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My Wife Always Loves To Go Out

I

IzGood

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 27, 2003
Messages
220
I'm 27, my wife's 29. She loves to go out to bars / nightclubs with me. She tends to love drinking and once she starts we always stay until close regardless of when she has previously said we would go home, also regardless of whether I need to work or wake up early the next day. At the moment, we will go out like this once every 3 weeks. I HATE going out to bars / nightclubs. I would rather go out for a nice dinner, maybe a drink or two and go home. When we go out like this, we could go to a bar / nightclub at 7pm and leave at 2 or 3am depending on what time they close. Dinner and drinks for me would be a couple of hours max. If we don't go how she wants and at least once approx every 3 weeks, she blows up, there are arguments. If we do go, she is very happy the next day. If I was single I would probably love to go to bars and nigthclubs for hours, mostprobably trying to pick up.

Am I wrong for whinging or is she wrong for loving this type of entertainment at her age?
 
i am slightly older than your wife, but i still enjoy going out. even if it is just my husband and i drinking in bar/club, i like the change of scenery and being around other people. plus i like the music and dancing. i really don't think going out drinking once a month-ish is absurd. what do you guys do the rest of the time?
 
In this case I don't think any position is absurd, it's fine for her to love doing that just like it's fine for you to hate it. The issue is more that she's dragging you there with her even though you've made it clear you hate it...that's not great of her. If I were you I would lay it out clearly, like 'look, I'm sorry, but I hate nightclubs and I just don't want to go there anymore'. Doesn't she have friends who would be up for going with her?
 
Well maybe it's important for her that he comes along even if she could just go with her friends... because the title is she always loves to go out i was thinking something like 4-5 times a week but seriously about once every 3 weeks isn't much.

Also coming back at 3 am isn't all that late. Some things you just have to do for her even if you don't enjoy it that much, because i'm sure she puts up with alot of stuff from you she'd rather not.
 
I don't think either of you is wrong...
However, it is perfectly normal to enjoy going out to bars and having a good time at any age.
Once a month doesn't seem like too much to ask...I would think about the fact that she prefers to hang out with you rather than just going out with her friends.
I do things like watch football with my husband because he likes it and I want to do things that make him happy...I personally would rather do almost anything else, but I do it so I can chill out with him while he does something he likes. Marriage is all about compromise...
 
Why doesn't she go on her own? Why do you have to go with her?

It's perfectly normal for her to want to go out, and perfectly normal for you not to want to go out - people are different. Why don't you go out with her once in a while and let her go out by herself for the other nights?
My boyfriend and I both love going out and clubbing. But, if one of us can't or just doesn't want to, the person who wants to still goes out. There have been many times where I've had to work at 9 AM on a Saturday morning, so I couldn't go out, and my boyfriend went out on his own. And vice versa - maybe he has a meeting or something to do the next day (without me), well I still want to party, so I go out. It's okay.

Honestly, going clubbing once in three weeks isn't much. I'm usually clubbing at least once a week, sometimes twice a week. And we party late, not just til 3 AM, usually til about 9 AM. Why don't you choose a day where you aren't working the next day? Unless it's a REALLY good party, I don't go out if I work the next day. But it seems like you have enough time to do what both of you want. Go out for dinner sometimes. Go out clubbing sometimes.
 
I've been on both sides of this.. My ex wife didn't like to go out much at all. She would sometimes, but bitch and moan about it... Takes the fun out of it for sure.

An ex girlfriend was the complete opposite. She hated to leave, even if shit-fased enough to have to rest her head on the table. Oh fun times there...

The current girlfriend is just right. I guess that's why we're together. :) We go out and do things together and agree on things 99% of the time. We are good at give and take.

So I guess compromise is the key.
 
I love to go out but I rather drinks/dinner too and then go home. I will go out with another couple or with friends, but don't like big crowds. I would get annoyed if I had to work and I was getting dragged out until 3am.
 
29 is not that old to want to go out. I am 38 and still love dancing all night. My bf is 47 and goes out more often than me, sometimes 5 nights a week! That can be somewhat annoying at times, especially because we seem to get on completely different schedules, but I cannot change him. If you notice that she is happier the next day then you should humor her and let her go out. I know my mood is usually better after I have had a good dance-on.

It's okay for a relationship to have very different personalities and styles. One of my good gay friends who is engaged is a huge partier. His fiance is not, and only rarely comes out with him, and when he does come out he usually goes home early while my friend will stay out to all hours getting all crazy. They seem to have a very stable happy relationship. Sometimes the contrast helps balance out each person.
 
