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How Are You in One Word Vs Happiness; Only Real When Shared =D

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Sad.

I haven't cried, like really cried w/ sobs and all, for a long time but it was a shitty day, one hassle after another, and then I unexpectedly saw a picture in the newspaper of this horrible animal cruelty thing w/ pit bulls and it just set me off. I miss the dogs so bad but it was best to leave them in FL w/ my son where they have been their whole lives, have a 5 acre fenced play area and are happy but I miss them so much. They saved my life when I was really sick and I miss them beyond description, feel like I abandoned them although I know they are fine cuz I see them every few months.
Damn I can't even get a deep breath...
-izzy
 
^Let it out, izzy. Sometimes just having a good cry is what it takes to allow yourself to be happy again, especially if it's been a while since you've cried. <3

My word currently is content. :)
 
I should be happy that my best friend has found other friends and is having a fun and happy life, but I'm miserable that I'm no longer a part of it and I feel incredibly selfish that I'm feeling this way. :(
 
Psychlone jack, I hear you. It's hard moving forward but it can be done, and IME there are those out there who will give you a second chance at things. You could do a lot to help yourself there with volunteering maybe once you've got some clean time under your belt, put your experiences to positive use with others in the same boat. I made some calls today on that myself, time I pushed harder with that, see if it won't open up some doors for me.

Izzy, that's tough. They become part of the family don't they, as important to you as anyone else in it. ((( <3 )))

Sero, date three huh? Isn't that, like, officially sexay times? I'm pretty sure it's a rule or something. =D

Spork, ((( <3 ))). That is all.

I'm just meh. Tried to start the New Year as I mean to go on, mass outbreak of Norovirus / Winter Vomiting put paid to that. Three days off sick, didn't ring in the first cos after being up all night I fell asleep just when I should have been making the call. Woke up mid-afternoon and was rarely out of the bathroom from that point on the next few hours. Rang in the next two days but boss suspended me for another two when I went in Thursday. I dunno what he thinks punishing me like this is meant to achieve. All it means is I have even less money every month available for things might actually help with my recovery, like better diet, exercise down the gym or climbing wall, a bit of a social life, bus fares to town to see someone at the addiction unit, etc. Hell, I can't even afford what prescriptions I have got to help me. I'm living off chick peas and lentils this months as it is, there's only so much bloody dal you can eat though. It's all just so fucking pointless but I'm over a barrel, what can I do? I can't even argue that with him and tell him what he's doing is completely counter-productive, I need to be arguing from a position of strength that I just can't seem to achieve. Ah, fuck this shit!

Just to top things off, I had to drag the Xbox down the pawn shop today cos I'm so fucking skint from Xmas and the piss poor wage I got the last time he suspended me, I've not had to do that in years. I feel humiliated by it, such a failure I need resort to that. Raaaaaargh! :!
 
I feel like I'm too dense . Someone said the expression "he hasn't been himself this week, he's been wearing many hats". And me being me said "oh yeah I wore a hat earlier this week, it's chilly out." Only until after I said that did I realize they didn't mean what I thought they did. All I got was a funny look and a nervous laugh. Oops lol. :|
 
Thanks, Sepher. I'm stressing right now, I know eventually someone will give me a chance, employment wise anyway. Eventually isn't a luxury I have right now, as probation payments are not compassionate in that respect. :p Something will work out though. At least I have the self satisfaction of knowing I'm not the one who fucked up my last job, my employer quite literally disappeared.

My word for today:

Fighting

I have one week clean today, and am trying to hold onto it for dear life. These cravings are beastly.
 
Good going on one week Jack. Sounds like such a very small thing doesn't it, one week, but we know different don't we, it's a great big fuckin' deal. Cravings sure do suck. Stick with it, it gets easier. Mostly anyways.
 
Pagey said:
^What's up DWE?

I'm improving. This past week I've started exercizing intensely and eating healthier and it's insane how much better I feel about myself. It's been making such a big difference, I haven't been dreading getting up in the morning these past few days, for the first time in months :)
Click to expand...
when iI posted that iI did not have a job.. now iI do. But i still need to find a place to live and a hate Sharing Apts with people iI don't know... and kicking this habit is scary
 
tired
had a fantastic workout today. waiting on this meeting to start as I'm chairing it (so far 0 people are here, but this meeting always has low attendance). then who knows what I'm up to tonight.
 
Optimistic about the future, some big things around work and relationships have really started to come together at last so now I'm ready to start chipping away at some personal development around making new friends and socialising in the real world.

That 'feel the fear and do it anyway' has really some into play of late, little things to others but big things to me.

For all those struggling with it all my message would be, hang in there, keep struggling, you will not feel this bad forever and in the end you will be stronger and wiser<3 ( well in my case a bit stronger the wise but is a work in progress;))
 
atm23 said:
Optimistic about the future, some big things around work and relationships have really started to come together at last so now I'm ready to start chipping away at some personal development around making new friends and socialising in the real world.

That 'feel the fear and do it anyway' has really some into play of late, little things to others but big things to me.

For all those struggling with it all my message would be, hang in there, keep struggling, you will not feel this bad forever and in the end you will be stronger and wiser<3 ( well in my case a bit stronger the wise but is a work in progress;))
Click to expand...

This is really great to hear, atm. I agree that the most calm times in my life have come when rather than running in fear, I actually force myself to turn and face it. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone usually shows you what a false construct it was n the first place!<3
 
comfortable & silly

seriously though :D when I go to bed, I like to reach out while sitting,
from left to right, pat my bed three times and then say:
this is my bed.

Ill usually only do it twice, because by the second time I am trying not laugh and disturb me neighbors...
 
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