went on. I relived various events from my life.
Right now, I am high on 45mg hydrocodone, 2mg clonazepam, 15mg temazepam, and 75mg doxylamine succinate. I may take a bit of kratom. I have a small amount of JWH-210 that I did not smoke last nigh. I have a hell of a lot of it and other stuff locked up in a safe - I won't be touching any of it for a while except maybe a small dose of pentedrone for energy if I feel the need tomorrow.
I feel serene, peaceful, and content at the moment. My mind feels clear, which seems a bit strange given all the drugs I have nuked my brain with the last few days. Most of those neurons should have been fried.
I smoked some JWH-210 last night and had a severe panic attack. I thought I was dying and I was experiencing ego loss. I was still feeling some effects from bk-MBDB when I did that. I thought I had severe hyperthermia too. My pulse was a little high (110) and that freaked me out even more. It wasn't really very high though, I have had my pulse rise above 150 a few times from smoking synthetic cannabinoids - I always experience a panic attack at the same time. As for the feeling that my skin was burning - it never happened from JWH-210 before, but it happened a number of times with JWH-018 and even worse then.
I briefly felt like the source of all evil after I smoked that. That did not last long, but I decided to just go with the flow in a way by saying what I felt God would be like if he existed. It was supposed to be funny, but maybe I just have a bad sense of humor.