Yeah but expecting someone to go party all night until 3am when they just want to go home due to work in the morning is a bit much. Plus, the club scene is crowded as shit and it's just not fun if you're not into it. Personally, I would tell her to go while I stayed home or went out with other people. Or at least compromise and say "OK, we'll leave at 11pm" or something like that. The club scene is something where if you really don't like it, it would suck to be stuck at a club for like 8 hours.
 
I don't think she is wrong for loving that type of entertainment at her age, and I think you should not whinge about it, if it limited to about once every 3 weeks. Even if you don't love it, as others have said, compromise is important in a relationship. I hope she indulges your preference too.

You said you would probably enjoy it if you were single, so I am skeptical if the late hours are the real reason you object.

You don't say how long you have been married, if she loved this type of entertainment before you wed, or if she has to get up early the morning after too.

I was with my ex-husband for 16 years. While we shared some interests, for the most part we loved different types of entertainment. I liked clubs, fancy restaurants, theater. He loved motor sports, fishing, poker. We used to take turns picking things we would do together. Somewhere along the line, he stopped doing the things I liked, saying I would have more fun with my friends. But I kept doing his stuff for a long time, and not whinging about it. I thought he would reciprocate again. He didn't so eventually I stopped going along on his things that didn't interest me. We were very happy for a long time but I think this was the beginning of the end of our marriage. We grew apart.

I know people grow and change over time, but your still both in your twenties. Enjoy it while you can.
 
I'm nearly a decade younger than your wife and I have always thought clubs/bars were sooo stupid, just a place for people to drink and desperately trying to combine a dick and a pussy, despite the fact they will esentially flip the bird and dip on their partner the next morning, with the average IQ somewhere around 80. There are some exceptions, but very rarely

Sounds like she's just a social person who enjoys an immature scene

Raves and warehouse parties on the other hand.....
 
I can't stand clubs & much prefer to enjoy a nice dinner & a few drinks in a bar. My ex used to like going out & it took her a long time to understand that I was happy for her to go out & have fun with her friends. Sometimes I would come for a drink or two & then leave. That said the bitch would never watch football with me unlike Beachcat.

If you (OP) trust her then that may be a worthwhile suggestion to make?
 
pontifex01 said:
Man, your first sentence makes me think you've got this arse-backwards. If she's unable to leave before closing then that's what she wants, not what he wants...
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IzGood said:
once she starts we always stay until close regardless of when she has previously said we would go home
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The unrealistic expectation is leading someone to believe they are only going to be out for 2 hours, and then it turns into much longer.

If she were to say "we are going to stay till closing", then he can reasonably expect that. It's unreasonable to deviate from the plan IMO.

It's more mature to stick to pre-arranged plans IMO. I really dislike people who say "oh this will only take 5 - 10 minutes" and then they drag something out to be an hour plus. It gets old, real quick, and I don't like hanging out with people who can't be honest. That's all.

It sounds like she's afraid she won't get to go out with him at all if she doesn't lie to him about how long she wants to go out for... that's just me. And to me, that's sad. Be honest, there's no shame in being honest, and it would help clear up the OP's problems (because then they could discuss it with each other instead of us).

RedRum OG said:
I'm nearly a decade younger than your wife and I have always thought clubs/bars were sooo stupid, just a place for people to drink and desperately trying to combine a dick and a pussy, despite the fact they will esentially flip the bird and dip on their partner the next morning, with the average IQ somewhere around 80. There are some exceptions, but very rarely
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That's how I feel about most bars.

Hash bars are a special exception. %)
 
You're annoyed about going out to a bar/club with your wife once every three weeks?
seriously? How long have you been married? relationships take compromise and your wife asking you to go out drinking with her once in a while doesn't sound particularly ridiculous.
 
IzGood;11208242 Am I wrong for whinging or is she wrong for loving this type of entertainment at her age?[/QUOTE said:
I go out very rarely... but when I do it would be strange if I get back home before 2-3 am. This said, I would advise against compromising on the time you get back. If she wants to go out and party until 4 a.m., you want to go back at home at 11 p.m. and you end up going back at 1 a.m. everybody is going to be unhappy, I think. I would be unhappy, at least..

And no, 29 is not 'being old' or 'too old for partying' :P We live in the age of extended teenage.. teenagery? lol
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its not that often every three weeks-but doesn't she have her own friends to go out clubbing with?

i'm into late night pubs/food and drinks at friends houses these days. clubbing is a rip off and its far better on mdma than alcohol and i just dont cane that shit anymore.

clubbing is fun but not on alcohol. drink is for pubs and food not cramped sweaty places with a dance floor where you cant move enough to dance. boring.

i need some mandy to really enjoy clubbing. plus its cheaper by a mile
 
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